35. Olivia
35
OLIVIA
My heart jackhammered against my ribs as I stepped into Alex’s office. I was a little afraid to close the door, but I did. When our eyes met, I was hit with all the emotions I’d been dealing with for almost a decade. It all came crashing down on me, sending my anxiety through the roof and leaving me exhausted before we even had our conversation.
While I wasn’t ready for this confrontation, it had to be done. It was time to resolve things once and for all for the sake of our unborn child. As I studied Alex, he surprisingly seemed to be in the same shape I was in. He looked utterly troubled, as if he hadn’t slept a wink last night.
“Liv,” he greeted softly.
His tone and use of that name comforted me somewhat. He didn’t sound as cold or furious as I had assumed he’d be. Elena told me how upset he was last night. He’d even threatened to kick her door down if I didn’t talk to him. I half expected him to snarl angry words at me the moment I arrived. I had even braced myself for it.
“H-hi…” I returned lamely. My brave front was quickly crumbling.
“This visit is a surprise,” he said.
He still stood behind his desk, and I was still rooted in front of the door. Maybe I wanted the option of a quick escape in case things got too emotional…
“Well, you threatened to kick my friend’s door down.” My lips twisted in a slight smile. “And I think you’re crazy enough to make good on the threat, so…”
He snorted softly, his amusement barely visible. “So, we’re going to do this here… like a business meeting?”
The underlying hurt in his voice was confusing. Alex was behaving nothing like I imagined.
“I thought it would be a good place to talk…” Admittedly, I thought being in a less intimate space would help keep my ice princess barrier up but that was quickly proving to be a failure.
My shoulders sagged with a long, heavy sigh. “Alex, I’m s?—”
“I’m sorry, Liv.”
“Huh?” I responded dumbly. He was sorry? Shouldn’t he be tearing into me about keeping the baby from him by now?
Alex stepped around his desk and shoved his fingers through his hair. He then looked skyward. I guess he was tired of holding up his cool mask too.
“I’m fucking pissed at you,” he hissed. “But I’m more apologetic about the way everything happened between us. I wish I knew sooner. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I gawked at him. “About the baby?”
He sighed. “Jesus, that too.”
“I’m lost,” I said, taking a hesitant step forward. “Aren’t you… aren’t we…?” Supposed to be in a heated quarrel? I came prepared to face his accusations about getting pregnant on purpose. I even conditioned my mind to listen to him gloat about claiming my company. I expected anger, bitterness, and tears—from me on account of my hormones—not an apology.
He took a step toward me too, his eyes boring into mine. “I learned the truth. Liam told me everything.”
It took a moment for his words to sink in. When they did, I almost swooned from pure shame. Now he knew what a coward I was. “Oh… Oh, God. Why would Liam tell you?” I brushed past him to find a chair because the room was starting to spin.
He scoffed as he wheeled around to follow me. When I sat, he glowered. “Why didn’t you tell me? You know? Like nine fucking years ago,” he growled.
The fury burning in his eyes made me duck my head.
“We could have avoided years of hurt and resentment, Liv,” he sighed. “If you had just said something…”
I guess we were going to skip over the whole pregnancy thing and how he took my company from me to delve back into the past. It was due time, and perhaps it was for the best.
I looked up at him. “If I had just said something , huh? Like it would have been that easy. The look in your eyes back then… would you have believed me if I came to you later and said I didn’t mean all the things I said?”
His jaw clenched as he glared daggers at me, but then his expression softened and his shoulders relaxed. “No… I guess I wouldn’t have.”
“Well, there you have it. I thought it was pointless to tell you the truth. I knew you wouldn’t have believed me.” A lump of emotions formed in my throat, and I couldn’t speak. I just gazed at him as I went through the familiar regret and sadness that had been a part of my life for so long .
My eyes filled with tears. “I’m the one who should be sorry. If I were braver, willing to stand up to Dad, we would have…”
I wasn’t sure what we would have been, but I knew he wouldn’t have grown to hate me enough to want to destroy me years later. “He threatened to get you kicked out of Harvard if I didn’t stop seeing you. You were in your last year, you were doing so well, and you had big plans…”
The memories rose to stifle me, and I choked out a sob. Alex released a long sigh that resonated with what sounded like the same regret I felt. Maybe he was reliving that night too…
I had invited him to one of Mom’s many soirées because although Dad hated that I wasn’t dating someone in our circle, I didn’t care. I was so in love, and I had hopes that Dad would get to know Alex and love him just as Mom and Liam did.
When Dad found out who my date was for the night, he’d been livid. He said he didn’t want “that boy” in his house or near his daughter. He went on to shock me with news that he’d done a background check on my boyfriend and that he was bad news.
I argued that it didn’t matter that Alex grew up on the so-called “wrong side of the tracks.” He was the most amazing guy I’d ever been with, and he treated me with the love and respect that the assholes in our circle never did.
Taking a deep breath, I recanted the details of that night and my conversation—a shouting match, really—with my father.
“He would have ruined you, Alex…” I said miserably as I looked into his eyes, beseeching him to see things from my perspective.
My father wasn’t having any of it. He told me to stop seeing Alex or he’d have a chat with his good friend , the dean of Harvard Business. According to Dad, he’d ensure that Alex’s academic career would be obliterated, and he’d be blackballed in the business world for the rest of his life.
In my defiance, I told Dad that I was going to stay with Alex and marry him. He shocked me with news that he knew about Alex working under fake identification since he was eighteen. I had stopped fighting then because I knew that if he dug any deeper, he’d probably find way more shit than Alex just working underaged at a bar.
“I was afraid he’d find out about your… other activities. He’d likely have you thrown in jail forever, Alex. My dad was… I saw him practically bury his opponents before. I had to protect you. Dad promised he’d leave you alone and forget about you if I ended things with you that very night and never saw you again.”
Alex had placed a chair directly in front of mine and dropped into it as I recounted the past. As he stared at me, I noted that he looked a little pale, as if he was as nauseous as I felt.
“You were very… cruel,” he said. “The things you said… maybe a tiny part of you believed them. Did a part of you think I wasn’t good enough for you, Liv? Maybe you had really thought about spilling my secrets if I didn’t get out of your house and never come near you again. ”
I was sick to my stomach as the words I’d thrown at him echoed in my mind. “I told you I was breaking up with you, Alex, and you wouldn’t accept it. If I hadn’t gotten nasty about it, you never would have let me go. You know, I’m right. You were relentless , and I was desperate for you to leave before Dad saw you.”
He huffed as he leaned back in his chair and studied the floor.
“I never would have told anyone about the things you did to survive,” I continued when he didn’t say a word. “And I’ve never thought of you as a criminal or someone beneath me. You’re the most compassionate, pure-hearted guy I know. Even when you’re not on your best behavior, it’s because you’re helping someone.” I’d always loved that about him… among the long list of other things there was to love. “I was only trying to protect you, I swear.”
“I know,” he growled, which confused me.
“Then why do you still look so angry?”
“I was going to propose to you that night!”
A hush fell over the room. Alex and I were frozen, just staring at each other. My heart dropped, and I could have sworn the ground was ripped out from under me. My mind spiraled as I finally understood why Alex had harbored so much resentment. Even though my intentions were pure when I broke things off abruptly, he didn’t know that and I just found out that I hurt him more than I had even imagined.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I took a shaky breath. “Oh… Alex… I didn’t…”
The slightest hint of color bloomed in his cheeks as he shot up from his chair and walked to the window that overlooked Boston. I stared at his back, my mind still reeling as I gave him time to compose himself.
Finally, he turned to me and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I had everything planned,” he said, his voice heavy with sorrow, which delivered a punch to my gut.
“You had been expressing worry about me graduating soon and leaving you .” He smiled slightly, but it was a sad one. “As if I’d ever do something that stupid.”
I let out a little sound of amusement. Yeah, I knew how much he loved me back then, and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
“I bought a ring, and I was waiting for the right moment.” He gazed into the distance as if he were reliving every moment leading up to when I ruined things between us. “My friends thought I was insane for wanting to propose because we were so young. Of course, I knew we were just kids, but I wanted to propose to you and slide that ring on your finger to show you that even though I was graduating, nothing would change between us. We’d get married after you graduated, and we’d wait a little to start a family because we’d both be working to build our careers.”
He sighed. “I wanted it all with you, Liv. I thought we were going to live happily ever after. I know now why you did what you did, but I was fucking shattered back then. I was for years...”
I got up and walked over to him, wishing that I could wrap my arms around him, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be welcomed. I kept my hands at my sides as I implored, “I’m sorry. I feel like saying that isn’t even enough. I hate that I hurt the one person who was always in my corner and who loved me unconditionally. I thought I was doing the right thing by driving you away. I’ve regretted it every day, but a small part of me still thinks I did right by you, Alex. Look at you… You made it, and I’m so happy that my father never got the chance to hurt you in any way.”
Alex’s jaw clenched and unclenched and his eyes showed such raw vulnerability that I took yet another step closer to him.
He swallowed hard and nodded. “I forgave you, Liv, before I knew the whole story. I thought about giving us another chance.”
My breath hitched in my throat. “Really? But you never?—”
He grunted. “Yeah, I know I didn’t say anything. I was afraid to… afraid of getting hurt again. I shouldn’t have let you walk ou t of my apartment that night letting you think I hated you. I never have, I suppose. I just convinced myself that I did. I’ve never stopped loving you, Princess,” he admitted softly as he stroked my cheek tenderly.
As I stared up at him, I was inclined to believe him. Despite our rivalry, he’d been jumping in to help me with my personal shit, and he’d been my protector against unscrupulous characters. And let’s not get started on the way he made love to me even when he claimed it was “just sex ” … Alex Knight had loved me the entire time, and I was too wrapped up in my guilt and misery to realize it.
“I never stopped loving you either, Alex,” I whispered through the ball of emotion forming in my throat. “I never will.”
He swept me into his arms, and I melted against him instantly. The moment our lips touched, I practically felt all the anger, resentment, uncertainty, and hurt fade away. He kissed me gently, with love, forgiveness, and hope for a brighter future.
When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes and basked in the way his arms circled my waist, holding me possessively to him. We just stood there for a while, embracing and saying nothing.
Finally, Alex said, “We’ve been standing here for a while. Your feet must be tired.”
“They are,” I mumbled against his chest. “But I don’t care.”
He chuckled. “So, I’m really going to be a baby daddy, huh?”
I snorted my amusement. We hadn’t gotten around to discussing that. Reluctantly pulling away, I gave him a sheepish look. “Yes, and I’m sorry I kept it from you.”
“Why did you?”
My eyes skated away from him and heat scorched my face. “I was afraid you’d think I deliberately got pregnant so you’d go easy on me with BioTech. I wanted to win or lose fairly. Plus, I was sure you wouldn’t be happy about a child, especially with me…”
He took a step back and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I sure made a mess of things, didn’t I?”
“ We did,” I corrected.
“There’s only one thing to do,” he sighed.
I eyed him with mild skepticism because he was known to do crazy things and come up with crazy ideas. “What’s that?”
“Get our shit together before the baby is born,” he muttered.
After a beat of silence, my laughter floated around the office. “Definitely.”
“Let’s start with BioTech. I?—”
“Don’t you dare say it, Alex,” I warned as I pointed a threatening finger at him. He gazed at me with bemusement, and I added, “I don’t want to talk about it. Not now. Let’s just… find our footing first, okay?”
He shrugged. “Okay.”
I finally got to tell him my truth and earned his forgiveness. The love of my life still loved me, and I simply wanted to bask in it for a moment before we discussed anything else. I’d allow nothing to ruin my current happiness.