11. River
Chapter Eleven
RIVER
“He what?” my sister screeched.
After our kids had gone to bed, she’d come back over like she had said she would. I relayed all the details given to me about the scene that played out in the school office earlier that day.
Lake’s eyes were wide and full of shock. “Huntley seriously said that?”
I almost didn’t believe it myself when my kids told me about Huntley’s run-in with Mr. Wilson. The more I thought about it, the more my heart flipped over how he’d gone to bat for my children and protected them as if they were his own.
My wine sloshed in my glass as laughter bubbled out of me. “Yup, he really did. The kids repeated it twice .”
Lake took a sip of her juice. “If that wasn’t showing his temper, I’d like to see what would happen if he went back. That man is usually as cool as a cucumber and so chill. I wish I’d been a fly on the wall to see that scene unfold.”
Me too. I bet it was something.
“He gained some clout with the kids, that’s for sure. It may take a bit more time for Lennon to fully let his guard down around him, but he made progress fast. And Bre can’t stop talking about him.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “She called him Superman.”
Lake stared at me. “Why do I sense a touch of concern in your voice along with the surprise?”
Lifting my shoulders as I dragged in a big breath, I thought about what to say. I dropped my shoulders and let out the burst of air.
“I guess because after what happened to her, I never thought she’d let someone like Huntley into her world like I see her doing. That one moment with him standing up for her has shaped the way she saw him so quickly.”
Lake didn’t know what happened to Bre and she didn’t pry, but empathy at the mention of anything happening to her niece showed in her eyes. She moved from the chair she was sitting in over to the couch next to me.
Laying her hand on mine, she asked, “And that bothers you why?”
My knee started bouncing, anxiety filtering through me. Talking about my own feelings was hard. Sure, I’d done it with a therapist many times, but not on a personal level with anyone other than my kids.
“It doesn’t bother me, it scares me.” My sister waited, not interrupting, as I paused to collect my thoughts so I could put them into words. “I guess that’s because I can see exactly what she does: Huntley has this larger-than-life personality that has two people, who haven’t been able to trust a man, especially since it’s the last thing we expected to do, wanting to do exactly that.”
“Is that honestly bad?”
I pulled my hand from under hers and got up to pace. When I had a lot to think about I tended to do it better by making tracks on the floor.
“What if I can’t keep hanging around him or he stops being around us? I don’t want Bre or Lennon to feel like they did anything wrong and bear the weight of losing someone else in their lives.”
I padded back and forth, faster and faster, everything I was thinking of gaining momentum in my head. My breathing picked up and I felt a bit lightheaded.
“River,” Lake called out softly.
Stopping in my tracks, I looked over at her.
“Is it just the kids you think would be sad if Huntley wasn’t around?”
She was pushing but in a subtle way. It wasn’t the first time I’d thought that the woman could do my job if she wasn’t so damn good at hers and wanted a change in careers.
“He’s my friend,” I admitted. “But how can he ever be more? And most guys want more, right?”
My heart lurched and I dropped to my knees, staring at my sister.
Why was I even asking this question when he never suggested he wanted anything of the sort. I waved her off. “Don’t answer that. He never said anything to indicate I was anything but a friend. I’m not thinking clearly.”
All of a sudden, Lake was on her knees in front of me and took both my hands in hers. She calmly whispered, “I see the way he looks at you and I think he will be whatever you want him to be. But if you want him as more than a friend, why couldn’t you have that?”
There it was, the grief-stricken question that I dreaded but knew was coming. I felt panic bubbling up in my chest and tears threatened to fall. Lake’s eyes held mine as the first tear dropped down my cheek. “Because he’d want to have sex.”
Lake sucked in a bit of air, a small indication that she knew my statement was leading somewhere grave. She gave my hand a soft squeeze urging me to say more but once again remained quiet letting me find my way through this at my own pace.
My emotions were taking over and I knew if I didn’t get it out, I’d probably retreat. “I just can’t go there after being brutally raped at seventeen.” As the words left my mouth, my air seized, all my oxygen having evaporated.
The tears in my eyes spilled over and began picking up speed. They rolled down my cheeks, spattering to the floor in front of me. Repulsing memories of that night slammed into me and I instantly wanted to shower and scrub them free.
This time Lake’s gasp was so loud it echoed through the room, vibrating off the walls. My calm and collected sister was not visible any longer. Her usual warm, sweet brown eyes swirled with anger, sadness, horror, and so many other emotions that mirror how I felt.
I rocked back and forth as sobs racked my body. “How can I let another man touch me when the only one that ever has beat me before taking something so violently that wasn’t his to take?”
“Oh honey,” my sister cooed so softly as if talking to an infant. “I’m so sorry and can’t begin to understand what you went through, but I want to be here for you.” Tears slipped down her face. “Can I hug you?”
Her soft voice washed over me and I nodded. She pulled me into her and held me. We stayed like that for a few minutes.
“I don’t w-want to be l-like this,” I cried into her shoulder.
She pulled back and looked into my eyes. “You’re beautiful inside and out, River. You’re strong and have a heart of gold. You can be and have whatever you want. When you are ready.”
I let go of her and wiped my hands across my face, swiping a waterfall of tears as I did.
“Huntley’s the first guy to make me feel like I want to be better. Like I want to get over being that scared girl from so long ago.”
It was an admission I never imagined I’d make in my lifetime.
And a feeling I couldn’t completely comprehend.
“But it’s more. The man has charmed me, and for the first time in my life, I feel like I truly have a friend.”
Light tears still trickled down Lake’s face, but she gave me a small smile when she said, “We're friends.”
Tilting my head I studied Lake, trying to find the words to better explain what I was feeling.
“We’re sisters,” I told her, and instantly saw Lake’s smile vanish.
Shit.
“I’m sorry, I suck at this. I didn’t mean we aren’t friends. You have to understand it just feels different when it’s a man.” I was doing an awful job of explaining what was going on in my head. “It’s as if the universe knew it was time and brought him to me.”
Now I just sounded plain crazy.
Her smile was back and she giggled. “Didn’t I technically bring him to you when you both ended up at my wedding?”
I waved her off, the moment of tension gone. “It sounds more exciting when I say the universe had a play in it.”
Our laughter mixed and while the tears dried some, I knew the conversation had really just begun.
I was emotionally exhausted.
After another two hours of talking with Lake and shedding enough tears to fill what seemed like an Olympic-size swimming pool, I finally convinced her I would be okay and she could head home to her family. Once I looked in on the kids, something that may seem silly to most because of their age, I made my way to my room to shower before crawling into bed.
It had been a hell of a day for us all.
My body felt battered and my heart was ripped wide open.
The cool silk sheets slid across my skin as I pulled them, along with the blankets, up, and tucked myself in. As dog tired as I was I would have thought I’d crash as soon as my head hit my pillow but I found I couldn’t sleep at all.
As though my mind was taking a spin class, it spun in never-ending circles. When the kids had told me what happened at school, I’d been scared to death that any progress that had been made with Bre would have been seriously set back, but it didn’t seem that way at all.
Sure, she was shaken and cried when she told me about what happened, while Lennon got pissed all over again. But there was one common denominator for both of them that seemed to change the course of how they processed it all.
Huntley.
I never thought my daughter would have two heroes. And the crazy thing was, her brother didn’t seem to be too upset to share the spotlight. I could also understand where Bre was coming from. Not so long ago, Huntley had been my hero, too, when he pulled me from the flames at my previous home. He was again when he raced to the school and defended my kids.
A little voice inside me said his heroism was far from over.
Speaking of voices, and of Huntley, I could practically hear him before he left that evening when he said to call him, a huge smile on his face, and then admitted he liked hearing my voice. I’d told him I had thought I could manage that.
Turning onto my side, I grabbed my cell off the nightstand where I had set it before climbing into bed. I looked at the time and hemmed and hawed whether it was too late to make the call. Of course it was, it was ten minutes shy of midnight.
I heard him again in my head. I told you before, sweetheart, you are never a bother and I meant it.
Knowing somehow that I’d never sleep until I heard his voice, I hoped he meant what he said, and I dialed.
“Hey, Warrior,” he answered.
“Hi. I’m sorry it’s so late. I just wanted…”
Shutting up before I embarrassed myself, I let the sentence hang in the air. I should have known he’d pick up what I was thinking.
“Me too, sweetheart. I’ve been waiting to hear your voice all night.”
How in the world does he do that?
After a minute of silence, he asked, “Are you okay?”
Not really, but unable to tell him what I’d spoken with Lake about, and too raw from the conversation with her as well as the kids, I found myself asking him a question I should have probably kept to myself.
“Is it bad parenting if I wanted to high five Lennon for slugging the little shit who put his hands on my daughter without permission?”
A feral growl came through the phone and instead of alarming me, it made me smile.
“Hell no,” he said. “I mean, I’m not a parent so I don’t know the protocol here, but I’d probably have given him more than a high five. I think it’s natural to feel that way.”
Another beat of silence past.
“Nobody has a right to touch someone without permission or without knowing that the person wants to be touched.”
It was as if he was speaking to me, not about Bre.
“I’m so tired,” I found myself saying, the events of the day sinking in even more. “Between the thing with Bre and my conversation with Lake, I feel broken.”
Shocked that I admitted that to him, I sucked in a surprised breath.
“What can I do to help?”
I bit my lip, scared to ask for what I really wanted.
“Anything,” he said.
Releasing my lip before I drew blood, I summoned all the courage I could. “Will you stay on the phone with me while I try to fall asleep?”
I wanted to pull the ridiculous words back as soon as they left my mouth. And what if he said no?
“Of course I will, sweetheart.”
“Really?” I couldn’t believe he agreed to such a crazy request.
“I’m right here,” he said in a soothing voice. “Go to sleep, Warrior.”
Miraculously I did just that.