Chapter 3
Then nothing.
Annie
I stand at the top of the steps—half frozen, half liquid—eavesdropping on Ben’s conversation. It’s like I’m in a dream I never want to wake up from.
No one’s taking me away from her. She’s mine.
That was…that was big. I’m not imagining things. He wants me—I knew it. But Benny is professional, and he wants to keep me safe, so he won’t let himself admit that he likes me.
And it’s not just because I’m a job. It’s because I’m me…he likes me the way that I like him.
God, months of wondering, thinking I was insane. Worried I’m too young, hating that I’m not pretty enough, wondering if he thinks I’m stupid. Those sparks I felt aren’t a figment of my imagination. They aren’t a dream. They’re real.
And since I know he’s professional and won’t cross the line, I’ll have to be the one to make the first move.
I take the quickest shower ever and then dig through my underwear drawer.
I slide on a pair of pink silk pajama shorts with a matching top.
I’ve only worn the set once, the night of prom, but my date didn’t get a chance to see it because he drank too much and went home early. I was mad then, but I’m grateful now.
The tank top is low cut and almost too revealing.
I don’t want to look desperate, so I put on a loose sweater that hangs off one shoulder.
I go back to the bathroom and blow-dry my hair, curling the ends with a round brush.
I bought a dark pink lipstick the last time we went to the store and haven’t opened it yet, so I rip the plastic off and swipe it across my lips.
I think the color looks good and complements the black frames on my glasses.
With a final spritz of hairspray, I head down the steps, anticipation making my belly quiver.
I get to the kitchen just as Ben is draining the noodles, and when I see cookie dough in a bowl, I can’t help the huge smile that spreads across my face. My favorite. I doubt bodyguards normally make double-chunk chocolate chip cookies for their clients, but mine does.
Ben is watching, so I make a bold move and swipe my finger in the bowl, then slowly lick off the chocolatey goodness.
His gaze shoots down from my lips to my chest, then slowly glides up until our eyes lock. He swallows, then clears his throat. “Don’t do that shit again.” My confidence plummets until he adds, “Raw dough can make you sick.”
Hours later, I’m curled up on one end of the couch, and Ben is sitting on the opposite side.
Like most nights, I’m watching a movie, and he’s on his laptop monitoring things, casual, calm, and content with the silence.
I’m restless and have a hard time concentrating on anything but what I’m feeling, and I’m feeling a lot of things.
I check the time. 10:47
Slow music starts, and the love scene begins. Ben glances up from the screen, then over at me. “What the hell is this?”
“Endless Love, my favorite.”
He raises a brow. “You told me it was The Notebook.”
“That’s one of them. This one’s my favorite, favorite.”
“Right.” He goes back to his screen, but I catch him glancing up several times.
As soon as the credits roll, he closes his laptop, and I check the time again. 11:36
“Are you tired?” I ask, hoping he says no.
“I’m fine. Why?”
I look at the clock as if somehow half an hour has passed from two seconds ago. “No reason.”
“Okay.” He turns to me. “What’s up?”
“Nothing.”
“Annie.”
She’s mine.
Okay, this is it. I’m going to do it. Normally, I try to forget this day, let alone celebrate it, but for once, it means something good.
I scooch closer and bite my lip. “My birthday’s in twenty-three minutes.”
“Shit.” He closes his eyes and takes a long breath. “I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
My body feels different than it ever has, good—warm and tingly from the inside out. “I’ll be eighteen.”
He smirks, and his hazel eyes sparkle. “You sure, Blue? ’Cause that means you’re a legal adult, and you’re—”
“I’m yours,” I whisper, and without thinking for another second, I throw myself at him.
Our lips brush, and finally, finally, I’m kissing him.
He blinks, our eyes connect, and I feel the intensity in my soul, so profound it’s almost scary.
But with Ben, I have nothing to fear. He’s safety and hope, and just like our first kiss—perfection.
I need to be closer, so I crawl over him. Straddling his lap, I slide my fingers through his too long hair, and he holds my waist. His warm skin against mine feels so good a moan rolls up my throat.
Then his grip on me gets tighter, and I’m flying through the air. I land on my ass with a pained cry and look around. The only rational explanation is that Ben heard something and he’s protecting me.
But he’s not on alert. He’s glaring down at me, wiping my lipstick off his face, wiping me away.
Oh my God.
“What the hell, Annie?”
I was wrong…I was so wrong. Oh my God, why did I do that? My skin is no longer warm, but frostbit with pins and needles. I shiver, and my teeth clatter.
“Shit.” Ben reaches down to help me up. His fingers graze my arm, and I swat at him.
I crawl away like a scolded puppy and wish I could disappear right here and now. I’d give anything, give up everything, to be anywhere else. I’m panicked and shaking with no sense of time or space, so when I try to get up so I can run, I whack my temple into the end table.
“Jesus, Annie, calm down. You’re bleeding.”
I am? I don’t care. It’s just a cut, not a wound big enough to bleed out and end my misery, unfortunately.
I go to the stairs and rest my forehead on the bottom step.
I can’t look at him. I’ll never be able to look at him again.
“Oh my God. Oh my God,” I chant over and over, unsure if I’m saying it out loud or just in my head.
“What just happened?” I see his shadow on the floor, and he gets even closer. “Annie, talk to me.”
“No. Go away.” I wipe my face and pull my hand away to see my stupid blood mixed with my stupid pink lipstick. If I wasn’t crying already, I would start now because my favorite color is ruined for eternity.
Ben shoves a wad of tissue in my hand and pushes it up to my face. He gently turns me so I’m leaning against the wall. “Talk to me, Blue. What just happened?”
She’s mine.
“I’m so…sorry.” My breath hitches embarrassingly.
“I don’t want your apology. I want you to explain.”
“Nothing, forget it.” I can’t stop crying. “I’m…I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”
“What’d I say about honesty, Annie?”
The truth hurts too much. I whip my head back and forth, but I know he won’t stop until he gets an answer.
He deserves an answer. “I don’t know. I…
the cookies. I heard you on the phone. You said she’s mine and then my birthday, you said I was an adult and—never mind.
It was stupid. I’m so stupid…I’m such a fucking idiot. ”
“Aw, dammit.” He crouches, but I still can’t bring myself to look at him. “I care about you a lot, Annie, but…” His voice has that soft tone, and I brace. “It’s kind of like the same way I care about my little sister.”
Oh my God! “Stop… please. This is humiliating. Just leave me alone.” I cover my face and use my hair as a curtain so I don’t have to see him as I try to get away.
He grabs my wrists and won’t let me go, and I hate how much I love his touch, but it’s not mine.
He’s not mine. I’m not his—I never will be.
A pathetic cry rattles in my throat, and I need him to let me go.
I struggle to pull my hands away, but he doesn’t release me, so I kick at him. “Jesus, Annie. Calm down.”
“Leave me alone!” My body arches into him, and I scream again.
“Okay. It’s okay, Annie. Calm down, and I will.”
I do what he says so he’ll let me go.
I open my eyes. He’s close, staring at me, but not with a deep connection—like he feels sorry for me. I can’t take it. “Let me go!”
He does. But he’s still too close.
“Leave me the fuck alone!”
And then it happens, so fast it’s a blur.
Something loud pierces my ears, the front door is thrown open, and a shadow fills the room.
Ben springs to his feet and reaches for his gun, but my father is already pointing one at him.
I hear a click, see a flash, and then hear the bang.
I see Ben’s tall body jolt. His warm blood splashes on my skin.
Another bang, another jolt, more blood. And again. Bang. Jolt. Blood.
Then nothing. My ears ring. I see black. Ben’s lifeless body falls on top of mine.