29. Olivia
29
OLIVIA
Every cell of my body still tingled with the after-effects of intense pleasure. My breathing was just getting back to normal as Alex and I lay in my bed. He was on his back with his fingers laced behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling. I lay on my side, watching him and the emotions he probably didn’t know were visible flit across his masculinely gorgeous features.
I could practically see the battle raging in his mind play out on his face. I saw it every time we ended up here… naked in bed… or on any surface of his apartment or mine. I saw his regret each time, yet this is where we always ended up. When I could no longer bear to see the evidence of his distrust of me, I turned onto my back to stare at the ceiling too.
“How are you feeling?” Alex asked, breaking the silence.
“It’s safe to say my anxiety has dissipated.” My anxiety about the fate of my company anyway. Now, I was anxious about something entirely different… Alex and me and the fate of my heart .
“Then my job here is done,” he hummed.
I snorted. He did a damn awesome job too. Multiple orgasms in quick succession was a hell of a relaxant. “Alex?”
“Hmmm?”
“Obviously, you hate it when we end up naked and sweaty.”
Alex laughed. “ Obviously , I don’t hate it or we wouldn’t be here naked and sweaty. I have to admit, Liv, the sex is spectacular. Do you think it’s all the discontentment from past hurt that spices things up so much?”
There was humor in his tone, but I wanted to cry not laugh. He kept making it clear that he still resented me for what I did. Each time I was reminded of how much I hurt him, I hated myself for it. I sucked in a breath as nausea rippled through me. I guess my guilt was starting to make me physically ill now.
“Who knows?” I sighed, trying to keep my emotions in check. “If there’s so much resentment, we should barely be able to tolerate each other, hence we shouldn’t be fucking like rabbits.”
His deep chuckle resonated in the room. Even I, in my misery, snorted my amusement.
Alex turned to me and propped himself up on his elbow. “Maybe we’re both messed up in the head. What a pair we make, huh?”
“Maybe,” I grumbled.
“Or maybe we simply can’t help ourselves…” he purred as he gave my bare breasts an appreciative stare. “People don’t have to like each other to have sexual chemistry.”
I rolled my eyes and sat up as my stomach roiled again. “That’s not funny.”
“Come on, lighten up,” he said. “Hey, are you okay?” Alex watched me with a frown as I scrambled out of bed. “You look pale. ”
“That’s because I’m about to lose my dinner.” I grabbed my robe from the back of a chair, barely getting it on when I gagged. I took off toward the bathroom before I embarrassed myself in front of Alex.
I was on my second round of hurling when he burst through the door. I gawked at him before ordering, “Get out!”
He gave me a look of impatience. “Let me hold your hair.”
As he took a step toward me, I held out a hand to stop him. “Hold it right there.”
He froze.
“Have you ever heard of a thing called privacy ?” I growled.
He rolled his eyes. “I’ve seen you sick before.”
“When you were my boyfriend eons ago. There’s a difference between hurling up my guts in front of a boyfriend and in front of the guy I’m just fucking. Now get out. ”
Alex’s jaw dropped as disbelief and then amusement flitted across his face. He held up both palms. “Fine. I’m going. Don’t bite my head off.”
When he left, I locked the door so he couldn't barge in again.
Planting shaky hands on the counter, I leaned over the sink, trying to steady myself. The remnants of nausea still churned in my stomach, but at least I wasn’t actively hurling anymore. I splashed some cold water on my face, hoping to wash away the lingering queasiness.
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, noting the dark circles under my eyes and the pallor of my skin. It was a terrible sight. Sleep hadn’t been my friend lately and the whole affair with fighting to keep BioTech and everything with my corrupt almost -business partner was taking a toll. However, I had to keep my shit together.
I wasn’t sure how long I stayed in the bathroom, but it must have been a while because when I finally composed myself and opened the door, Alex was leaning against the wall, holding a steaming mug. He handed it to me, and I took it without a word. The smell of ginger filled my nostrils and sent me spiraling into the past.
He used to always make me ginger tea when I wasn’t feeling well. He said that’s what his mother always gave him and it worked like magic. Having him take care of me like this only made me feel worse because it drove home that we weren’t actually together.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Better, thanks.” I sipped my tea as my mind worked up a way to tell him that we should have some boundaries. “I’m going to need you to not be sweet to me,” I blurted.
He dropped into the armchair facing my bed, which I had perched on. “Um… I’m sorry, am I supposed to be a dick to you around the clock?”
He looked at me as if I’d gone crazy and my face heated up several degrees. “That came out wrong. What I mean is… You’re not… You don’t have to take care of me, Alex. Don’t offer to hold my hair while I vomit and…” My voice quavered and I had to swallow and pull in a deep breath. “Don’t make me tea when I feel sick.” It was just too much having him perform the actions while resenting me. “We should have boundaries since we’re only having sex on occasion.”
He lifted his eyebrows and I felt more heat flood me as I corrected, “Okay, we have a lot of sex.”
He snorted. “Boundaries are fine by me.”
“Good. We’re still rivals after all.”
“Uh-huh. Well, as your rival and fuck buddy …”
I couldn’t help letting out a laugh at that but the sound was void of humor.
He continued, “I’d advise you to take a trip to your doctor. You’ve had that nausea problem for a few days now. I think you’re stressing too much about the whole Weaver situation, but still, get checked out.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I will,” I muttered as I took another sip from my mug. Alex continued to stare at me so I asked, “What?”
He sat forward in his chair and rested his hands on his elbow. “Since we’re establishing boundaries, I suppose I shouldn’t invite you to Jamie and Charlotte’s engagement party.”
My jaw slackened because that invitation was not expected… not in a million years. “Oh… uh… I thought there was already an engagement party.”
“That was a little get-together for family only. This one is going to be a bigger affair. You know, all of Charlotte’s friends who are coming from all over the world and some people from Jamie’s circle.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “You don’t have to come. I just thought it would be nice if you got out of this damn apartment. You don’t do much when you’re in Manhattan and that’s a little sad.”
I snorted. “Wow, a pity invitation… Thanks for your concern.”
His lips curled up slightly at the corners. “Well, are you interested in being my plus one? It’s not an intimate date or anything…”
I regarded him with annoyance because he just had to point that out. However, the longer I considered it, the more I didn’t mind the outing. Slap a straitjacket on me and call me insane, but despite being miserable that Alex would never love me like he once did, I enjoyed spending time with him. Maybe I wanted to soak up as much laughter and fun as I could with him before this all ended .
“Well, I could do with a little celebration. Besides, I’d like to congratulate Jamie on his upcoming nuptials in person.”
“Alright, great,” he said, getting up. “So it’s a non-date.” I shot him a look of pure irritation and he grinned. “I’m going to get back to work. Finish your tea and get some sleep.”
“You’re not my boss,” I said.
“Excuse me for having your best interest at heart, Princess Olivia. Geez.” He huffed as he walked out. However, his head popped back around the door and he pointed at me. “I mean it, get some sleep. You look like you really need it, kiddo.”
I rolled my eyes, but when he disappeared I smiled slightly. I’d take Alex and I being friends or fuck buddies since it was all I could get.
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit…
That was all my brain could compute to chant as I listened to my doctor. Actually, I stopped hearing what she was saying about a minute ago because her voice was drowned out by my rapidly pounding heart. The last thing I heard her say was… “pregnant.” After that, I zoned out and just watched her lips move.
“Olivia, are you alright?” Dr. Sutter’s voice finally cut through the fog in my mind.
I blinked. “Um… I don’t… pregnant?” The last word came out as a terrified squeak.
She nodded, her brown eyes moving over my face with concern. I must have looked ready to faint… I certainly felt as if I would. I even swayed a little and had to clutch my chair.
“Yes,” she confirmed. “You’re about eight weeks along.”
My poor brain, which was barely processing the shock, struggled to do the calculations. That meant that it happened the first time Alex and I… The night he rescued me from that scary gangster who I found myself involved with because of my brother. I didn’t even suspect pregnancy because I didn’t get my period on the pill so I had none to miss.
“B-but that’s… How…? I’ve been careful. I’m on the pill.”
She nodded, her expression understanding and gentle. “These things happen. The pill isn’t one hundred percent effective and certain factors can decrease efficacy. There’s always a slight chance of pregnancy.”
“What kind of things can decrease effectiveness?” I asked. I needed the reminder because the effectiveness of birth control was something that I hadn’t had to worry about for ages .
The doctor folded her hands on her desk. “Some medications such as antibiotics, failing to take the pill every day…”
“Oh, yeah. Right.” I flopped back in my chair as I recalled finishing a round of antibiotics recently for an ear infection. It was before Alex and I… “I might have missed a day or two of the pill,” I murmured more to myself than to the doctor. Admittedly, I must have missed way more than that. I’d been so preoccupied with all the crap going on in my life. Plus, I wasn’t religious about taking them until my sex life spruced up again.
I fucked up.
“The important thing is to take care of yourself,” Dr. Sutter said gently. “We’ll schedule your next appointment and discuss prenatal care.”
I nodded numbly, barely registering what she said. All I could think about was that I was pregnant by a man who hated me, and there was no way I could tell him…
“Why are you coming into my apartment like the walking dead?” Elena asked with amusement lacing her voice. She closed her door and watched me shuffle—like a zombie—to her couch to flop down.
“Because I really am a dead woman walking,” I groaned.
She laughed. “You’re not prone to dramatics. What’s up? Did you find more terrible things about your almost-business partner?” She waltzed over to me and perched on the coffee table.
“I haven’t thought about Don Weaver or work all day, Elena. I have more pressing concerns.”
“ Oh .” Her eyebrows shot up. “Do tell.”
My gaze shifted to her open laptop beside her. “Did I interrupt your work?”
“Not at all. The deadline is way down the line. And you know I always have time to chat with my girl.” She beamed. “We need to catch up. I miss you. I’ll get some wine…”
“No wine. No alcohol at all for a while.”
She gasped and clutched her chest. “Blasphemy!”
I sniggered. Count on Elena to make me laugh when I was miserable. “I know, but I’m serious. No alcohol at least for another seven months.” I wrinkled my nose. “Wait, I have to take into account breastfeeding too, right? Hell, I don’t know when I’ll be able to enjoy a nice glass of wine.”
“Livy, what on earth…?” Elena frowned and tilted her head. She was sharp, so I knew she’d figure it out fast. Her wide eyes dropped to my stomach. “Get the fuck out!”
“I wish I could get the fuck out of the country ,” I muttered. Being far away from my baby daddy would probably be for the best…
“Olivia… when… how ?”
“How?” I scoffed. “Really?”
“I mean, how…? You know what I mean,” she hissed .
“I messed up with my birth control, and I've been having a lot of sex with my ex-boyfriend,” I wailed.
“Oh. My. God.” Elena gawked at me while I stewed in misery.
“Elena, stop gawking. You can’t lose your head because I’ve already lost mine and one of us needs to stay sane.”
She blinked and snapped her mouth shut. “Okay. Okay. We’re not panicking.”
I pressed a hand to my chest. “I am. I can’t have a baby by a man who hates me!”
Elena got up and joined me on the sofa. She placed a comforting hand on my knee. “Breathe, Livy. You’re getting the high-pitched, on the verge of a meltdown tone. And you’re frighteningly pale right now.”
I inhaled deeply. I’d never had a panic attack before, but I felt as if I was about to get one. Closing my eyes, I reached deep for my composure. “I’m sorry to stop by and dump this on you.”
“Hey, who else are you going to dump things on if not me?”
I laughed. “Certainly not my baby daddy.”
“Oh. My. God…” she repeated and then she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m shocked. Livy, when I said you need to have a little fun and get a love life, I didn’t mean you should go from zero to one thousand in just a few weeks.”
“Not funny,” I huffed.
She held up her hand. “You’re right. You know I can’t help myself. So, Alex is the…?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And have you told him?”
“Nope.” I fiddled with the strap of my handbag that rested on my lap. “I just found out today.”
“When are you going to tell him?”
“Never. ”
“You have to.”
I shook my head vehemently. “I don’t. I can’t tell the man who hates me that I’m having his baby. I can’t even imagine his disgust.”
“If he hated you, he wouldn’t have knocked you up,” Elena reasoned.
“Accidentally.”
“And he wouldn’t have saved you from unscrupulous characters twice ,” she added.
I rolled my eyes. “Alright, maybe he doesn’t hate me that much, but he doesn’t exactly love me either… far from it,” I sighed. “Which is why it’s probably best to keep this pregnancy from him. It’ll save me the embarrassment of his rejection.”
I bit down on my lip to stop it from quivering because I was close to breaking down into tears. How did a woman who was always so cautious end up in such a mess? Alex came back into my life and turned it upside down.