40. Wesley
40
WESLEY
“Where are you?” Nina asks before I have a chance to say hello.
I sit up in bed, pausing at her strained tone. “My apartment. What’s wrong?”
“Where’s your apartment?”
“Uh—Antonia wing. 305. Now answer my question.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” she says, and hangs up. I stare at my phone in disbelief before scanning my messy apartment. Karító . I stumble off my bed and clean fast enough for my mother to be proud.
The entire time, I try to figure out why Nina sounded stressed and why she demanded to come here. But in a quick, dreadful thought, I realize it’s probably about us. Is she going to end it?
Nina is the princess of Maldana. Soon, she’ll be queen. I’m not just her bodyguard; I’m a former hitman. The Higher Court would never allow us to be together. I stopped in Fortuna because our time would be up as soon as we returned to the palace and I didn’t want to let her go just yet.
Resisting her is more than the fact that my career would fall apart further. The dark memories of my past life have not gone away, and they won’t—not anytime soon. She helps me find the good in the world; I see it every time I look at her. Each kiss and touch sends me deeper into a fantasy of a life with her and I’m convincing myself it’s possible. But I don’t know if I can do that with these memories clawing up my throat every day.
When I answer her knock, Nina pushes the door aside and strides into the apartment. One look at her outfit and I know she’s out to kill me. She’s wearing a cropped shirt that ties around her neck to expose her shoulders, paired with ass-hugging pants of the same pattern. The urge to touch her has never been so strong.
“Jack called me,” she says. “He wanted to know what I thought of you as my security.”
I blink, ripping my gaze from her body to find her indignant expression. “Okay…”
She plants her hands on her hips. “Should I tell him you make me feel safe—or what it feels like to have your tongue down my throat?”
“I…”
“You’re leaving ?”
“I—was only contracted to be your security until or if you went public.”
She grimaces. “Just like that.”
“What am I supposed to do?” I regret the words immediately; I’m still pulling myself away from the thought of kissing her exposed skin.
“Maybe tell me!” Nina looks away as tears threaten to fall. The sight snaps me into reality. “I thought we had more time,” she says, voice cracking. “I thought you wanted more time, I thought?—”
“Nina—”
“No,” she insists. “At least tell me why it’s so easy for you to walk away from this.”
Easy .
The simple word sets my chest on fire. I’ve stared down the barrel of a gun enough times to feel comfortable, yet keeping my hands off Nina this summer has been the bane of my existence.
“Easy?” I echo. “None of this has been fucking easy. You think I wanted to watch another man put his hands all over you this summer? Whisper in your ear? Flirt with you?”
Nina opens her mouth, struggling to gather the words. She doesn’t know the torment.
“Being your security is the first ethical job I’ve had in years so what the hell am I supposed to do when the one person who makes me want to be a better man becomes the same thing that stops me? I am clawing my way to being a good person, one who doesn’t fall for his client and respects boundaries but you—you control me. You own my every thought, my every fucking desire. I can’t breathe without knowing you’re safe or happy.” I let out a breath, lowering onto the edge of the bed and looking up at her. “You own all of me, angel. Each goddamn part.”
Nina pushes off the dresser and kneels before me, taking my face in her hands. “I may not have known you then, but I know you now. The man in front of me is good and kind and so thoughtful it hurts. I’ve learned more about myself and my family in the last few months than I have my whole life. I worry about everything and my mind is in constant chaos. The only place I know peace is anywhere I’m with you… and it kills me that you think I’m keeping you from being a good person. You are one.”
I smother a defeated sigh, leaning into her hand and muttering, “Because of you.”
“It’s not something earned or given. You’re only seeing more of who you already are. And I want you, Wesley. All of you.”
I’m in love with this woman—more than I thought I could. A relationship outside that door might not be possible, but she’s right in front of me, willing, wanting. I close the small distance, covering her lips with mine. The tender kiss quickly turns needy and I pull her onto my lap. My groin stiffens at the feel of her straddling me. Nina suddenly shoves me onto my back, a smirk tugging at her lips. I know what she’s thinking—because I’m thinking it, too.
Finally.