Chapter 6 Isla
ISLA
The stack of files Marianne had requested ten days ago had barely diminished.
She had chosen to go back into the hospital in the evening, and lose herself in the quiet for the administrative wing.
The offices were dark except for the one where she sat surrounded by the chart reviews scattered around her.
Seventy-two cases, each one requiring a detailed justification of every decision that fell outside the standard protocol.
Marianne had given her two weeks to complete the reviews, but Isla was determined to finish sooner.
To show that she could work within the system even when the system felt designed to crush her.
The work was tedious, the kind of careful record-keeping that had always felt like the enemy of real medicine.
But as she worked through each case, remembering the patients behind the numbers, something unexpected happened.
She began to see her own practice through different eyes.
The choices she made. The instincts she trusted.
The patterns that emerged when you looked at months of decisions instead of individual moments.
She was so absorbed in the work that she didn't hear the footsteps approaching until a voice spoke from the doorway.
"I didn't expect anyone else to still be here."
Isla looked up to find Marianne standing at the threshold, her briefcase in one hand and her coat over her arm.
She had shed her suit jacket somewhere, and the blouse underneath was slightly rumpled, the first sign of imperfection Isla had ever seen in her presentation.
Her hair was still pulled back, but loose strands had escaped around her face, softening the severe lines of her usual style.
She looked tired. Human. Unexpectedly vulnerable.
"I could say the same." Isla gestured at the spread of files across her desk. "You gave me homework. So I'm doing it."
"You didn't have to do it all early."
"I wanted to get it done." Isla leaned back in her chair, watching as Marianne hesitated in the doorway. "Are you just going to stand there?"
Something flickered across Marianne's face. Decision. "I came back because I forgot some documents. But if you're working on the reviews, I could..." She paused, seeming to reconsider whatever she had been about to say. "I could help. If you wanted."
"Help me document my own protocol deviations?"
"Help you frame them in ways that the committee will find acceptable.
" Marianne stepped into the office, setting her briefcase on a chair.
"I've seen the preliminary responses to your first batch of reviews.
They're thorough, but they're also defensive.
The committee wants to see that you understand why the protocols exist, not just that you chose to ignore them. I want to help you, believe it or not."
"I understand why they exist. I just don't agree that they're always the right choice."
"I know." Marianne sat down across from Isla, the desk between them like a boundary neither had agreed to cross. "But there are ways to acknowledge institutional concerns while still defending clinical judgment. Ways to make your case that don't put the committee on the defensive."
Isla studied her. The offer felt genuine, which was somehow more confusing than if it had been another form of surveillance. "Why would you want to help me? Your job is to build a case against me."
"My job is to assess risk and recommend appropriate responses.
" Marianne's voice was quiet, careful. "The outcome of that assessment isn't predetermined.
If I can demonstrate that your deviations were clinically justified and that you're capable of working within reasonable oversight structures, that's a valid finding.
It just requires better documentation than what you've been providing. "
"So you're teaching me how to work the system."
"I'm teaching you how to survive the system long enough to keep doing what you do." Marianne's gaze was steady, but something in her expression had shifted—the first genuine respect Isla had seen from her. "You're too valuable to lose to bad paperwork."
The words settled into Isla's chest with unexpected warmth. She should have been suspicious. Should have wondered what angle Marianne was playing. But sitting here in the quiet of the empty administrative wing, surrounded by the evidence of weeks of work, she found she didn't want to question it.
"Okay." Isla pulled one of the files closer. "Show me what you mean."
They worked for hours.
Marianne pulled her chair around to Isla's side of the desk so they could look at the files together, and something about the proximity felt different than it had in the trauma bay or the conference room.
There, they had been adversaries occupying shared space.
Here, they were collaborators. Partners, almost.
The first few cases were easy. Marianne showed Isla how to reframe her justifications, how to acknowledge the validity of the protocols while still defending her decisions.
"The committee wants to see that you've considered the risks," she explained.
"They want to know that you're not just blindly trusting your instincts. "
"I don't blindly trust anything."
"I know. But you need to show them that.
" Marianne pointed to a specific paragraph.
"Here, for example. You explain why you chose the non-standard approach, but you don't address what could have gone wrong.
Add a paragraph about risk assessment, about how you weighed the potential complications against the certainty of death if you followed protocol. "
Isla made the changes, and she had to admit, the review read better afterward. More thoughtful. More defensible. Not a different story, just the same story told in a language that the committee would understand.
What started as a lesson in bureaucratic survival evolved into something else entirely.
As they moved through the case files together, discussing each decision in detail, the conversation shifted from clinical justifications to underlying philosophy.
Why Isla had chosen trauma surgery. Why Marianne had moved into risk management instead of continuing in clinical practice.
"I was going to be a physician." The admission came from Marianne sometime past midnight, when the fluorescent lights seemed harsher and the boundaries between professional and personal had blurred into nothing. "I was in medical school for two years before I realized I couldn't do it."
"What happened?"
Marianne was quiet for a moment, her fingers tracing the edge of a file folder.
"I watched a resident freeze during an emergency.
She knew what to do, she had all the training, but in the moment when it mattered, she couldn't act.
The patient died." She looked up at Isla with eyes that held something old and painful.
"I realized I was going to be that resident.
I didn't trust my own judgment enough to make life-and-death decisions in real time. "
"So you moved to a field where you could control outcomes through systems instead of instinct."
"I moved to a field where my particular brand of anxiety could be useful." A ghost of a smile crossed Marianne's face. "I'm very good at anticipating worst-case scenarios. Very good at building structures that protect against my own fear of failure."
"And now you're building structures that could destroy me."
"The structures exist regardless of what I do.
I'm just trying to make sure they work the way they're supposed to.
" Marianne leaned forward, her voice dropping.
"Do you know why I took this job? After what happened at Riverside General, I could have gone into consulting.
Made twice the money, worked half the hours, never had to deal with the politics of a single institution again. "
"Why didn't you?"
"Because I believed I could do more good here. Because Oakridge has problems that matter, and I thought I could help fix them." Marianne's gaze held Isla's. "I didn't come here to destroy careers. I came here to build something better."
The silence that followed felt different from the silences that had come before. Charged with something Isla couldn't name. The space between them shrank, even though neither of them had moved.
"What made you become a trauma surgeon?" Marianne asked. "You could have chosen any specialty. Something with better hours, more predictable outcomes, less chaos."
"I chose it because of the chaos." Isla heard herself speaking words she had never said aloud before.
The late hour made honesty feel safer, or maybe it was something about Marianne that made her want to be seen.
"When I was a resident, I lost a patient because the attending physician wanted to wait for imaging before making a decision.
A young woman, twenty-three years old. Internal bleeding from a car accident.
I knew, I knew she was dying, but I wasn't authorized to act. "
"What happened?"
"The imaging confirmed what I already knew.
But by then it was too late. The bleeding had gone on too long.
" Isla's voice was steady, but her hands weren't. She pressed them flat against the desk.
"She died while we were waiting for authorization.
I watched her die because someone couldn't act without approval. "
Marianne was silent. When she spoke, her voice was soft. "What was her name?"
"Jennifer. Jennifer Chen. She was supposed to be a bridesmaid at her sister's wedding the following month.
" Isla had never told anyone that detail before.
Had kept it locked away with all the other things she couldn't bear to examine too closely.
"I still remember her sister's face when I came out to tell them. "
"I'm sorry."