42. Eliza
ELIZA
I’d done a lot of thinking over the couple of weeks since Leo and I last spoke. Like, way more thinking than I’d ever wanted to do about what I wanted out of life and what that meant for me…and Leo.
I was tired of being scared of how I felt about him or how he felt about me.
I was tired of letting my past relationship with a pathetic man dictate how I was going to approach future relationships. Particularly one relationship with a man I couldn’t get my mind off and was utterly in love with.
I was ready to risk it all.
Maybe it took me longer than we’d both wanted, but it meant everything to me that he’d given me that time. That he hadn’t pressured me into a decision or given me an ultimatum or deadline.
Leo texted me the next day after the phone call with Colin, saying he was thinking about me and that he was sorry. I assumed Colin had told him we’d talked.
As relieved as I was to hear from him, it frustrated me that he felt like he had to apologize for his brother. I hadn’t ended up responding to Leo, wanting to have a conversation with him in person.
I pushed open the door to Lake Ridge, inhaling deeply and heading straight to the kitchen, where I expected Leo to be.
“Hey, can we—” I started to say, but it was Ray who was prepping the ingredients for the weekend. My lips parted as I looked around. “Is Leo in today?”
Ray shook his head. “He’s not. Taking a few personal days this week.”
My heart rate kicked up a notch. I had a whole plan. I was ready. I was finally going to tell him how I felt. Was it too late?
“Is he still in town? Is he…” Was he gone?
Ray set his knife down, turning to face me and leaning against the kitchen counter. “I don’t…”
I could tell Ray knew more but was wrestling with whether he should tell me or not. It spoke to the bonds that Leo had built during his time here.
“Ray, please. I need to see him.”
Ray exhaled. “You didn’t hear it from me, but he has a couple of interviews in Chicago tomorrow afternoon. He was debating leaving tonight or first thing tomorrow morning to wait out the storm. I don’t know what he decided to do.”
“Fuck,” I said under my breath. “But there’s a chance he’s still here?”
“There’s a chance.”
I needed to move.
“Okay, thanks, Ray.” I gave him an appreciative smile.
“Glad you two got your heads out of your asses,” he said with a crooked smile before turning back to his prep.
“It was more me than him, but yeah, me too!” I called over my shoulder.
My first stop was Leo’s apartment, but when I didn’t get an answer after pounding on his door—and getting dirty looks from our neighbors—I’d concluded he wasn’t home.
His phone went straight to voice mail, but his car was still in the garage when I checked, which gave me hope he was somewhere in town.
“Please be up here,” I whispered as I climbed the stairs up to the roof.
I vividly remembered our first conversation up here when he’d just gotten to town. It was hard to believe how much had changed in such a short amount of time. How many memories we’d made. How much I missed being up here with him and the routine we’d built together.
I didn’t have high hopes that he’d be up here, especially when I pushed open the door and was met with puffy white clouds and a gray sky. The air was thick, heavy, and muggy.
Even though June was the start of summer with clear blue skies and warm days, it was the rainiest month in northern Wisconsin.
Thunder rumbled in the distance while I scanned the area, not seeing Leo in the spot that overlooked the lake or sitting in any of the chairs.
I swore under my breath, ready to turn around. I’d call him again, sit in front of his door, check to see if he was somewhere downtown. Whatever it took to see him.
I needed to see him.
I was about to turn around when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I took a few steps forward, unsure how I missed him the first time.
He stood on the other side of the roof that faced downtown. His shirt stretched across his broad back and the muscles in his arms flexed as he gripped the edge of the brick.
He was here.
Relief coursed through my body, a sensation unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
I swallowed the emotion clawing up my throat and let out a deep exhale. He was still here.
I licked my lips, ready to say his name, to tell him everything, as the first drops of rain fell from the sky. My stomach flipped, and while I knew I wanted to do this, I also wanted to turn around and run away. But I kept my feet firmly planted, ready to risk it all for the man I loved.
The few extra seconds were enough to get Leo to turn around, running a hand through his wavy hair and pulling his headphones out of his ears, placing them in the case and sliding it back in his pocket.
When his eyes met mine, he jolted in surprise, likely because I’d been standing here silently watching him like a creep. Not quite the vibe I wanted to set.
“Eliza, what are you doing here?”
His voice. It felt so good to hear his voice.
I took a few steps forward but left space between us, unsure how this would go.
“I had to find you,” I said. “I tried calling you, but you didn’t answer your phone. Your car is in the garage so I figured you hadn’t left yet, but…I needed to see you.”
I couldn’t read him, but I knew him well enough to notice the defeat in his eyes, which caught me off guard. I hadn’t expected him to forgive me immediately, but I thought he’d be happier to see me. Even if this didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, I had to tell him.
“You were right when you said I was scared,” I blurted.
“I didn’t want to admit it or admit how well you knew me.
But what terrified me most wasn’t getting my heart broken—it was losing you.
And I thought that if I pushed you away—if I lost you before I fully had you—that it’d be easier.
That I’d be able to go through life the same way I had before you.
Except I quickly realized that was impossible. There’s no going back, Leo.”
The muscle in his jaw fluttered, and his stormy gaze zeroed in on me.
“And I don’t want to go back. I never want to experience a life without you. I want to give this a real shot. You and me.”
Leo ran his hands over his face, tipping his head back at the sky. The thick column of his throat bobbed. The rain picked up intensity, heavy drops hitting us both.
When he didn’t say anything, I added, “If that’s what you still want.”
Maybe he’d changed his mind. Maybe he realized this wasn’t what he wanted.
“Of course, that’s what I still want,” he said, voice so low I barely heard him.
The relief didn’t hit me yet, and for good reason.
“But—” he said, shaking his head.
My stomach dropped, and I took a few steps toward him. “But what?” There was something he wasn’t telling me, and when he opened his eyes and met mine again. I didn’t see regret or anything indicating he didn’t want this…I saw pain. So much pain.
“Eliza, he hurt you to get to me. He hurt you because of me. How can you even look at me right now?”
“Leo,” I whispered, my heart nearly breaking right then and there. I closed the final distance between us, reaching up and cupping the sides of his face, forcing him to look at me. “You better not be blaming yourself for that and what he did.”
His nostrils flared, and his jaw was clenched tight. Everything about his body was tight with tension. “Eliza—”
“No,” I cut him off. “No, I’m not letting you blame yourself for something your brother did. That’s on him. Yes, he hurt me, but he hurt you, too. And that’s something we’ll deal with and move on from. Together.”
While his body was still taut, his shoulders eased a fraction. “I didn’t know.”
“I know,” I said with a slight laugh. “I know you didn’t because I know you.
Pretty well, too. I know you would do anything for the people in your life, even if they don’t always deserve it.
I know that you always put others first, even if you should be selfish every once in a while.
And I know that you held back your feelings for me because you never wanted me to feel pressured to make a certain choice or decision. ”
Leo moved his hands that were wrapped tightly around the edge of the brick to my hips, his fingers sliding underneath my tank top and digging into my skin.
“I also know,” I said, leaning into him, “that I’ve never felt this way about someone.
I never thought I wanted this. Until you.
I don’t want to do life alone. I want to do it with you.
I want to experience all the things life has to offer with you by my side.
And I know it’s going to be messy and hard and emotional and painful.
But at least with you, it’ll also be beautiful, wild, passionate, and so full of love. ”
It was like with each word, another ounce of tension escaped him. His hand moved up my spine, all the way up to rest at the back of my neck.
The corner of his mouth kicked up. “God, Eliza, I lo—”
With a grin on my face, I beat him to it. “I love you. I love you with my whole heart, and there’s not a doubt in my mind that I want you. That I’ll always want you.”
“Couldn’t let me say it first, could you?”
I shook my head, the smile firmly planted on my lips.
He leaned down, pressing his forehead against mine. “I love you, too. I love you so damn much that I didn’t know what to do with myself when we were apart.”
“Luckily,” I murmured, “you don’t have to figure that out. You’re stuck with me now.”
With a grin, he pulled my mouth to his, and I moaned against his lips, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as the heavy rain fell.
“I missed you,” I mumbled at the same time another, “I love you,” left him.
Leo pulled away, pushing my wet hair out of my eyes and looking down at me with so much tenderness, I thought my heart would explode. How had I never noticed that before?
“C’mon.” He tipped his head toward the door. “Let’s get inside and dry off. Get these wet clothes off of you.”
A shiver ran down my spine from his words, even with the humid, muggy air around us.
We quickly made it inside and down the stairs, my hand holding on to his tightly, never wanting to let go.
Luckily, I didn’t have to.
I tugged on his arm, leading us toward my apartment. “Will you stay the night? I promise this time I won’t freak out the next day.”
Leo followed and leaned against the wall while I fished out my key and unlocked the door. “We can also take things slow if you want.”
I looked over at him, raising a brow. “Is that what you want?”
He huffed a laugh, but it was written all over his face that he didn’t want to take things slow. Neither did I. I wanted to pick up right where we left off.
With a hand on my hip, I asked, “What did I say about how you should be selfish once in a while?”
His response was to lift me, push the door open, and fuse his mouth to mine in a hungry, selfish kiss that was exactly what we both needed.