47. Chapter 47
CHAPTER 47
Cassiel
O dd how, until six months ago, the one thing Cassiel had dreaded was being put in a cage. Now that he found himself in one once again, his old fear had been drowned out by a different one.
That Dyna would not return.
Two days passed in silence. Sowmya would briefly appear to bring him warm meals and water, provided by the estate, judging by the fine Elvish food. By the third day, he knew how many bricks made up the walls and how many bars lined his cage. With evening’s arrival, Cassiel had grown restless. He paced back and forth, feeling as if the cell was shrinking.
Was this how his uncle felt? Locked away for months with nothing but his own thoughts.
Cassiel’s heart jolted at the sound of doors cranking open at the end of the hall. Halting in place, he stared at the main door, holding his breath.
The click of a lock sent his pulse racing, then the cellar door opened—and his stomach dropped.
Zev stood I the doorway, his eyes bright yellow with his wolf. Cassiel wasn’t sure what startled him the most. Zev’s arrival or the indifference on his face. Not the anger, Cassiel expected that. It was the shock that they all clearly remembered him. He had suspected it after speaking with Dyna, but he could see now his compulsion had broken.
Dyna must have peeled it away. Cassiel couldn’t help but feel astonished. She had countered his compulsion. But of course she did. The question of how was irrelevant. She had always been a wonder.
As he looked at his old friend, Cassiel braced himself for what would come next. “It’s good to see you … Zev.”
Zev didn’t answer. In his hand was a set of keys, and he used one to open the cage. At the motion of his chin, relief washed through Cassiel’s stiff body. This must mean they were notified that his uncle was freed. He slowly stepped past the door into the hall. Zev walked on in silence, and he followed.
“How have you been?” he asked hesitantly.
“Be quiet,” Zev rumbled. “I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t even want to look at you.”
Well, he couldn’t expect things to be the same. Yet it still stung.
As Cassiel watched his once friend walk away from him, something tightened in his throat. I’m sorry. He opened his mouth to say the words but knew they wouldn’t be accepted. If anything, apologizing now would only provoke Zev.
Cassiel followed behind him in silence. He was led up the stairs through another dusty storeroom, then through a set of heavy doors that opened to the side of a courtyard and a crop of trees. Dark gray clouds shrouded the sky and the fading light.
Their footsteps filled the silence as they continued around a massive building of white stone, layered in green vines. From there, Zev took a path through the gardens until they finally reached the anterior of the estate.
But they didn’t go to the front door. Zev turned his back to it, taking the wide gravel path to the wrought-iron gates. They were guarded by elves wearing the sigil of House Norrlen on their chest plates.
Beyond the gates, his Valkyrie waited for him.
“Wait,” Cassiel slowed. “Where is Dyna? I wanted to?—”
Pivoting back sharply, Zev grabbed his arm and hauled him away for the gates. The guards opened them, and Zev shoved him outside. “Go,” he snarled through his clenched fangs. “She relieves you of your service. You are a Guardian no more.”
Cassiel shook his head, feeling a sense of panic. “But I?—”
Zev turned away. “She has nothing to say to you.”
“Wait!” Cassiel took his shoulder. “I won’t go without seeing her first!”
Zev spun around with a feral growl. The Valkyrie rushed forward to defend him. At the raise of Cassiel’s hand, they halted in their attack. “I know you’re furious with what I did to her?—”
“It wasn’t only her, Cassiel. You betrayed all of us. You said you would be there. And you weren’t.” As they stared at each other, the anger wavered enough to see the hurt in Zev’s eyes. “You don’t get to be here now.”
Cassiel lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry … please, can I see her?”
“No,” Zev snarled. “You made a choice to turn your back on all of us. On her! ” He jabbed a clawed finger at the estate. “ I saw what it did to her. I witnessed her pain. I held her hand every night when she woke up screaming from the nightmares of you tossing her away!” Cassiel winced at that each roaring accusation. Chest heaving with a harsh breath, Zev spoke evenly through his clenched teeth. “You broke her,” he snarled, his wet eyes flashing yellow. “You are too late to pick up the pieces. We did that.”
The accusation tasted settled like bitter poison in Cassiel’s stomach. He closed his eyes, because he couldn’t withstand the disgust on his friend’s face. “Please. I only need to speak to her.”
“I don’t care what you need.” Zev’s voice deepened with the rise of his wolf. His fangs grew and he aimed his claws at Cassiel’s heart. “Leave now, or you won’t leave at all.”
The threat was real.
Cassiel felt in the force of his words and the anger seeping from his pores. The wolf was out, fangs bared. From the way Zev clenched his shaking fists, he was seconds from tearing out his throat.
“I am not going anywhere,” Cassiel said softly. “Hate me. I deserve it. Tear me apart if you wish. But I will leave when she commands it.”
Zev stormed away. “Go. I won’t repeat myself again.”
Cassiel exhaled a sharp breath. “No.”
Halting, Zev expelled a short, dry laugh at the sky. “Thank you,” he said. “I was waiting for an excuse to keep my promise to you, after all.”
He whipped around with a snarl. The Valkyrie moved in on swift wings like streams of gold. Their swords halted an inch from Zev’s throat, and he froze, his chest heaving.
Sighing, Cassiel fixed his gaze on his general. “Did I say you could move?”
Veins twitched on Yelrakel’s forehead as she trembled against his compulsion. “But sire—” She cut off when her air did. “Forgive me.”
Utter disgust crossed Zev’s face. “So this is the kind of king you have become. A tyrant who holds not bounds with how he uses his power. I don’t know why I am surprised that you would take their will when I watched you take away hers.”
The words struck Cassiel felt it deep in the pit of his stomach. His dropped his hold on the Valkyrie, and they retreated three steps, falling back into formation.
Tyrant…
It struck him more to hear Zev say it. Was that who he was now?
After everything, Cassiel had become what he feared.
A wretch.
“I wonder what your father would think of you now,” Zev said.
Sharp pain clamped down on Cassiel’s skull. The pressure was so strong, he nearly keeled over. A shallow breath passed through his lips, and he had the sudden urge to burn everything, including himself. If he became ash and faded with the next wind, would he have the chance to live life over again?
Cassiel pressed on his aching forehead. “Should he take my heart, let him keep it. He’s not to be harmed?—”
Zev grabbed him, claws poised at the center of his chest. Cassiel didn’t fight it. His heart pumped steadily, unafraid.
The Valkyrie tensed but didn’t defy his order. Within the cover of the trees, Netanel watched him with a startled expression. Cassiel discreetly waved him back when he took a step forward.
Maybe he had been waiting for this. For someone to end his misery.
“Take it,” Cassiel murmured. “It’s useless, anyway.”
“I should,” Zev growled through his bared fangs. “Dyna survived a shattered soul. She would survive a broken bond, too.”
That got a weak laugh out of him. “I know...”
Dyna was so astounding. So undeniably resilient that if one day Cassiel left the world, she would undoubtedly muster the strength to go on without him. But surviving her loss?
He could never.
“Zev.” The sound of her voice sent a current of energy through Cassiel’s veins.
From the shadows of the estate’s archway, two glowing green orbs appeared. Dyna stepped out into the evening light and her bright gaze locked on the blood oozing from where Zev’s claws had pricked his chest. “Remove your hand.”
He did. Immediately .
Because they both sensed she was on the verge of attacking him. It was the instinct of a True Bonded mate to protect their other half. For her to still feel a sense of protection over him, however small, planted a kernel of hope.
“Leave us,” Dyna commanded as she strode to the gates. Zev hesitated, but at her hard look, he headed for the estate with the Norrlen guards following. She glanced at the Valkyrie next. They sheathed their weapons and bowed to their High Queen, and Cassiel could not help but feel a sense of pride.
“Sire, this area is not secured,” Yelrakel said under her breath.
For her.
They were out in the open where an attack could fall any minute. His enemies wouldn’t attack them on foreign and risk gaining Greenwood as an enemy. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t find a way around that. But Dyna didn’t offer him to come inside.
“Then form a perimeter in the sky,” Cassiel said, not looking away from her.
The whoosh of wings and rush of wind was the only indication they were finally alone. His longs constricted as he looked at her. Dyna stood only a short distance away with her arms crossed. She wore black trousers and a black corset over a white blouse. A short sword at her hip.
Cassiel had wanted to speak to her but having her here now made his throat dry.
Dyna stared at a pointed past him in stony silence, her red tresses flowing around her face with the breeze. “You wanted to be commanded, well it’s given. Leave this place and do not show yourself in front of me again.”
Cassiel lurched forward when she turned. “Wait, please.” He tried to take her arm.
“Don’t,” Dyna hissed, her eyes flashing with magic.
Cassiel backed up. “I … I need to speak to you.”
“I don’t care what you need.”
“If I could only explain?—”
“What is there to explain?” she snapped. “We went into this marriage with the promise that we would decide everything together. Nothing but the truth and our happiness as we made it. Then you took back every single promise you made me.”
Cassiel shut his eyes. He had meant those promises, every single one. “I was trying to protect you.”
“Gods, I am so sick of hearing that! I never wanted your protection, Cassiel. All I ever needed was you. Only you .” Dyna’s chest heaved with the tears she fought, her mouth bracketing with the words she wanted to scream at him. He felt them there, bubbling beneath the surface. Heaving a sharp breath, Dyna shook her head and backed away. “No, we are not doing this. I have nothing else to say to you. Please go. I never want to see you again.”
She turned around, and the panic set in.
“Wait, please. I have to explain.” Cassiel grabbed her hand out of pure desperation. And it was the wrong choice. Dyna whipped around so fast her palm struck him sharply across the face.
“I don’t want to hear any more of your reasons!” Her ragged scream broke into a sob that he felt spear him through. “You were everything to me, Cassiel. I gave you all of me. I trusted you. I believed in you! Even after you stole my memories and abandoned me, I still waited all of winter for you.” She pressed on her chest with a shaking fist as tears rolled down her face. “Some hopeless part of me still believed you would come back. And you never did.”
His eyes welled, blurring his vision because so many times he had dreamed of coming back. Of returning to her, only to wake and remember why he couldn’t.
“Then I hated you,” she gasped through a sob. “I hated you so much because you took away my choice. How could you do that to me?” She wept with every trapped emotion finally breaking free, and he bore it all. “What did I do to deserve that? Tell me!”
He lowered his head, feeling the monumental weight of her pain fall on him.
Breath quivering she said, “Why put a sword in my hand only to refuse to let me join you in battle? It was supposed to be us against the world. I didn’t want to be protected and coddled. I wanted to fight by your side. That’s what marriage is. A partnership. I would have chosen you no matter what. You were my heart, Cassiel, and you ripped it out of my chest with your own hands.” The accusation tangled him in a web of thorns. Pain sank through his own withered heart in his hollow chest. She covered her face as she wept. “And don’t you dare say you didn’t have a choice. Because you did. You simply didn’t choose me. Out of everything I have ever endured, nothing ever hurt as much as that.”
Cassiel’s face crumbled. To know that broke another piece of him. He gripped his hands to stop himself from reaching out because all he wanted was to hold her.
“I did choose you.” His voice shook, taking him everything to hold it together. “I’m so sorry, Dyna. I believed it was the only way to keep you safe.”
From what?” she demanded. You didn’t take the time to explain anything to me. You simply decided what you thought was best. I no longer have the heart accept your apologies. It is far too late for that.”
He wanted to break down then because her pain was a mirror. It reflected the hurtful words he had flung at his father.
Was this his pain? His regret?
It was the life Cassiel lived because he had been blind to the truth. She also didn’t know why he made those decisions.
“I felt like I was dying when Zekiel hurt you. Then I was fading when I pulled your frozen body from the lake.” A tear dripped off his chin and his voice broke. “They promised to keep coming for you until they cut you from my soul, and I could not bear that.”
Again.
He couldn’t tell her that part. That she had already died once because of him.
“Leaving you destroyed me. But I would go through whatever pain a million times over to protect you. That’s how much I love you.”
Dyna shook her head. She wiped her wet cheeks, and her face cleared of any emotion. When she spoke again, her voice had dropped to an impassive murmur. “That’s not love, Cassiel. That’s fear and I don’t want it. I’m finished with fear. All it’s done is take from me.”
That’s what fear did.
It stole. Lives. Hope. Futures.
And it hit him with a glaring realization of how much he had let it take from him.
“I’m so sorry…” Cassiel took a step toward her, but she flinched back. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” he said again. “I will not never stop being sorry about that, Dyna.” Cassiel took a small step toward her, then another. When she didn’t attack him again, he gently took her in his arms, wrapping his wings around her. “You’re right. Everything you say is true. Leaving you like that was the worst thing I could have possibly done. You were in so much pain I couldn’t bear to leave you to suffer that. I thought if I erased your memories, you could start over. I thought you could be happy and safe if I was no longer plaguing your life.” He murmured into her hair, burring his face in her neck. “I swear to you, it will never happen again.”
For a split second, he hoped they could repair this, but she was stiff and motionless in his arms.
Cold.
Cassiel lowered himself onto his knees and took her hands. “What can I do to earn your forgiveness?”
She stared past him impassively. “Did you reject our bond?”
“I did,” he admitted faintly.
“Did you erase my memories?”
He closed his wet eyes. “Yes.”
Dyna pulled herself free from his hands. “How could you think I would ever forgive you?”
Cassiel’s gut twisted like his intestines were tying into knots. He hugged her waist, pressing his face against her stomach. “Please,” he wept. “Please.”
She took a shaky breath. “I can’t.”
What those words did to him, they almost left him a mess in the mud.
Dyna removed his arms. All the emotion faded from her face with a low exhale. “What you did killed me, Cassiel. That girl you met in Hilos is dead. As far as I’m concerned, you are dead to me, too.”
Like in the wine cellar, she took a deliberate step back across the threshold of the gates. With a flick of her hand, they slammed shut between them. Cassiel shook his head, reaching through the bars for her. The last time he was in a position like this, he had been a child. And as then, he was helpless to stop anyone from leaving.
A sob caught in his throat. “Dyna,” Cassiel called to her retreating back. “I beg you.”
“Beg?” Her next words were like ice on his skin. “Go on, then. Beg me .” Dyna looked him dead in the eyes, and the emptiness in them shook the foundation of his existence. “Beg me more than I begged you. But not even that will change my mind … because you don’t belong in my world. I don’t want you in it. I don’t accept the bond.”
Cassiel inwardly flinched, biting back a groan of as another strand in their fraying bond snapped. Only one remained. The main strand that tied them together, but everything that had constructed their bond was gone.
The shock of it stole all the air out of his lungs. Cassiel slumped back on his heels, watching the one who used to be his world walk away from him. Dyna went into the estate without looking back. The heavy doors shut behind her and the shield dissolved away.
Tears rolled down his face as he thought of the sweet, innocent girl he once met in a forest. The one who smiled who freely at him like he was someone . He was nothing to her anymore.
Part of Cassiel didn’t want to believe this reality, yet he had no one to blame this time. Long ago, his mother once told him nothing lasted forever. Perhaps forever was a word meant for memories and not people.
But even memories didn’t last.