11. Chapter 11
Chapter eleven
NOAH
The entirety of yesterday was intense as I stayed in my room, avoiding my brother, cooking up several different ways to approach the issue.
There was no doubt in my mind he knew exactly what was going on and that the way he stormed out of the house had been to confront his buddies.
Maybe I should be more careful about following my desires but the way Declan protected me from my own brother kind of cinched everything.
I also really need not to think about all the other chaos in my life and this is the perfect distraction. Except, it’s not really a distraction, is it? Spending a night with Sebastian felt like starting something new and now I’ve got two more protectors in my corner.
Blowing out a heavy breath, I wrap my arms around my chest, eyes focused on the fancy letters across the top of the café.
Chocolate Dreams. I’ve been here once or twice but there was never a reason to come through here when the coffee from my pot was just as nice. Quick, easy, and didn’t involve people.
I push inside, the smell of hazelnut and coffee hitting my nose.
I scan the room, my eyes darting over strangers hunched over laptops and then I see him.
Declan waves me over from a booth in the corner but I’m frozen where I stand.
He looks rested, his dark curls tousled but soft, his eyes bright in a way that makes my chest ache.
Like he slept a full night, unburdened, while I tossed and turned, haunted by shadows I can’t name.
I force myself to move and slide into the seat across from him.
An espresso sits in front of me, steam curling up from the tiny cup.
I stare at it, my mind stumbling over itself. What the hell is this?
Declan leans back, watching me with those piercing eyes. “I can’t begin to know what’s going on in that head of yours. But I do know you need a break. Some coffee and a—”
“Is this a date? Did you ask me out?” It kind of dawned on me yesterday but now it’s so obvious.
The ambiance of this place, the fact that we’re not studying math…
and now I’m just confused on how to take this when he looks like a dream and I look like I fought a bear and then took a shower to cover it up.
He scoots closer, hand brushing my knee but not fully touching. “Noah, we absolutely will need help with math. But I wanted to give you a moment out of that house, away from your brother. And hell, if you’d like to call this a date, I’m not complaining.”
I frown, my gaze flicking to the espresso, then back to him. “And the coffee?”
“I’m being nice. Or trying to.” He shrugs, a lazy roll of his shoulders as his grin softens. “Do you prefer tea? Hot chocolate? Milk ?”
A snort escapes me as some of the tension bleeds from my shoulders. “Thanks,” I mutter as Declan’s hand finds my thigh under the table again, squeezing gently, and my breath catches. “This… well, Bast…” I knew the issue would come up eventually but better to get it out of the way, right?
He smiles, his hand staying put. “Hey. I get it. I wouldn’t have brought you out here if Sebastian didn’t know.”
I frown deeper, my brows knitting together, the espresso cooling untouched in front of me. “Wait… he’s really okay with this?”
“We’re all adults, Noah. Why do you have to choose?
” Declan pulls away and I realize how much I hate that.
“Bunny. What was a few nights to you was so much more to me. Because I’ve thought about you every day after.
I’m ashamed to say Kurt finding out terrified me a little.
Made me back off. And then in a blink of an eye, you were with Sebastian.
You weren’t ready for more than that. Then came Heath and I was sure we had lost our chance.
But I’m hoping that time has given me another one.
That maybe you’ll look at me the same way you do Sebastian.
That maybe you have room in your heart for one more, maybe three. ”
“Logan too?”
“I’m not sure why you’re so surprised. You’re a catch, smart, adorable as fuck, and those sounds that fell from your lips the last time I had my cock—”
I cut him off, shaking my head so that he doesn’t finish those words. My cheeks heat as I grab the espresso and chug it, the heat and bitter taste burning on the way down. “Got it. Yep, definitely… fuck that burns.”
“You weren’t supposed to chug it, Noah. You’re ruining the date a little.”
“Am I?”
He laughs as he scoots around the curve of the booth and then strings an arm around my waist. “Not in the slightest. However, I also wanted to check in with you. See how you were doing.” His eyes search mine, waiting for me to respond and the absolute anguish that held me captive yesterday is there but not as overwhelming.
“It’s a little difficult waking up knowing that I can’t just call him.
That we’re not going to disappear for a weekend trip or he’s not going to walk into the clinic and cause a ruckus.
It hurts even more because I feel guilty, like it’s my fault.
” Declan tilts his head as if preparing to say something but I continue before he gets the chance.
“I know it’s not my fault but knowing and actually believing it are two different things.
” A sob catches in my throat. “And it’s going to be a while before I can see it differently. ”
“It doesn’t have to happen all at once, Noah.”
“I’m aware and maybe it’s selfish of me but I do want this, as terrified as I am of what Kurt will do.
I don’t have a support system. Ronny was it.
We were each other’s rock and without him…
” I sag back against the cushions, looking up as I blink away the tears.
“It feels good to be able to talk without all the judgment.”
Declan leans in, pressing a chaste kiss to my temple. “Have you ever thought about talking with someone?”
“I used to but reliving the memories hurt too much…”
“Maybe it’s time to start again.” I tense and he drags me closer. “Noah, you do whatever is best for you but know that you have us while you heal your heart. We’re sticking around for a little while this time.”
They’re like gods sent to help guide me and I can’t refuse them even if I wanted to.
Because the alternative is doing this alone.
Maybe I will call Dr. Taney next week to set up an appointment.
For now, though, I’m going to soak up the attention these men are willingly giving me so I can disassociate from the rest of my reality.
“I’d like to try,” I finally say. “I’m not going to be very good at this, though. It’s been a little while.”
“That’s all I can ask for. Now, let’s get you to that date I planned.”
“I thought this was a date.”
Declan snorts as he slides from the booth and then pulls me into his chest. “Sweetheart, if anyone hands you an espresso and calls it a date, break up with him immediately. That was just for a bit of energy. For where we’re going, you’ll need it.”
The sultry, suggestive smile he gives me has heat pulsing through me. For some reason, it feels like whatever he’s got planned is going to end up with me naked.