Chapter 10
EVA
I close the door behind me, leaning against it as my legs threaten to give out. The kiss still burns on my lips.
God, what have I done?
Mirabella sleeps peacefully in the bed, oblivious to the wreckage I've made of everything.
I sink onto the edge of the mattress, guilt nearly bringing me to my knees. It killed him when he thought I died.
His words echo in my mind. I picture Adriano the way he must have been when he heard the news, devastated, broken.
Because of me.
I knew it would hurt him and I did it anyway.
I remember the way he used to look at me, like I hung the moon and stars.
The gentle touches, the fierce protectiveness.
He loved me, and I repaid him with grief.
I deserved the anger I saw on his face tonight. Deserved worse, probably.
But what choice did I have?
Don Lorenzo would have killed me, killed our baby.
Still, knowing I was right doesn't ease the guilt crushing my chest. I made Adriano suffer for years.
That’s not something anyone can forgive.
My stomach twists as Alessandro's cold gaze returns to haunt me.
He doesn't trust me.
How could he?
His father was right to suspect me, even if he never knew the whole truth.
That's the part I can't let slip.
Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
Dread settles through me.
I've told them what I could.
Lorenzo's ultimatum was real.
The threat to my life and my unborn child's was real.
But there's so much more buried beneath those partial truths.
What would Adriano do if he knew?
I've seen what happens to traitors in this family.
Would he kill the mother of his child?
The thought chills me to the bone. The Adriano I knew wouldn't. But that was before I broke him. Before I let him believe I was dead. Before I withheld his child from him.
This new Adriano… I'm not so sure.
My gaze drifts to Mirabella again.
If he learns what I really did, what choice would he have?
Family comes before everything in their world.
Even before love.
I suck in a breath to shore up my resolve and my strength. I need to be smarter this time.
More careful.
I’m exhausted but can’t climb into bed without washing the day’s fear and violence from my body.
The bathroom is bigger than my last apartment, a reminder of how far I’ve fallen.
I let the scalding water pour over me, washing away the grime and fear.
My muscles ache as they finally begin to relax.
How long has it been since I had a proper shower?
Not the three-minute rinses in motel bathrooms with questionable water pressure and even more questionable cleanliness.
Not crouching over Mirabella in a bathtub with lukewarm water, keeping one eye on the door.
The endless hot water and moment of safety feel like an obscene luxury after living in hiding and the last few weeks on the run.
I reach for the expensive shampoo on the marble shelf, pouring a generous amount into my palm.
My fingers work the lather through my tangled hair, massaging my scalp until I nearly moan with pleasure.
When was the last time I felt human?
Truly human?
I could stay here forever, letting the water wash away everything.
The blood, the fear, the lies.
But it can't wash away the truth.
I shut off the tap reluctantly, wrapping myself in a plush white robe hanging on the hook.
I’m grateful it’s here as I don’t want to put on my clothes again and our belongings are back in New Jersey.
I’ve left everything behind. Again.
I drag my fingers through my wet hair, noting the original color coming back as I work out how I’m going to replenish our basic needs.
Clothes.
Toothbrushes.
Something for Mirabella to play with.
For a brief, ridiculous moment, I imagine a shopping trip. But not to shop. No, as a chance to escape.
To run again.
The fantasy shatters as quickly as it forms.
I'm not going anywhere.
Not anymore.
Mirabella needs her father. Adriano deserves to know his daughter. And I've run out of places to hide.
Four years of careful anonymity. Of looking over my shoulder, waiting for either the Bratva or the Dantes to find me.
And now they both have.
What was I thinking to tell Adriano the truth about his being Mirabella’s father?
Morally, I know it was the right thing to do.
But now I have a new risk.
That Adriano will take her from me.
The way he looked at her tonight, with wonder and fierce possession, he'll never let her go now.
And so now I’m trapped in the place I once fled.
I slip into bed beside Mirabella, drawing her warm little body against mine.
Her sleep-heavy limbs curl into me instinctively, so trusting and innocent.
As I lie in bed waiting for sleep to come, a new fear takes root.
What if Adriano decides I'm unfit?
What if he claims her as his own and pushes me out?
The thought of Mirabella being taken from me nearly stops my heart.
I've survived everything the past four years have thrown at me, but losing her would destroy me completely.
And if Adriano learns the full truth about my past? About why the Bratva wants me so desperately? The betrayal would be too much even for him to forgive. His hatred would be justified.
I’m again confronted with the knowledge that my selfishness has put her in danger.
For years, I considered the possibility of leaving her somewhere safe, with a normal family who could give her everything I couldn't.
I even drove to a church once, infant carrier in hand, before turning back.
I couldn't do it then. I can't do it now.
Even if staying means enduring Adriano’s disgust.
She is my heart. Where she goes, I go. Whatever it costs.
My fingers drift to my lips, still feeling his kiss.
For that stolen moment, years melted away.
He was passionate yet tender.
Perhaps it’s a sign we could recapture what was lost.
I close my eyes, indulging in the fantasy.
What if I had found another way?
What if I had trusted him enough to tell him everything, to believe he could protect us both from his father's wrath and the Bratva's vengeance?
I imagine waking up every morning beside him. Mirabella running into our bedroom on Sunday mornings, diving between us.
Family dinners…
Teaching her to ride a bike…
Movie nights.
Birthdays.
Holidays.
Ordinary Tuesdays made extraordinary simply because we were together.
I imagine Adriano teaching her to be brave.
Showing her what it means to be loved fiercely, completely.
Our home would overflow with laughter and light.
Maybe we'd have had more children.
A little boy with Adriano's gray eyes and defiant chin.
A family, whole and unbroken.
This is the life we should have had.
Could have had.
But that life was never possible for us.
Not with my secrets. Not with his family.
Tears slip down my cheeks at the thought of what I’ve lost, what we've all lost.
Sleep beckons, but my mind refuses to quiet. Adriano and I are trapped together now, forced together for Mirabella's safety, for our survival against the Bratva.
I close my eyes and see him again.
The hardness in his expression when he pulled away from our kiss.
The walls I could see rising to keep me out.
And how can I blame him?
I made him mourn me.
I kept his daughter from him.
I shattered the trust he placed in me, even if I believed I was doing the right thing.
He has every right not to trust me again, every right to look at me with suspicion, every right to wonder what else I might be hiding.
Because I am hiding something. Something that would drive the final wedge between us if he ever discovered it.
I turn onto my side, watching Mirabella's peaceful face. For her, I would rebuild that bridge to Adriano.
But I know better than to hope.
Some betrayals can't be forgiven, no matter how justified they seemed at the time.
Some wounds never fully heal.
I might be in a secure compound, in a bed soft as a cloud, but I’m still in danger.
This time, I’m not chained up as the Bratva had me when they found me weeks ago, but I’m as caged as ever.
If… or perhaps it’s when the truth comes out, will I be handed back to the Bratva?
Will Adriano kill me himself?
After four years of hiding and running, I’m back where I started, facing my doom.
My only salvation is that Adriano will die before he lets anything happen to Mirabella.