Chapter 43
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
MATTHEW
R-run… T-to… Y-you…
Jessica’s stuttering words still ring in my head.
That small smile playing on her lips as her eyes fell shut.
R-run… T-to… Y-you…
She ran to me, and I couldn’t help her.
Couldn’t save her.
The ambulance comes to a sudden stop, making me jerk, doors flying open and snapping me back to the present.
My fingers tighten around hers as she’s pushed out of the ambulance.
Lights, people, and voices are like a distant buzz around me as I keep my gaze locked on Jessica’s pale face.
So fucking pale.
Her pulse was barely there.
Her body felt almost weightless in my arms as I carried her out of the woods.
That damn bloody stain grew bigger with each step I took as I ran to get her help.
Droplets of blood seeped onto my arms.
Her blood.
Hold on, baby. Just hold on.
She was shot.
Because of me.
Because I wasn’t fast enough.
R-run… T-to… Y-you…
“Sir, you have to let go.”
A hand touches mine, trying to push me away, but I shake my head, my fingers squeezing harder.
I can’t let go.
I can’t let her slip through my fingers.
I can’t lose her.
Not her.
“Sir.” The voice grows more insistent. “We need to help her—”
“No.” I fight to hold on to her, but a strong arm wraps around my middle, holding me back until her hand slips out of my grasp.
I shove against the restraint, needing to get to her, but the grip on me is unyielding. It doesn’t matter how much I curse or plead or fight. The hands won’t let go.
“Trouble!” I yell, pushing harder, but it’s useless.
The door falls shut as they wheel her away from me.
“They’re taking care of her,” my brother’s voice whispers into my ear as I’m tugged back, my vision blurry.
“I need to get to her! I promised her. I promised her that if she came to me, I’d save her.”
“And you did.” Chase turns me around, his serious gaze meeting mine as his hands dig into my shoulders, shaking me gently. “You brought her here. Now let the doctors help her. She’s a fighter.”
I shake my head.
She isn’t. She doesn’t want to be.
“I promised her she wouldn’t have to be.”
So many broken promises.
Another person who was hurt by my recklessness.
Another person I pushed away to protect myself.
“It should have been me.”
Not Jessica.
Me.
The sound of running water fills the room. My fingers are numb under the icy blast, but I can’t move them away.
I can’t unsee Jessica’s blood on my hands.
Your fault.
This is all your fault.
I scrub harder, my brows pulling together as I try to rub away the stickiness. Rub away the redness. Rub away the guilt.
But it’s impossible.
It’s like it’s etched into my skin.
This is all your fault.
Suddenly, the water cuts off.
“That’s enough.”
The hair at my nape raises as I slowly look up to find none other than Jenkins standing next to me, his dark eyes watching me intently.
I was so lost in my head that I didn’t even hear him come in.
My wet hands drop to my sides as I turn to him. “Are you here to arrest me?”
Jenkins’s eyes narrow slightly, but there is none of the usual menace in them. “Why would I arrest you?”
“Because I killed a man?” I ask, my voice completely empty. “He’s dead, right?”
Everything after the psycho collapsed is a blur.
I shot him, that’s for damn sure, but I don’t know how serious it is.
My whole focus was on Jessica.
On getting her the help she needed.
I could see the rest of the officers coming in, and I let them deal with the motherfucker. I just hope he’s dead, because if he isn’t…
“Aiden Jones is dead,” Jenkins confirms, pulling me from my rage-filled thoughts.
My shoulders relax slightly. “Good.” I lift my hands. “You probably think I got what I deserved, huh? For thinking I’m above the law? Isn’t that what you said? I don’t regret it, though.”
“Put those hands down, Williams,” Jenkins grumbles. “I’m not going to arrest you.”
My brows shoot up. “You’re not?”
“There will be an investigation, and you’ll have to testify.
Later, though. Officers are still out there processing the scene so we can try to get to the bottom of this.
” His eyes darken, the muscle in his jaw flexing.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. That son of a bitch deserved it for what he did to those girls.
For what he did to Jessica. You did what any other cop would have done in your place.
What they train us to do.” He shakes his head.
“Hell, you did more than I did as a sheriff.”
I swallow hard, but the knot in my throat only grows tighter.
I’m not used to this side of Jenkins. Is that… approval?
“Were you hit on the head?”
The older man’s eyes narrow at me. “Is that a way to talk to your boss, Rookie?”
“No, Sheriff.”
“I didn’t think so,” Jenkins grumbles.
I clear my throat. “Any news from Ward?”
“Terry Benson died from a heart attack.” Jenkins sighs.
He’s still dressed in his uniform, the shirt slightly rumpled.
His hair is a mess, dark stubble covering his jaw where he rubs his hand over it.
“It was unexpected considering her age, but the autopsy showed she had an unidentified heart defect. Was losing her Aiden’s trigger?
We’ll see if we can figure it out after going through his place and talking to Jessica once she wakes up. ”
Will she wake up, though?
Just the thought terrifies me to the bones.
She was bleeding so damn much, and I…
Jenkins places his hand on my shoulder and gives me a firm squeeze. “She’s going to be okay. She’s much stronger than she looks.”
That determined look on Jessica’s face when she told me she loves me and she isn’t giving up on me, on us, flashes in my mind.
“She’s the strongest person I know.”
“Needs to be if she plans to stick with your sorry ass. Listen, Williams…” He lifts his hand and rubs his jaw as he thinks over his words. “You’re one of the most infuriating people I know, and that’s saying something. You’re stubborn, cocky, insufferable…”
I quirk my brow. “If you’re planning on firing me, just do it already. I’m not in the mood.”
“However…” he growls out, giving me a pointed look.
“What you did out there tonight? That doesn’t just take guts or knowledge.
There are two kinds of cops out there. Those who think they have what it takes but the pressure of the job quickly shows them just how fucking wrong they’ve been.
And then there are those who’re born with a cop’s instinct.
Those who rise above it when everything is crumbling around them.
” He places his hand on my shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze.
“You’re a good cop. Your father would be proud of you. ”
My stomach sinks at his words, knees buckling.
“My f-father? You knew my father?”
What? How? When?
It makes no sense. I never heard of him or saw him around when we were kids.
“It was a long time ago. We went to school together.”
“You were friends?”
“Rivals, more like it.” Jenkins snorts. “Couldn’t stand the guy. He was so fucking noble all the damn time, it’s not surprising your mother picked him.” He shakes his head, as if clearing his thoughts. “But he’d be proud of the man you’ve become.”
Jenkins and my father… rivals?
I’m still trying to wrap my head around it when he pats my shoulder and then lets his hand drop.
“I expect to see you in my office first thing Monday morning.”
Not leaving me a chance to protest, he turns around and leaves the room. I stare at the closed door, still stupefied by this revelation, unsure of what to make of it.
What the hell just happened?
My mind is still going over it as I return to the waiting room to find my family there, talking amongst themselves.
They’re not alone. A couple is speaking with a doctor, surrounded by three dark-haired girls, all of them crying as they hold on to one another.
I might not have met them, but I would recognize their faces anywhere.
Jessica’s sisters.
Crying.
My heart seems to stop as I come to a standstill, that buzzing back in my ears as I just stare at them until Chase steps into my view.
“Wh-what—”
“Jessica is out of surgery.”