Chapter 2
Two
Amanda
I feel restless and bone-tired at the same time.
Today was incredible. Celebrating my best friend’s daughter with the people who have come to feel like family fills my heart.
Bellamy falling in love with Reid changed my life.
His family and friends welcomed us so completely that it feels as though we’ve always belonged here.
Today, they loved on my daughter—passed her from arm to arm, when they could get her away from Will, played with her, insisting I rest while they helped care for her.
I’m deeply grateful for the break, and yet that’s where the restlessness creeps in.
Since the day I signed those adoption papers, my life has been an endless loop of caring for her, working, then coming home to care for her again.
Letting go, even briefly, feels unfamiliar.
It feels like I’m doing something wrong, letting them care for her.
And the bone-tiredness comes from the same place.
I was never meant to be a single mother to a newborn.
I was too na?ve to see my husband’s betrayal.
Too willing to believe every excuse, overlook every mood swing, and every dinner I ate alone.
I thought he was working to make a better life for our family, working toward making partner.
I trusted him completely, and he tore my heart from my chest.
“He’s good with them,” Candice, Bellamy’s mom, says, coming to stand next to me, looping her arm through mine.
I turn in the direction that she nods. She can only mean her ex-husband, as he has her granddaughter in one arm and my daughter in the other, as he sits on the recliner, making funny faces at the girls.
“He is,” I agree. I don’t know my best friend’s dad well. He wasn’t around when we were kids—not after the divorce. It’s only in the last few years, since Bellamy met and fell in love with Reid, that he’s been back in her life.
I know that he’s good to Bellamy, and Reid by association, even if he’s Reid’s coach.
I know his players, at least this group, and from the way the team’s been winning, all of them respect the hell out of him.
I know that his eyes light up when he sees his daughter and his granddaughter, and maybe even a little when he sees his new son-in-law.
It’s easy to see that Reid worships his wife.
“I made so many mistakes,” Candice says. “Hindsight and all that,” she says.
“What do you mean?” I have a pretty good idea that she’s talking about her ex-husband, but I ask anyway.
“I never should have let my feelings shade Bellamy’s in any way. I should have insisted that she go see her dad. Will and I were so young when we met and got pregnant with Bellamy. We were just kids, trying to find our way. No matter what happened between us, he was her father. She needed him.”
I smile as Bellamy perches on the arm of the recliner, smiling down at her dad and our daughters. “It worked out,” I tell Candice.
“It did, but there were so many years of heartache and pain. My son-in-law helped with a lot of that.”
“Yeah,” I agree. Because Reid proved to Bellamy it wasn’t his career, or the game of football, that caused the rift between them. It was more miscommunication and misunderstandings. She was young and didn’t get the full picture, and her dad, well, he didn’t want to force her.
William “Will” Warner is a big ole softie. We can all see it.
“He was a good dad, and he’s excelling at this grandpa gig.” Candice laughs.
I watch as her new husband, Cliff, comes over and offers Mia the toy she just dropped. He smiles at her before saying something to Will and Bellamy.
“I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be in a room with my first love and my forever love, with everyone getting along,” Candice says wistfully.
“It’s not weird for you?”
I feel her shrug, but I don’t take my eyes off the five of them.
“Nah, not anymore. Sure, at first just because of the years that had passed, but Will’s a good man.
I want nothing more than for him to find someone to share the rest of his life with.
He poured himself into his work for us. I can see that now.
But back then, I was just tired of doing it alone.
As I said, we were young, and we didn’t fight for us. ”
“It’s not for the weak.” I chuckle.
“It’s not, and you’re doing an incredible job with her, Amanda. Truly, she’s thriving, and I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you. It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” I tell her, voicing my earlier thoughts, “but I love that little girl more than anything. She’s the greatest gift of my life. I’m just not looking forward to the ‘where’s my daddy’ conversations as she gets older.”
“I know right now, your heart is aching, but don’t give up on love.”
I turn to look at her, and she smiles.
“It took me some time, but I found him. I have faith that you will, too. You’re going to find a man who will love that little girl as if she were a part of him. Don’t let your ex keep you from opening your heart again.”
“It’s not just my heart on the line this time.
” The thought of my sweet baby girl getting attached to a man, only for him to rip her heart out when he leaves, kills my soul.
I won’t let that happen. I won’t bring a man into her life unless I’m sure, but then I remember that I was sure about my ex, Ethan.
He was my high school sweetheart, and never in a million lifetimes did I think he would hurt me the way that he did.
I can understand falling out of love. That’s life, and as we grow and change, our hearts do, too, but to cheat? To get his assistant pregnant when he knew how badly we were trying to have a family. That’s a wound that cut deep, and if I’m being honest, I don’t know if it will ever heal.
More than anything, I wish Ethan had been honest with me.
Sure, it would still have hurt to lose him.
He was my first and only everything, but knowing he cheated, that he didn’t care enough about me to be with someone else, and get her pregnant?
He shattered my heart, and I never want that for my daughter.
“Give yourself some time. Just promise me you won’t give up on love.” She smiles and nods toward where Bellamy, Will, Cliff, and our daughters are sitting. “It worked out for Bellamy and me,” she says, leaning her shoulder into mine.
“I promise,” I tell her, even though the thought of giving my heart away again, of having not only my heart broken, but my daughter’s… I can’t stomach the thought.
“Is there anything I can help you do?” I ask Bellamy. Everyone has gone home except for her dad and me. We’re still hanging around, albeit for different reasons.
“Absolutely not. We’ve got this. You go home and get some rest.” She pulls me into a hug. “I’m glad you let us spoil both of you today.”
“And that’s different from any other day, how?” I ask, laughing.
My best friend shrugs. “I’m so proud of you, Amanda, and you’re one hell of a mom, but it’s okay to ask for help.”
“She’s right,” Reid says, wrapping his arms around his wife. “Look at how many times you’ve helped us out with Coral. We’re here if you need us,” he tells me.
“The birthday girl is down for the count,” Will says, walking into the room. “I didn’t even get through half of the book, and she was sound asleep.” He smiles.
“It’s that monotone voice you got going there, Grandpa,” Reid teases.
Will chuckles. “You sure we have to keep him?” he asks his daughter.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Bellamy tilts her head back, and Reid kisses her nose. “He’s kind of grown on me.”
“Fine,” Will says, a playful smile tugging at his lips.
“Thank you for having us, and for helping with Mia today,” I say to Reid and Bellamy. “You, too,” I tell her father, turning my eyes to him.
“She’s a cutie, that one,” Will says, with a kind smile and a nod.
“Well, that cutie needs to get home and get into bed. I’m sure she’ll fall asleep on the way there, and the challenge will be getting her changed and into bed and not waking her up.
” I smile down at my daughter, who’s already bundled up in her car seat.
“I meant to bring jammies so that part would be done, but I forgot.”
“She’s in leggings and a long-sleeve shirt, just let her sleep in that.
” Bellamy shrugs. “Don’t get caught up in needing everything to be perfect, Manda.
Life is messy, and she’s safe, warm, fed, and so incredibly loved.
It’s not the end of the world if she sleeps in that outfit.
It’s soft and comfy.” Bellamy pulls me into a hug.
“You’re a great mom. Mia is lucky to have you. ”
“Thank you,” I croak, feeling emotions swell in the back of my throat.
“Okay, none of that,” Reid says. “I don’t like it when my wife cries, and as her best friend, I know she won’t let you cry alone,” he says, making us both laugh as we wipe at our eyes.
“I love you both. Thank you again for an incredible day. I can’t believe Coral is two,” I say, bending to grab the diaper bag. Before I can grab the car seat, Will picks it up for me.
“I’m leaving, too,” he explains. “Let me help you ladies out to the car.” With his free hand, he hugs his daughter, shakes Reid’s hand, and follows me out the door.
I rush toward the back passenger door of my SUV and open it. “I can take her,” I say, reaching for the car seat and my daughter.
“I got it. It’s not been that long since Coral was in one of these. I still remember how. Just relax, Momma.” He smiles, and my shoulders fall.
Something as simple as my best friend’s dad putting my daughter in her seat, in my car, does that.
That’s what my life has become—a constant ball of nerves, being mom and dad to this precious daughter of mine.
I know Bellamy tells me all the time to give myself some grace, but it’s this moment when it hits me—I’m wound tight. “Thank you, Mr. Warner.”