Chapter 15
NALA
"Tell me,” I say, folding my arms. “How you’re not so smart."
The door closes behind him. We stand a few feet apart, facing each other. Roman looks… off, almost nervous. I’ve never seen him like this.
"I shouldn’t have said those things to you this morning.”
“You said a lot of things to me.”
“Nala, you know what I’m talking about.”
“I do.” I tilt my head. “But you still have to tell me which part you’re wrong about. You sounded pretty sure of yourself, like you really meant it.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose and tips his head back slightly. "I did it on purpose. I didn’t mean any of it. I was lying.”
“But you don’t lie. Not to me.”
“Today I did.” He moves toward the window, holding his head down and rubbing his temple. “I’m a good liar when I need to be. I even lie to myself. That’s what I did this morning. I convinced myself I had to say those things to you.”
“Why?” My voice cracks. “Why would you lie to me? To yourself? I’m always honest with you.”
"You are,” he says quietly. “That’s the problem.”
He lets out a ragged breath. “You’re beautiful, sweet, and honest. You make me smile even when I don’t want to. I’ve never had anyone understand me the way you do. You know what I do. You fucking know it and you still look at me the way you do, like you genuinely like me.”
He puts his fist to his mouth, shaking his head. “I wasn’t expecting this thing between us. I didn’t want it. When I saw what was happening, I tried to stop it.”
“You make it sound like caring about someone is a bad thing.”
He lets out a low humorless laugh and pushes off the windowsill, closing the space between us. His gaze roams over my face and body. “You don’t get it. The way I care about you, means you stop being just a girl I’m responsible for. You become my woman.”
My stomach flutters and my pulse races. I take in a deep breath, calming myself as he keeps talking.
“That was never part of my plan. I told you from the beginning why I took you. You know my goals, how you fit into this.”
I swallow hard, the flutter in my stomach turning to dread. “I know. You only wanted me to read for you.”
“You don’t have to anymore,” he says quietly.
I blink, unsure I heard him. “What do you mean? That’s what I’m here for, how I fit into your goals like you said.”
He shakes his head. “No. It’s not.”
“Roman, if I don’t read for you, I don’t have anything else.” My voice shakes as I try not to cry. “This is the only thing I have. That I can do.” A stupid tear escapes my eye. I swipe it away with the back of my hand. “I don’t mind doing it. I really don’t.”
He closes the distance and lifts my hand, using his thumb to catch another tear before it falls. “Why are you crying? I thought I said something good. I told you I won’t force you to do anything.”
“If I don’t help you,” I whisper, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.
I don’t want to leave you, but I’ll have to go because you don’t need me anymore.
” She looks up at me, biting her trembling lips.
“I don’t have anywhere to go. I can’t show up to my sister in America.
She wouldn’t even recognize me. She probably has a normal life now.
She wouldn’t want her weird sister being around people she knows. I don’t have anyone. I only have you.”
“Nala,” he says, firmly. “I said I wouldn’t force you to read for me.” His hand slides to my chin, tilting my face up. “I didn’t say anything about letting you leave.”
My breath hitches.
“You don’t fit into the plans I had.” His thumb traces along my jaw. “So I’m changing them. You can use your gift as you please. Or never use it. It’s up to you.”
His gaze locks onto mine, not easing up. “But you still belong to me. There’s no going back to America. No anywhere else. Where I stay, you stay. And that’s here.”
I gaze up at him. “I never wanted to leave you.”
He pulls me into him, holding me tight. “I’m sorry I hurt your heart,” he whispers against my ear. “Do you forgive me?”
“I do. I never thought I’d hear you say sorry. I like how it sounds.”
I rest my hand against his chest. He catches my wrist, his eyes flicking to my mouth. Roman laughs, “I don’t mind saying sorry to you, but I don’t plan on messing up again.”
I don’t get the chance to answer before his mouth is on mine.
He kisses me slow and deep. It feels different than the other night, not rushed.
His hand slides into my hair, tilting my head back so he can take his time.
I follow his lead, melting into him. His other hand wraps around my wrist holding me in place.
I moan against his mouth as he draws me closer. His body presses against mine. I feel him again, hard and pushing against me through his pants. I press closer to him, the ache in my pussy intensifying.
He groans, releasing my wrist, gripping my ass and hauling me tight against him. His tongue slides against mine and my knees go weak. He wraps his arm around my waist holding me up.
Roman lifts his head, saying my name against my ear. Everything inside of me pulsates. My skin feels too hot and I’m wet again, like before
“I wish we hadn’t stopped last time,” I admit, trying to catch my breath. “I wish you hadn’t left.”
I close my eyes, remembering his hands peeling my leggings down before he suddenly pulled away. How hard it was to sleep that night, not just because he was gone but because my body needed him. Needed the relief he was about to give me.
I wonder if he was aching as bad as I was. How he handled it.
"Where did you go after you left me,” I ask softly, pushing back the hair from his forehead. “I needed you, Roman. You were gone and I was alone wanting your touch.”
“A bar.” His lips travel down my neck. “I thought drinking would make me stop wanting you. It didn’t.”
“Good,” I whisper, whimpering when his hands close around my breasts. “I was scared you’d gone to…” I bite my lip, hating the reminder of that place.
His hands go still.
“To what?”
“Another woman. To a place like where I was before.”
His eyes drop for a second. He’s not laughing at my stupid suggestion. My stomach drops.
“You’re supposed to laugh and say no,” I tell him, my voice shaking.
He sighs, guilt written on his features. “I don’t want to lie to you.”
Nausea hits me. “You slept with another woman? After we—”
“No,” he rushes to say. He doesn’t move away, but his arms fall to his sides. “I didn’t go last night. I’m not lying.” His shoulders tense. “I went today.”
Now I really can’t breathe. Nausea rolls in the pit of my stomach.
I push away from him. He grabs me, holding me in place. “I know how it sounds,” he says, his tone pleading. “Just listen to me. Please.”
“You’re holding me.” I glare at his hand, trapping me. “I have to listen.”
He tightens his hold. “Pchyolka, I didn’t have to tell you, but I want to be honest.”
I don’t want honesty, not if it means picturing him with someone else.
“Don’t look like that. Don’t.” He loosens his hands on my shoulders, still holding firm. “Yes. I did go to a place like the brothel. I wanted to find a woman to fuck. I didn’t care who it was.”
“You didn’t need to.”
“At the time—yeah, I thought I did. I swear to you, though. I didn’t touch her.”
I stare at him, unsure if I heard right. “You went there and didn’t touch her?”
He nods. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to do anything with her. She was nothing to me. I felt nothing.”
“Did she touch you?”
“No.”
“You went because you were trying to block me out?”
“Yeah.”
“Nothing happened?”
His eyes bore into mine. “Nothing. All I could think about was you. How wet your pussy got waiting for my cock to fill it. I didn’t want her. I don’t want any other woman. I only want you.”
The anger drains out of me. Roman’s right. He didn’t have to tell me this. I never would’ve known if he’d gone through with it.
“I’m not angry anymore,” I say, brushing my fingertips along his jaw. “I like it that you told me the truth.”
“I don’t lie to you,” he says, tipping my chin up. “And you don’t lie to me. Understand?”
“Understood.” I rise on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck. “
Nala.” His voice roughens as he grabs my waist. “Moya pchyolka. It’s too late to back out.” His mouth brushes my ear. “That sweet little cunt you wanted to give me last night better be soaking and ready to greet my cock.”
“It is,” I whisper, lifting my leg so it slides against his hip. “It’s sopping wet, Roman. Waiting for you to do whatever you want to it.”
I rub my leg against him, watching him watch me. His eyes darken but he doesn’t stop me when I press my hand against the hardness in his pants.
“I want things from you,” I admit. “I just don’t know what they are. I have needs that I don’t know how to describe.”
“Tell me,” he orders. “I’ll know how to give you what you need.”
“That’s just it. I want to give you what you want. When I lie in bed at night, I don’t think about the basement anymore. I don’t think about my old life. I think about you.”
I don’t know what drives me to do this, but I fall to my knees before him, pressing my cheek to his thigh.
“Roman,” I whisper. “You love control and I want your control. I need it.” I swallow. “I’m not normal. Something’s wrong with me and I don’t want it fixed. I like this version of myself. This reality. I like who I am, and I like who I get to be when I’m with you.”
He groans in Russian, his fist tangling in my hair, forcing me to look up.
“Who are you with me?”
“A woman,” I answer. “Not a scared little girl. I’m a woman who belongs to a dangerous man who keeps me safe and has complete control of my heart and body.”
Roman stares down at me and I can see the way he’s holding himself, tense and rigid.
“Come here.”
He hauls me up and pins me back against his chest. One hand spreads over my stomach, the other slides up, resting against my throat. “Sometimes I look at you and think you can’t be real,” he grates. “My sweet little virgin. It’s like you were made for me—but sent to me in the worst way possible.”
His hand leaves from my throat to cup my breast, squeezing hard, while his arm holds me firm against him. I gasp, feeling how hard he is against me.
“Every part of you belongs to me, Nala.”
A moan escapes my throat as his hand drifts lower, stopping between my legs.
“Especially this.”
“Yes,” I breathe, nodding and reaching back to stroke him through his pants. He jerks beneath my hand, swelling harder.
Roman groans and clamps a fist around my wrist.
I freeze.
He releases me.
I step away, putting space between us. His body is rigid, jaw clenched, like he’s barely holding himself back.
I meet his gaze, slowly pulling my shirt over my head.
My bra follows, hitting the floor. I stand with my breasts exposed to him.
The cool air tightens my nipples, but I’m on fire.
He stares at them like he did that night, like he wants his mouth on them again.
I push my jeans and panties down my legs.
Now, I’m completely naked.
Roman doesn’t move or speak as his gaze travels over every inch of me. I’m suddenly aware of all my flaws, the scars that haven’t fully faded from Grigori’s belt.
His gaze flickers over them, lingering. He lifts his head to look at me, his mask of composure slipping.
Violence flares behind his eyes, then it’s gone, the need for vengeance masked once again.
He moves, circling me, slowly, taking his sweet time.
I feel his gaze on my back, my ass, and my legs, assessing what belongs to him.
My body shivers with anticipation. I’m even wetter than before.
When he comes back around to face me, his voice is rough. Raw.
“Get on the bed.”
I obey, climbing onto it and lying back. My heart hammers so loud I hear it in my ears, every nerve in my body wired, tingling and waiting.
“Spread your legs.”
I open my knees.
His eyes drop between my thighs and stay there.