Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
According to the preview of the text Ryan was too nervous to read, Jasper was leaving the house at eleven.
It was ten thirty-eight when Ryan pulled into the market down the road, still choosing to avoid giving Jasper the satisfaction of a read receipt.
He figured hunting for the perfect snack and newest flavor of energy drink would be enough time wasted that by the time he got home—to Jasper’s home, that was—Jasper would be long gone.
He could admit he was avoiding Jasper. But it wasn’t because he didn’t want to see him.
It was the opposite. He wanted to see him so badly it felt like his insides were melting.
He couldn’t stomach the idea of another awkward, stilted conversation where Jasper made comments ranging from neutral to sort of rude and where Ryan did what he could to smooth things over.
Where Ryan pretended he wasn’t losing his mind every day with the losses of his partner and career hanging over his head every second he wasn’t asleep.
Not that sleep was safe. Jasper had worked his way into Ryan’s dreams more than once.
Retirement, too—the night before, his mind had supplied him with footage of a fake CWA documentary in which his wrestling character, Don Royale, was brought up as the most overrated heel of all time, one who wouldn’t be missed and would never be replicated, but for unflattering, hurtful reasons.
The guy working the counter at the market wasn’t someone Ryan recognized.
But he was hot, which was a welcome distraction.
And if the tank top he was wearing was any indication, he must not have checked the weather report before he left for work, so maybe he was also a little scatterbrained, if not a little dumb.
Ryan didn’t mind that so much since the guy’s tight body wasn’t bad to look at.
Glancing down at his own body, he sighed in disbelief at how much he’d changed in less than a month.
He needed to get active again, but the idea of stepping into a public gym made his skin crawl.
All the workout equipment he had in town was in the shed gym he had built on what was, at least for now, Jasper’s property.
“Is that everything?” the cashier asked. He looked up and his eyes widened before trailing over Ryan’s body. “Well, wow. The Don Royale? Here, in the Pelham Minute Mart.”
“The one and only,” Ryan said. He smirked at the cashier as he handed over his debit card.
The guy’s gaze gave a lot away, and Ryan allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to date again.
Because that’s where things were headed, right?
If Jasper was serious about breaking up, it was inevitable.
Unless Ryan just stayed single forever. That was an option. Or, single, but taking cute cashiers home occasionally…
“It’s cool to meet you. I’m, uh, David,” he said, tapping his name tag.
“Ryan.”
“Rough morning?” David asked, gesturing at the items Ryan brought to the counter.
Ryan snorted. “You can tell?”
David shrugged. “Maybe. I support you, even if I’m surprised to see someone like you making a purchase like this.”
“Mmhm.”
“So, what are you doing here? Not to be nosy. It’s just not often we see someone like you in a town like this.”
“I live here. Lived here,” Ryan said. “Up the road.”
“No shit? I assumed you guys all lived in Boston.”
“I have a place there too. I’m sort of in limbo at the moment.”
David nodded as he placed Ryan’s items in a small bag. “Limbo as in…”
“Are you always this nosy?”
“I’m this nosy every time a man with an accent comes into my store, even more when that man is Don Royale.
Especially when I notice the silicone band the Don usually wore is missing from his hand, replaced by something silver.
It makes me curious if the Don is married, and if that matters.
And maybe I’m curious because I noticed you looking at me when you walked in, and I want to know how deep that look went. ”
“Jesus,” Ryan said, finally letting himself laugh. It wasn’t easy, because he didn’t know if he was still married, and it mattered very much. “You don’t hold back.”
“I’m twenty-two, I can’t find a job in the city, and I’m living with my parents indefinitely. I have literally nothing to lose. Especially this week, when I’m housesitting for a friend.” David smiled. “Alone.”
Twenty-two. God, Ryan could have a kid his age.
But he didn’t. And maybe a twenty-two-year-old was exactly what Ryan needed.
The guy was not long for the area, clearly starry eyed for a man who would fade into obscurity in the near future, and on a very superficial level, he looked like a walking wet dream in that black tank top that showed off his slim torso and toned arms.
There were probably worse ideas than spending an evening with a cashier he’d never see again. None came to mind immediately, but they probably existed.
Unfortunately, despite the two looking nothing alike, the cashier reminded him of Jasper.
Something about the brash honesty and shaggy hair worn like Jasper’s from fifteen years ago.
For that reason alone, hooking up with him would be a terrible idea, but it was tempting.
Ryan was so desperate for any connection to the man he missed so much, even the roadkill in the back of the parking lot could have reminded him of Jasper if he tried hard enough.
Actually, he didn’t have to try hard at all.
The poor thing back there was a squirrel.
Jasper loved squirrels—Ryan once built a nesting box with a camera and put it in the trees behind the chicken coop.
For a long time, Ryan would receive texts with photos of the mother squirrels and their babies.
Those slowed down over the years, and now Ryan couldn’t remember the last time he saw a photo of a rodent sprawled out on its back, completely relaxed and protected from predators.
He grabbed a bag of unsalted peanuts from below the counter and added it to his pile. Squirrels loved those.
Ryan stared at David’s arms and thought of Jasper’s resistance to strength training in the gym. For years, Ryan had tried to get Jasper to join him, but Jasper preferred to get his exercise outdoors. Mostly kayaking, even in rapids, which was too scary for Ryan to ever consider.
He wished now he’d just sucked it up and joined him. Maybe Jasper would have felt more loved if he had.
“So, what do you say?” David asked.
“Not tonight,” Ryan said. Feeling unnecessary guilt, he added, “Uh, but if you see me in Boston, feel free to say hi.”
David smiled as he ran Ryan’s card and handed over the bag. “I definitely will.”
It was ten fifty-five by the time Ryan got back in his car with the peanuts, donuts, a bag of candy, and a watermelon flavor Monster that he knew he’d regret.
He placed an M&M on his tongue and chewed, only making it a few seconds before gagging, anxiety and sadness ruining even life’s simplest pleasures.
He spit the tasteless remains into a napkin and hid the rest in the center console before leaving the parking lot, eager to get this day over with.
After arriving at Jasper’s house, Ryan stared at the front door from his car, grateful but disappointed when he didn’t see Jasper’s car. An arborist’s work truck was in his driveway in its place.
A week had passed since he’d dropped Jasper off after his idiotic hike.
It’d been so late that night, Ryan hadn’t been able to see much of the property, but looking around now, he could finally take stock of it.
There was still a lot of work to do before winter.
Much of the grass remained short, not yet recovered from a summer of drought and dormancy, but the hardier patches had shot up to nearly knee height, creating perfect cover for ticks, snakes, and rodents.
Ryan made a mental note to find the lawn mower before he left.
It was well into autumn now, and the trees outlining the grassier parts of the property had turned orange and red.
Normally, this was a time of year that made Ryan grateful for the life he’d been blessed with.
Before he traveled as much as he had over the last few years, he and Jasper spent a lot of time out there before winter hit—cutting back dead branches, mulching dropped leaves.
Anything to make Jasper’s life easier when Ryan was gone.
Now, with no travel on the horizon and no home to prep, the view just made him sad. Jasper would be there alone, raking leaves in the drizzly weather, cleaning out the chicken coop in the dark, dead branches falling on his car or roof after winter storms.
Jasper may not want Ryan anymore, but that didn’t mean Ryan felt the same. Ignoring the original reason he’d made the trek out to the house, he got out of his car and made his way to the back to scope out the trees.
He was staring at his phone, checking for an update from Beni, when he heard laughter. It was a familiar, intimate sound he’d nearly forgotten could sound so carefree and sweet. Out of habit, he glanced up to search for Jasper and immediately stumbled over his feet.
Jasper was fifty feet in front of him, halfway up a ladder. Ryan turned around, confirming Jasper’s car wasn’t in the driveway, then turned back, sure he’d imagined things.
He hadn’t. Jasper was still there, and behind him was another man with one hand on either side of the ladder, far too close to Jasper for Ryan’s comfort.
Dangerously close, in fact—the whole point of having a spotter was for them to keep an eye on the person’s positioning and the ladder’s stability, neither of which was possible if the guy’s face was close enough to Jasper’s ass that he could lean forward and take a bite.
“Hey!” Ryan called out. He sounded angrier than he’d meant to. Louder, too.
Both men turned towards Ryan’s voice, Jasper’s look of shock quickly turning to a now-familiar irritation. But he always did find Ryan’s safety consciousness a bit of a buzzkill, so that was probably why.