15. Micah
MICAH
The drive back to my house was filled with the kind of conversation that only made sense when one person was pleasantly drunk and the other was trying very hard not to laugh.
Robin spent ten minutes explaining why Belle had somehow cheated at karaoke, despite the fact that karaoke wasn't technically a competition. Then she moved on to a detailed breakdown of a questionable referee call from the second period before abruptly changing subjects and making my pinky swear I would never tell anyone she loved pumpkin spice because it wasn’t just for ‘basic bitches,’ just saying that was anti-feminist.
I didn't try to follow the logic. I just listened.
The truth was, I liked listening to her.
I liked the way she got animated when she cared about something.
I liked how her hands moved when she talked and how her voice got a little louder when she was passionate.
Even half-drunk and running on adrenaline from the bout, she was still entirely herself.
When we pulled into my driveway, Robin stared at the house through the windshield for a moment before turning to me.
"Your nerd house."
I laughed. "My house."
“The Nerd House.”
There wasn't much point arguing with her when she was drunk it seemed. Robin possessed an impressive ability to commit to a bit.
Inside, she almost fell over when she tried to yank off her boots. I steadied her and knelt down, unlacing them and taking them off.
"You should shower," I said.
She squinted at me suspiciously. "You're very bossy tonight."
"You are very drunk tonight. Trust me, after your bout, your muscles will thank you in the morning."
Her expression shifted as she considered that before giving a little shrug.
The victory felt significant.
A little while later, after much grumbling, I finally got her settled in a hot shower. While she was in there, I gathered a blanket from the hall closet, filled a glass with water, and set a bottle of ibuprofen on the coffee table.
The whole thing felt strangely natural.
Most of my adult life had been spent carefully keeping people at a distance. Relationships happened, but none of them had ever settled into my life this easily. None of them had ever felt like they belonged there.
Robin somehow did.
When she finally emerged from the bathroom wearing one of my t-shirts, her damp curls falling around her shoulders, I felt something shift inside me.
Not desire, at least not only desire. There was an affection that was new. It was the kind that sneaks up on you when you're busy paying attention to other things, that makes seeing someone comfortable in your space feel more intimate than kissing them.
She accepted the water I handed her and curled up in the corner of the couch beneath the blanket. By the time I sat beside her, she had already tucked her feet underneath herself and claimed approximately three-quarters of the available space.
"I see you're settling in."
She smiled sleepily. "I make myself at home."
"Clearly."
The television played quietly in the background, neither of us really paying attention to it. The energy from Trixie's had faded, leaving behind the pleasant exhaustion that followed a good night. Outside, the neighborhood was quiet. Inside, the house felt warm.
Robin leaned against my side without hesitation, and I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. For a while, neither of us said much. We sat together watching the television. I could feel the warmth of her through the fabric of my shirt and could smell her shampoo from the shower.
Eventually, Robin tipped her head back and looked up at me.
"Can I tell you something?"
There was something in her voice that made me look down immediately.
The teasing had faded. The alcohol was still there, softening her edges, but beneath it was something more vulnerable than she usually allowed herself to be.
"Of course."
She was quiet for several seconds, staring down at the blanket gathered in her lap.
"I don't trust people very easily."
The confession wasn't dramatic. She didn't say it like she was revealing some great secret. If anything, she sounded resigned to it. I thought about everything she'd told me over the past few weeks. Lila, her parents, Lantern House, the church, none of that fostered a sense of trust.
Trust wasn't something life had rewarded her for.
"That makes sense."
A small smile appeared.
"Most people tell me it's unhealthy."
"Most people don't know your story."
She studied me for a moment before looking away again.
"I always feel like I'm waiting for people to disappoint me. Even when I like them." She laughed softly and shook her head. "Especially when I like them."
The knot that had taken up residence in my chest tightened.
Robin picked at a loose thread on the blanket. "I keep expecting there to be a catch. Like eventually I'm going to find out someone wasn't who I thought they were. I think it all stems back to what happened with Jess… but who knows... Lots of people are disappointing."
The words hit harder than she knew. The secret I'd been carrying seemed to take up all the space in the room suddenly. It sat between us, invisible and growing heavier every day.
Still, she kept talking. "Something about you is different."
I looked down at her. Robin met my eyes, and for once there was no sarcasm there. No joke waiting to soften the moment. Just honesty.
"You make me feel safe."
Robin wasn't someone who handed out trust carelessly. She guarded herself and questioned everything. She kept pieces of herself tucked away where they couldn't be hurt. The fact that she felt safe with me should have been one of the best moments of my life. Instead, it felt painfully complicated.
She reached for my hand then, lacing her fingers through mine as naturally as breathing.
"I trust you, Micah. More than I've trusted anyone in a long time."
I closed my eyes. Those should have been treasured words.
They were the kind a man remembered for the rest of his life.
Instead, they tightened that knot of guilt, because she was trusting me while I was still keeping something from her.
It was not a small thing, either. It was something that might be unforgivable.
“That’s why I have to tell you a secret.”
I should stop her. She’d had too much to drink. She was telling me things that she wouldn’t sober. But I didn’t stop her. I didn’t do anything except sit there.
“I’m stealing money from the church.”
I froze. What did she mean?
“That night when I found out my dad was helping them with their accounting, I was fixing his computer and I found the files. I was curious… then I was pissed. They have so much money, Micah. Like so much! So when I got home, I worked a little of my hacker magic and back routed a monthly donation to Lantern House.”
“Good for you.” The words were out of my mouth before I even had time to think about them.
“You don’t think it’s a bad idea.”
“Well… That’s more complicated. I think it's the right thing to do.”
“Right,” she said, sitting up and turning to me. “Like they create this problem. They make places like Lantern House have to exist. It’s only fair.”
“My illegal little do-gooder. You derby name should be Robin Hood.”
I kissed the top of her head and closed my eyes. She was right. I was actually proud of her. She saw a problem and she fixed it… even though it was a crime. But that is the problem when the laws are unjust and the people with the power only care about money.
But that was also the problem… the people with the power only cared about money.
She was stealing from my father. While I agreed with her and it was a bad ass move, my father was a powerful man…
a powerful man who cared only about money.
If he ever found out someone was stealing from him, he would make that person pay.
I took a slow deep breath. I had planned on telling her tonight, but then she got drunk and it didn’t feel right. Now after everything she has told me, how can I tell her? Fuck. This was all so messed up.
I opened my eyes and looked down at her. She had already settled back against my shoulder, comfortable and content in a way that made my chest ache.
The worst part was that I hadn't hidden it because I wanted to deceive her.
I'd hidden it because I was afraid. Afraid she would look at me differently.
Afraid she would lump me together with everything she hated about Ascension.
Afraid that the thing growing between us would disappear the moment she learned.
But sitting there with her hand in mine and her head resting against my shoulder, I realized fear wasn't a good enough excuse anymore.
Robin deserved the truth.
She deserved the chance to decide what she thought of me with all the facts.
And as I held her a little closer, I finally admitted something to myself that I'd been carefully avoiding for weeks. I was worried because somewhere along the way, without meaning to, I'd started falling in love with her. And losing that was a terrifying prospect.