17. Ivy Thompson
IVY THOMPSON
W hen I wake up the next morning, I take a quick shower and slide on my underwear. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and for once, I can’t drag my eyes away. The redness of my scar is darker than usual from the temperature of the shower, and I find myself sinking into my heels.
It’s not just one scar, but multiple across my body that are less noticeable. My lips slant to the side as I analyse my body, grazing my fingers across my skin.
Sighing heavily, my eyes droop at the sight. I haven’t felt myself in a long time, no matter how hard I try to mask it. Smiling through it is the only option I have left.
It reminds me of the pain and the fear I endured when I woke up in the hospital, when my body changed forever. When all I want to do is look at my body and not despise what I see.
As I throw on some clothes and head downstairs to grab some breakfast, I find JJ in the kitchen. He hasn’t noticed me yet, but he’s sitting on one of the stools. His hands are together in front of him, and he’s looking directly at the countertop.
I walk to the fridge, my senses immediately heightened as I feel his eyes on the back of my head.
“Morning,” he calls out a little gruffly, as if he woke up not too long ago.
My head whips over my shoulder, and I smile softly. “Hey.”
JJ is devastating in the mornings. He’s devastating all the time, but today he looks particularly good with a white T-shirt clinging to his chest and carving his biceps like marble.
“Ivy,” he strains. “Can we talk about what happened the night we met?”
I blink in surprise, my throat tensing. “Why?”
There is no need to bring it up. What’s done is done. We can’t change it.
“Because I want to know why you left. Did I do something wrong?”
My brows furrow. “No. You did nothing wrong.”
Everything he did was right. So fucking right.
JJ takes a breath of relief. “Then why did you leave without saying anything?”
“Because it was just easier.” I sink my teeth into my bottom lip.
“Easier?”
“Yes.”
“How?”
My hands throw up in defeat. “Because there was no point in hanging around when we both go to university. We both wanted a distraction, and we got it.”
JJ’s brows raise. “Oh, I was just a distraction?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” I shake my head. “I just didn’t want you to wake up, see me and realise you made a big mista?—”
The stairs creak loudly, and I shut my lips when I hear Finn say, “Morning, fuckers.”
Oh, the irony in that statement.
“Morning,” I call out to Finn and glance back to the fridge.
Finn steps to my side as I pull out the tub of butter, and I turn back to the counter to find JJ’s eyes already on mine like magnets. They’re practically pleading— pleading that this conversation isn’t over, and I hate what it does to my stomach.
I take a breath because looking at him makes me question my entire existence.
JJ has been going out with Daisy. He took her on a date. You don’t take someone on a date that you’re not even remotely interested in, and I get it, Daisy is the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.
Finn starts telling JJ about their plans for the day, and I drown them out by cooking breakfast. I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes again, so I keep them low, even though I can feel his gaze burn into the side of my head like a pair of lasers.
When they leave, Daisy texts to ask if I want to go for a walk around town and stop off for a glass of wine.
I’ve got nothing better to do, so I get ready and meet her at the beachfront.
She wraps her arms around me in a tight hug, and I return the gesture.
It feels like it’s been a while since it’s been just us two.
We’ve both been busy.
“How are you?” she asks as we walk past the parade of bars and restaurants.
I wrap my arms over my chest. “Good. I’ve been good. What about you?”
Daisy turns to me with a wide grin. “I went on a date yesterday with JJ.”
My eyes flick to the lapping waves against the shore. “Oh yeah?” I say as cheerily as possible, despite the hollowness in my chest. “How was it?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs slowly, her grin slipping slightly. “He’s cute and everything, but he doesn’t seem entirely that interested. Which I don’t get, because why would he agree to meeting up with me? Maybe he’s just super laid back.”
My brows begin to furrow at her words. JJ might have been having a bad day yesterday. He seemed agitated when I got home.
“Are you going to see him again?”
“I don’t know.” She sighs. “We didn’t mention it or anything, but I’ll probably see him at the party on the weekend.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“What did you do yesterday?”
I drop my arms to my sides. “I met up with Isaac, we got some ice cream and caught up with each other. It was nice.”
Daisy’s expression explodes. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! Do you like him?”
“Yeah.” I nod slowly. “I like him.”
Her head slumps, and her eyelids hang low. “You know what I’m trying to ask.”
I suck in a breath as the wind whips past us. “He’s nice, but I don’t know if I like him like that. I enjoy his company, and being with him feels easy.”
Daisy wraps an arm around my shoulders and tugs me towards her. “I’m so proud of how well you’ve been doing. I know it’s probably still hard for you, but you’re amazing, Ivy.”
My lips curve into a smile. “Thanks, Dais.”
We walk for a little further until we settle at a wine bar and buy a bottle of white between us.
We don’t talk about JJ or Isaac anymore, which I’m beyond grateful for.
We discuss Daisy’s plans for getting a job, what I might do after the summer is over, and some ridiculous stories whilst we’ve been away at university.
Our laughter fills the bar, and it brings me so much joy.
As much as I’ve loved making new friends, Daisy has been my longest friend, and being with her feels like family.
I finish my glass of wine when Daisy looks out at the path between the seafront and the line of restaurants. “Oh shit,” she says under a hushed breath.
“What?”
“Julian and Tom and all those idiotic boys from school are coming in.”
My stomach lurches at her words. Julian and Tom. They’re two of Ben’s closest friends.
Shit . I curse to myself in my mind and glance down. “It’s fine.” Daisy cups my hand. “Doubt they’ll come over. I haven’t seen them in years.”
“Yeah,” I murmur.
She continues to talk when I feel a presence near us, but I don’t dare look up. “Daisy Garcia,” a voice shouts across the bar, and I want the floor to swallow me whole. “Holy shit. I haven’t seen you in forever. Still hot as ever.”
I hear Daisy suck in a breath and place her elbows on the table, turning her head to the perpetrator. “Julian, it’s been a while.”
“Are you back for the summer?” Julian decides to lean on our table and I hate his cocky arrogance.
“Yep,” Daisy speaks bluntly. “I am. That’s why I’m here.”
Three of them are now standing around our table. Julian laughs loudly, and I cringe at the sound. “Ah, Daisy. Always playing hard to get.”
My eyebrows scrunch together at his words. Still an asshole, I see.
“Nope, not really,” Daisy says with a dismissive tone. “Just trying to enjoy some quality time with my best friend.”
They all turn to look at me, and Julian’s eyes widen, like I wasn’t even sitting here in the first place. “Oh shit.” Julian grins at me like a Cheshire cat. “Ivy, you’re back. Didn’t even notice you.”
I keep quiet because I have nothing to say to these assholes.
“Did you hear Ben should be getting out of prison soon?” Tom steps forward, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s staring me directly in the eye, and I want to shrink to the size of a pea.
I knew it was soon, but I didn’t know how soon.
Daisy’s gaze narrows on him, she’s ready to pounce and claw his eyes out for even bringing him up. We all know they were friends, but what he did to me is a thousand times worse than Tom hating me for having a friend of his put behind bars.
“Oh, fuck off, Tom.” Daisy snaps.
“What?” Tom exhales as if he doesn’t care that it’ll upset me. “She might not have known, and it’s probably a good idea for her to have a heads up. I mean, no one heard from you for years after, everyone thought you topped yourself or something.”
My nostrils flare. I don’t want to bite, but I can’t stop myself. “Leave us alone, Tom.”
“Agreed,” Daisy grumbles. “Leave before I put my fist down your throat.”
Julian blinks at Daisy’s loud voice, but then he grins back at her. “It’s cute when you get all feisty.”
Daisy’s expression turns to stone, she’s about to explode, but I don’t want to cause a scene.
“I always wondered how you managed to bag someone like Ben,” Tom says in a tone that tells me he’s trying to be as malicious as possible.
“He might have been a bit crazy, but that chap was one good-looking motherfucker. He didn’t deserve to go to prison.
All because you had to go and cheat on him, didn’t you? ”
“I didn’t cheat on him.” I clench my fists. “It was a shitty rumour. I’d never cheat on anyone.”
Julian chuckles and folds his arms over his chest and takes a glance at Tom. “Oh, please, we have our sources.”
My eye twitches at his words because whoever these ‘sources’ are, they’re bullshit. I never cheated on Ben, and whoever made it up ruined my life.
“We know it’s true, Ivy. Why are you trying to deny it?” Tom scowls deeply at me. “It’s disgusting.”
Bile rises in my throat at the memories. I stand from the table, no longer able to sit around and listen to this shit. I stare Tom directly in the eye and tell myself to calm my breathing as I say, “Go fuck yourself. All of you.”
I push past the three of them, ignoring their petty laughter. Daisy soon follows, and I wrap my arms over my chest, wishing I could instantly be home in my bed.
“Hey.” Daisy runs after me and grabs my arm. “Are you okay?”
No. I want to scream. I’m about to have a fucking breakdown because no one will let me forget.
“I’m fine.” I steady my voice.
“Ivy.” She squeezes my arm gently. “Ignore them. They’re a bunch of bullies and always will be. Tom doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s a grade A cunt. Please don’t listen to them.”
I push off her arm and ignore my trembling hands. “I said I’m fine.”
Daisy remains walking beside me as I head towards my house, she keeps close but silent.
“I’m gonna go home,” I mutter under my breath.
“Want me to come?”
“No.” I shake my head as my heart clenches in my chest. “I want to be alone.”
Daisy’s eyes shift into a look of concern. “Ivy, I don’t thi?—”
“I said I want to be alone,” I snap unintentionally.
“Okay.” She frowns, looking uncertain. “I’ll text you, yeah?”
I say nothing, but nod. Daisy stops walking, and I head towards my house as quickly as I can before the tears of agony start to fall.