15. River
Chapter Fifteen
RIVER
I almost didn't believe my eyes.
When my daughter ditched her brother and me for Huntley, warmth settled inside me. It was still shocking, but it was a huge growth, it was amazing, and it was with a man.
But it wasn’t just any man.
Huntley was… I searched for the right words as my eyes soaked him in. Sure, he was gorgeous on the outside, but more importantly, he was a good guy. Bre couldn’t have picked a better person to put her trust in. The words I’d been looking for floated around in my head.
Huntley was special .
To me .
I wasn’t the only one either. Lake had told me what an awesome friend he was, how much his co-workers at the station liked him, and how people gravitated to him even when they were on grueling calls. He had a way about him and my daughter had picked up on it.
Huntley was worming his way into our lives and I was afraid to admit quite possibly my heart. The issue was, I couldn’t trust my heart .
But watching him with Bre, I had a hard time not believing everything it had been trying to tell me over the last few weeks.
That was the case throughout the afternoon, and into early evening as I watched Huntley with everyone. It seemed every adult and kid hadn’t left him alone. Bre had finally let him out of her sight and started to play with the kids but then it was Lennon who stuck close to him.
It was clear that Lennon was soaking up the male companionship. He already liked Bronson, now Huntley, and as the day wore on, he was letting his guard down with the other guys too.
There was only one thing I was a bit disappointed about where Huntley was concerned. It seemed everyone was getting a piece of him but me. However, since I had been attuned to him pretty much the whole day, I’d noticed that he seemed to track me all the time, his gaze always finding mine.
I worked to stamp down the tiny bout of jealousy. Because seeing him with the kids, not only mine, but all of them, along with everyone in attendance was very telling that when I’d thought he was special, I was without a doubt correct.
I’d get my time with him. I was getting used to the different expressions on his face and the way his eyes changed to different shades of green depending on his mood. As I looked over in his direction, I could see the longing and the promise that we would have our moment.
Anticipation zipped through my body.
He was popular and none of the ladies seemed to want to leave me alone, so that’s how the day had gone. I knew the women were trying their hardest to make me feel welcome. They were relentless when it came to bringing me into their fold. Little by little, I felt myself caving. But I wasn’t sure exactly when I would be fully used to their crazy candor.
Alley gave me a small hip check. “So, is there anything you want to tell us about the hunky fireman you have been watching all night?”
And there it was.
It was only a matter of time before I’d be put in the hot seat, and no doubt by Alley herself. I shook my head, almost laughing that it took them so long. They had been going easy on me for sure, but the way Huntley and I had just been staring at each other had them ready to get the dirt.
“We’re friends.”
I looked at my sister who was watching me. She and I had a big heart-to-heart, so she knew that to be true, but she also knew there was a longing for me to be able to make it more. Lake also knew my past and that I didn’t think that was ever possible after the damage that had been done.
With the fear that still lived inside me.
Huntley was the only man to ever get close to me and break down any of my walls. But that didn’t mean they’d all crumble enough for me to be everything he needed.
Even if my heart wished I could be.
“It looks like a heck of a lot more to me,” Teal said. “He can’t take his eyes off you.”
“Teal’s right.” Brinley, who was standing on my right, nudged my shoulder, drawing my attention. “The handsome fireman looks like he is going to go mad if he doesn’t get his hands on you soon.”
I visibly recoiled at her words and my breathing picked up when I thought about someone’s hands on me. It wasn’t exactly rational because Huntley had touched me and it was soft, as well as sweet. But right then it wasn’t his hands that flashed through my mind, causing the old terror to rear its ugly head.
“You guys, just stop,” my sister whisper-hissed, sensing my unease as she moved across the little group toward me.
She stopped in front of me, not touching me at all, but I was having trouble focusing. I registered bits and pieces of Brinley’s apologetic voice trying to tell me how sorry she was. The other ladies’ faces swam in and out of view.
Breathe, I’m okay, I kept trying to tell myself.
And then I heard another voice, and my sister arguing with him.
“I don’t think it's a good idea if you’re here right now,” Lake said.
“Just give me a minute,” Huntley told her.
I was trying to concentrate on the sound of that deep baritone that instead of scaring me, made me feel safe. He wasn’t rude to her, but his voice was stern, making it clear he wasn’t leaving until he brought me around.
“Hey, sweetheart. Listen to my voice. You are safe, nobody is going to hurt you or touch you. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”
His voice ghosted through me, instantly taking my accelerated heart rate down to a much better level.
“It’s just me, your family, and all your friends. There is not a single person in this house that will ever harm you.”
That calm, collected voice of his reeled me in slowly, my vision clearing. And suddenly my gaze was on the man standing in front of me, his green eyes swimming with affection, but no less concern. He might try and mask it, but I was getting to know him just as he was me.
“There you are, Warrior.”
I glanced around the room and embarrassment hit hard and fast. I didn’t feel like any kind of warrior. My gaze landed on Brinley, who looked beside herself, then moved to my sister whose worry was evident in her chocolate brown eyes, and last I scanned the other ladies, who looked sad.
Not able to handle the looks at that second, my eyes searched the room even further; that was when I saw Lennon. He stood to the side of Huntley, looking like the man himself had just grown two heads. No doubt he was a bit shell-shocked that the fireman had calmed me so quickly.
Or that anyone but maybe him had at all.
For the last few years if I’d ever had an episode or problem, Lennon was there. I had no doubt he would have been right then as well, but he’d let Huntley handle it. That was saying a whole lot without him even speaking.
When my gaze swept over my son’s shoulder to some of the other men standing there, I swallowed back the tears of shame. Thank goodness Bre and the littles weren't around. That was the only thing that could make it all worse than it was.
Taking a deep breath, I turned my head and stared at the man in front of me. “I’m no warrior,” I said softly.
Huntley didn’t try to touch me. He didn’t even ask and I was so grateful for that right then. I longed for it in some ways but wasn’t sure if I could handle it. How I felt about him was so complex, I was more scrambled than a Rubiks Cube by it all.
I wasn’t sure I’d ever get it all to align so I wouldn’t lose what I believed to be one of the best things to walk into my life.
“To me you are, sweetheart.”
So many different tones of sighs echoed through the room it sounded as if they were starting their own choir. And then I remembered the ladies. I’d screwed everything up.
“I’d like to talk to the ladies in private if that’s okay?”
He nodded. “You bet. I’ll be close if you need anything.” With a soft smile he gave me the space I’d asked for.
I watched him pass by Lennon who gave me his signature, ‘Are you okay look.’ When I nodded like Huntley had just done, he turned, along with the other guys, and all followed the man who had done the unthinkable for me .
Huntley had made me feel safe, strong, and cherished in one fell swoop.
He was a keeper.
But was he really mine to keep?
There were so many of them.
I scanned the big group of women trying to get up the courage to speak.
Jurnee, Summer, Alley, Teal, Brinley, Ruby, Gemma, Capri, Patience, London, and Lake watched me, waiting. All eyes were on me, full of sympathy.
“You didn’t do anything wrong that you have to apologize for, sis.” It felt good that my sister had my back.
I had learned long ago that she was right, but I couldn’t break the habit of feeling like I should. Especially when I was just getting to know most of the ladies and they didn’t know my story. My sister did, and Capri and Gemma had watched me flinch away from Huntley that first day at my new home.
But the others didn’t and while the ladies shared a lot of things, I didn’t think judging by the look on their faces that the three of them had said anything to the others. They may be fun, loving women, who liked to tease, stuck together, and stood by each other through everything I’d learned, but they still knew when it wasn’t their story to tell obviously.
And while there was no way I could handle telling them all my story right then, I felt like they deserved something.
“I want to say that I’m truly sorry for putting such a damper on a lovely evening.” When Gemma started to say something, I held up my hand and she stopped. “Let me just get this out.”
She nodded, along with the rest of them.
“Brinley, you didn’t do anything wrong so please don’t feel bad. Certain things trigger bad memories from my past and you would have no way of knowing that. Almost all of you wouldn’t.” I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and took a deep breath in through my nose. “Maybe someday I will be able to tell you more but I’m just not there yet. Let’s just say foster homes and the men in them were not a great place for me.”
Lake moved to my side, giving me support without touching me.
“Now, I’d like to put my episode behind us and enjoy the rest of the evening because I’m really thankful to have been invited.”
A big swoosh of air left my lungs after I got that out. I felt a bit lighter than seconds before.
“I know when I say this, I can speak for everyone because I know these ladies well. We will always be here for you if or whenever you are ready. And as someone who went through the system, while I know I didn’t go through what you may have, I am always willing to talk any time you need to.” Gemma clapped her hands together. “Now, let’s get some wine and move this party along.”
There was a groan next to me and one from across the circle.
“Someone drink one for me,” my sister said.
“Me too,” London added.
“I have no problem with that. I mean what are friends for?” Ruby said.
Everyone laughed and headed toward the kitchen but Lake held back so I waited.
“I’m so proud of you,” she told me.
That was not something I was used to ever hearing and I fought to keep my emotions in check. I didn’t know how to accept the praise, but I did know that this sister thing was something I was learning to truly like, and embrace .
“Can you just tell me one thing before you get your fabulous glass of wine?”
I hesitated for a second, wondering what she was going to ask, but then said, “Sure.”
She gestured with a tip of her head across the room and my gaze followed. Huntley stood talking with the guys, but his eyes were on me. I gave him a tiny smile and nodded because I could tell he needed to know I was okay. He smiled back and my heart fluttered.
Turning back to me, my sister had a puzzled look on her face.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, my question was how did that man walk over here and do what he did?”
I started to shrug and then stopped myself.
“Because he’s Huntley.”
As if that explained everything, my sister smiled. “Let’s go get you that wine I can’t have.”
“Sounds good.” I looped my arm through hers, making contact I didn’t normally initiate, and she gasped. I knew I shocked her. Pulling her along, I said, “I’m really excited about the baby.”
“Me too. Let’s just hope it's a boy so Stormi gets her wish.”
I laughed, the sound matching all the ladies as we moved into the kitchen.
“What did we miss?” Lake asked them.
“I was just telling the ladies about a funny scene I wrote in the book I’m working on,” Alley said.
We joined the group and after she recanted what she’d just told everyone else, I knew I had to try her books.
The conversations went on and on, while glasses of wine were handed out left and right. I indulged and knew I couldn’t drive home. I glanced out across the open floor plan and motioned with my hands like I was driving, then shook my head no.
Huntley chuckled, his muscled chest shaking as he did. Then he mouthed, “I’ll drive you.”
I smiled, proud of myself for being able to read his lips and then giggled because I was sure I looked like a fool. When I turned back around to rejoin the talk going on around me, I heard Teal ask Ruby how Jett was doing.
Ruby’s face fell a bit along with Patience’s.
“It looks like he is getting deployed overseas soon,” Ruby said. “It’s bad enough him living on base so far away from us, but with him going to a foreign country it’s even harder.” She wrapped her arm around Patience, who was like a sister to her—and also the girl I’ve heard was most likely in love with Jett—swaying them back and forth in a comforting manner. “He’ll be okay, sweetie,” she whispered to Patience.
I could hear the worry in Ruby’s voice. She was trying to reassure herself as much as she was Patience. Everyone else nodded and agreed to try and calm the nerves that were on full display from the two women.
We had to think positively somehow.
After that, things livened up. The kids came running in to get snacks, Embry convinced Gyth to sing, while they all danced. It was a lot of fun and Bre had been amazing with the kids, while Lennon enjoyed hanging with the guys.
Then the good times had to come to an end.
“You ready to go?” Huntley leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear. Goosebumps tricked down my spine.
Maybe the good times aren’t over.