55. Scotlind
FIFTY-FIVE
SCOTLIND
“Hi.”
I froze. That voice. She was in my tent. I turned around slowly, nervous I would scare her away.
“Hi,” I said back to Vallie. It had been an hour since the meeting ended with Dravenburg. We were going to keep meeting every night until we worked everything out, and I was already so emotionally drained. Everything felt so raw. Even though Sie didn’t mention Miles’ name, Vallie and I both knew, but I hadn’t expected to see her here. I hadn’t expected her to ever want to speak to me again.
My heart was thundering, and I felt sick. I missed my best friend. I prayed to the Goddesses every day that she would heal, even if it meant without me. Nothing could ever fix what had happened to her or take away the pain from losing her twin, but I couldn’t stomach seeing her so broken. She used to be the life of the party. She used to be able to make anyone smile. She used to light up every room she walked into. Now she barely made eye contact with anyone, and I rarely saw her leave her own tent. She was a shell of who she used to be.
I looked at her, really looked at her. Her once bright red hair was now black. Her signature gloriously red lips were a dull shade of pink, and they were dry and cracked around the edges. She hadn’t filled out her curves. She was still too skinny for her frame, and it made me wonder if she was eating anything since we came back.
“I heard you were training,” I said to her. I was just happy she found some way to spend her time. I asked Peter about her every day. He told me about the first time she had asked for his help, how now Sie, Lilia and Savannah were helping too. And for some reason, hearing that Savannah was training her made me jealous. The fact that she picked someone else to spend her time with destroyed something in me, but I understood it. And if Savannah was able to give her the slightest bit of happiness, I’d suck up my own feelings about it.
“I am.”
“I’m happy to hear that—”
She cut me off. “Why did you lie to us? Why didn’t you tell us you were Luxian?”
I opened my mouth, then promptly shut it again. I wasn’t expecting the question. I had told her everything that had happened the day I first saw her in the healer’s tent, but I tried to keep it short with minimal details. There was too too much to tell to go into the specifics of things. I only told her big events that happened, figuring we’d catch up later once she was healed, and I’d be able to fill in the gaps when it was just the two of us. Like it used to always be when we stayed up late talking in our dorm for hours when we should have been sleeping. When we opted to share a bed so we could whisper our secrets to each other in the middle of the night…
“I didn’t want to keep it from you. I wanted to tell you every day we were in LakeWood, but I was scared.” I sighed, trying to regroup my thoughts, to stop my hands from shaking. “Dovelyn told me I was compelled not to say anything by my counselor, but I don’t know if I would have told you even if I could have. I didn’t want to drag you into this mess. I didn’t want to risk you getting caught up in it if you knew my secret. I was trying to protect you.”
She half laughed before her breath caught on a sob. “It’s a little too late for that.”
“I…” I started. “Vallie, I’m so sorry, for everything. For lying, for what happened to you, for… Miles.” My breath hitched saying his name, but I forced it out. I think it might have been the first time I’d said it since his death. But he deserved that, he deserved to be spoken about. Vallie deserved it too. I didn’t get to wallow in my feelings if she was willing to face hers. I owed her that.
“Do you know why Miles and I even got captured?”
I shook my head and waited as a sinking feeling of dread washed over me and rooted in my bones.
“We went to rescue you. When Synder became king, he gave this whole speech about how you were in the Tennebrisian dungeons. We watched as they annulled your marriage to Sie. We thought you were trapped in the castle. He told everyone you were a rank zero who made all these plans to seek power, and we knew that wasn’t you. We knew it was a lie. Miles and I thought you were in trouble.”
She laughed softly, but tears were now spilling down her cheeks. “Miles found me at the school. He had this whole plan to save you. We wanted to get you out. We were going to run away to the mortal territory together. We had everything set and then… we were caught almost immediately. They threw us both in the dungeons, and we soon realized you weren’t there. I don’t know how long we were there until Synder made a deal with the Lux King. Then we were transferred to the Luxian dungeons instead.
“If I had known you weren’t in the Tennebrisian dungeons. If I had known you were really from Lux…” Her sobs cut off whatever else she wanted to say. “I could have stopped Miles and to ld him you weren’t there. We wouldn’t have gone to try and save you…”
“Vallie, I’m so sorry.” I stepped forward. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and comfort her, but she shook her head.
“I know you didn’t mean for any of this to happen, Scottie. I know you’re a good person. I don’t regret being your friend for one second. I want you to know that. But nothing either of us can do will bring Miles back. I can’t stop seeing him die, him lying on the floor between us…” She shook her head forcefully as if trying to clear the image. “I just can’t be around you right now, but I wanted—I needed—you to know why. I need you to know that it’s not your fault, but I can’t… I can’t look at you and not see his dead body. I’m sorry… I’m sorry I can’t be your… friend anymore.”
My heart broke, just completely shattered and broke as it fell onto the floor in crumbling waves. I felt like I was bleeding out, like I’d die from the numbness as everything I ever loved left me. But Vallie didn’t look, she didn’t see me bleeding.
She left the tent without another word.