37. River
Chapter Thirty-Seven
RIVER
Age Seventeen…
He wasn’t supposed to be home.
I always attempted to time my comings and goings so I wouldn't run into the sick bastard. If I could help it, I stayed away from both the wife and husband, although she was the lesser of two evils.
However, avoiding them wasn’t always an option.
Since the time I’d been with them, I dealt with their cruelty. A strike or burn here or there, hurtful words, and days when I’d be denied food. But they promised it was nothing compared to what would happen if I told anyone.
I had nobody, no place to go, and I felt so alone.
Those moments were breaking me down bit by bit, slowly snuffing out my spirit and my outlook on life even if I managed to get out of the hellhole one day.
Then things went from bad to worse.
Because I noticed the day the monster’s gaze turned from not just evil…but predatory too.
I’d amped up my game by staying away from the house as much as possible—especially when they were drinking—so he couldn’t get his clutches on me. I knew if he did, there was no coming back from what might happen.
One evening, when I knew he’d be at work, I decided I had enough and was getting the hell out. I wasn’t going to wait for the rest of me to be ripped away. I’d gone home to get the few clothes I owned, and then I planned to get the heck out of there as fast as my legs would take me.
I didn’t even care about my meager possessions, the few things I owned, etc.; what tore me up the most was not having a family or that I’d not been given a name by someone who actually cared. I’d just been given whatever the state had come up with. That's what happened when nobody wanted you. It was just another thing that weighed heavy on my heart and soul.
So, there I was, sneaking up to the house, when I noticed the deranged asshole’s car in the driveway along with a couple others. I crept around the side of the house to sneak in through my window just as I had done many times before.
I stepped up on the log that I’d put against the house to help me and slowly slid the glass up. In and out: just a few minutes and I would be free. I heaved myself onto the windowsill to climb inside.
God, if only I’d know a monster was waiting in the darkness for me.
A blood curdling scream ripped from my lungs when I was yanked into the pitch-black room.
My body flung through the room like a rag doll and bounced as it hit my mattress. I tried to scramble away but a big body came down over mine and massive legs braced against my ribs as large hands circled my wrists pinning them over my head.
The foul smell of body odor penetrated my nostrils and my stomach lurched at the stench. A sliver of light from the door that was slightly ajar, lit up the dark room enough to see the man above me.
I’d tried—I’d tried so damn hard—to avoid him but I’d failed.
And now, the monster hand sunk his claws into me.
He was a foster parent. How did they not see what an awful person he was? It shouldn’t have been possible for him and his wife to house any children. But I was the last in the home, the unlucky one, because all the others had gotten out.
I bucked, kicked, scratched, and I yelled for help as tears steamrolled down my cheeks. “Let me go, don’t touch me, let me go now!” I shouted.
“Stop moving you little bitch,” he seethed.
Laughter rang out from the living room. Even though they couldn’t see us, his friends were egging him on, only fueling him further. They could hear and they weren’t going to help. The slimy drunks were just going to let the torture—the invasion —happen.
A sinister smile stretched across his face and I knew I was in trouble. I was no match for the huge man against my malnourished, exhausted, tiny frame. But I couldn’t go down without trying to save myself.
I was on my own.
Always alone.
Fighting had him backhanding me so hard my vision dulled briefly. My skin split, pain bursting through my cheek like razors as the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth.
While I was momentarily subdued, he took advantage. After he released my other wrist, he pushed back and planted his feet on the floor, then yanked me to the edge of the bed. Before I knew what was happening, he’d pulled my shoes off and re-secured both my wrists into one of his hands, leaving his other free.
Free to cause more torment .
With his legs braced against the side of the mattress, he tore my leggings from my body, taking my panties with them.
“No!” I wailed, the fight coming back again.
I tried jerking my hands from his grasp, but he was way too strong. Still, I thrashed, I twisted, and I pleaded in fear as a waterfall of red-hot tears flowed like lava down my cheeks.
Every last breath stored in my lungs escaped when a click resounded through the room and a flash of silver caught my eye. Oh god, no, no, no! Overwhelmed with paralyzing panic, I froze as the switchblade came into focus. Terror like I’d never known consumed me.
“Move again…” He slid the blade down the side of my face, over my breast, and down to my stomach. “And it won’t be just a small bite of pain you feel.”
The devil sliced across my stomach lightly to inflict enough discomfort to get his point across. I could feel the warm trickle of blood drip down my skin while sobs racked my body, causing me to shake uncontrollably as if I was having a seizure.
He took the knife and pierced it into the mattress beside my head and I flinched. His hand around my wrists tightened and my bones crunch beneath his grasp. I cried out and he struck me again, busting my lip open further.
“Fucking stay still,” his monstrous voice commanded. “You’re going to finally pay your dues for living in my house.”
I heard the clanking of his belt buckle and I closed my eyes. As if not seeing him would make everything stop, I shut my eyes like a damn coward. My face throbbed, my stomach hurt and any spirit I had left drained from my body.
He was so close now, and I was drowning in pain, fear and sorrow. His whiskey-filled breath swooshed across me and his sweat dripped onto my face as he slammed into my body with such tremendous force I felt like I was being ripped to shreds .
I screamed in agony, my ears ringing with the sounds of his grunts and his buddies' laughter as I yelled in vain for help. As always, my pleas went unanswered as he took everything from me.
He’d stolen my innocence without remorse.
And then, like the unfeeling monster he was, he just yanked his pants up and left, stumbling away as if he hadn’t just destroyed me. But not before telling me he’d kill me if I ever spoke a word of what happened.
I wasn’t sure that mattered at all as I lay there beaten, bruised, and half-naked, my soul shattered..
The devil walked out of the room and more laughter sounded from the front room before the front door banged shut.
It took a couple of minutes of silence for me to truly realize they’d left. He took what he wanted and left me in the aftermath of a hell that would consume me for years to come.
Or most likely forever.
Get out! my mind screamed, but I struggled to do anything.
Finally, I managed to move. God, I wanted to shower but I had to take the opportunity to get out of there. I dragged myself off the bed, wincing at the agony coursing throughout my body. On autopilot, I grabbed my clothes off the floor and in a daze got dressed. Then I grabbed an old T-shirt and pressed it against my stomach, stopping the trickle of blood that still flowed.
Not able to get myself out the window, I slowly made my way toward the back door, praying the monster and his clan wouldn’t come back into the house before I made it out. As I passed by the kitchen table, I spotted a bottle of whiskey and snatched it before walking out the door into the dead of night.
A short time later, I found myself standing on the bridge, the dark water below calling out to me. I almost did it. I wanted to feel nothing. And whiskey wasn’t helping. It was only giving me the courage my shattered soul needed to let myself go.
I was dead inside anyway.
Nobody would care or notice I was gone.
But then, just seconds away from never feeling again, I heard her voice. I thought it was an angel. Her voice was soft, she was beautiful, and she was calling out to me.
Huntley’s mom was not any angel.
She was my angel.
What was that?
The sting of hot tears dripped down my face as a sound drifted to my ears. I was drowning in the pain of my past, trying to fight my way back. I knew that voice; I had to get to it.
“Sweetheart, can you hear me?”
There it was again, filled with as much agony as I was feeling inside.
“River, please look at me.”
At his plea, my eyes began to focus and Huntley’s face swam into view. What I saw, the raw emotion, the tears he was shedding and the sorrow filling his eyes—sorrow I caused him—had me falling to my knees in front of him.
I placed my hands on his thighs and looked up to meet his gaze. “Please don’t cry for me,” I begged. I couldn’t stand to see him that way.
He started to raise his hand toward my face and then it stopped midair. I knew this would happen. Huntley was afraid to touch me again…Or he didn’t want to. My heart started to break at the realization that one of my biggest fe ars may have come true and it must have shown in my eyes.
“Baby, I need to touch you.”
As if reading my inner turmoil, Huntley said it like it was a necessity. I raised one hand off his thigh and grabbed his palm, bringing it the remaining distance to my face and placing it on my cheek.
“My warrior,” he whispered.
I shook my head, my loose hair flying around my face in denial. “I’m not. Don’t you understand? I couldn’t fight anymore. I…”
“Shh.” His thumb caressed my cheek as he stopped my words in their tracks. “Don’t do that to yourself. What you went through was vile. You’re the strongest person I know.”
Staring at him, I could see he was sincere and hope bloomed in my chest, helping to snuff out the darkness.
“You m-mean you still want to be with m-me?” I stuttered in amazement, but I also needed to hear him say the words aloud.
Huntley sighed and a tender look glistened in his eyes. When he spoke, there was no hesitation. “Baby, I love you so much. I will always want to be with you.”
I bit down on my lip and then released it. “Even with my scars… inside and out? Because, Huntley, they’re not pretty.”
His other hand came up and he cupped both of my cheeks in his palms. “That’s where you’re wrong. Everything about you is beautiful, River.”
The love he had for me was still shining bright in his eyes even after everything I told him. Maybe we did have a future. My broken pieces started to heal even more but there was one thing we hadn’t talked about.
“Tell me,” he said softly.
He knew me so well .
“I’ve never…” I gulped, unable to get the words I needed out.
Now he was shaking his head. He again knew exactly what I was thinking. “It doesn’t matter.”
I looked at him in confusion.
“Of course it matters,” I told him.
He still held my cheeks and looked deep into my eyes. “Sweetheart, I’m just trying to say that if I have to jerk off for the remainder of my days, but I still get to kiss you, hold you, and have you in my life, then that’s all that matters.”
My eyes widened and I sputtered to speak.
Then instead, I started laughing hysterically.
Laughing. I was actually laughing at a time like this. The man in front of me would be the only one who could have made that happen after reliving my horrible past.
Huntley raised his brows.
Once I regained control and could stop laughing I said, “That’s going to go down in the history of the craziest, most absurd, romantic lines ever.”
The man looked sheepish for all of two seconds before he laughed along with me.
“But I don’t want you to,” I whispered, putting an abrupt end to his laughter.
He searched my eyes trying to decipher what I was saying.
“I want to get there with you.” Taking a deep breath, I pushed forward. “I trust you and you make me feel things I never thought I would. I want you to be able to make love to me.”
Huntley sucked in a breath. “You need to know that if or when we get to that point, it will be the first time. It will be a moment made from nothing but love.”
I hiccupped, the aftermath of my sobs still controlling my body.
Suddenly my guy’s eyes turned stormy, anger swirling in their depths. Huntley dropped his hands from my face. Why wasn’t he touching me? I needed to feel him again. He grounded me, made me feel whole.
His jaw clenched. “I hate to ask but I need to know. What happened to the bastard?”
I blew out a breath. I hadn’t finished the story and he needed to hear this next part so he could move on.
“After I left your mother, I felt stronger. She did that.” I ran my hands up and down his legs trying to soothe him as I soothed myself. “I guess I just needed one person to care, to give me strength again. I went to a shelter and they helped me call the police.”
His eyes explored mine, asking for more.
“He went to jail and was killed there,” I told Huntley. “I’d kept tabs on him.” I needed to know because if he’d ever been released I don’t know what I would have done.
His eyes were full of fire and steel. “Good, or I’d have to hunt him down and do it myself.”
I couldn’t be sorry the man had died. I’d worked through the emotions that went along with wishing someone would no longer walk the earth. I didn’t think Huntley would have really done it, but it was the fact he wanted to for me that only made me love him more.
“I love you,” I whispered.
A new set of tears began to fall down his gorgeous face and it looked like he was struggling with something.
“Tell me,” I said, parroting his words from moments before.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you, baby. It eats me up inside, but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you with everything I am. You’ve come so far and wherever you want to go, I have no doubt we will get there.” He gulped. “But right now, I really just want to hold you.”
I couldn’t control the sobs that broke free. But they were ones of happiness. When I started to reveal my past, I’d told him I just hoped he would still want to hold me after, and that if he did, I would let him. Rising from the floor I held my hand out to him.
There was no place I’d rather be.
He placed his palm in mine and I started to gently pull him toward the bedroom, trying to go slow because of his battered body.
“I want you to hold me too,” I said softly.