12. Kiera
KIERA
It took more washes than I would have expected to get clean. Given that I was behind him, I would have expected the mess to be relatively contained to his front. But even after two shampoos, I was seeing tinges of pink wash away with the suds.
Third time’s a charm.
Despite my little freakout, right now, I was feeling relatively calm. Away from the strange warehouse and back in my own room, it was easy for my brain to convince me that none of it had really happened.
If I just told myself that the red splatters running down my drain were paint, my brain was happy to fill in the blanks with a happier story. Or at least one that wouldn’t keep me up all night.
Does that make me broken?
I frowned, giving my scalp another scrub. The hot water ran over me, carrying a finally clear bunch of bubbles down the drain, but I barely felt it. It was like watching my body from just outside of itself, piloting an avatar in a video game rather than my own self.
I wasn’t sure what it said about me. But if my options were delusion or a complete shut down, I’d choose the type of crazy that kept me alive and functioning.
Lathering up one last layer of conditioner, I let out a sigh. If anything was bothering me at this point, it was that poor puppy that had gone scampering off into the night.
Dom would probably call me stupid if she knew, but I couldn’t help worrying about it. The poor thing looked young and emaciated on top of the wounds that fucker had given it. And if it stumbled onto the wrong farm in the middle of the night… I didn’t want to think about what might happen to it.
Rottweiler’s had a reputation, an unfair one. And the poor baby was going to be scared out there all alone.
While the conditioner set in, I rinsed my hands and reached to the small, inlaid shelf for my razor. But much to my confusion, it wasn’t there. “That’s… weird.”
I could have sworn it was in here earlier. I always left it in the same spot.
What, did a ghost move it while we were gone?
Peeling back the curtain to peer over at the sink, I saw that it wasn’t there either and let out a sigh.
Well, I must have left it somewhere. That or the crazy set in faster than I thought. Either way, guess I’m not shaving tonight.
Quickly rinsing the last of the conditioner from my hair, I hopped out of the shower and wrapped myself up in a plush bath sheet. But by the time I stepped into my room to get dressed, I realized exactly what had happened to my razor.
“What are you doing in here?” I pulled my towel higher around my chest, using the loose end to squeeze out the ends of my hair.
While I’d been busy cleaning up, Leo had made herself comfortable on my arm chair.
Her leg was crossed casually over her knee, and a box of my stuff — including my razor — sat off to her side.
My eyes narrowed before flicking back to her. “So that’s where that went?”
She nodded. “Gotta hold on to some of your stuff until we know you’re not a danger to yourself or us. Sharps, belts, et cetera.”
“Seems a bit excessive.”
“Maybe. But we take your safety very seriously.”
“How long until I’m allowed to shave again?” I crossed my arms, a slight pout pressing my lips flat.
“Just a few days.”
I groaned, walking over to the dresser to fish out a t-shirt. “Seriously? It’s going to look like the Amazon down there.”
Leo smiled, leaning forward in her chair. “Don’t worry, Princess. I like a little bush.”
I rolled my eyes as her gaze flickered over my body. Clearly she was feeling pretty peachy despite what had just happened. “If I can’t have any of my shit, then how about a little privacy?”
“You’ve got it, boss.” She leaned back in the chair, turning her attention to the little pile of treasures she’d collected.
Letting out a sigh, I dropped my bath sheet and started to get dressed, pulling on a comfy pair of black cotton panties under the oversized green tee she’d leant me. But as my head popped through the collar, I realized she wasn’t just sifting through random garbage in that box.
She’d gotten her hands on an old sketchbook and was already halfway through it.
My heart lurched as I recognized one of the sketches inside of it. “That’s not?—”
“You know, you’ve got a real talent, Kiera.” She whistled low, fanning through a handful of pages.
“I don’t.” I snatched the book away from her, tossing it into my drawer with a glare. “And you weren’t supposed to see that.”
“I thought we didn’t keep secrets, Princess.” Her voice feigned apology, but the grin pulling at the corner of her mouth told me she was anything but sorry. “Have you always liked to draw?”
I’d spent most of my childhood with a pencil in my hand. There were only so many hobbies a girl with no toys and no parental supervision could develop. But I hadn’t picked up a sketchbook in ages. And I didn’t dare revisit the memories that one contained.
Turning my back on her, I headed for the bed. “They’re just doodles.”
Leo stood from her seat, pacing after me. “Doodles? Kiera these?—”
“I don’t see what snooping through my books has to do with my safety.”
Leo’s expression softened at the bark in my voice. Holding her hands up, she took a seat on the edge of my bed. “You’re right, I’m sorry. Tonight was a lot. Why don’t we talk about that. How are you holding up?”
Folding up my legs and tucking them beneath the duvet, I let out a deep sigh. “I’m okay. Just tired.”
Leo lifted a brow. “Just tired? You looked like a ghost when you came back to the warehouse with Spencer.” Grabbing my damp towel from the floor, Leo hung it over the bathroom door.
I shrugged, pulling the blanket a little tighter around my legs. “I just needed a second to adjust. I’m totally fine now.”
At that, Leo crossed her arms over her chest. “You should not be ‘totally fine’ after killing a man, Kiera.”
“You are.” I spat back with a critical glare.
“That’s different. It’s… not my first time.” She rolled her shoulders back, adjusting her posture as she turned to face me more. “But that doesn't mean I’m not affected by it. That stuff lives in your body, no matter how many times you do it.”
My body had felt like a separate piece from the rest of me ever since my captors pulled that monster of a man from the back of his car. It was a vessel, something I could pilot toward survival. It wasn’t a home for my own consciousness, let alone whatever trauma was trying to make a nest of it now.
But that didn’t seem to be satisfactory to the good doctor. “When you think about what just happened… where are you feeling it?”
I gestured around the back of my head, just a few inches from my skull. “Is that not how you…?”
Leo shook her head, pointing straight at her chest. “I feel it here. It burns, adrenaline and all those other chemicals creeping up my neck. My arms feel tight, my stomach tingles, and my focus feels like it’s front and center in my body.”
I blinked as I took that in, trying to make sense of the difference. “Does that mean there’s something wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you.” Leo shook her head hard, instantly trying to dispel the concern. “I just want to keep an eye on you for a few days. It seems like those feelings haven’t hit you quite yet. But when they do, I want you to know that I’m here for you. All of us are.”
I let out a small chuckle, lying back against the pillows. “Oh yeah? Even Dom?”
“Even Dom. She just doesn’t know how to show it.” She laughed, laying a hand on my thigh. “Is there anything I can do for you right now?”
Even through the blanket, her hand was warm on my thigh, anchoring me back in my body. My chest and head felt… floaty, jittery. Like I might disappear at any moment. I needed more of that grounding, more of her. “Will you hold me?”
“Of course.” She stood, circling the bed. “Mind if I get comfy?”
I nodded, watching as she stripped down her dirty layers until just her tight black boxers and a thin white undershirt remained. Then, pulling back the sheet, she slid into the bed beside me, holding her arms open for me. “How do you want me?”
I rolled over, pressing my back against her as she wrapped her massive arms around me. Taking my cue, she scootched forward, pulling me firmly against her body until her heat bled into my skin. “Any better?”
“A little,” I murmured, bunching the duvet against my chest as I nestled into her.
“Can I try something that might help a little more?”
“Okay…” I leaned back into her heat, pulling her arms a little tighter around me.
“Okay, this is a game I learned a while back. It’s supposed to help when your head’s starting to buzz. It’s pretty simple. Can you tell me five things you can see?”
Blinking, I stared out into the dimly lit room. “Anything?”
“Anything.” Leo nodded.
“Uh, the wallpaper?” I squinted at the blue and gold print across from the bed, the way the short lines and dots worked together to form dense brush and shrubs.
“What else?”
“The arm chair…” It still had a faint imprint of Leo on its cushion. “The bathroom door, my nightstand… and the pile of books.” I’d spent more time reading since arriving here than I had in years. Not much else to do when you’re locked up in a room alone…
“Good. Now take a deep breath, and tell me four things you can feel.”
My chest, too tight before, expanded with a deep breath as I tried to tap into my sense of touch. “The duvet…”
“What does that feel like?” She prodded, adjusting slightly behind me.
“Cool. But like, a nice coolness.”
“Alright. What else?”
“The pillow cradling my head…” I was struggling to think of anything else. Anything that didn’t have to do with Leo at least.
But as if she could sense my hesitation, she gave me a little squeeze. “Two more, Princess.”
“Your arms. They’re warm… strong.”
She let out a breathy chuckle at that, tickling the exposed skin of my neck and eliciting a whimper that surprised me. “Um, your breath.”