42. River
river
. . .
no rain in the forecast
We sleep for ten hours, deep and dreamless, and I hold her every second of them.
Our morning is soft and quiet. A shower full of yawns and slow, exploratory touch—connection without agenda or progression. After we dry and dress, we take instant oatmeal and coffee to the porch steps.
Tendrils of fog cling to the borders of the dew-damp clearing.
Misty beams of sunlight stretch through the trees, reaching for drowsy flowers.
Even the squirrels I’ve named Phil and Burt are less raucous than usual.
Instead of waging war over the nuts as usual, they’re sitting like little gentlemen, politely chewing as they watch us.
Rue’s storm is different too. The ice in its depths has thawed, the chaos passed. She’s high clouds and gentle rain. Still wild, but no longer destructive.
She’ll always carry the wound of Teddy’s death, just like I’ll always carry Caleb’s, but the poison infecting her grief has been purged. Now all the good memories have space to flourish.
When our bowls are empty, I take our dishes inside, then return with refilled mugs. Rue accepts hers with a smile so real the sun shines brighter.
“Are you going to be in Seattle before you leave for Copenhagen?”
I quickly swallow the coffee in my mouth before surprise can send it in the wrong direction. Given the conversation that triggered everything last night, this is the last topic I expected to come up today.
Rue’s eyes gleam knowingly as she watches me fumble. I let her enjoy the victory a few more seconds, then level the field.
“That depends. Where will you be?”
“I, uh… San Diego.”
Smiling, I scan her pink cheeks and wide eyes. “You’re so fucking gorgeous. I could stare at you all day.”
Pink deepens to crimson.
“I want to be wherever you are, Rue. So unless you tell me to kick rocks, I guess that means I’ll be in San Diego.”
She blinks fast. “Oh.”
“What are you doing next month?”
“Why?”
“Ever been to Denmark?”
The alarm in her eyes broadens my smile, which in turn makes her frown. So cute. Just as cute is the stern-teacher voice that follows.
“River. Why are you asking me that?”
I put my coffee down and reach for her hand. Keeping my eyes on hers, I kiss each of her knuckles, the inside of her wrist, and finally her palm.
“I was blindsided by Maya’s questions last night, and I’m sorry if it sounded like I was leaving you. I want you to come with me. Copenhagen, Paris, London. I was already planning to ask.”
Her breaths are quick and shallow, her eyes frantic as they search mine. But I’m not worried. She’s fast-moving clouds; no rain in the forecast.
“What about my job?”
I trail more kisses over her fingers. “One, you work remote. Two, LSD-Rue told me you hate it and want to quit. She also mentioned you’ve always wanted to travel.”
I kiss her palm one more time, then return her hand to her thigh.
“Think about it, okay? I don’t need an answer right now. Just making sure you understand my intentions.”
“Your intentions? Is this a period drama?”
I take a sip of my cooling coffee. “Do you want it to be? There are plenty of moors in England. I’ll walk over one at sunrise wearing a long coat, then tell you what days of the week I’ll use each of your nicknames.”
The expression on her face is so priceless, I add another line to the list of things I need to thank my parents for. The 2005 Pride I grin because she’s crying and laughing at the same time.
“I love that your love language is violence and sour gummies. I love your weird fixation with my teeth and that you stammer when I wear glasses. I love how you look at me and how you touch me. I love all your smiles—crazy, sweet, angry, fake—but my favorite smile is the one on your face after I make you come. I love that you’re a magnet for wild animals and lost treasures.
The magic never left because it’s you. You’re the magic, Rue, and you always have been.
“I love your imagination, your intelligence, your deranged sense of humor, and the vulnerability you only let those closest to you see. I love the way you mutter to yourself constantly, and I love it even more now that I know you’re talking to Teddy.”
I stroke her wet cheeks, kiss her closed eyelids, then wrap my arms around her.
“I love you, Rue. I see you. You’re everything I want and never thought I’d find. I don’t deserve you, but if you give me a chance, I’ll spend however long you’ll have me trying to be the best partner I can possibly be.”
She mumbles something.
“What’s that, love?”
Indigo eyes meet mine.
“I asked if you’d write all that down so I can read it whenever I’m mad at you.”
I laugh, and she smiles my second favorite smile. The one that means magic.
And I know… I feel it coming.
“I love you too, River. You’re my home. My anchor. My peace. I see you, I choose you—now and always.”
Clear skies.
Clear.
Skies.