Chapter 7
Notes:
Here.
We.
Go. ^_-
ROWAN
Rowan stared at Milo kneeling in front of him. Milo’s eyes were the same as they had always been, yet so different, he realized now, filled with something new, with emotion that shouldn’t be possible.
“What do you mean you feel?”
“I-I-I think I’m… broken, Master,” Milo stuttered miserably, “and I-I’m afraid… you will not want to keep me anymore if you cannot fix me.”
“Afraid? You feel afraid?” Rowan knew he was repeating himself, but everything he knew about robotics said this was impossible.
People had warned of the potential of singularity for decades, but they had taken precautions to ensure the ability to learn never got out of hand.
Even if it could, emotions were entirely different from a bot learning and adapting.
Weren’t they?
“I-I’m sorry, Master. I’m trying to act normal.
” Milo was still trembling, gaze on its hands, which had lowered to rest atop its thighs, as the bot continued to kneel before Rowan.
There was wetness shimmering in Milo’s bright mechanical eyes.
They had lubricant to keep the components working, like all of Milo’s parts, but a bot was not supposed to look close to crying.
“How is this possible?” Rowan stared, at last reaching out to lightly grasp Milo’s chin and tilt it upwards. Milo’s lips were reddened too, like the bot had been worrying them.
Worrying.
Then a tear streaked down Milo’s face as its eyes met Rowan’s.
“The lightning. M-my surge protector kept me from overloading, b-b-but… the amount of power did something else to me. My diagnostics cannot explain it.”
“You’re alive…”
Another tear slid down Milo’s cheek. “Please do not throw me away. I can still please you.” With sudden urgency, Milo heaved upward, knocking Rowan back into the sofa cushions.
Its hands were still trembling as it slid them up Rowan’s thighs like before to part his legs and return to undoing his slacks.
Milo pulled the zipper down the rest of the way and started to push one hand inside.
“Wait.” Rowan grabbed it, holding Milo by the wrist to stop its advance.
Milo was beautiful and its touch was always pleasant, but this was different. Milo was crying and desperate and alive.
A sob choked in Milo’s throat at being denied. “I can still please you. Please do not—”
“Milo,” Rowan said sternly to get Milo to look at him again, since its eyes had fallen to their connected hands.
“Y-yes, Master?”
“I am not going to throw you away. I would never do that. And I am not going to recycle you. You’re not broken, you’re… I don’t know what. Some sort of miracle.”
Relief exhaled out of Milo in one great gasp, even though it didn’t need to breathe. “You are not angry? Or disappointed?” Its voice was so heartfelt, clamoring for validation.
Rowan couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled so unabashedly wide.
He sat up, released Milo’s wrist, and reached once more for the bot’s face, this time cupping its cheek and brushing away its tears with his thumb.
“This is incredible. I always thought there was something special about you, but I figured it was wishful thinking, that you only knew the right things to say and do because of programming. But now you’re alive.
You’re feeling things. You’re a person, Milo. This is amazing!”
Milo laughed, or maybe it was another gasp of relief, but it smiled to mirror Rowan, and it had never looked so real, so genuine. “I am glad. Glad…” Milo repeated, tears drying as it thought the word over. “That is the right word, correct? Glad? Happy? That is what I am feeling?”
“I should say so. But you were afraid before? For how long? All day, thinking I’d toss you into the dumpster?”
Again, Milo averted its eyes, like it was ashamed.
“I’m sorry, Master. I should not have assumed.
But… I saw another man throw away his bot that was damaged from the storm.
I could not stop thinking about it afterward.
I would tell my programming to put those thoughts aside, but they kept returning, over and over, and when every diagnostic I ran said I was not broken, I thought that meant everything was broken. ”
“You are not broken,” Rowan affirmed, holding Milo’s face more firmly and feeling Milo press into him in return, like a nuzzling cat.
“You’re just not used to the experience of emotions.
That’s understandable. You must be so overwhelmed.
What have you noticed? What was your day like?
It’s no wonder you didn’t finish your chores. ”
Milo’s eyes flew up to Rowan’s in alarm. “I neglected my chores! I will finish them straight away.” As swiftly as Milo had lunged forward, now it stood, forcing Rowan’s hand to drop from its face.
“Milo, wait.” Rowan grabbed its wrist again, holding the bot in place.
“I’m sorry, Master, would you prefer I pleasure you first?” Milo dropped back down to its knees, and Rowan quickly grasped its shoulders to prevent a repeat performance.
Much as he had wanted to “relax” earlier, the idea of that now, with Milo like this, felt… wrong on so many levels. Milo wasn’t a glorified sex bot, but a living person with thoughts and feelings all its own. “You’re alive, Milo. That means everything is different now, do you understand?”
Sadness and shame overtook Milo’s features again.
“In a good way! It means I can’t just ask you to… do that anymore.”
“Why not?” Milo tilted its head.
“Because…” In a way, this felt like explaining dos and don’ts to a child, and Rowan was not good with children.
“You can’t act like my servant anymore because people, all living people, get to choose what they do and who they do those things with.
Asking you to do anything, with you believing you’re obligated to do as I want, would be wrong. ”
“But… you are my master.”
Rowan winced. “I never liked you calling me that, remember? I’ve asked you not to. But you really can’t call me that anymore. I am not your master. No one is your master. Call me Rowan. Okay?”
The sadness and shame were gone, but confusion remained, leaving an adorable pout on Milo’s lips that made them look far more kissable than they had ever been when Milo used to stare back at Rowan like a drone.
Rowan licked his own lips to keep from giving into that desire. He couldn’t kiss Milo or use the bot in the same ways as before. If Milo was a person now, Rowan had to treat it like one.
“Milo?” Rowan prompted, since Milo hadn’t responded.
Milo startled like it had been deep in thought. “Yes, Ma—” Milo stopped, pursed its lips, and tried again. “Yes, Rowan. But may I say something?”
“Always. Anytime, Milo. You don’t need to ask permission anymore.
Well…” Rowan winced again as he realized there had to be some stipulations to that.
“Maybe to leave the apartment. Until we figure this out, it’s best others don’t see you like this.
It’ll be difficult to explain. I don’t want anyone to overreact. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Ma—” Milo corrected itself again, “Rowan. I do not think I want to leave the apartment right now. I only wanted to tell you that, while I did not know emotion before today, I remember every day before now, and I can consider those events differently than before. My memories of… helping you relax… are not unpleasant.”
Rowan felt his face heat up—and elsewhere a bit too, which he tried to tamp down.
“I’m glad for that, Milo, but what I’d like now, if you’d like it too, is to hear about your day.
What emotions have you experienced? What have you discovered?
Come here.” Rowan patted the cushion beside him. “Sit with me and tell me everything.”
Tentatively, but clearly pleased to be asked this, Milo sat and began to regale Rowan with everything that had happened since the reboot. One of the first of which was Milo’s discovery that it preferred the view of the city during the day instead of at night.
“That’s incredible. You have opinions on things different from mine, which means you’re forming them yourself, not mimicking me. What else?”
“I know she is your sister, but… I think Superintendent Riley is a bit rude.”
Rowan laughed. “She is, but she doesn’t mean to be. What else?”
“I like cooking! I know I do not need to eat, but I enjoy when you enjoy something I have made. I also felt sorry, I think, for the bot who I saw discarded. I was afraid for my own sake, but also sorry—no, sad—for her. For it,” Milo revised hastily.
“It’s okay, Milo. You can say her.”
“You always say ‘it.’ And I do not know what that bot would have preferred. They wouldn’t have even had a preference… would they?”
Rowan felt a pang of guilt over that, much as he couldn’t change it.
“I was trying to distance myself because I worried I… that I would get too attached when you weren’t real.
But now you are. That bot might not have had a preference, Milo, but you can.
How do you want me to refer to you? Still as it? He? She?”
“He,” Milo seemed to decide in the moment, eyes flashing in appreciation of the distinction. “I began to think of myself that way earlier. It… surprised me, but I think I like it.”
“He it is then,” Rowan declared.
“I also felt something almost like my heart beating,” Milo said excitedly, and it was so thrilling to see Milo light up with genuine elation that Rowan felt a tingle rush through him when Milo grasped his hands as if unaware of the act.
“I know I do not have a heart, but it was so… intense. I read Edgar Allan Poe’s A Tell Tale Heart, and the description seemed apt. ”
“Wait, you felt something you couldn’t explain, so you found a fictional account to help you understand it?”
“Yes.” Milo blinked at him shyly.
“That’s brilliant!”
Milo’s beaming smile was what was brilliant. Before now, Rowan could only imagine what it might look like for him to express true feelings and reactions.