Chapter 5
Nikita
Ilie staring at the light blue wall of my brother’s guestroom. My back is turned to the window, but I am well aware of the sun outside, reminding me that I have spent most of the day in bed. I just can’t go back to sleep. Feeling emotionally and physically exhausted, I can’t bring myself to move either. Lying down with the duvet wrapped around me, I proceed to ignore the world outside that is continuing without me. The last conversation I had was with my close friend, Andrea, filling her in on what had happened to me in the last 24 hours. We met during my first contract for a local airline, and we have remained close ever since, no matter how few times we actually saw each other in person. She is currently working for a different airline, and since she is a fixer at heart, she was adamant about helping me find another job. She was going to try her luck on the airline she worked with.
I am not usually like this. I rarely allow things to get me down, but I can’t find the strength in me right now to look for the silver lining of this situation. I was the one in control of my emotions, not the other way around. It is a skill I have had to master over the years, but right now it’s letting me down. For now though I am going to just wallow in my self-pity and disappointment and maybe tomorrow I will be ready to pick myself up again.
The last time I had felt this low was when Duncan pulled the plug on our relationship. Three years of long distance had become too much for him, and I couldn’t blame him. Sometimes, it felt as if I was dating a ghost, and I knew he felt the same way. There was always a question mark over our relationship. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but I knew something was missing. That didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt when he ended it—especially how he ended it: with a text message saying it was over and where I could fetch my stuff. He was even more emotionally unavailable than I was. Eventually, the dull ache in my chest became nothing but a memory. I hear footsteps outside the door, which catches my attention and brings me out of my thoughts, just as there is a knock.
“Mana?” My brother’s voice came through the door. “Are you awake?”
“No.”
“May I come in?”
“No.”
He pauses for a moment before I watch the handle being pushed down, and the door opens to reveal my brother standing on the other side with his hand covering his eyes
“What are you doing?” I mumble the question.
“I wasn’t sure if you were decent.”
I sigh. “I’m decent.”
He opens his fingers, peeping between them before dropping his hand and leaning against the door frame. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?”
“It looks like you’re down in the dumps, little lady.”
“What gives you that idea?” I reply sarcastically.
I tighten the duvet around me, cocooning me in the fake pretense that the world will not be able to get me through my protective layer of cotton.
“Come on, mana, you know this is just a little bump in the road.” Jay walks over, dropping down on his haunches in front of me, his face beaming with optimism.
I have always admired his ability to do that, especially after the accident that derailed his life’s plan. I watched what that did to him, and then one day, he decided he had had enough of being a victim to his circumstances and took control of his life again. I don’t know how he does it, but to this day, Jay is a sunshine guy. I can be a sunshine girl sometimes, but if I’m being honest with myself, I am probably more accurately represented as a storm cloud.
“Have you eaten?”
“No.”
“You want something?”
“No.”
“Do you know any other words?” He asks with amusement in his voice.
“N?o.”
Jay shakes his head and laughs, straightening himself as he stands up. “I came in here to invite you to come to lunch with me and the guys, but I can see now that you’re too busy to spend time with your favorite brother.”
“You’re my only brother.” I counter dryly as I glare at him. “And who are ‘the guys’?”
“Your best friend, Calvin.” I roll my eyes, my default reaction to that name and he laughs. “It’s going to be Calvin, Mario, and myself.”
“I didn’t know Mario was still around. Does he live here?”
“He moved to the city about six months ago. Look, you and I have a lot of catching up to do, considering the last time I saw you was over a year and a half ago.”
I gape. “There’s no way it’s been that long.”
He chuckles. “It has. If I recall correctly, you had a boyfriend.”
“And you were single. Doesn’t seem like much has changed with you.”
“Funny.” Jay walks around the end of the bed and out of my view. Just as I am about to ask what he is doing, suddenly, a burst of sunshine invades the room, giving me no time to adjust to the outside world.
“Mano! What the hell are you doing?!”
“You’ll thank me for this.” He walks back around to me, grabbing at the duvet only to be met with severe protest.
“Meu deus! You are the worst!” I grip the duvet tighter, but Jay is much stronger than I am. This is a losing battle.
“Nikita Maria Ribeiro Da Silva.”
“Using my full name now? I didn’t know pai was here.”
My brother rips the duvet off. “If he was here, he’d tell you to stop wallowing.”
“I am not wallowing.”
“That’s exactly what you’re doing.”
I stubbornly glance in the opposite direction as I pull myself into a sitting position, refusing to engage further.
“I get it. This sucks, but things have sucked before.” I eye him, wondering why he had chosen to phrase it in that particular way. He picks up on it too because he shakes his head. “Sim, I could have said that better, but you get what I meant. Things are shitty, but they don’t have to remain shitty and the first step out of the shit, is to come to lunch with your big brother.”
I turn to him and fold my arms across my chest. I know I’m stubborn, but I’m struggling to maintain that stance when my brother is trying his best to pull me out of my slump. It’s something we’ve done for each other countless times, but in the past few years, my brother has somehow managed to master his mind, strengthening it in ways I’ve only ever seen from those motivational people on social media.
“Fiiiiiiiiiine.” I sigh. “Where are we going?”
* * *
It turnsout that when my brother says that we are going for lunch, what he really means is day-drinking. We have been at this sports bar for almost an hour now and all I have in my system is a drink called Pisco Punch. I could argue that there isn’t any alcohol in it since I am drinking it like juice - fruity and refreshing.
The real problem here is that I am drinking it through a straw. That’s never a good idea.
“Come on, Nikita,” Mario groans, draping his arm across the back of my chair. “One date.”
I turn, my drink still in my hand as I continue to sip through my straw. As I open my mouth to respond, my brother beats me to it.
“Mario, if you touch my sister, we’re going to have a problem.”
“That’s not very zen of you,” Calvin chimes in, actually causing me to chuckle. He has been, somewhat, bearable today, but that comes down to the fact that he has barely said anything. He has spent most of the time in quiet observation of our conversations. I, on the other hand, do in fact have some alcohol in my system and became chatty Cathy over here. More than I usually am. I would normally blame that on being Portuguese.
I finish the rest of my drink, the slurping sound of my empty glass making Calvin glare in my direction.
“What?” I place my glass down on the table.
I wait for him to complain or argue the way he usually does, but instead, he shakes his head and remains quiet. I’m about to pass a comment about how out of character he is acting, but Mario pulls my attention back to him.
“I’d treat you real nice,” Mario states, eyeing my brother who is staring at him from across the table. “Don’t let your brother stop you from experiencing this.”
I laugh, my brother’s reaction is making this interaction even funnier. “Oh, querido.” I lift my hand to cup his cheek.
He groans. “Listen to that, are you trying to kill me?”
“This - you and I - we could never work.”
“Oh, but I think it could. Think about it - you’re a beautiful woman, I’m a beautiful man, imagine what we could produce toge-.”
Jay jumps to his feet. “Aaaaaaand we’re done. Mario, move, you’re swapping seats with me.”
I burst out laughing. My big brother has always been protective of me, especially when it comes to his friends, and even more specifically, when it comes to Mario. I am well aware of his reputation with the ladies. As good-looking and entertaining as Mario is, I have never been interested. His confidence is a magnet for other people’s attention, and I’ll admit that when I first met him, I relished in the attention he was giving me. But there is never a possibility for anything more. Mario is not my type anyway, and he knows that, but that doesn’t stop him from trying, and I’m pretty sure he finds enjoyment in riling my brother up.
“While you guys play musical chairs, I need to pee - the restroom, she is calling me.” The alcohol inside me is making its way right to the tips of my toes as I stand up. “Jay, please order me a plate of chicken wings. I need something in my system before it’s too late.”
Mario shoots his hand into the air, trying to get our waiter’s attention. “I got you, baby girl.”
“Don’t call me, baby girl.”
“You know you love it.”
I shake my head and laugh, taking off in the direction of the restroom.