18. Chapter 18
Chapter eighteen
NOAH
I decline Logan’s call again, messaging him and saying that I’m safe but that I just need a little time.
It’s not the smart thing to do, curling into myself while I have three very loving men wanting to support me but it’s what I’m used to.
And for some reason, running back upstairs into their arms felt like the wrong decision.
So, I head to the clinic, burying myself in stitches and small wounds, grinning every time someone waltzes into my corner to get patched up. Declan’s text is next and it’s very obvious that they’re worried because he created a group chat.
Declan: Bunny, where the fuck did you go?
I just needed to clear my head. At work.
Logan: Seriously? You took the week off. What’s going on? Did you meet with your brother?
I did and I just needed to not think about it.
Bast: Babe, you don’t have to deal with this all by yourself.
I know.
The problem is that I’m still having a hard time believing it. It makes sense when I’m in their presence and their arms, my men holding me close and then something throws me off kilter and I’m back to thinking that curling into myself works better.
Logan: You get thirty minutes and then we’re coming through.
I’m about to argue but I know they’re just looking out for me. And I really could use the comfort, not to mention someone who understands where my head’s at.
Okay.
The next thirty minutes drag as I patch up an old buddy, dismissing the conversation he wants to have under the guise of a looming meeting.
I wave him out and then roll over to my desk, searching through the drawers, a practiced habit I thought I broke years ago.
Because there’s nothing in these drawers. There shouldn’t be, anyway.
And there isn’t—at least not the poison that used to be. However, there’s a small unwashed glass, the pungent smell of old whiskey lingering at the bottom. I swallow nervously at the temptation before placing it on my desk, glaring at it like it can take away the confusion in my head.
That’s when one of the psychiatrists from the other end of the wing pops her head inside.
Paige Walters is one of the few I don’t mind in my space.
She’s all heart, too much of it, a worrywart who can’t resist meddling.
“You know it’s usually better when there’s a drink in there.
” She swipes the glass and sniffs it before grimacing.
“It’s also usually better when they give you better whiskey. ”
I manage a strained laugh as she places the glass back down.
“Jesus Christ, I know you’re usually the quiet one but Strong, you tend to have at least a few retorts. Holy shit, I’m sorry.” She slaps her mouth a few times. “I’m so fucking heartless. I’m so sorry about Ronny. How are you dealing with all of that?”
“As good as I can be, I guess. The funeral was nice.” I meet her gaze, seeing the comfort she’s offering. It’s too much, though, bringing back the emotions I’m desperately trying to avoid. “Just trying to get through another day.”
She clicks her tongue, perching on my desk, her ass nudging some of my papers aside. “And yet, I know for a fact that you’re supposed to be off, hanging with your brother. He’s been gone for three years!”
“He’s… a little busy.” The last place I want to be is in the same room as him.
Her face scrunches up in confusion as she leans toward me, searching my expression. “He’s at the pub right now, making a bit of a ruckus, enjoying himself with guys that are 100% not his squad. Used to have to pry him loose from those guys. Is something going on?”
I shake my head, pushing away from my desk and the temptation that the glass is trying to drag out of me. “Not that I know of? I think everyone’s visiting family and such. We’re supposed to have dinner.”
She slides off the desk, tapping the edge. “Alright, if you need anything, let us know. Some of us were a bit worried with the way you came in today. I just…”
“I’m good, Paige.” A soft knock drags my attention to my door and I sag, relieved as Logan leans against the entrance. “Really good, Paige. I promise.” Her gaze darts to Logan and then back to me before she shrugs and slips back out.
I didn’t think Logan merely showing up would give me some sort of peace but I happily stand up and step into his waiting arms. He seems to relax as well, as if me disappearing like that frazzled him more than he let on through texts.
Logan walks us into the room and closes my door, his arms still wrapped around me.
“Alright, now tell me why the fuck you thought running like that was okay.”
“Sebastian and I walked downstairs. I grabbed a coffee and then Kurt showed up.” The rage resurfaces as I let out a heavy sigh.
“Told me that I should stay away from you three if I don’t want you guys getting tangled up in his mess.
And then he said what happened to me was fucking growing pains, merely a mishap before everything could go smoothly. ”
Logan lets out a harsh laugh, stepping back from me. “Bunny, did you think just walking away from us would help?”
“Fuck no. But I needed a minute to clear my head. I needed something familiar and yes, I could have done that better but I wasn’t thinking and Kurt pissed me off.
” I pause, watching Logan as his gaze falls onto my desk.
This is the second time he’s caught me with a glass and while I haven’t been anywhere near alcohol, that doesn’t mean the temptation and the memories aren’t there.
“Noah…”
“I didn’t. I haven’t. I was searching through my drawers and found it, but there’s nothing else in the desk, I promise.” I’m not sure why I didn’t immediately chuck it, some part of me wanting to taste the amber liquid or maybe inhale the scent and let it burn down my throat.
Logan drags me back into his chest, roughly kissing me as he walks me back into the wall.
“Noah, I know that you’re strong, stronger than you think you are but I also know that too much can break a man.
When you need help, I need you to speak up, cry out, do something.
Hell, I don’t even care if it’s a fucking text message with a random emoji.
Wherever you are, I will be right there.
Anytime, anywhere, Bunny,” he breathes out against my lips.
His hands cup my cheeks, the deep blue of his eyes burning into mine.
“But for the love of god, I need you to promise me something. The next time it gets to be too much, instead of walking away, come to me. To us .”
I’m not sure why it clicks then, why it feels like I’ve been avoiding the very real feelings growing over the past week.
It’s like something has shifted and I can finally see clearer than I have been.
These aren’t just men willingly standing in my corner.
They’re men that want me, desire me, crave me like I have been them.
My lips part as his thumb drags across the bottom one, Logan’s expression softening from worry to a mixture of adoration and love.
“Noah Strong, I am falling in love with you. I’ve been obsessed with you for a really long fucking time.
I will remind you every goddamn day that you have somewhere to run to, a shoulder to lean on, and a place to call home. ”
“Isn’t this too soon?” I whisper.
“The heart is a fickle thing, Bunny. But I’m not about to deny myself what I want.” Then he kisses me again, pressing himself against me, a safe shield from the rest of the world.
I might have lost a brother today—might have lost a piece of my past to whatever greed he thinks is more important than blood. But I’ve gained so much more.
All I have to do is take it.