Chapter 20
EVA
I feel so much all at once.
Not just the sensation of Adriano filling me, but emotion that is equal parts awe, love, and guilt. I can’t ever escape the guilt, even in moments like this.
I push it away and focus on him. I arch beneath him, a gasp torn from my throat as he slides in deeper.
My fingers dig into his shoulders as he moves, each stroke igniting electric sensations.
The feel of him, the scent of him, the sound of his desire, it's intoxicating, drowning out the warnings ringing in the back of my mind.
This is dangerous. This connection we share always has been. From day one.
I remember when it first became clear that he was as interested in me as I was him.
I told myself to avoid him.
Don’t let love happen.
But being with him has always been intoxicating. I couldn’t resist.
And I na?vely believed some way, somehow, it would work out. Just like this time.
I close my eyes, surrendering to the pleasure coursing through me. My body responds to his touch. Each caress, each thrust pulls me closer to him, not just physically, but emotionally as well.
"Look at me," he commands now, his voice rough with desire. His movements turning frenetic, telling me he’s close to coming.
I open my eyes to find his face above mine, everything I ever wanted from him revealed in his eyes. His protection. His love. It’s how I felt the first time we had sex. He’d been so gentle, knowing I was a virgin, nervous but eager. He’d treated me like something precious.
I want to tell him how much I loved him and never wanted to leave. How sorry I am for all the hurt I caused him. How guilty I feel about my betrayal.
His rhythm falters, emotion darkening his eyes.
Even now, with all the lies between us, he consumes me completely.
My body, my heart, my soul, just as I know he’s offering his own to me.
He surprised me by rolling us, until I’m over him. Straddling him.
“Take me, Eva. Take what you want from me.” His fingers grip my hips, urging me to move.
I push everything out of my mind and let my body take over. With my hand on his chest, I rock over him.
“Fuck… yes… ” He levers up, his hands sliding up my back and pulling me toward him. His lips wrap around my nipple and suck, shooting wild electric sensations straight to my center.
I give into it, gripping his shoulders as I ride him, fast, faster… faster.
I swear I can feel him swelling inside me, the friction growing, need coiling tighter and tighter.
“Oh, God!” I cry out as I shatter.
He lets out a feral groan, and all of a sudden I’m on my back again, and Adriano is above me, his body driving in and out of me.
“Come again,” he demands on a growl.
I wrap my legs tighter around him, pulling him deeper, memorizing every sensation. I store each detail away to revisit in darker times I know are coming.
“Fuck… I’m coming… ” He pistons in and out of me, and then throws his head back, plunges in, grinds against me.
Pleasure blasts through me again. I catch Adriano's face between my palms, drinking in his features as he continues to move above me.
If only he knew what I've sacrificed for him. What I would still sacrifice.
The truth is going to destroy us, but tonight, I take what happiness I can find in his arms.
He collapses over me, then rolls and tucks me into his side.
His arm holds me close, and I give myself a moment to imagine a world where we could stay like this forever.
But then Adriano drifts asleep. I watch him, searing the image of him into my brain.
I want to remember him like this.
Peaceful in rest.
Sated in love.
Down the hall, Mirabella sleeps surrounded by her fairy kingdom.
It’s amazing how quickly she’s adapted to life with him.
How much she’s blossomed from his love and attention.
It makes what I need to do all the more heinous.
But I can’t get Ivan's smirk at the ballet out of my head.
The way his eyes lingered on me, highlighting our history for Adriano.
Telling me that my time is running out.
Alessandro's threats echo alongside Ivan's unspoken ones.
A vow to destroy me when he discovers what I'm hiding.
And he will discover it.
It's only a matter of time.
I don’t doubt Adriano’s vow to protect me, but I also know the reality of his world. His loyalty is to his brother.
There is nothing he could do to protect me if Alessandro ordered my death.
Or maybe he’d exile or hand me to Ivan.
Either way, I’d lose my daughter and likely my life.
If I want to stay alive, want to keep my daughter, I have only one move left. I have to take Mirabella and run again.
I press my fingers into my eye sockets, hating the idea of leaving. Wanting another way.
I can’t bear subjecting Mirabella to a life on the run.
Watching her with Adriano these past weeks has shown me everything she's been missing.
And of course, Adriano will hunt for us. He knows we're alive now. He's held his daughter. Loved her. He will tear the world apart to find us again.
But I know what's coming.
The truth will surface and when it does, Adriano won't look at me with love but with hatred.
I can endure many things. I've survived the Bratva, Don Lorenzo's threats, years on the run.
But I cannot survive Adriano's hatred.
I check the clock on Adriano’s nightstand.
Just after two in the morning.
I give myself one last chance to find a way to save myself, to hide my deceit, but nothing comes.
With my heart breaking wide open, I slide from beneath the sheets, careful not to disturb him.
I gather my scattered clothes, dressing in the dark.
In another act I hate myself for, I rifle through Adriano’s wallet, taking nearly all his cash.
I allow myself one final look at him. “I’m sorry,” I mouth.
I slip out of his room and down the hall. I find a small bag I can easily carry and pack it with the essentials.
Then I quietly go to Mirabella’s room.
For a moment, I watch her sleep, but then I pack a few of her things as well.
All I can think is what a terrible mother I am as I lift her out of bed and wrap her in a blanket.
She stirs but doesn't wake, instinctively nestling against my chest. I should leave her.
Adriano can keep her safe. But what will Alessandro do to her?
How will he treat her?
Will Ivan focus on her in his war against Adriano?
I use my phone to order a ride-share to meet me a block away from the compound.
Then I sneak out and down the back hallway. The chances of getting caught are high. But it’s a risk I have to take.
Three years on the run taught me to analyze patterns, find weaknesses.
I know where the guards are and how they move. From our picnic, I know of a door along the wall from which I can slip out to the road.
I move silently through the house. Mirabella still sleeps, but she’s getting heavy.
It’s going to be harder and harder to carry her as we run through life.
I slip through the service entrance and into the darkness outside. I know exactly where the cameras are positioned.
I hug the shadows of the garden wall. Freedom waits on the other side, if I successfully reach it.
The door is rusted, making it hard to open. The squeak it makes seems loud enough to wake the world. But when it’s wide enough, I slip through and move quickly along the road. The car is waiting as I arranged. I secure Mirabella in the backseat, still miraculously asleep.
“Please take me to JFK airport.”
As the driver heads off, I glance out the back window, fully expecting someone to be coming after us. But the road is empty. I’ve done it.
I turn forward, knowing that’s where I need to keep my focus. Forward.
At JFK, I’ll get another car and head to Manhattan to the Port Authority, where I’ll get on a bus. I’m not sure where yet.
I’ll choose the one that is ready to leave as soon as we can board it.
I close my eyes as I imagine Adriano’s anger when he realizes I’m gone, that Mirabella is gone as well.
For a moment, I second-guess my decision.
If he finds me, I have no one left to protect me.
But my choice is between knowing my secret will come out versus a chance I’ll be able to outrun Adriano and Ivan.
“Mommy? Where are we going?”
Guilt threatens to crush my heart.
She’s one more person I’m betraying.