93. Chapter 93
CHAPTER 93
Cassiel
“ T his is your decision, then?”
Cassiel sighed and gave his uncle a nod. “I will return to Hilos one day. Perhaps in time, but right now, I choose my wife. This is where I belong.”
Lord Jophiel’s brow tightened as he searched his eyes. “Cassiel…”
“I am very sorry for doubting you, uncle. I lost my way for a time, and it was difficult to find the way back. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
Emotion crossed Lord Jophiel’s face. His voice wavered slightly. “There is nothing to forgive, Cassiel. I should have known Raziel was using me in his ploy. I suppose I didn’t see it because I was consumed with worry for you. I feared you were committing Kāhssiel’s mistakes and history would repeat itself once more. When I saw the hurt in your eyes I knew I had lost your trust. But never would I ever intentionally harm you or your mate.”
How monstrous he must have appeared to his uncle when he let his ire rule him and his flame. Jophiel could only feel fear, and Cassiel had learned how terrible fear could be.
“Whatever my word is worth now, my only aspiration for you was the same as your father’s. We wish for you to live the life you should have with the one meant for you.”
Cassiel nodded. “Thank you. I think all I could see were enemies around me while forgetting those who have stood with me. I have much to make up for. To you and to the Realms. For now, can I count on your support?”
Lord Jophiel’s throat bobbed, and he blinked away his wet eyes before standing and bowing deep. “Before the witness of Elyōn and the Heaven’s I swear my fealty to you, Cassiel.”
“Then I leave Hilos and the Realms in your capable hands until my return … Lord Protector.”
His uncle gaped at him and Cassiel chuckled as the water mirror cleared. Rising with a sigh, he poured the salted water into another bowl and wiped down the mirror before putting it away.
“Is this how you apologize to your uncle?”
Cassiel glanced over at Dyna by the entry of their bedroom, her arms crossed as she leaned against the door frame in nothing but his tunic. Her red hair fell in rumpled waves a little past her jaw.
He visually traced the line of her body from her bare feet to her shoulder exposed by a fallen sleeve. Residual desire coursed through his veins. He didn’t think he wouldn’t ever not have that reaction when it came to his mate.
Cassiel sat back on the couch and gazed at her with a soft smile. “Did I wake you?”
“Not feeling you beside me woke me.” Dyna smiled back but he felt the last threads of her anxiety fade now that she was in the same room as him.
He held out a hand to her. Her feet softly padded across the floor to him, and he pulled her onto his lap.
“I have given Jophiel a full pardon and made him my steward. What else should I give him?”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, playing with a lock of his hair. “You mean other than an immense responsibility?”
“He has experience lording over a realm. What is four more?”
Dyna laughed. “I think you’re shirking your duties, High King of Hilos.”
Cassiel tucked a loose curl behind her ear. He laid her head on his chest and ran his fingers through her hair, brushing his lips to her temple. “The Realms will be waiting for me once this journey is over. In the meantime, I intend to stay right by your side.”
The bond hummed with her happiness but beneath it lurked a tiny echo of apprehension.
“Promise?” she meant to sound playful, but her tone had wavered.
Cassiel reached for the opal knife on the serving table.
“What are you doing?” Dyna grabbed his wrist when he tugged open his tunic.
“Sealing that promise along with any others you need.”
Dyna stared at him. “You would cut out a piece of you every time you make a promise to me?”
“If that is what you need to believe in me again, I would bear that and anything else I must do to atone for my wrongs and earn back everything I lost. Including your trust.”
“No, Cassiel.” She took the knife away and set it on the table. “We have hurt each other and ourselves far enough.”
“Then tell me what you need to feel safe with me. To not be afraid I will leave you again.”
Her expression became pained. “It’s not that I am afraid that you will leave me again. I am afraid of losing you because I nearly did. You have nothing to atone for.” She looked at the empty space where his left wing used to be, and her eyes welled. “ You gave far more than you needed to, Cassiel. You broke your soul for me. You went to war for me.” Her voice broke and her tears spilled. “You sacrificed for me...”
“ Motek , please don’t cry.” He took her face and wiped her falling tears with his thumbs.
His shadow on the wall looked strange. Incomplete. He didn’t know who he was anymore without his missing wing. It was a miracle he survived its loss. Somehow he felt unworthy that he lived and that he still had her.
But he had the chance to make things right and earn her forgiveness.
Dyna leaned into his palm. “I have already forgiven you, Cassiel. I forgave you the moment I realized why you did what you did. It wasn’t because you gave up your wings for me in both of our lifetimes. It’s because I finally understand how much you love me.”
“I do.” He brushed the tears from her cheeks. “I think far more than I can understand.”
Dyna curled against his chest and rested her head over his heart. It was her comfort, he realized. To hear it beat in time with her own. He held her there, brushing his lips against her temple and stroking patterns on her back as he wondered where their path would go from here.
“I have something for you.” Dyna climbed off him. She went into the room then returned with a rectangular box wrapped in brown paper. Taking a breath, she brought it to him and sat beside him again. “This is a gift from your father. He entrusted it to me before… he said it was for your birth-date.”
Cassiel swallowed, staring at the package. On top of it sat a letter.
But he couldn’t make himself take it.
Dyna placed the box on the table and brushed his arm. “It’s all right. You don’t have to open it yet. It will be waiting for whenever you are ready, however long that is.”
“I wonder what he would think of my deeds and my failures,” Cassiel said, staring at the box. “I try to imagine what wisdom he would offer me now that I am in dire need of it…” He laid back on the sofa and she laid down beside him. “When I left you I dove into the sky and held my breath until I couldn’t breathe. Lost for what felt like hours into the void, searching for something to pull me from this. All I found reflected my pain staring me down, daring me to fight back. But pain was all I have known. So I let it feed, devouring me whole. And then I truly was alone in the darkness of my making. The only way out was to convince myself that my father lived. I wanted it to be true. I needed it to be true. He had to be alive, because if he wasn’t, it meant I failed to save him. It meant I was the reason he died. And it meant … I couldn’t save you either.”
Dyna buried her face in his chest and held him tight.
“Everything feels different. I am different…” He lifted his hand and only a thin layer of blue flame coated his fingers. “My fire has dimmed to embers, to a point I hardly feel it at all. The wrathful need for destruction is gone, the compulsion is gone, and perhaps my divine blood, but none of those things made me a good king and less of a good mate. Perhaps I was meant to lose a wing. It is my penance for my wrongs.”
Like doing the same to his own brother.
“But you loved to fly...” she said brokenly. “And now you can’t anymore.”
Cassiel took her hands in his and traced his thumb over her ring. “Dyna…”
Her face crumbled. “I am sorry I wasn’t there to protect what I vowed to protect. I am so sorry I put you in a position where you had to make that choice.”
He shook his head. “ Lev sheli , I can bear a future without flying but not one without you. I would tear off the other if it meant saving your life again. You already saved mine. Before the keep. Before the bond. Before this life. You were the light in the darkness. You were there when no one else was. When I least deserved it. I have loved you from the beginning of this world and it was agony when I lost you. So I ask that you outlive me, so I never have to live another day like that again.”
She cried harder and he silenced her with a kiss. Cassiel couldn’t withstand her apologizing when it was he who could never find all the ways he needed to apologize to her.
If that day comes, I will make the same promise to you that you made to me. Dyna closed her eyes and breathed him in, branding their souls with another vow. I will find my way to you, kohav. In every lifetime.
He kissed her cheeks, kissed the tears from her lashes, held her close until they were both warm. They didn’t make it to the bed that time, or the time after that.
But neither had any complaints.
He dozed with her on a mound of blankets in front of the hearth, listening to her breathe, and feeling her heartbeat in his soul. They were safe here in Sellav, where they could ignore the rest of the world, but only for now. Dangers waited past the mountain, but he would be ready for them this time.
Dyna woke as a new morning shone into the room.
Her sleepy green eyes blinked sleepily at him, and she frowned. “I can hear you plotting. Before you attempt to change my mind, you should know I will not let you face Raziel alone.
He cracked a smile “Well, ahuvati ?—”
“No.” Sat up on her knees, letting the sheets fall. “Don’t attempt to delude me with your sweet nothings. I have already decided to face this with you. It’s not only you and me anymore. It’s us . Whatever comes our way, we will survive it together. I have decided to accept what comes, and if …” She took a breath. “If I die again?—”
“Dyna.” He placed a finger on her lips. “I was going to say, what do you have in mind? For I have every intention of facing every trial of our lives with you.”
She searched his eyes. “You mean it?”
“I am finished attempting to control you merely for the sake of my sanity. I made that mistake once before and it cost me everything. It will never happen again.” He trailed his nose up her neck and her breath hitched as he breathed in her scent. “If you’ve not yet surmised, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
“Hmm. Would you shave your head if I asked?”
He nodded in all seriousness. “Of course, after my period of aveluit ends. I will shave my eyebrows for you as well.”
A smile tugged at her lips. “How about Zev’s tail?”
“I may need help holding him down.”
Dyna laughed and he loved the sound.
“I hear you already sent Sowmya on a mission to Edym.”
A cunning smile graced her lips. “I did.”
Rising to his feet, Cassiel scooped up his mate and strode for the bathing chamber. “Then while we take a much-needed bath, you can tell me what grand scheme you have conjured and whatever other secrets you haven’t told me yet.”
But the light of her smile faded, and he felt the bond shake.
“What is it?”
Then Dyna couldn’t look at him. Her voice became small and brittle. “I did something terrible, Cassiel.”
She turned over her wrist, exposing a new geas on her skin in the shape of a sage leaf. And he sensed the first trial of their future was already here.