Chapter 6
"I hate how fast time goes," Diane says, settling in next to Kate, who turns to look at her and smiles, shrugging.
They're on the plane to London, a long trip with a layover in Doha. Kate is relaxed, eager to land and start training and see Leire, who arrived last night at the hotel where they'll both be staying.
Her back doesn't hurt at all. When they went to see Dr. Faruk, he put her at ease after pressing around her lower back, telling her it looked like inflammation, but that he needed to run more tests to make sure there was nothing else going on.
"I already had an MRI a few months ago," Kate told him, confused, "and nothing concerning came up."
"A vertebral displacement, however minor, can't be ignored, Miss Brogan. I want to redo it to see where things stand now and rule that out as the source. If the results aren't clear, we'll do dynamic X-rays to make sure. Can you stay so we can do them today?"
Kate couldn't — she had an event at a school, giving a talk to students about elite sports. It's something she does whenever she has time, so they arranged the tests before she had to catch her flight to England.
The tests were done yesterday. Dr. Faruk wasn't at the clinic that day, and they agreed he'd call her today with the results. What he did leave instructions for was to have another physician give her a low-dose injection and increase her medication in case she had pain during the tournament.
So now here she is, no trace of pain, feeling upbeat — certain the tests won't show anything. Even Diane relaxed a little when she heard the doctor say it appeared to be something inflammatory.
When they land in Doha and get off for the layover, they head straight to the VIP lounge the tennis player's team has reserved. They've barely finished eating something when Kate gets a message from the clinic asking her to call as soon as possible to speak with the doctor.
She suddenly feels nervous — she always does when she talks to this man, because part of her is always afraid he's going to tell her something she doesn't want to hear.
And after the conversation she had with Diane not long after arriving in Australia, she's been living with the fear that that moment would actually come.
"I'm going to call him now," she decides, gripping her phone tightly.
"Let's sit down," Diane says, nodding toward the cushioned leather chairs along the wall.
That's the last thing Kate wants after hours of flying, knowing she's got just as many more ahead of her, but she obeys and sits beside Diane, putting her phone on speaker so Diane can hear.
After several rings, a receptionist puts her through to Dr. Faruk, who greets both women with his usual warmth.
"I'm afraid I don't have very good news, Miss Brogan," he announces without softening it, and she goes still in her seat as she feels Diane's hand on her right knee.
"The MRI didn't show anything significant — sometimes certain injuries don't appear clearly because of the supine position — but the dynamic X-rays revealed that the slight displacement of the L4 and L5 we saw the first time has gotten worse.
You have spondylolisthesis with rapid progression. "
An uncomfortable silence follows, and Diane can hear Kate's ragged breathing.
"What are the options, doctor?" the coach asks, because Kate seems frozen.
"None of them are good for a professional tennis player, I'm afraid.
She can keep playing, but the question is how much additional damage she's willing to accept — because if the injury keeps progressing, it could lead to chronic lower back pain, permanent nerve compression, weakness in one leg, constant tingling, and limited ability to play sports even recreationally," he explains, and Kate's vision starts to blur.
"Can't it be operated on?" Diane presses.
"It can, but it's in an early stage right now and I wouldn't recommend it.
We can try to manage it with physical therapy, core strengthening, lumbar stabilization exercises, and reduced athletic load.
What we can't do is keep relying on injections and medication — that's not going to fix the problem," he says firmly.
"If we follow this course at the stage it's in now, Miss Brogan could go years like this with nothing more than occasional discomfort.
Surgery would be for a more advanced case, where we could do a lumbar fusion that—"
"Do it," Kate cuts in, her voice rough, chin trembling.
"Miss Brogan." Dr. Faruk almost whispers it, speaking to her as if she were his own daughter.
"The surgery wouldn't save your career, if that's what you're hoping for.
Recovery is long — anywhere from six months to twelve — and returning to elite professional tennis after that is very difficult.
My recommendation is that you retire after this season, that you stop exposing yourself to worsening an injury that can cause you serious problems down the road.
I know this is incredibly hard to hear for someone at the peak of her career, but you're young, Kate — you have your whole life ahead of you, and no reason to live it in pain.
Don't decide right now. Give yourself time to think it over.
In the meantime, I'll reach out to your physical therapist to get started on the right exercises as soon as possible.
Call me if the pain increases, or if you need more information about your condition. "
The call ends and Kate slumps back in her seat.
Diane takes a moment before she reacts, because first she needs to wipe the moisture that has gathered in her own eyes.
When she'd talked to Kate, all she wanted was to prepare her in case this day came — but she'd been convinced it wouldn't, that whatever they diagnosed wouldn't carry these consequences.
"Sweetheart," she murmurs, turning toward her.
"Not right now, Diane." Kate can barely make out her blurry outline through the silent tears streaming down her face.
Diane pulls back and says nothing more. She just reaches out and takes the tennis player's hand, and Kate holds on to her fingers.
For the entire flight to London, Diane can't get through to her, no matter how hard she tries.
Kate has put on her headphones and closed her eyes, even though she never once falls asleep.
She spends hours that way, her mind churning through solutions to something she can't control.
In the end she gives up and decides she can't keep thinking about this today, so she takes out her phone and pulls up Leire's number.
Landing in two hours.
The response came back almost immediately.
Let me know when you're at the hotel — I can't wait to see you.
Kate smiled bitterly, because there was one thing she hadn't thought about until that moment: her injury won't just end her tennis career.
If she does what the doctor says and walks away, it will also take her away from Leire — because there won't be any reason for her to fly to every tournament anymore, and doing it just to see her would raise suspicions that Kate is certain would make the Spanish woman very uncomfortable.
"I'm going to lose everything, Diane. My career and her."
Diane takes her hand again and clenches her jaw.
She understood Kate and Leire's relationship when it was just a fling for both of them — when it was fun, when Kate was happy, when the thrill of sneaking into her room at night kept her buzzing all day.
But when the redhead started falling in love, everything changed for Diane, because what had seemed exciting and thrilling and forbidden turned into something that filled her with sadness, anxiety, and heartache the moment she understood that, even though Kate was in love, for Leire it was still just a fling.
"You're not going to lose anything. Your career will always be there, shining for the whole world even after you retire.
You're an exceptional player, and that damn back of yours isn't going to change that.
When you decide to retire, you'll do it as the great professional everyone will always remember — but don't wait too long, sweetheart.
Don't let this get worse until you're carrying it for the rest of your life.
As for Leire, tell her and let her decide what she wants to do. "
"What if she doesn't want to see me anymore?"
Diane wants to scream with rage.
"If she doesn't, then she's completely out of her mind, Kate, and you deserve so much better than what she's giving you. I know it hurts — but you'll get through it, and you'll meet someone who knows your worth and is proud to have you by her side."