Will
Chapter Thirty-Three
Well, I certainly wasn’t sad anymore.
Ashamed, maybe. Frustrated. Confused at what the hell possessed me to do what I just did.
What the hell was wrong with me? Dumping a bucket of emotional baggage onto Elsie and then trying to kiss her?
It’s a wonder she didn’t call the cops on me, because clearly I was out of my mind. She should have. Just another sign of her bad instincts, I guess.
I slammed the steering wheel in a burst of anger at myself right as I turned onto the dark road leading up to my house.
I was never more glad to live in such relative isolation. I could scream at myself all night, with no neighbors to hear me (Thank you, Grandpa Joe, for building a cabin on the lake where no other person had thought to build one).
I couldn’t get over what an asshole move I’d pulled. I mean, the girl had told me herself she’d just got her heart broken, and while I wasn’t exactly experienced with the ordeal of heartbreak myself, I knew enough that people needed a little bit of time to move on from it.
She needed a friend, not another guy feeding into the stereotype that guys only hung around girls in the hopes of getting something more from them.
The truth was, I’d take anything I could get from Elsie—even if that only meant friendship. She made me laugh. She put me at ease. And she made my days a whole lot better by being part of them.
And I might’ve screwed it all up by trying to kiss her.
Yet despite it all, a part of me still hated that damn cat for interrupting before I got the chance to make the best mistake of my life.
I hoped no one would ask me what possessed me to string up cardboard turkeys around the café, because the only answer I could give was: Elsie Cameron.
She and her obsessive need for festivity.
I didn’t really understand what some cheap decorations really did for her, but it took so little to make her smile that I didn’t mind setting aside my pride.
Even when I knew I’d get a few comments and maybe some pointed looks from the regulars who had never known me to be the type of guy to decorate for the holidays.
“This is new,” Theo said, looking around with raised brows.
Damn, I’d forgotten he was on the early shift.
“Yeah, well, people like the holidays. Figured I’d give them something to keep coming in for.”
“Right.” Theo nodded slowly.
Truth was, customers would come if I cut half the menu and burned every pot of coffee I brewed, if for no other reason than we were the only café in town.
He knew that. I knew that. But he didn’t press the matter, reminding me why we’d always been friends.
“Hey, are you going to the Fall Fest tonight?” he asked, hanging his jacket on the hook by the door.
I snorted.
“Yeah, I guess that was a long shot.” He laughed. “You haven’t been since, what, high school?”
“Middle school,” I corrected.
“And I can’t convince you to tag along?”
“Negative.”
“Come on, Will,” he pleaded. “It’s fun. Something different, at least.”
I never understood why Theo stuck around in Colbridge.
He craved novelty that a town like this just didn’t offer.
He chased after excitement, took every opportunity to take a vacation, and had no real roots tying him here other than family and a job with his dad’s company that his heart had never been entirely invested in.
Sometimes I thought he picked up shifts at the café just to escape the monotony of it all.
“Yeah, I’ll pass on the hayride and bobbing for apples,” I said, climbing off the chair I’d been standing on. “But thanks.”
I had no desire to walk around the town I grew up in, talk to the same people I already saw every day, and spend money on useless crap I didn’t need. It’s not as if it weren’t the same thing every year, anyway.
“I guess I didn’t really expect any different.” Theo shrugged. “It would take nothing short of a miracle to get you involved in any type of town extracurricular.”
I snorted. “I doubt even divine intervention by the Big Guy himself could talk me into going.”
“Somehow,” Theo laughed, “I really believe that’s true.”
The bells jingled, and for the millionth time that day, my idiotic brain forced me to turn in the direction of the door to see if it might be Elsie walking through.
And this time, it finally was.
I paused mid-motion, wondering how to proceed with the situation.
Would it be weird to talk to her as if nothing had happened after the other night?
Would it be even weirder if I didn’t talk to her?
I stood frozen in place, watching her unwind the burgundy scarf from around her neck and slide her green jacket around the chair I’d come to think of as hers.
She looked casually unbothered, because why wouldn’t she be? It’s not like anything happened. Maybe she hadn’t even known I was going to kiss her, maybe she thought I was, I don’t know, examining her freckles or something?
Because if she knew, she surely wouldn’t be going about her normal routine. Right?
Or maybe I’m the only idiot in town who gets hung up on an almost-kiss.
Throwing caution to the wind, I set down the pot of coffee I’d been holding and set over to her, ready to clear the air once and for all.
She was only here for another month. I wasn’t going to ruin the time I had left with her by letting an uncomfortable interaction change the dynamic between us.
“Hey,” I said, pausing a few feet away from her.
“Hi,” she said, nearly toppling over the chair she’d been about to sit in.
My hand shot out, steadying her, and she blushed, her face reddening before my very eyes.
“Are you okay?”
Or are you entirely freaked out by what I almost did, the same way I’m freaked out about it?
“I’m good!” Her voice was high-pitched and squeaky. “I’m fine. Totally normal.”
“Normal?”
“Normal as in…uh, not abnormal.”
“Okay?” I gently extracted my hand, using it to tug my neck.
She couldn’t meet my eyes, instead choosing to fidget with her bag as a stiff tension wrapped uncomfortably around us.
But was it because she was horrified by what I’d done…or the opposite?
Normal Elsie was all confidence and bold humor and fiery remarks. I couldn’t imagine her not telling a guy off if he tried to make a move on her that she wasn’t into. I mean, she had no problem telling me off when I was a complete stranger—what would stop her now?
Or maybe I was just one of those asshole guys, trying to pursue a girl who’d given them every signal in the world that she wasn’t interested.
But she hadn’t rejected me, had she?
No, in fact, based on the memory currently burned into my brain, she looked very much like she’d been about to kiss me back.
Which left me with one alternative: she was fumbling around because she was just as thrown off kilter as I was, because, maybe, just possibly, she liked me, too.
I was embarrassed to admit it had been too long for me to remember the signs. I mean, I didn’t want to presume anything, so really the only way to know for sure was to gauge her a little.
“Are you seeing anyone?” I asked, instantly cringing when I realized I sounded like a guy from a nineties sitcom.
She frowned at the question.
“You mean, besides you?”
“Me?” My eyes widened. “Are we—” I stumbled, nearly choking out the words. “I mean, are you seeing me?”
She looked at me like I was crazy, and maybe I was. I certainly didn’t feel the comfortable sense of sanity I usually prided myself on.
“Yeah.” She nodded slowly. “I’m seeing you.”
My heart paused, lips pressed in a thin line as if I could stop myself from saying something stupid before I figured out what the hell was going on.
“I’m also seeing Theo,” she said, casually peering behind me.
“What?” My heart thudded furiously.
“And Mrs. Nelson over there.” She pointed a finger to her left. “And that couple by the window, I don’t know the names, but somehow know that they order oatmeal every morning, and—”
“Elsie,” I stopped her before I lost my mind completely, “what the hell are you talking about?”
“You asked if I could see anyone,” she said. “So I’m telling you who I can see.”
“Dating, Elsie. I meant, are you dating anyone?”
“Oh.” Her face flushed again, this time a deep shade of crimson. “Oh. Oh my God, Will. I thought you were trying to do some type of weird concussion test on me because I just lost my balance.”
I groaned, running a hand over my face.
“And that makes more sense to you than assuming I was asking about your dating life?”
“Yes! Quite frankly, it does, because why would you even ask me that? I see you every day, wouldn’t you know if I had a boyfriend?”
Of course I would. Especially since I was somehow creepily on top of keeping tabs on Elsie. But I’d meant to segue into the topic of seeing if she were open to the possibility of seeing anyone.
Namely, me.
I guess I was shittier at this than I thought.
“Look, Elsie, I guess what I’m really trying to say is…well, I mean, you told me about your ex…but I was wondering.” I cleared my throat, trying to summon the willpower to just be a goddamned man and ask her, “Have you ever thought about putting yourself out there again?”
She blinked.
“Well, I don’t know, I mean…I haven’t really thought about it.” Her words came out in a torrent. “Do you think I should?”
I watched her leg bounce and wondered why the question unnerved her that much. Did she know I was into her? Did the idea of it turn her off? Make her uncomfortable.
I tried to backpedal, aiming for a casualness I wasn’t sure I could pull off.
“I mean, I guess if you want to.” I shrugged half-heartedly.
“Relationships aren’t an end-all-be-all in a person’s life.
If you have other stuff to focus on, then I guess that’s a better use of your time,” I said and couldn’t help but finish it off with one word that might gauge her reaction. “Right?”
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting love.” She frowned, and I instantly became aware that I’d somehow offended her.
“I didn’t say—”
“You can still be successful and career driven and whatever,” she flicked a hand in the air as her forehead creased with frown lines, “and still have an element of romance in your life.”
“Yeah,” I said simply, hoping to throw her off my tracks a little bit. “Sure. But like I said, it’s not something you necessarily have to go chasing after. If it finds you, great. If it doesn’t, oh well.”
But all I really wanted to say was, has it found you? Do you feel whatever I feel between us? Am I delusional? Is this all in my head because this is the first time I’ve felt anything even close to this feeling in years?
“I guess you would know, right?” she said abruptly. “Aren’t you, like, a chronic bachelor by choice?”
Her words held a hint of disdain, and I wondered if I had pushed too far in the wrong direction.
“No.”
“Oh, so you have a girlfriend?” she asked.
“Of course not.”
“But you go on dates?”
“Not recently,” I bit out, wondering how the conversation had turned so drastically.
“Because you have unrealistically high standards?”
“What? No!” I said hurriedly. “I don’t have standards!”
Jesus, I can’t say that and then tell her I like her…
“I mean, I have standards,” I corrected. “Normal standards.”
Wait, but does that make it sound like she’s not anything special?
“Above average standards,” I said through a grimace, realizing it might’ve just made me sound more of an asshole. “Uh, never mind.”
I started to turn, needing to get the hell away and regain my composure so I could ask her in plain English if she wanted to go on a date with me.
“Look, Elsie.” I turned back for a moment, trying to plant the seed. “All I’m saying is maybe you should put yourself out there. With someone who really likes you.”
“Noted.” Her face was nearly stone as she responded with a curt nod.
I ran a hand over my face, wishing that I could rewind the last ten minutes of my life and have a do-over.
“I don’t have standards,” I muttered as I crossed the café. “Idiot.”
Theo passed me by, coffeepot in his hands as he headed right for the corner I’d just come from.
I turned with a sense of dread, realizing at once what was happening. Because in my pathetic attempt at asking her out, I’d forgotten the easiest route to Elsie’s heart.
Caffeine.