10. Camden #2
“I just wanted to apologize earlier when I asked about Zane in the showers. It wasn’t any of my business, but I’m sure you’ve noticed, I tend to just say stuff and not realize it’s inappropriate until after.
That’s the angriest I’ve ever seen you - not that that’s why I’m apologizing - but I realized I was an ass to bring it up at all.
If you want to talk about it, at any time, you can.
Don’t feel like because he’s my coach, we’re best friends or anything. ”
“I accept your apology, Ezra. Thank you. That was kind of you.”
“Looking back at some conversations now, I think he was talking about you a lot, honestly.” Ezra scratched his head, then brushed his bangs out of his face.
“Really?” I dropped my bag by the door and went to sit on the couch. A shower could wait a few minutes. “What do you mean?” Ezra followed and sat at the other end, facing me.
“I’m not gonna be able to quote him exactly, you realize?”
I nodded. “Of course. I’m just curious.”
“Well, he’s been my coach since high school, so he was there for my gay awakening.
I think my parents knew I was gay before I did and that’s why they hired him.
He was the first person I came out to, and helped me through coming out to everyone else.
I guess I said what I said because when I started to talk about sex stuff with him, he was adamant about me being safe and careful and had a pretty long speech about consent. ”
Ezra glanced up at me. He had been fiddling with his fingers in his lap.
“I’m a lot less angry now. If there’s more, you can keep going. I’ll let you know if I want you to stop.”
“That’s the kind of stuff he would say. ‘If you’re with a guy and you’re in the middle of…
stuff, and you want to stop, you have every right to stop.
You don’t need to keep going just because you got naked.
’ He was really protective of me, kind of like a big brother.
I kind of did the same thing to my younger sister when she started dating. ”
I smiled at that though I couldn’t relate. Colton and Ty had both delved into the dick pool before their brothers even knew they were gay, and I was an only child, who had only been with two guys. One of them had just fucked me; the other was who Ezra was talking about.
“I started looking for safe spaces to explore my sexuality in Seattle and…” Ezra hesitated.
“And what?”
“You have to promise not to tell anyone, Cam. I haven’t really told many people and it’s pretty kinky. If you have to tell Luke, I understand, but I’m not super comfortable just letting everyone know about it.”
“I won’t say a word to anyone, Ezra. I promise.” I brought my hand up to his shoulder for a reassuring squeeze.
Pretty kinky. What is he talking about?
Ezra took a deep breath and continued. “I found a pup community. I don’t have a handler or anything. I guess I should ask if you know anything about it first.” He looked at me expectantly. “Do you?”
I was a little surprised, but had seen some pics with guys wearing hoods and harnesses and even tails…in their butts. It was hot to look at, but I hadn’t felt the need to participate.
“I’m aware of it, but haven’t ever participated.”
“Cool. Okay, so my puppy name is Tadashi. It means loyal in Japanese, but I also liked it because I had a huge crush on Tadashi in Big Hero 6. The other guys call me Tad for short. I haven’t done a lot of stuff, but I’ve been to a few meetups.
I don’t have a ton of gear either, but I do have a hood and some other stuff.
” Ezra’s cheeks grew red quickly. “I can’t believe I told you. ”
“It’s okay, Ezra. I won’t say anything.”
“And you’re totally fine with it? That I like pup play?”
“Everyone has kinks. I’m happy you felt comfortable enough to tell me about one of yours.”
“Does that mean you’ll tell me about one of your kinks?”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Colton says I’m pretty vanilla, so I’m not sure how exciting it is to hear that Luke and I switch up a lot.”
“Like, you change positions when you fuck?”
“Well, yeah, but I meant that we both top and we both bottom.”
“Oh!” Ezra’s eyes went wide, then his brows furrowed. “I thought you’d always be the top.”
“In your dreams maybe.”
Ezra mock-gasped, then punched me in the shoulder. “You’re probably right. I just don’t have a lot of time to date, and all the pup stuff usually happens late at night. Hard to fit that in when you’re qualifying for the Olympics.”
“I know how that is. I still can’t believe it. It’s surreal being on the team again.”
“I bet. It’s kind of like you had no warning, no time to prepare.”
“I had prepared! I just prepared to watch and support Luke. I had already accepted it was over and done for me. Now, I feel like I’m playing catch up.”
Ezra laughed. “You had, what? Like a week off? You’re an amazing athlete, Cam.” Now, it was his turn to shoulder-squeeze. “You’re going to crush it. Besides Jack Davies, you have the most experience of any all-around gymnast here.”
“You sure know a lot about Jack Davies for someone who doesn’t like him.”
Ezra, for once, had no response.
“I was just teasing, Ezra.”
“Oh, I know.” He sighed. “I just kind of wish he wasn’t so gorgeous.”
“So you admit he’s hot?!”
“Of course! I never said he wasn’t, did I?”
I shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t remember. Too much has happened in too short a time frame.”
Ezra rolled his head back onto the couch. “Tell me about it. I don’t know how you’ve done this twice already and are still alive. I’m so stressed. I have fifty billion thoughts going through my head. This is, like, a really big deal. What if I blow it?”
“Motivation for next time? And if you don’t like that answer, then do your best this time. Try to not put so much pressure on yourself that you choke. Find something to take the stress away.”
Ezra chuckled. “That’s why I like the puppy play. For the pupspace.”
“The pupspace?”
“The headspace you get into as a pup. Interactions as pups are wordless. We can make noises, but it's all body language and behaviors. It’s extremely relaxing for me.”
“Do you want to be a puppy in here? Not offering to be your owner or anything, but if it helps you relax, then go for it.”
“It’s handler, not owner, but really? You’d let me do that.”
“I assume you’re not going to hump my leg or anything.”
“Well, fuck. I wasn’t thinking about doing that, but now I am.” His face burst into a grin. “Just kidding!”
I watched as he shifted in his seat and tried to hide the fact that he was adjusting his dick.
“Um, I’d probably just want to cuddle a little or lean against you. Have you never had a dog?”
I shook my head. “I’ve seen enough of them in real life and movies to imagine what you’d be like. It’s fine with me. If you do something I don’t like, I’ll tell you to stop. Simple as that.”
Ezra seemed to consider it for another moment. “I’ll think about it, Cam. I appreciate how comfortable you seem with the idea, and being such a good listener. Thanks for all of it.”
“It’s no problem at all, Ezra. I’m happy to help. It’s getting late. I’m going to shower up and hit the sack. You need the bathroom first?”
“Yeah, gotta pee and brush my teeth, thanks. I’ll be quick.”
“No worries. I’ll see you tomorrow for breakfast.”