Riverside Reverie

1. The Snap

1

THE SNAP

L ux

I zipped up my new hiking bag and lifted it off my queen-size bed, dropping it on the floor beside the other supplies and gear with a tempered huff. I surveyed the pile, my anxiety growing.

At any minute my best friend, Jasmine Kade, would arrive to pick me up from my parents’ house in Guelph for our camping adventure. Although it’d been weeks since I’d last texted her, Jasmine was the first person I had reached out to after my recent heartbreak. Her solution was to get me away from the situation by inviting me on an already-planned camping trip. We were headed up north to spend the next several days camping somewhere along the French River with a handful of people that I didn’t know and had never met before. They were Jasmine’s friends she knew from college and living up north.

It had been half a year since I’d last seen her. Our post-secondary goals had taken us in different directions. I had headed to McMaster University in Hamilton, while she went north to Sudbury to study for her PhD in Human Studies and Interdisciplinarity at Laurentian University. We’d stayed in touch and met up whenever we could, but with our equally demanding course loads it wasn’t that often.

But no matter how much time passed, Jasmine and I were the kind of friends that could slip back into the easy companionship we’d always had. We rallied around each other from afar, and we were always a text or call away.

My stomach rolled with nervousness. It wasn’t the prospect of seeing Jasmine again that had me on edge—it was crashing her and her friends’ camping trip in the wilderness. Am I really doing this ? I asked myself, staring at the pile of newly purchased gear on my bedroom floor.

I still couldn’t believe that she’d been successful in talking me into going, especially given the fact that we would be canoeing to the backcountry campsite.

Me , canoeing, when the prospect of camping was hard enough for me to digest.

There would be no electricity, no running water, and likely no cellphone service. Worst of all, Jasmine had cautioned me that most of the 250 backcountry campsites along the French River wouldn’t even have outhouses.

That’s right, I would be spending the next several days squatting in the woods to do my business.

I wasn’t outdoorsy, not in the slightest. It’s why my college choices had veered to bigger cities. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle, how the city was always alive with something happening. Despite my reluctance to spend the next several days in the great outdoors, I felt a burning need to do something different…to step outside of the person I’d always been.

Plus, it meant getting away from the drama. I would much rather deal with mosquitos and peeing in the woods than the situation I’d found myself stuck in.

A few weeks ago, my relationship with my high school boyfriend, Scott, had ended abruptly when my sister, Brinley, had sent me a Snap of him in bed with another woman.

Brinley was the woman in the picture.

She hadn’t sent it to me accidentally, either. She hadn’t even pretended that’s what happened. To add insult to injury, she’d posted the picture to her feed for good measure so that everyone else would see it, too.

I was heartbroken; less so over the fact that things with Scott had ended, and more so over the fact that I didn’t think I could ever forget the satisfied smile on Brinley’s face. My sister had intentionally sought to hurt me, and that knowledge cut far deeper than Scott’s betrayal.

The whole thing shouldn’t have come as a horrid surprise to me; Brinley and I had never had a very good relationship, but I honestly never expected her to go so far and take so much pleasure out of hurting me.

There was only a year between us, but my younger sister was competitive, selfish, impulsive, and very insecure. We were as dissimilar as day and night, not only in personality and morals, but our looks as well. Brinley was a carbon copy of our mother. She had golden blonde hair, deep blue eyes, and flawless skin that tanned in the sun. My sister had beauty going for her by the truckload, and I still hadn’t been able to figure out where the body dysmorphia came from. Likely, our mother.

Mom had been calorie counting and dieting since before I could remember, always seeking out the perfect body, although to her credit she never put that pressure on us girls. Just herself. Still, it was easy to see where Brinley had picked it up.

My copper waves and slate grey eyes framed by thick dark auburn lashes were like our father’s. I had his fair complexion, with freckles dotting my nose, upper cheeks, and my arms. During the winter months, my freckles were almost undetectable, but during the summer, the sun brought them out.

I was the book smart one, and my sister was the athletic one. Brinley had been the star player on the school volleyball and rugby teams, but she’d struggled with her academics. In grade eleven she’d ended up dropping out. The only thing my little sister had ever wanted was to be famous, and she’d decided that she didn’t need a high school education to pursue a career in modeling or acting.

I was on the honour roll in high school and in university. My program had been a partnership between Mohawk College and McMaster University that had allowed me to pursue two concurrent qualifications: an Ontario College Advanced Diploma in Medical Radiation Sciences through Mohawk College and the McMaster University Bachelor of Medical Radiation Sciences degree. I had come away with glowing recommendations from my professors and the program director of my clinical placement himself.

Our parents had always been proud of my academic achievements, and less thrilled with Brinley for dropping out of high school. In an unfair twist, Brinley resented me and blamed me for the disappointment my parents felt towards her, straining our relationship even more.

Which was ridiculous, as I’d always loved my sister regardless of our differences. It had never mattered to me that Brinley was better at sports and more popular in school, in fact, I used to envy her ease at socializing. It didn’t come so naturally to me. But it mattered to Brinley, because no sooner had I graduated and packed up my dorm room to come home for the summer than I’d received the picture from her. Like clockwork, it was my sister’s way of knocking me down several pegs.

I huffed out a sigh, ignoring the sting of tears while I checked my bag for the hundredth time, uncertain on exactly what I was searching for. Something to do, something to distract myself from my own thoughts. It was pointless, though. My ex’s frustrating face still popped in my head, his puppy-dog eyes begging for forgiveness and absolution.

Scott had been remorseful and apologetic. I wagered that he hadn’t expected me to find out about his raunchy romp with my little sister, but I had no interest in giving him another chance. I’d slammed that metaphorical door without a backwards glance and had no desire to open it again. But the intentional hurt caused by my own sister? That was the wound that festered.

Brinley had caused plenty of premeditated hurts over the years, but usually, those were just mean quips about me. I could brush those off easily, because what sisters didn’t get into hurtful spats every now and then? Even Jasmine butted heads with her three sisters from time to time.

Of course, none of Jasmine’s sisters had ever done such a voluntary cruel act, nor would they. Those girls had the relationship I’d always hoped for with Brinley—they could rip on each other, laugh with each other, and at the end of the day they could still count on each other.

I couldn’t do any of those things with Brinley, and I’d never been able to count on her. I didn’t think I’d be able to even try, now…unless it was just counting on getting hurt and disappointed by her.

The tears I’d been trying to ignore and control broke free, a few streaming down my cheeks. Defiantly, I wiped them away, forcing myself to take a calming breath.

This had been my tactic ever since receiving the evidence. Brinley sent the Snap a mere two hours before our parents showed up at the dormitory to bring me home for the summer, so I hadn’t had time to really cry about it before they arrived. The clinic I did my co-op at had asked if they could hire me short term to cover a sick leave once my placement ended, which allowed me to stay away from Brinley until graduation in June. I guess that job offer was especially offensive to Brinley, and gave her extra time to work on my graduation “gift” with my ex. I hadn’t let myself cry since seeing the evidence, because I was afraid that once I started, I wouldn’t stop.

I tried not to let myself think about it, because any time I let those thoughts take over, it was like pressing salt into the still-fresh wound. But it was futile—I couldn’t escape the thoughts, the reminders; the cruelness of Brinley’s near-permanent smirk each time we passed each other in the hallway. So, I was running away into the backwoods with no toilets, but also…no Brinley.

The doorbell rang, and a moment later my mother’s voice drifted up the stairs as she greeted Jasmine. Not long after that, I heard footsteps on the stairs.

“Knock, knock! Are you ready?” Jasmine’s voice was muffled from behind my bedroom door. I stepped around the pile of camping gear and opened it, my face caught somewhere between a grimace and a smile.

Her easy grin faded, and she arched a dark brow. “You’re not seriously thinking of bailing, are you?” she demanded. Her wild dark curls were pulled back in a high, messy bun. Her rich brown eyes missed nothing, and already she could tell that something was amiss. She shot me one of her signature no-bullshit looks.

I might be able to lie to myself, but I couldn’t lie to Jasmine.

“Maybe a little,” I admitted, spinning around, eyes going once again to the pile of newly purchased camping gear. All of it was acquired from the list of camping essentials that Jasmine texted. We were going to share a lot of supplies—the tent, the cookware, that sort of thing. Jasmine had packed that stuff, having most of those supplies at home, but I’d still needed to pick up a few things for myself, like a sleeping bag and mattress.

“Why?” Jasmine’s brows were knotted together in confusion. She obviously could see nothing wrong with the pile of stuff I’d wildly gestured at.

“I’ve never been camping before in my life, and I’m going on a trip with a bunch of people I don’t even know who basically have diplomas in nature,” I huffed, crossing my arms, and feeling a little sorry for myself.

I couldn’t help it. I was feeling insecure and anxious about this trip, especially now that Jasmine was here to pick me up. I feared I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everyone, or that I would end up making a fool out of myself.

Jasmine stepped up to me and put her hands on my shoulders, her warm dark eyes drilling into mine. “You’re over-thinking things. It’s going to be fine. They don’t have degrees in nature, they enjoy camping. Do you really want to stay here with the world’s most evil little sister?”

My friend’s eyes travelled behind me, down the hall to the closed door of my sister’s room. Brinley wasn’t there, but the point was well-received.

“You’re right.” I cleared my throat, pushing my emotions away as much as I could. Squatting in the woods was preferable to dealing with Brinley prancing around like she’d won the lottery. After I’d refused to take Scott back, he’d made things official with my sister, and she was still under the belief that she’d won. As far as I was concerned, she could keep her prize.

I’d been spared Brinley’s taunting smirk this morning—she had yet to return from wherever she’d been the night before. But it was only a matter of time until she was home and starting in on me again.

Her little quips about how I didn’t know how to let loose and have fun, that I was far too boring to truly satisfy Scott, and that if I’d cared more about my appearance I might have held onto him were painful burrs embedded in my skin. I didn’t give a rat’s ass about satisfying Scott, not anymore—but I cared that Brinley had to taunt me. I cared that she poked at my insecurities and uncertainties. Sisters were supposed to lift you up, not tear you down. It seemed like Brinley was hellbent on tearing me down every time she got the chance—always when our parents weren’t within ear shot.

“I’m always right. I don’t feel bad at all about steamrolling you into coming. I know you’re going to have fun, and you need to get away from the drama for a bit.”

“I am looking forward to that ,” I sighed. That was the silver lining right there: getting away from the drama. I hated drama, and yet I’d been forced into it every time I had to deal with my sister.

Jasmine sent a comforting smile my way, then started grabbing things from my pile of gear. With her help, we were able to carry everything down in one go.

My mother was waiting in the foyer, a bemused smile on her full lips as she watched us. Her blue eyes twinkled as she came in for a hug I couldn’t return, what with my arms as full as they were. I knew before she opened her mouth that she was going to say something that would embarrass me, and I was thankful only Jasmine was around to bear witness.

“Have a fun trip! I slipped a box of condoms in your bag when you were in the shower,” she sang as she pulled back.

“Mom!” I said, my cheeks heating. Shaking my head incredulously, I rolled my eyes.

“What? I remember my single days,” she said, winking at me. “There might be an opportunity that you don’t want to miss out on,” she laughed again at the horrified look on my face. Jasmine sniggered, and I glared at her.

Mom had heard about my breakup with Scott, but she hadn’t heard the reason, or that Brinley was now seeing him. That news would disappoint my parents.

They had done their best to raise us to be each other’s best friend and constant source of support. Brinley must not have gotten the memo. It’s not very friendly or supportive to sleep with your sister’s boyfriend, or to send her a picture on Snap of yourself in bed with him.

“Okay, then. I’m leaving now. Bye, Mom.”

“Bye, honey! Have a wonderful time!”

I followed Jasmine out the door to her CRV, the red canoe already strapped down to the roof. She slid the cooler toward the back of the open trunk. I placed the tote I carried inside, then tossed my hiking bag on top of it.

“Tell me more about who’s all going?” I asked as we loaded the rest of my things into the back. I’d been so occupied with ensuring I had all the camping essentials I’d need, that I hadn’t really had time to ask questions. Now, I was curious about the people I’d be spending the next several days and nights with.

“Looking to use those condoms?” she teased, waggling her eyebrows.

I shot her an unimpressed look. “Hardly,” I rolled my eyes. “I want to have some idea of who’s going to be there.”

“Aside from us? Seven,” Jasmine replied with a grin. “Desmond, Baz, Rhiannon, Theo, Talia, Zoey and Kai.”

“That’s...a lot of people.” I frowned. Like, a lot . I only recognized a couple of names from conversations over the years. Talia had been one of her college roommates, and Desmond was one of the owners of the duplex they rented from. Theo might have been too…or maybe that was Baz, I couldn’t remember. They were all mysteries to me: names I’d recognized from her mentioning them in passing, but I’d never registered any lingering details about them.

Jasmine slammed the trunk closed, her grin widening. “They’re all really great people, Lux, you’ll see. Stop worrying and get in the car, we’ve got to hit the road so we can meet everyone at the boat launch.”

“All right,” I sighed, looking past Jasmine at my house. The knots in my stomach had already lessened with the knowledge that I had four days away from the drama that lived there. But what about after ? The thought tried to worm its way in, but I pushed it away, unwilling to face it. I knew I needed to figure out my next move, but it was clear I couldn’t subject myself to Brinley’s continued cruelty.

Walking around to the passenger side, I opened the door and climbed in, closing it behind me.

The engine roared to life and Jasmine sent an excited grin my way. “This is going to be an amazing trip, you’ll see,” she assured me with a confident smile before backing out of my parents’ driveway.