Chapter 51
Nikita
Ibarely have time to process Kenneth’s tactless comment as Calvin’s fist connects with the side of Kenneth’s face.
My hands fly up to cover my mouth, “Calvin!”
Violet shrieks as Kenneth’s face jerks to the side by the force of Calvin’s fist. When he snaps forward again, anger is rife in his eyes and there’s no stopping him from swinging for Calvin.
“Hey! You two, that’s enough!” The security guards heading our way shout. It is too late, Calvin has already felt the brunt of Kenneth’s fist. Before they can go for round two, the guards have made it to them in time to pull them apart, “Break it up!”
Kenneth shrugs off the security guard’s hand, “Don’t you fucking touch me!”
“What’s going on here?” The broader of the two security guards asks, making sure to step between Calvin and Kenneth.
“Nothing,” Calvin responds.
“We have a zero-tolerance policy for violence in this hotel. Are you guests?” The other security guard asks.
“Yes, we are. The McCormick-Taylor wedding,” Violet explains, earning a scoff from Calvin whose lip is now busted, the swelling already starting. He turns to say something, but ends up shaking his head and taking off towards the exit. Security explains the hotel policies to Violet as Kenneth protests against them immediately. He isn’t listening to a thing anyone is saying and given the way he reeks of alcohol, I figure that’s part of the reason.
Calvin left the hotel and I followed shortly after him, “Calvin, wait!”
He does, in fact, not wait. Continuing to walk, I pick up my pace, trying to catch up to him on the deserted pathway. The moon offers some light as I reach him. My hand moves to his arm, only to have him jerk out of my touch.
“What?” he snaps, his eyes turning cold. I try my best not to take this reaction personally since I just witnessed everything he has learnt. Still there is a small pang of hurt.
“Are you okay?” I reach up to wipe away the blood on his busted lip, but he moves his head away from my touch. Again. He’s hurting right now. It’s him, not you. I know that, but I still feel the rejection all the same.
“I’m fine,” he mutters, moving past me to keep walking.
“No, you’re not.”
“If you already know the answer, why the hell did you ask me?” He snaps, his voice dripping with fresh irritation. I take a deep breath in, fighting against my natural instincts to snap back at him.
“We need to talk about what just happened.”
There’s a shift in his eyes, one that reminds me of the old Calvin. The cold, withdrawn, disconnected one. The guy who never shows anyone that another part of him existed, but now that I know that isn’t the case, I hate to see him like this again.
“There’s nothing to talk about, Nikita.” He continues walking again, forcing me to take a deep breath in and pray for more patience. I try to be compassionate with him one last time.
I speed up again, reaching for his hand to stop him, “Cal, I’m here for you. Let me be here-”
“You knew, Nikita, and you didn’t say anything to me.”
I pause, knowing we have shifted back to what happened, “I had every intention of telling you. I left Britney’s room to come and find you to tell you, but when I did, we-”
He finishes my sentence, “Fucked.”
“Yes. We fucked and I couldn’t think of anything else in those moments, but being with you,” I admit, my throat tightens with unexpected emotion. Not now, fuck. “I wasn’t thinking about your ex or what was going on. I was thinking about the fact that in a couple of days, you and I are going to go back to our normal lives and I wanted to take every opportunity I can while we are still here because this-” I gesture between the two of us, “this, I never expected.” He turns his head, gazing out towards the ocean with a clenched jaw and eyes turning with emotion. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you,” I speak softly, “But you and I both know that isn’t the real problem here. You’re not angry with me, you’re angry with Violet and Kenneth.” I step closer to him, reaching for his hand, but he still doesn’t move. “Take it out on them, not me.”
Shaking his head, he pulls his hand from mine, “Please, leave me alone...” I try to ignore the pressure in my chest at the harshness of his delivery. He is pushing me away. I recognize that reaction, I would do it too in a situation like this.
“No.”
He snaps his head forward, his eyes landing on me, “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.”
“And you should know better than anyone that I don’t let people tell me what to do. You’re only trying to push me away, but that’s not going to work on me.”
He doesn’t say anything further instead, he pushes past me but I refuse to let him run away. It’s a reaction I know too well, and I am not going to give in to his choice in this fight-or-flight situation. I step in front of him, his jaw clenching as he closes his eyes. Taking a deep breath in.
“Move.” He orders.
I remain in place, “No. You’re hurting.”
“Nikita, please.”
“Where are you going to go, Cal?”
“Anywhere, but here.” He exhales in exasperation, “Stop getting in my way and move.”
I shake my head, “You’re acting like the old Calvin again. The one I had no time for.”
He snaps. “There is no old Calvin and new Calvin, there’s just Calvin.” He steps closer to me, “And right now, I have some shit that I need to deal with. Alone.”
“I’m trying to help you.”
“What are you not understanding?” He shouts, surprising me with his tone, “I don’t need your help. I can handle this alone. You shouldn’t even be here.” The rejection shoots straight to my heart. I can feel the hurt inside of me turn hard, pushing me further and further into my defense mechanisms. Rejection hurts and it hurts even more when I haven’t done anything to earn it. I allowed my feelings for Calvin to lead me here.
I didn’t think twice about coming after him after what just happened. He needs someone to be there for him. Someone who cares about him. I fucking hate seeing him hurt. The look of betrayal in his eyes when he found out the truth, that pulls at my heartstrings. I can’t imagine what he must be going through, but that still doesn’t give him the right to treat me as an emotional punching bag.
“Well, I am here,” I snap. “Do you remember why? Because you were too damn afraid to face your ex-girlfriend. I was doing you a favor.”
I’m under no illusion that Calvin’s feelings for Violet have magically disappeared. The entire reason I was brought here was to stop him from falling into her trap again because of said feelings. For all I know, he is still very much in love with her and I’m a distraction. I don’t know the truth, and that thought alone sends another pang of hurt through my chest. All that did is further cement the fact that the feelings I have for Calvin are far deeper than I am ready to admit.
“You deserve so much better than her, Rhodes.”
There is a brief crack in those cold, disconnected eyes of his where I can see he’s hurting. And seeing him hurt, hurts me. It’s foreign and overwhelming, but he brings all that out of me. The anger I feel on his behalf towards Violet and Kenneth is as if I had been the one on the receiving end of their betrayal. He deserves so much better than this and I want that for him.
I just need him to see it.
I slowly step closer to him, attempting one more chance to show him that he isn’t alone. Not anymore. I reach up and slowly cup his injured cheek. “Come back to the room with me,” I murmur, “Let’s get you cleaned up and-”
He shakes his head as his fingers wrap around my wrist, removing my hand from his face. “I’m not going to say this again - leave me alone. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to go back to the hotel - I don’t want you here right now, so leave.” He drops his hand and walks past me not bothering to give me a chance to say anything further. The rejection anchors me to the ground. I don’t follow him. My hurt turns to anger, and while I want to be understanding of his perspective, I refuse to be on the receiving end of his misdirected hurt. He wants to be alone, and he will get what he wants.
Taking a deep breath in, I straighten up and make my way back to the hotel, fighting against the ache of disappointment and hurt inside of me. His harsh words and cold delivery would have been something I could have brushed off if I hadn’t learned that he was capable of being compassionate, kind, and thoughtful. The more he revealed, the further I found myself falling for him, even when I tried everything I could to stop myself.
I hate this feeling.
I hate that I am hurting. I am not meant to be experiencing this many different emotions on this trip. I was here for a time-out from my reality, but things are different now. Calvin and I were never supposed to happen. I had built a metaphorical forcefield around myself in an effort to keep others out, just in case. But he bypassed that, totally fucking everything up.
Turns out I’m not immune to falling victim to Calvin Rhodes after all. I knew better and still allowed it to happen.
Idiota!