Chapter 10
Gail knew she should eat, but food seemed to be the last thing on her mind. Her thoughts circled after the long visit with her grandmother. They’d both been on the same page, and she was so grateful for her grandmother, as it seemed the rest of her family was a total mess.
Gail didn’t even know how to handle all the shit that had just gone on and was surprised when another knock came on her door. She groaned, went to the peephole, and saw Riley.
She opened the door immediately, and then saw Cain. She immediately hugged the dog, while the aroma of something delicious wafted up from Riley’s arms. She stared at the take-out bag and mentioned, “I was just thinking I should eat something.”
He nodded. “I haven’t eaten anything either, and I’m past starved, and so is this guy.” He pointed to the bag of dog food at his feet.
She immediately took the takeout food from his hands, and he picked up the dog food and brought it in. Seeing how tired they both looked, she asked, “What happened?” He filled her in on his mom a little bit, and she smiled and noted, “That was probably a really good way to handle it.”
He shrugged. “Maybe, I don’t know. … Then I got a call from Derek, and we went to the hospital to find out that Timmy had passed away already.”
She stared at him in shock.
Riley continued. “So, I don’t know whether you’ve heard from your girlfriend or not, but, yeah, that’s not good. I’ll head into the tunnels tomorrow morning with the old man because he wants to see where I found everything.”
“Of course he does, but I’m not sure that’s a good idea, is it?”
“Maybe not, but what choice do I have? And, if it were your son, what would you do?”
“Right,” she agreed, with a sigh. She got out two big plastic bowls for Cain, while Riley opened the dog food and dipped one bowl inside the bag to fill it up, she put water in the other bowl. Both were placed on the kitchen floor, and Cain settled right in to eat.
As she got out dinner plates for them, she asked, “What is this?”
“Not exactly sure.” He shrugged. “I think it might be Moroccan or something. I drove past this place, and it looked good and smelled even better. So, I stopped in and picked something up. I’m open to trying it, and hopefully you are too.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever tried Moroccan,” she shared, “but I’m so hungry right now that anything sounds good. Just based on the way it smells, I am totally good with it.”
He laughed. “Glad to hear that because I guess we both need to refuel a bit.” And, with that, he served the food.
She sat down. “I’m pretty surprised to see you again.”
“When I walked into the restaurant, I ordered enough food for both of us, yet I didn’t really even think about it. Then my feet brought me here, … almost like a homing pigeon,” he shared, “and that’s a little disconcerting too.”
She smiled. “It could be, but maybe it’s a good thing.”
“Is it though?” he asked, lifting his gaze and searching hers.
“Yes,” she agreed, “if nothing else, it’s a new beginning.”
“And what is that new beginning?”
She stared at him, her heart full of hope, and she suggested, “Whatever we make of it.” She couldn’t believe she’d actually shared that.
She didn’t know yet what she felt exactly, although the conversation with her grandmother had been deep, heavy, but maybe not such a surprise.
Finding a kindred spirit on this entire family issue had been pretty interesting to see just how and what her grandmother actually hoped came out of this mess.
Her grandmother had asked her an awful lot of questions—the same questions Gail had been asking herself but may or may not have been answering as well as she could. Yet, with her grandmother, Gail had no room for any waffling or indecision at that point.
Her grandmother had made it very clear that honesty was due at this moment in time, or everything was for nothing.
Gail watched as Riley sat back and studied her, after hearing her comment.
She nodded. “That’s not what I would have said even hours ago, but talking to my grandmother helped.
It’s probably not anything that you were even considering, but a part of me feels that our future was ripped away from us.
I know that everybody in my world will tell me that I’m completely to blame for that already, so you don’t need to say it at all. ”
His lips twitched. “Your family has always been very good at the whole blame game,” he pointed out, “and I doubt that anybody even offered to pay for your sister’s therapy to help her handle what she’s done.”
She looked at him in surprise. “No, I don’t think they have,” she replied, “but you’re right. She’s still going to therapy because she hated what she had done and didn’t know how to get back on track to being what she considers a decent person.”
He nodded. “Of all the people involved in this mess, she’s the one who I have the least amount of trouble with.”
She stared at him in shock.
He shrugged, then explained, “I understand that she was terrified of your father, and I get that your dad is … not exactly a person who anybody wants to deal with. You guys have been raised in fear, even though I don’t think either one of you actually realized it until this happened, but I really do get why Debbie did it. ”
He gestured with this fork as he continued.
“I understand that, from her perspective, she thought we were strong enough.” He snorted.
“An awful lot of irony in that. She also thought it would very quickly become clear that she was lying, that obviously nothing was between me and Debbie, but that didn’t happen, even when she admitted to your mother that she lied. ”
Gail closed her eyes. The food she had just put into her mouth immediately tasted like sawdust. “That is exactly what she thought would happen,” she admitted, trying to swallow, “and, of course, we know exactly why it didn’t.”
“Well, I do know,” he stated, “but I’m curious as to how it got so bad, so fast.”
Her eyes opened at that and asked, “What do you mean?”
“You didn’t even talk to me at the time.” He frowned. “That’s the part I really struggle with because you basically shut me out.”
“Because I believed her,” she muttered miserably.
“I get that,” he acknowledged. “I really do. She is your beloved sister, and she was, well, … she was crazy over it all.”
Gail took a deep breath and added, “I don’t even know if you realize just how convincing she was.”
“Oh, that part I get completely, but what I don’t understand is why you didn’t even ask me about it. You didn’t pick up the phone and yell at me. You didn’t pick up the gauntlet to blame me.” There was hurt in his tone. “It’s like you went cold, and you cut me out.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “I just couldn’t handle the pain.
” She hesitated and added, “I spent a lot of time today talking with my grandmother about the whole mess. One of the things that I didn’t realize was happening at the time is something that I now recognize was a huge part of this.
It was the systemic …” She frowned, not really sure how to explain it.
Riley suggested, “You mean, the systemic mission your mother put on you? So that you would get rid of somebody she didn’t like and wanted gone?
” he asked quietly. She stared at him, and he kept pressing.
“Whether you knew it or not, that’s what she was doing.
I knew I wasn’t part of your elite group of people.
And I knew I wasn’t anybody that your mother wanted for you.
I wasn’t good enough in her eyes, and I get that.
Your father felt the same way. Whether he influenced your mother or not, those two acted in concert. ”
Gail didn’t say anything, just stared up at this man who she had such mixed feelings about.
“You are still one of two daughters, and the one had—well, I don’t want to say messed-up—but I think your mother was looking for an opportunity. So, when it presented itself, she ran with it.” He hesitated and added, “Don’t take this the wrong way but—”
“No,” she interrupted. “I can’t take anything the wrong way anymore,” she declared, with a broken laugh. “I have to fully acknowledge what I did.”
“Exactly, and that’s what I was going to say. Your mother took the avenue that you gave her. You opened up a space for her to move in, and she did so with a vengeance and took advantage of it because in many ways …” He shook his head, as if considering whether he should say it or should let it go.
She knew that look. “You might as well get it all out,” she told him.
“Okay, here goes. I believe your mother is a predator, and getting what she wants and supplying whatever it is that’s expected from her is a big part of who she is. Your father is another huge part of it,” he stated quietly, “and much of what she does is to protect her position with him.”
He watched Gail’s face, looking for her reactions to this. Then he nodded. “So, I’m not sure exactly what life going forward for you would look like, but you have to reconsider the relationship you have with your family or you’ll have to make some rather permanent and significant changes.”
She nodded. “Yeah, I’ve come to that conclusion myself, though it’s not an easy one.”
“No, nothing about life is easy, but maybe your world will end up being something that you really enjoy. I don’t know what you want from your life,” he said, “but all of that and more is on your plate right now.”
She groaned as she eyed him. “Everybody else seems to have it all figured out, … except for me.”
“It’s not that everybody’s figured it out,” Riley clarified, with his lips quirked, “but all the answers very quickly become something that you can’t see happening any other way.
It’s not figuring it out as much as narrowing down the choices, and none of them are easy for you because—” Then he stopped.
“Because why?” she challenged him.