Chapter 14
She’s not interested.
Annie
Today started out great, with Ben showing up and kissing me. I thought it was going to stay great because it was the first day of what I was dubbing the start of my new life. But because I’m me, and nothing ever seems to go right, I shouldn’t be surprised it didn’t last long.
“I’m sorry, Annie.” My new boss Willa leans back in her chair. “I didn’t realize that you were let go from your other job, I thought you left on good terms. Unfortunately, I have to make a couple calls before I make my final decision. I’ll let you know as soon as I do.”
She gets to her feet, so I do, too. “I understand.”
“Thank you for coming in today.”
I refuse to cry about this. It’s my fault—I can’t feel sorry for myself. It was too good to be true, I should have known. She follows me to the employee lounge where I get my purse, and I smile at her before I leave.
Thank God the air is cool when it hits my face. I suck in a jagged breath through my nose and push it out slowly the same way. I do it again as I make my way to the parking lot.
“It’s Annie, right?” I jolt at the voice from behind me and turn around to see a brown-haired man in a pair of pressed khakis and a shirt and tie. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. I’m Noah. The social worker here at Sunny Hill.” He lifts his employee badge up from his lanyard as proof.
“Oh. Hi. Yeah, I’m Annie.”
“Listen, I just wanted to let you know that I’m here if you need to talk.”
That’s not weird or anything. “Oh…thanks, I guess.” I continue heading toward my car, key fob in hand.
“I’m going to talk to Willa, don’t worry.” He follows me. “I’ll have you back here in no time.”
“I’m sorry.” I stop, then take a step back at how close he is. “Do I know you?”
“No, no. I talked to Beth, she’s the one who helped you get the job. She told me about your situation, so I know what’s going on with you.” He holds his hands up. “Occupational hazard, I guess.”
I grip the strap of my purse tighter. “My situation?”
“That you’ve been having a hard time lately. I’m assuming it has to do with that cut on your face.”
“I appreciate the concern, but I’m okay.” I unlock my car and get in, and when there’s a knock on my window, I lock the doors.
Noah holds out a rectangular piece of cardstock. “Just wanted to give you my card.”
I crack the window enough to take the card, then start the engine without another word. He jumps back when I reverse out of my spot. I look in the rear-view mirror and shiver when he’s out of sight.
Then I realize what I just did and hit the steering wheel. That wasn’t a good way to go about getting a job, he was just being nice, doing his job. I need to remember that not everyone is not a creepy stalker. I can be cautious without being paranoid.
Ben won’t let anything happen to me. I’m safe.
There’s only a couple turns to get to my loft, so I don’t need to use the GPS. I’m home in about fifteen minutes, and just as I get inside, my phone alerts me to a text from Ben asking how my day is going.
I contemplate what to reply, and reply with the truth. Immediately, my phone rings. “You didn’t have to call.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. A little disappointed, but hopefully things will work out.” So I’m not an unemployed loser, I don’t add.
“I’m gonna come see you and make sure you’re really okay.” He says.
He really is the best, but I don’t want him to leave his work because of me. “I’m good, Benny, honest. You’re working.”
“You’re more important.”
“You’re sweet, but seriously—I’m all right. And honestly, I’m tired.” Lie. I don’t want him to feel sorry for me. “So I’ll just see you tomorrow like we planned.”
Someone calls his name. “I’ll see you later then, okay? Call me if you need anything.”
“I will.”
We hang up, I drag my feet to the window ledge, and sit, gazing down at the city below. My mind blanks, and unlike the past few days, I think about nothing. For hours.
Night is falling, and I’m still sitting on the window ledge with Joan Wick in my lap, looking at the neon lights of Bar Someday, when my phone rings.
I slide my finger across the screen, then answer on speaker without looking to see who it is because I assume it’s Ben calling to check in again. “Hey.”
“It’s about time, Annie. Are you okay?”
“Shari? Yeah. I’m fine, why?”
I hear keys jingling, then a dog barking.
“The last time I saw you was when you left the bar acting weird, so I was already worried. I go to your apartment and that guy across the hall tells me some strange men packed up all your stuff, and he doesn’t know where you are.
Then you don’t return any of my calls or messages, so I’ve been freaking out! ”
She went to check on me? “I’m sorry. I…I didn’t think you would worry.”
“Of course I would, you’re my friend, and you just disappeared. Did you read any of my messages?”
“Not all of them. I’m sorry, I thought you were angry I left without saying goodbye.”
“I wasn’t angry. I was scared. You’re my friend, Annie.”
My nose tickles, and my heartbeat feels…lighter. “Really?”
“Girl, of course.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. It was shitty, I should have called you back, but a lot has happened, and not just in the last few days. I’m trying to figure everything out and wrap my mind around things I still don’t understand.”
“Like what?”
I hum. “How much time do you have?”
“I just got home, and I’m sitting on my patio with a glass of wine in my hand, so I have all the time in the world.”
For the next hour, I spill my guts to Shari, to my friend.
I tell her everything—my mom dying during childbirth, the safe house with Ben, being stalked, where I’m living, and I finally get to today—“So now I’m not sure if they still want to hire me, and I don’t know what I’m going to do if they don’t.
” Ben’s refused to let me pay rent. Even if I wanted to, I don’t know who to pay or how I’d pay them—but that can’t last forever.
“Wow, okay. That’s a lot.” She laughs quietly. “First, they’re going to hire you.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do, because when Willa called to check your references, I told her you were the best there was, and even though you were let go, we’re going to have to find two people to replace you. I told her she’d be crazy not to hire you, so I suspect she’ll be calling very soon.”
I get up so fast that Joan Wick hisses at me. “Wow. Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me for telling the truth. Now, about this man of yours.”
“He’s not my man.”
“Part of being a good friend is telling your friend when she’s being stupid.
And right now, girl, you’re being stupid.
Aside from him dropping everything to deal with your stalker, that man packed up your shit and moved you into the apartment across the street from his.
It can’t get much more obvious than that. ”
I start pacing. “He cares about me, I know that.”
“Yeah, and I promise you if he had his way, he’d have just moved you straight into his place. The only reason he didn’t is because he thought you’d need space.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do. Did he not come over and kiss you silly this morning?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
She cuts me off. “But nothing. What are you so scared of? You trust this guy and you went to him for help. He clearly cares about you a lot. You might be in denial about it because you’re protecting yourself from getting hurt, but you know it’s true. And you care about him, too, don’t you?”
“Yeah, so much.”
“I think it’s time you show him that, Annie. Stop for a second and actually see what’s in front of you. Look at where you are right now. Maybe you’ll finally understand that words don’t have to be spoken for someone to tell you how they feel.”
Awareness brings me to a halt as I open my eyes. The pull-out that I used to use for a bed is folded up like an actual couch because I have a real bed now. I look up at the loft, which has a new mattress and new bedding. I know because I saw the tags in the trash can.
My bookshelf, the cat tree, and the bistro table I had crammed in the corner of my kitchenette now sit in the middle of a spacious kitchen.
It feels like I’m home because I’m surrounded by everything I own, and I’m realizing that was intentional. He didn’t want me to wake up somewhere unfamiliar. He knows how uncomfortable I felt in the safe house.
He knows I needed a minute to come to terms with everything.
He knows I needed that space, but he also knows I needed him, so he kept his distance while also reminding me he was close…he is close. But right now, he’s too far away, and I need to change that.
Laconic: using or involving the use of a minimum of words: concise to the point of seeming rude or mysterious.
I pull on my faded jeans as I look at the word of the day and realize I really don’t have to say a lot to tell Ben how I feel. And I’m going to, right now, before I chicken out.
I change my shirt four times before settling on a plain black fitted T-shirt that leaves a half inch of skin exposed.
I dab my lips with a tissue, then inch back to look in the full-length mirror, expecting to feel more confident in what I thought was going to be a sexy makeup look.
After about four seconds, I realize how wrong I am.
“It’s too much. Isn’t it too much, Joan? ”
She purrs and rubs against my leg.
“You’re right, it looks slutty.” I use a makeup wipe to remove the thick eyeliner and rub off my lipstick.
I toss the dirty wipe in the trash and take another look at my reflection.
Ben kissed me when I hadn’t even brushed my teeth this morning, but this is definitely a step up.
I’m still the usual plain Jane I’ve always been.
Passably pretty with makeup, but not drop-dead gorgeous or beautiful.
I’m not insecure about my looks, but I am realistic.
Satisfied with my appearance, I hold my head high and say goodbye to Joan. “Wish me luck.”