Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
Jasper stood from his desk where he’d been sitting for three straight hours reading budget spreadsheets he’d been sent by the state.
His legs ached, despite being underutilized all day, and his back hurt from being hunched over.
He’d kill for a massage, and if this had been a couple months ago, he could have used Ryan’s CWA perks to do just that.
But Ryan didn’t work for CWA anymore. Jasper had to pay for his own massages, which he couldn’t afford to do, at least not until he and Ryan figured out their expenses.
They hadn’t done that yet, mostly because Ryan’s habit of fixing problems with gifts and cash added a layer of complication to every single discussion they had about money.
Anyway, it wasn’t just things like massages—Jasper also had to shop and pay for his own food, which he kept forgetting to do, and now he was leaving work, having eaten only a disgusting protein bar Ryan had left in a random kitchen drawer.
Jasper’s social life had slowed down once he’d been promoted to Principal.
Expected, he supposed, but boring. The teachers he'd once been friends with had stopped inviting him to Happy Hours now that he was their boss, and the members of district leadership he spent time with were boring and stuffy, but he was desperate for something fun to do that didn’t involve hanging out with his sister.
“You done for the day?” Jasper asked, leaning his head into his friend Craig’s office. Craig—the district’s speech-language pathologist—was managed by someone at the main offices, which meant he might be willing to be actual friends with Jasper.
“Yeah, I think so,” Craig said, leaning back in his chair. “Long day.”
“Tomorrow will be better.”
“I don’t believe you. Love an optimist, though.”
Jasper grinned. “That’s me. Glass half full all the way.”
Craig laughed. “If you’re here for the signed reports, I have to be honest and tell you they’re not done yet. End of week, I swear.”
“No, that’s not it. But good to know. Actually, I’m just starving, and I wanted to see if you wanted to get some dinner. I don’t want to go home quite yet.”
“I thought Ryan retired. He’s not waiting at home for you?”
“Nah, not today. Um—” Jasper stumbled over his words, stung by the reminder that he should have been there. They were in the same town, but with endless distance between them.
“When my dad retired, my mom had to pick up a new hobby outside the house because he was constantly trying to hang out with her. She wasn’t used to him being around so much, I think it stressed her out,” Craig laughed. “But I suppose it’s different when you’re forty, not sixty-five.”
“Right, yeah.” Jasper wouldn’t know.
“So, dinner, let’s do it! Canopy Court has a new bar attached to it.”
“Oh! Okay. Let me get my coat.”
“Let’s drive separately. I live in Worcester.”
“You live in Worcester? You commute here every day?”
Craig shrugged. “It’s not so bad. I listen to a lot of books that way. Plus, we live with my in-laws, and you can’t beat free rent when you’re trying to pay off grad school loans and save for a house.”
“That’s true,” Jasper said. He didn’t know that, since he didn’t have any grad school loans. And he didn’t have to worry about a house. He could agree it was nice to pay nothing in rent, though. “I’ll meet you there, then. I just need to grab my coat.”
“And the thing about Ryan is, he’s a nice guy,” Jasper said, tapping his fingers on the table between him and Craig.
“That’s what’s so annoying about it. He’s nice and he’s funny and he’s hot.
There was a time when I really did feel lucky, like, of all the people on the planet, he chose me?
But that all changed when his priority became work. ”
“I can see that,” Craig said, sipping his soda. “It’s important to make our loved ones feel like they matter.”
Jasper huffed. “Yeah.”
“Take Jessica and me, for example,” Craig continued. “Right now, I’m driving an hour each way to and from work. We’ve got a baby at home. We live with my in-laws, so you can imagine how she’s feeling.”
He couldn’t, really, but people usually liked their kids. “Good?”
Craig laughed. “No. Well, I hope she feels that way now. But she’s also been feeling a little bored and lonely.”
Jasper took a sip of his beer, unsure what the right reaction was.
“She told me a few weeks ago she was feeling a little… neglected. And at first, I was thinking, hey, I’m the one who’s driving ten plus hours a week. I’m the one who has no time with the baby. I’m the one who has to spend all my free time with my in-laws.”
“Uh huh.”
“But then I got my head out of my ass and reminded myself, this is a rough time for both of us. I felt terrible that she’d been feeling hurt for weeks and hadn’t mentioned it,” Craig said.
“That was the first time she’d said anything?”
“That I can remember, yeah. And I feel worse knowing she didn’t talk to me about it than whether I technically did anything wrong. You know what I mean?”
Jasper thought back on all the conversations he’d had with Ryan over the years—every time he brought up being lonely, missing him, or wishing for something else, their conversations turned to Ryan’s contracts and schedules and how much longer Jasper had to just hold on.
Jasper had always just smiled and nodded, because what else could he do?
It was hard to tell the person he loved, the person who loved him, to give up his dreams to fix his loneliness.
But Ryan never once looked at Jasper and asked what he needed, and nothing ever got better.
“I do know what you mean,” Jasper said.
“Sorry, this is probably TMI. You don’t need all the details of my personal life.”
“No, it’s fine. I started it. Helps to hear from other people, I guess.
Even if you and Ryan are nothing alike.” He drained another mouthful of beer and stared at the label.
Craig hadn't said anything particularly profound, but it still made Jasper feel a bit vindicated.
He took another sip of his drink, then another, and eventually stood.
“You okay?”
“Do you want another beer?” Jasper asked.
Craig shook his head. “Not right now, thanks.”
After another forty-five minutes, Jasper was several beers deep and still, humiliatingly, venting about Ryan.
Inside, he was screaming at himself to shut the fuck up.
He was embarrassing himself and irritating his new friend with unhinged rants about someone the guy had never met.
But it had been so long since he’d hung out with someone who didn’t know and love and respect Ryan, or even just someone who didn’t enjoy the perks that came with Ryan’s friendship.
Jasper leaned forward and started up again. By now, even he could hear the slurring. “And I’m sorry, but I am not the bad guy here.”
Craig nodded and drank the last of his soda.
The same soda he’d ordered an hour ago after his one beer, which, compared to Jasper’s four beers, was not very much beer at all.
But Jasper didn’t care if he’d had too much beer, because it was Friday and he had nothing going on the following day, and he wanted to drink a lot of beer and be mad at Ryan.
Craig had to drive all the way home to Worcester, but that wasn’t Jasper’s problem.
Jasper’s problem was that he had to get home to Pelham, which was a short drive from Amherst. But, considering he was in no condition to get behind the wheel, he’d decided one beer ago to get there on foot, and currently saw no issues with this plan.
“I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I like working with you and having drinks with you, even when you told me we would be eating dinner. But I don’t know your relationship, so I’m not sure my thoughts on it are particularly helpful.”
“You don’t know my past relationship,” Jasper corrected.
“Right. Well, either way, based on what you’ve said here, Ryan seems like a piece of shit. But he’s not here to defend himself. How do I know you weren’t a pain in the ass to be married to?” Craig said, grinning. “What if I said that wouldn’t surprise me?”
Jasper narrowed his eyes and pointed his beer across the table. “I was not.”
Craig laughed. “I believe you.”
“Good. Because I wasn’t.”
“Okay, well, that’s good.”
“Good.”
“Great.” Craig looked at his phone. “I need to get going, though. It’s late. Hey, let me drive you home.”
“No, I’m not done socializing yet.”
Craig glanced around the half empty bar. “There aren’t too many people here.”
“If I get bored, I’ll go home.”
“You’re not driving, right?”
“No! I’m not an asshole.”
“Okay, then how are you getting home?”
Jasper wobbled in his seat but held up one leg. “I have two of these.”
“Dude, you can’t walk home. You’ll freeze to death. Let me drive you. I’m a dad now, I worry.”
Jasper leaned back and groaned dramatically, catching the attention of several other patrons. “I will not freeze to death. I have a coat. I don’t want to go home yet! I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” Craig said, his eyebrows worried. “Can I borrow your phone? Mine just died, and I need to tell my wife I’m heading out so she doesn’t worry.”
Jasper sighed and pushed his phone across the table. “Having someone care where you are. That is so sweet.”
“Thank you. I’m very lucky.”
“The code is 7926,” Jasper said. Then he whispered, “That spells Ryan.”
Craig nodded sympathetically as he sent out a text from Jasper’s phone, then returned it before heading to the bar to close out his tab.
Before leaving, he stopped by Jasper’s table and said, “If you need a ride, tell the bartender. Their shift is over in an hour, but I told them you are a very nice person and don’t have a car.
If you are still here when they leave, they’re calling you a Lyft. Stay put, and don’t make me a liar.”
“I’m not going to drive, but I’m also not going to ask some poor bartender I don’t know to babysit me.”
“I already asked them to.” Craig tilted his head. “Hang in there, Jasper. I’ll see you Monday.”