7. Chapter 7
Chapter seven
NOAH
Waking up in Sebastian’s arms is a fleeting slice of heaven.
His warmth seeps into my skin, his steady breaths stirring the curls at the back of my neck.
For a moment, I forget the wreckage of my life.
The ache in my chest. The hollowed-out shell I’ve become.
Then a brutal knock shatters it all, Kurt’s rough voice following.
“Yo, sleepy head. Why aren’t you up yet?” He jiggles the handle and on finding it locked, a sharp laugh barrels through the door. “Since when do we lock doors? Baby bro, open up.”
The blood drains from my face and I lurch upright, sheets tangling around my legs as I fight to scramble from the bed.
Sebastian stirs beside me, his movements less hurried, a sleepy kiss landing on my forehead.
The gesture is tender, achingly so, but it does nothing to rid the panic currently surging through me.
I’m on the verge of freaking out, but Sebastian just slides from the bed and saunters toward the bathroom without a flicker of concern. I stare at him, jaw slack, both of us stark naked and exposed should Kurt find his way in here.
Last night, I needed the comfort Sebastian offered and I can’t deny that I loved it but Kurt can’t find him here.
However, there are two unbearable truths in this moment.
One: Kurt is a relentless bastard who’ll pick the lock without a second thought if I don’t open my door.
Two: Sebastian doesn’t seem to give a damn.
He’s calm, almost infuriatingly so, as if he’s telling me that regardless of what my brother says and does, he still wants me.
That the only threat to this thing between him and me, is myself.
“Bast!” My whisper is a frantic hiss, barely audible over the sudden roar of the shower. What the fuck is he doing? I stumble toward the bathroom, panic clawing at my chest.
Sebastian turns just as I reach him, his hand shooting out to grip my wrist. He yanks me inside the bathroom with a force that steals my breath, the door thudding shut behind us.
Before I can protest, he pins me against it, his body a solid wall of heat and muscle.
Every hard ridge presses into me, his chest against mine, his thighs caging my hips, his thickening length nudging my stomach.
The sensation is overwhelming, a cruel tease against the terror spiraling in my gut.
“Deep breaths, Noah.” His voice rumbles through his chest, the sound vibrating through mine.
“How the fuck—” I choke on the words..
“Breathe. There you go. Your brother doesn’t know the meaning of privacy. I don’t care about him right now. I’m focused on you. And you need a shower.”
I try to twist away, to claw back some semblance of control, but the bedroom door bangs open with a violent crash.
Sebastian doesn’t flinch as he tugs me toward the shower and guides me under the scalding spray.
Hot water slides over my skin, stinging where it meets the tension knotted in my shoulders.
He steps in behind me, pulling the dark curtain closed, a flimsy shield cloaking us from my brother.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m hiding from my brother.
Why I don’t just confront him. And then I remember how angry Kurt gets when things don’t go his way and the conversation he had with Bast—how I’m ‘off limits’.
I suck in a breath and bury my face into Sebastian’s chest, warring with my need to confront my brother and the desire to stay hidden for just a while longer.
And at this point, it’s too late to just step out from the shower and be like, ‘hey, I slept with your friend last night.’ Kurt would take that as a betrayal, and he doesn’t deal with his emotions very well.
The bathroom door creaks open, my heart in my stomach as Kurt’s exasperated sigh cuts through the hiss of the water.
“Ah, there you are. Should have known you still get up early as shit. Had a little party without us, eh? Was it to celebrate Heath’s departure or are you broken up about him?
Don’t lie to me either. I know he’s gone.
His stupid car was always in the driveway. ”
A sob catches in my throat and I can’t find the words or the energy to speak. I sag against Sebastian, seeking his strength, the only thing keeping me upright as the room spins. “We’re separated,” I manage at last, my voice a broken thread barely audible over the water.
“No shit. Missed that too. I missed a lot of things and I’m sorry about that. But hey, I’m back for a while and we can catch up.”
His apology is hollow, laughter following it as it echoes faintly from the bedroom. He’s oblivious to the wreckage he leaves behind, always has been. And I’m left here, drowning in the dark, clinging to a man I shouldn’t want, haunted by a brother I can’t escape.
Sebastian’s hands tighten on my waist, anchoring me as the world tilts toward chaos. I want to scream, to rage. My nod is weak, barely a twitch of my head as I force the words past my lips. “Sure. Um. Breakfast?”
“Sounds good.” Kurt pushes out. “Look. You should probably get some help. Yeah? You look like you could use someone to talk to. I wasn’t expecting to get the mopey version of my brother.”
His presence lingers for a few seconds and then the bedroom door thuds shut, leaving my head a bigger mess than before. My throat seems to close, the rational part of my mind fully giving way to panic as I crawl my way out of the shower.
Kurt doesn’t know Ronny’s gone. He doesn’t know I’m a recovering alcoholic, tearing my way out of a pit I dug with every bottle I emptied.
He doesn’t know about Heath’s hands around my throat, the bruises that faded but left scars beneath my skin.
He doesn’t know how I drowned in whiskey to forget the weight of his betrayal. And he never will.
Not because we aren’t close—though that’s true enough—but because he wouldn’t understand. He never does. His answer to every wound I’ve ever bared is the same: suck it up. Move on. As if pain is a switch I can flip.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I crawl anyway, nails scraping the floor, desperation driving me forward.
My breaths come in ragged heaves as the bathroom spins, a blur of white tiles and fogged mirrors, until Sebastian’s hands find me.
He lifts me effortlessly, pulling me into his lap as he sinks to the floor.
His skin is hot against mine, a stark contrast to the icy dread seeping through my veins. Soft kisses press against my forehead, his broad hand tracing slow, sweeping circles across my back. I cling to him, fingers digging into his shoulders, my chest still shuddering with every labored breath.
You’re so fragile. Weak. The voice in my head sneers. I wince, unable to argue. It’s right. I’m breaking apart, piece by jagged piece, and I don’t know how to stop it.
“Noah.” Sebastian’s voice is gentle, a low murmur against my ear. “I hate to say this. But this is the one time your brother might be right. I think you need to talk to someone. Ronny was your rock. Without him, you’re going to spiral. You need to talk to someone.”
He doesn’t say shrink, doesn’t push that loaded word into the air between us. Still, the thought of spilling the chaos in my head—of dragging those memories into the light—twists my stomach into knots.
I don’t want to relive them. The nights I blacked out with a bottle in my hand. The mornings I woke up to Heath’s cold stare. Moments when I wasn’t enough to fight Ronny’s demons or my own. I want to forget. Talking won’t fix me. It’ll only rip the scabs off wounds that never heal.
“Shit. Again?”
A familiar voice cuts through the haze and my body locks up, every muscle seizing as shame floods me.
Logan’s standing in the doorway, his royal blue eyes no doubt taking in the pathetic mess I’ve become. To the veterans at the clinic, I’m the charming doctor with the practiced smile, the steady hands that stitch them back together. Here, I’m nothing.
A failure sprawled on the bathroom floor, naked and shivering, my dignity stripped away by my own unraveling.
I pull free from Sebastian, my gaze darting for a towel, anything to cover me.
Ignoring Logan, I shove past him, his outstretched hand grazing my arm as I dodge it.
I need out. I need to breathe and it’s not going to happen in my bathroom.
“Don’t pull away, Noah.” Sebastian’s steps follow but I block him out too. My hands shake as I yank on a pair of sweats, the fabric clinging to my wet skin, cold and clammy against my thighs before dragging on a hoodie.
“Noah.”
“No.” I spin around, my voice cracking as I face them.
Logan first, his arms folded across his chest, concerned etching lines into his face.
Then Sebastian, standing there unashamedly naked, water still glistening on his scarred torso.
“We can’t do this. Kurt… he won’t get it.
He doesn’t know what I need. Oh. Don’t look at me like that, Logan.
I remember that night. But it can’t happen again. None of this can.”
They freeze, rooted in place by the weight of my words.
Logan tilts his head, studying me like he can see through the lie I’m choking on.
Sebastian’s green eyes darken, the man chewing on his bottom lip as if he’s holding back what he truly wants to say.
I already told him that I needed him last night, let him see a part of me I’ve been holding back. He knows I’m lying.
“Noah.” Logan purrs, still studying me. “Are you saying you need us?”
A tortured breath escapes me as I stumble back.
“No.” It’s a lie, bitter on my tongue. “I just—” I don’t need them.
I crave them. I desperately crave the touch that all three of them have given me, the way they made the world disappear until it was me and them.
Even when we weren’t in bed, they saw me, just me .
Not Kurt’s little brother. Not another soldier. But me , Noah.
That night with Logan and Declan in college—a reckless blur of hands and heat—I buried it deep, locked it away where it couldn’t haunt me.
Last night with Sebastian tore that lock apart.
I want them in a way that terrifies me, a hunger that gnaws at my bones.
But Kurt overshadows all those desires because if he ever found out, he would destroy us all… literally.
Sebastian moves closer, his bare feet silent on the floor, but I shake my head, a silent plea to stop.
Logan’s gaze softens, pity flickering in those blue depths.
I don’t want their pity. I want their strength, their fire, their ability to hold me together when I’m falling apart. But I can’t have it.
“We’re not doing this.” My voice cracks as I shove past Logan.
“Noah. I’m not going to force anything you don’t want. None of us are. But don’t for a second think this isn’t happening because of your brother. It’s because you told us no.”
“Kurt—” I start, my throat tightening.
Logan cuts me off, his voice a low growl that rumbles through the room. “Honestly? Fuck him. This is between us. He’s not part of this. However, I’m not going to let you deal with all of this other shit alone.”
I twist around, my breath hitching as I realize how close he’s gotten. His royal blue eyes lock onto mine, darkening with a mixture of desire and disappointment.
“What?” My whisper is hoarse, barely audible over the pounding in my ears.
“You need someone to talk to. Someone to unload all those heavy emotions onto. And fuck, Noah. I’m offering. I can’t see you spiral. Not again.”
Not again. He’s seen me spiral before. Shame floods my chest as I stumble out of my room and down the steps. Kurt needs help with breakfast, a welcome distraction to everything that just happened.
Don’t for a second think this isn’t happening because of your brother. Logan’s voice echoes in my head. Which means he wants me. Sebastian too.
Heat creeps back into my cheeks at the thought of Logan and Sebastian before Kurt’s voice rips me from it, annoyingly cheerful, a jarring note that shatters the fantasy.
“Noah! You gonna stand there all day or help me flip these pancakes?” He’s at the stove, oblivious as always, his laughter bouncing off the kitchen walls.
I stuff down all the emotions, knowing that I need to deal with all the chaos that suddenly dropped into my life.
If I don’t, I could very well find myself regressing, at the bottom of a bottle, amber liquid drowning the screams in my head.
I’ve been there before, curled up on the bathroom floor with whiskey burning my throat, Heath’s sneering face hovering above me. I can’t go back. I won’t.
Logan and Sebastian stride into the kitchen and Kurt greets them with a booming laugh, clapping Sebastian on the shoulder, completely blind to what unfolded upstairs.
Logan slides behind me, his hands finding my hips for a brief moment, lips grazing my head before I grab his wrist, giving in for the first real time in my life.
In the span of five minutes, both Sebastian and Logan told me that I needed someone, said that I couldn’t do this all on my own.
Help me. I don’t speak it, but the plea bleeds into my gaze.
Relief floods his expression, softening the hard lines of his face. His lips part, a silent promise reaching back. He sees me. Knows me. Understands the storm raging inside my skull, the one I’ve hidden from everyone else.
Sebastian watches from across the room, his green eyes focused on us both, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. They’re here, offering a lifeline I don’t deserve, a tether to pull me from the abyss.
The moment breaks as Kurt enlists Sebastian’s help and then points me to the dishes already stacked on the table. I release Logan’s wrist, my hand falling limp at my side. Asking for help is terrifying, knowing I’ll have to relive moments I’ve hidden away.
But it’s almost more terrifying knowing that two of the men in this room want me. Not just as a passing thought but for more than even Heath ever gave me.
And I want them. They’ve already mentioned they’ll stand up to Kurt, that he’s not what’s stopping them. I mull over it, watching Sebastian and Logan seamlessly work around my brother. That’s when the little spark of hope flickers in my chest and I grin.
Is this a line I want to cross?
Yeah, I think it is.
Just after I figure out all the other chaos in my head.