8. Camden
Camden
After a quick breakfast at the dining hall with Ezra, O, and Miles, we met Shane and Noah outside of the dorm.
Luke had his things ready to go. I would get mine later tonight when I met him at the hotel.
Shane was going to hang out with him today before and after the afternoon press conference while we anxiously awaited the MRI results.
“Camden!” Coach greeted me with a smile as I entered the locker room.
Just like almost everything I had seen on campus so far, it had been recently remodeled and looked brand new.
The showers were in a long room to the left of the entry door and the lockers were to the right with a bench on both sides.
It was smaller than the one in London, but only four of us were using it.
Luke said that Preston had his own somewhere else.
Even though he had checked in with Luke, I was happy he appeared to be keeping his distance.
I dropped my bag on the bench and chose a locker while Noah headed into a small office with Woodward. Apparently, Ezra’s locker was on my side. I watched Orion and Miles walk past us to use the other side. I had to take a piss, so I asked Ezra where the bathroom was.
“Past the office on the left, across from the meeting room.”
“Thanks.”
When I got back, Ezra asked me. “You excited?”
“That I just took a piss?”
“No! About being on the team!”
“Yeah. Mostly, I feel weird. Like this isn’t even happening to me. Almost like I’m not here.”
“I can understand that.”
“But I’m super grateful for the opportunity, and I’ll do whatever I can to help the team.”
Ezra stared at me for a few seconds.
“What?” I asked.
“I don’t feel so bad for being insecure now.”
I laughed. “Trust me. It’s intimidating to be here for everyone.”
“I don’t know. Jack Davies seems pretty confident.”
I shook my head. “It’s a front.”
Ezra’s definitely crushing.
I unzipped my bag and pulled my warm-up shorts and a tank out of it. After pulling my shirt off over my head and pushing my shorts down to the floor, I tossed both into the locker.
I turned back around and caught Ezra staring at my ass. I had adopted Luke’s jockstrap habit because he was right. They were comfortable.
Clearing my throat, I watched his eyes travel up my torso quickly to meet mine. His cheeks flushed. “Sorry. Just surprised you train in that.”
“I’m confused. Haven’t you been training with Luke for a few days?
He wears jocks all the time.” I realized as I said it that he had indeed been training with Luke, but hadn’t noticed his underwear or hadn’t cared.
He’s watching you for a reason. Luke’s teasing was properly placed. The kid had a crush on me.
“Have you dated anyone before?” I asked, hoping to divert his attention from my bare ass and perhaps, lessen his embarrassment.
“I had a boyfriend in high school,” he said, changing out of his street clothes. “But gymnastics became too much of a timesuck. He didn’t handle it well. I mostly chat to anonymous strangers online for fun and explore the kink community.”
I couldn’t help my eyebrows from rising.
“I can’t believe I just told you that.” He lowered his voice. “I haven’t told anyone that.”
“Truth be told, you didn’t really tell me anything. The word kink covers a lot of ground.”
“I’m not into feet or anything, or like, getting shit on. Not that there’s anything wrong with either of those things, I guess, or that liking feet is equal to shit. It’s just kind of like a role play thing. Oh for fuck’s sake, why am I still talking?”
“I don’t really need to know, Ezra. But I’m not going to judge you.”
I heard the door open behind me, just as I pulled my shorts up. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but the voice was smooth and the laughter accompanying it made me turn.
“Oh good, Cam, you can meet my coach. The other guy is Hudson Ki-”
I didn’t hear whatever else he said. My heart had dropped into my stomach. I felt my breaths grow shorter and despite being shirtless, I felt like I was suddenly wearing a heavy blanket.
Zane Hunter just walked into my locker room like he belonged here.
“What the FUCK are you doing here?” I stared daggers.
Ezra wasn’t talking anymore, and the man I assumed was Hudson King seemed to have the sense to move aside.
I noticed Miles and Orion came from behind the lockers, likely curious as to why I just yelled an expletive at a volume I had last employed against Etienne in London.
“I’m Ezra’s coach.”
I just stared in disbelief at my shit luck.
“And I need to explain and apologize.”
“About fucking time!”
“Cam! Why are you so angry?”
“Ezra, it’s fine. I-”
“It sure as hell isn’t fine.”
“Cam, what’s going on?” Noah asked, as he and Coach practically stumbled through the doorway at the same time.
Quickly, I pulled my tank on. “Coach’s office, Zane. Now.” I walked swiftly through the sea of gymnasts and coaches, ignoring their baffled expressions. “This is between me and him. I’ll let you know if I think you need to know.”
I could feel my heartbeat in my fingertips. It was like they were going to explode from the pressure. Luckily, I only had to wait a few seconds for Zane to follow me inside before I slammed the door.
“How the fuck did Luke not know who you are?”
“I got married and took my husband’s last name. Luke didn’t recognize me and I didn’t say anything.” Zane was pacing.
Well, that explains why Luke didn’t say anything. He’s going to be so pissed.
“And you have something to say now?!”
“Of course. I should’ve said something a long time ago. I…I’ve been avoiding it because I knew it would be-”
“Awkward? Difficult? As difficult as losing your virginity to your teenage crush who turned out to be a huge fuckwad that just used your ass for a good time and then never spoke to you again?”
All the pain and anger came back, giving my words weight. I wanted to punch a hole through the door. I wanted to push him through that hole and never see him again.
For years, I had dreamed about telling him off, and it was finally happening. It felt surreal. I was watching him the moment he broke. But after the first tear fell, I couldn’t silence the part of me that immediately felt bad.
No! He is a piece of shit asshole. Lock that shit up, Cam!
He tried to speak, but had to take a deep breath and try again.
“I’ve thought of this moment for years. You don’t know how many times I looked you up, typed up a message, and deleted it.
I never thought I’d see you again, so I was pretty nervous when Ezra made the Olympic team.
I told myself that it was a good thing. Obviously, for Ezra, but also for me.
For you. It would force me to do what I’m trying to do now. What I’ve been trying to do for years.”
“And that is?”
Without skipping a beat, he answered. “Apologize. I could blame it on my immaturity, and I’d like to, but I knew you were a virgin and I did it anyway.
” I couldn’t help but wince, hearing it described again, even with no details.
“I knew what I was taking from you. I just never stopped to consider your feelings at all. In that moment, or even after...until…”
I leaned against the door, waiting for him to continue.
He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes, collected himself, then said in a quieter voice, “Until the same thing happened to me in college. One of the captains on the gymnastics team toyed with me all freshmen year. He knew I had a crush on him, to the point where we were sexting almost daily, but not doing anything in person. It came to a head sophomore year when he finally bent me over the pommel horse after practice one day and well, you get the idea. He stopped talking to me after that, the texts too. When I tried to speak to him, he just told me we both got what we wanted and now it was time to move on.”
He sat on the desk, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “About three seconds after he said that I immediately thought of you, of us, back then. And how you must’ve felt.
I’m sorry to say it took that for me to realize, but it did.
I don’t know if that makes it worse or better, but I knew at that moment that I had wronged you.
I’m sorry for what I did to you. I’m sorry for what I took from you.
I’m sorry for any negative effects it’s had on the rest of your life.
And lastly, I’m sorry for taking so long to tell you all of this.
It’s not easy to own up to the worst thing you’ve ever done to another human being. ”
I knew my brain was processing everything it just heard. I knew I should say something, but I didn’t know what. What he took was something I could never get back.
Truthfully, Luke had helped me through my issues related to that. Other than my anger, Luke and I had already dealt with and moved past everything else. And after his apology, I’m not sure how much anger was left.
“Not sure what to say, but after all these years, the apology helps. And I’m not gonna lie - not that I’d wish it on anyone, but it already happened - knowing you went through something similar does make me feel better. Does that make me a bad person?”
“You could never be a bad person, Cam.”
“After admitting that, I’m a bit surprised to hear you say that.”
“I didn’t just go around fucking everyone in high school. I picked you for a reason, Cam. I liked you. I was just a fucking hormonal teenager that had no idea what he was doing, and I thought if I told you about feelings and shit like that, you’d no longer think I was this cool upperclassman.”
“You mean to tell me that this could’ve been avoided if some testosterone-engulfed kid talked about his feelings?”
Zane answered timidly, “Yes?”
I hated to admit that if Zane was a more mature teenager, it was possible he and I would be together, and the rest of my life as it was might never have happened.
I opened the door to head back into the locker room to gather the rest of my things for practice, but Noah, Woodward, and the rest of the guys were all there and in my way.