Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Bax
My mama had an immutable knack for overstaying her welcome where Athena and I were concerned.
She flitted around my house, apologizing over and over for “abandoning” me in my time of need, tending to me, cleaning, fluffing pillows, and washing and folding laundry for hours, like I was five years old and couldn’t possibly lift a finger for myself.
Okay, fine. Admittedly, I’d fallen behind on laundry. I wasn’t ungrateful, and all that shit needed to be done, but my mother had always had a way of inserting herself into our lives when Athena and I were probably best left to figure things out on our own.
When Abey brought Athena home with her new riding boots, Mama started dinner and then sat with us while it cooked in the oven, sipping decaf in the living room while Athena chattered away about drama club and how she’d been chosen to play the Ghost of Christmas Past in the school holiday show.
Mama didn’t like that. Oh, she was glowingly proud of Athena for getting the part, but she seemed to be bothered by the fact that she thought Christmas Past was a boy’s part, and she wanted Athena to have a girl’s part so she could fix her hair and make her a pretty costume.
It put my Road Trip right over the edge. She stood, and with waving hands and indignant scoffs, told her Grandma to get with the times, that girls could be boys, and boys could be girls if they wanted to.
Devo joined us after her meeting. She showed up in the middle of the rant and sat on the couch next to Abey, fully enthralled by Athena’s performance.
My sister and her fiancée had a knack, too, for showing up when food was ready.
They ate roasted chicken and wild rice with us when it was done, then hung out after Mama left.
Who cared about the extra food when their presence was the reason my mama didn’t stay?
She may’ve gotten on board with Abey’s and Devo’s relationship, but her big toe was the only part of her body on the boat, and she sure as shit wasn’t comfortable with it.
“You guys cool if I run an errand?” I asked as I reached for my crutches on the floor beside my chair and pushed up.
Devo snorted a laugh, snuggling back into Abey’s side on my couch. Abey slipped her arm over Devo’s shoulder and asked, “An errand? Where you gonna go?”
“Uh, I need to… to talk to Sweet—or I mean Bea about somethin’.”
“You need to talk to her?” Devo taunted. “Or you need to talk to her?” She wiggled her dark eyebrows.
“Shut up. It’s about the cabins. We were havin’ a conversation about it earlier before Merv showed up.”
Calling our mama Merv still made us giggle like twelve-year-olds, and Mama hated it with a passion, which was why we still did it.
“Go ahead,” Abey said, chuckling. “We’ll hang out for a bit. You have satellite, so that works out for us, and Athena said she’s got a lot of homework so she’ll be upstairs for a while.”
“Thanks. Is it cold out tonight? Should I grab a flannel?”
“No, it’s not too— Wait a minute,” Devo said, those eyebrows now furrowing in perplexion. “Just how are you plannin’ on gettin’ to Bea’s cabin? You might’ve been able to cheat with the brace, but with that bulky cast in your way, I’d pay good money to watch you try to drive. You can’t.”
“I was gonna take the skid steer.”
She laughed, and Abey said, “If Rye finds out you drove his Bobcat, he’ll kill you.”
“He lets Athena drive it.”
“Yeah,” Abey said, “’cause she’s a better driver than you.”
“C’mon, gimpy.” Devo popped up off the couch. “I’ll drive you.” She grabbed her keys from the kitchen table on our way out the door.
Devo held my crutches while I slid into the cab of her truck, which, now that I was thinking about it, seemed like the same make and model of Bea’s truck.
Different years probably, but it was a heck of a coincidence that they drove the same POS Chevy when there were perfectly good Fords all over the place.
Man, I missed driving my own damn truck.
I looked at my blue beast longingly as Devo pulled away from my house and asked, “You got condoms?”
I choked on spit. “What?”
“Rubbers, contraception, raincoat, dick wrapper, etcetera.”
“Why would I need that to go to a business meetin’?”
Devo snorted. “Business meetin’. Right.” The silence after her acknowledgement of my true intentions was awkward as fuck, but finally, she said, “I like Bea. She’s pretty cool.”
“Mm.”
Yeah, I agreed with that statement. What other woman would show up at her boss’s brother’s house and start helping out like she’d lived there her whole life? Especially if that brother had made a seriously rude comment about her ass when he was drunk two years ago.
“Abey says you haven’t dated since Candy passed.”
“I haven’t.”
“How come?”
“Dunno.”
She looked at me as she took the turn onto the dirt road that, in the near future, would be called Bear Lane. We even had street signs made and ready to go up.
“If you wanted to start now, no one would judge you.”
Right. My mama would. Brand would.
Athena might.
I’d judge me.
When I didn’t respond, she shrugged. “All I’m sayin’ is you could do worse. That’s all.”
“Thanks for the ride,” I said when she pulled up outside Bea’s cabin, next to her truck. I was right; they both drove old Chevy Colorados.
“Welcome. Want me to come back for you later?”
“Naw. I’ll figure it out.”
“’Kay.”
After Devo had driven further down the lane and turned around in the mini roundabout Rye plowed clear for us, I made my way to the cabin’s porch and opened the door. It then occurred to me I should’ve knocked, but I’d already gotten used to going in and out of the cabins to check their progress.
Inside, a small fire had been lit in the fireplace, loud pop music played from Bea’s phone on the small kitchen table, and I saw piles of papers and rolls of blueprints stacked next to it. I smelled food cooking, but Bea was hidden behind the refrigerator.
Suddenly, she jumped around the fridge door with a cordless nail gun in her hands. “Ha!” she hollered as she stuck her landing, her bare feet shoulder-width apart and planted on the floor.
My hands jerked up to cover my face, my crutches fell out from under my armpits and clacked loudly on the hardwood floor a second later, and I crumpled like a dropped accordion right after. “Don’t fuckin’ shoot me! Goddamn, girl.”
My ass hit the ground, and pain shot up my tailbone.
“Sorry! I thought you were a bear.” She grabbed her phone and rushed to me, hands flapping in front of her, trying to find a way to help. “I’m makin’ soup, and I thought the delicious aroma of roasted butternut squash had lured him in.”
She turned off the music as I lay flat on my back on the cold floor, looking up at her and thinking, She keeps a nail gun in the kitchen? And didn’t Brand install radiant floor heaters?
I also had the thought that maybe Devo and Rye were right. Maybe I could… date. Would that be such a bad thing? I mean, it wasn’t like I was contemplating marrying anyone.
Would it hurt?
“You okay?” Bea asked. “You didn’t break any other bones, did you?”
“I’m okay. Although, I’m no spring chicken. That’s probably gonna leave a bruise.”
“Here.” She held out her hands, but I didn’t try to get up. Instead, I reached up and held them.
I wanted to stay like that. I liked my view of her thick, dark hair falling wild and messy over her shoulders and the blush on her cheeks ’cause she was embarrassed she’d almost nailed me to the wall.
“Come down here with me,” I said, and I tugged.
“What? On the floor?”
“Why not?”
“Whatever,” she said, shrugging, and she sat next to me. “How’d you even get here?”
“A good Samaritan dropped me off.”
She’d changed from the jeans she’d worn earlier in the day, which were no doubt some shade of yellow now, into a long, flowing purple skirt and another oversized sweatshirt.
This one was gray. Its neck had been cut out so that it slid over the top of her shoulder, showing a thin, black bra strap and her tanned skin, and it had the orange and black logo of a popular tool company on the front.
“Soup?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “Remember? It’s the whole reason we went to the store this mornin’. Your sister left me a bunch of fresh veggies, so I thought I’d make soup to keep in the fridge while I’m here. I was gonna bring some up to your house after it cools.”
“Thanks.”
“Why are you here, Bax?”
“I thought you wanted me to come.”
“No, I did. I do. It’s just… What were we thinkin’?”
“I’m not sure,” I admitted.
She moved to get up, but I let go of her hands, grabbed her wrist, and leaned up on an elbow. “But don’t leave. Don’t walk away and act like today didn’t happen.”
“I don’t wanna put you in a weird situation. I work for your brother, and you have Athena. Candy. I-I don’t want…”
“Don’t want what?”
“I don’t wanna bulldoze into your life and interfere.”
I thought about that. I didn’t want that either. But that wasn’t who she was. “You wouldn’t. I don’t think you’re that kinda person.”
“Still. It wouldn’t be right.”
“Hey,” I said quietly. “Why don’t you let me choose what’s right for me, huh? I’m a big boy. I can decide for myself.”
“I mean, what did you think would happen though?” she asked. “I can’t have sex with you.”
“That’s not what I wanted.”
Her eyes lowered to the floor and she breathed, “Liar,” but then she lifted those sultry emeralds and dipped her chin.
“Okay, yeah, I do want that. I’m a guy, and you’re beautiful and funny and I got a feelin’ you’d be amazin’ in bed. But it’s not why I came here tonight.”
“For the record, I’m dynamite in bed,” she said with a coy smile, “but why did you?”
“I’m not sure. I guess I like bein’ around you. I like the sound of your voice too.”
And also, suddenly I’m starved for human connection.
It felt like I’d been starving for her .
She blushed, her cheeks pinking to a deep rose color. “I can’t believe I said that to you.”
“I’m glad you did. I felt the same way. I feel that way now, but you’re right. Sex… It’s not— I can’t. But I want you.” Fuck . I couldn’t believe that had just come out of my mouth.
She bit into her lower lip. “It’s crazy, right? We don’t even really know each other.”
“I’ve never felt like this. It’s like you’re a drug, and I need you.”
“But you were married. You were in love with your wife.”
“Yeah, but this is different.”
She rolled her eyes. “How’s it different?”
“It’s a… a physical pull. I can’t explain it.”
I’d never felt so confused in my life. It was like my sunny, happy past was in a boxing match with this new, sexy, darker present. But both were strong and beautiful, and now, in real time, parts of that past seemed to be fading away, like Candy in my dreams.
Being with Bea would feel like flipping the TV channel, and I realized quickly that I could easily become addicted to her and to the easy, relaxed way she made me feel. I’d spent the last three years feeling the opposite of relaxed or easy.
She laughed. Maybe she didn’t believe me? But then she nodded. “I understand.”
“So maybe sex is off the table,” I said cautiously, “but I’m open to… alternatives.”
“Like?”
“C’mere.” I patted my chest. “Come closer. Kiss me again.”
She leaned down. Her hair fell around me, hiding us together inside its dark halo. It felt safe in there, and when her lips touched mine, I responded.
My hands lifted up to cradle the sides of her face so I could pull her even closer.
She got up on her knees and climbed over me, straddling me and settling her warm center over my stomach, and the beast inside me wanted to push her lower.
I wanted her to rub herself to ecstasy on my dick.
If she’d just lift her skirt a little, she’d get a good ride because I was hard enough to make her come through my pants.
Pulling back, she gasped for a breath and looked in my eyes, and in hers I saw desire. Hot, wild desire. Man, it felt good to be wanted again.
Desire was what she saw in my eyes too. It was the only sure thing I knew in the moment. All thoughts of loss and sadness and the resignation I’d begun to feel about the expectation of spending the rest of my life alone—all of it fled from my mind.
“More,” I whispered.
She planted her hands above my shoulders on the floor and opened her mouth over mine. I licked at her tongue, moving and molding my mouth to hers, breathing into her and stealing all that desire so I could thrust it right back inside her.
She tilted her head, moaned, and rolled her hips. The movement lifted my shirt up a couple inches, and she pulled the fabric of her skirt out from between us, bringing the heat between her thighs flush with my bare stomach.
“Shit. The floor’s killin’ my knees,” she whispered.
“Here.” I whipped my shirt over my head and handed it to her and she tucked it under her knee. Tilting my head back, I located the blanket on the couch, grabbed the corner and dragged it down, then tucked it under her other knee.
“Much better,” she said, and she smiled, but then her gaze moved to my chest. “Oh God, Bax. Why do you have to be so sexy?”
The better to tempt you with, my dear.
She attacked my chest with her mouth, her tongue sneaking out to taste my nipple, all the while humming her approval in heated moans and eager breath.
And when she sucked it into her mouth and her hair tickled my chin, I almost came.
The sweet smell of her skin and the herbal scent lingering in her hair from her shower didn’t help at all .
Shit . I hadn’t told her, but she could probably guess that I hadn’t had sex in more than three years, and she was moving her body lower with every lick, until she was so close to dry humping me over my stupid pajama pants that I knew with the first press of her heat to my hard dick, I’d explode for sure.
Gripping her ribs, I lifted her.
She gasped and raised her head. The loss of her pussy so close to my cock, even covered in clothing, ached so bad that I thought the pain pills the hospital had given me after surgery couldn’t even make it better.
Bea’s body was my only cure.
“What are you doin’?” she said. “Did I go too far?”
“Not fuckin’ far enough,” I gritted through clenched teeth, trying to control the release that wanted to erupt out of my body. “Lift up your skirt.”
She moaned and complied a lot faster than I thought she would.
“Sit on my face, Bea. Come in my mouth. I wanna taste you.”