Chapter Twelve
Summer
I appreciate the fact that I’ll be opening for Jade, although I would have liked to have achieved my goal with a lot less angst and drama.
At first, I kept looking over at Ben, hoping to convey that I hated that I had to cut our conversation short.
I don’t even know what, exactly, I wanted to say to him, but I’m not ready to lose him just because his assignment has come to an abrupt end.
When I glance over again and realize he’s left, my stomach pitches in disappointment and frustration.
Still, I have no choice but to devote all my energy and focus on Jade.
We make our way to the star’s private suite, which is a massive set of rooms, punctuated by a large living area filled with flowers and a baby grand piano as the centerpiece.
Jade was set to choose me, anyway, and she goes on to explain that in addition to her own personal preference, that , a site that allows fans to choose their favorite act, skewed heavily for me, as well.
The rest of the evening passes in a blur of conversation and planning among Summer, Jade, and our agents, and a lavish meal ordered by Jade, and by the time I return to my room, I am ready to pass out from exhaustion.
My adrenaline rush is gone, and when I enter the empty room, I realize immediately that so is Ben.
Over the course of the evening, I didn’t have time to even look at my phone. Now that I do, I see that Ben left me a text.
You deserve every bit of this success. Go live your dream. Love, Ben.
I reread his closing words, Love, Ben, trying to decide whether or not to read more into it than mere words. And even if he means them in the truest sense, does it change anything? I’ve achieved my biggest dream, and yet I am alone in a Midtown hotel room.
He didn’t wait around, and I don’t blame him. If I have no time for him after today’s mess of events, how will I have time when I leave on a world tour? I don’t see any way to make a relationship between us work that is fair to Ben. And it is that thought that keeps me from going after him.
* * *
Ben
I return to the office, feeling out of sorts. A weekend alone in my apartment did nothing to improve the mood I’ve been in since leaving Summer behind.
I walk into the main area, where Tara Hayes, the receptionist for Alpha Security, sits at her desk.
Tara is in her mid-forties, an attractive woman who always dresses appropriately regardless of everyone else being office casual.
Today her hair is pulled into a bun, and she dresses in a white buttoned-up top and a black skirt.
“Good morning,” she says, a smile on her face.
“Morning. Everything good?” I ask, trying my best to be cheerful and not punish the world because I am miserable.
“Things are running like clockwork around here, which makes me happy, as you know.”
I nod, knowing Tara keeps Dan organized and the office running smoothly. “You’re Dan’s right hand. We all appreciate everything you do.”
“Aww, thank you.” She blushes at the compliment. “I like to feel part of the team.”
“Ben! My office. Now.” Dan stands outside his door and gestures for me to join him.
“The boss bellows,” Tara says, laughing.
I go around Tara’s desk and stride into Dan’s office. My boss sits back down in his oversized chair. “I thought you could use a debrief.” Dan eyes me with concern. “In other words, I want to know if you’re okay. I caught the entertainment news this weekend.”
“Yeah, so did I,” I mutter.
Although I’m not normally a gossip show watcher, the masochist in me put on nightly shows anyway, hoping to see how they are covering Jade Glow and her new opening act.
I saw full treatments on Michael Gold’s arrest, Tawny’s questioning by the police, and of course, Jade’s official announcement choosing Summer as her opening act.
Summer glows, standing beside Jade, exuding pride and excitement, and I couldn’t be happier for her.
Even if it means I’ve lost her.
“You let her go?” Dan asks.
“What was I supposed to do? Ask her to put her dreams on hold?” Not that I wasn’t tempted. I’m just not that much of an asshole.
Dan shakes his head, spinning a pen between his palms. “I know I didn’t raise you, but I still like to think I had enough time with you to instill a few things in that thick skull of yours.”
I swallow hard. “I know you lost Katherine,” I say of Dan’s wife. “But—”
“But nothing. Life is too fucking short. You grab on to happiness while you can. Isn’t that what I try to teach all of you?”
“I understand where you’re coming from, and I respect it, but really, she’s worked her whole life for this opportunity.”
Dan rolls his eyes. “I’m not suggesting you ask her to give it up. Let me ask you something. What do you do for a living?” He folds his arms across his chest and eyes me through narrowed lids.
I tip my head. “I’m a bodyguard, obviously.” What the fuck is the man getting at? I wonder.
“And what does a pop star need when she travels? A full-time bodyguard,” Dan spells out for me, a grin on his face.
“Son of a bitch,” I mutter, the solution so simple I am shocked I didn’t figure it out for myself. I glance at my boss, awe and admiration filling me. “You’re willing to lose me?”
“Well, hell, son. I received a call from the company that hired us in the first place. They want to keep you on as Summer’s security detail. It seems Jade Glow took a liking to your girl and wants to keep her safe.”
I blink in surprise.
“I’d call that a win-win, for you and for Alpha Security,” he says somewhat smugly. “Works for me. Can I tell them you accept the job?”
“Of course,” I say, my head spinning at the one-eighty I’ve done since walking into this office. I only want Summer to be happy and follow her dream, never thinking I could be part of it.
I walk toward Dan, who rises from his seat. “I don’t know how to thank you for getting my head on straight,” I say to the man who, in the short time I’ve worked for him, is often more like a father than my own parent has been.
Dan places an arm around my shoulders. “Nothing gives me greater pleasure than seeing all of you happy. I just wish the others would follow suit.”
Who’d have thought Dan is a matchmaker at heart? “You know I wish the same for you.” I pat Dan on the back.
Dan meets my gaze, his expression serious and sad.
“I had my time. It ended too soon, but I couldn’t ask for better than the life I had with Katherine.
” His eyes glaze at the memory of the wife he loved so much.
“That’s why I’m willing to let one of my best men take a job that will send him to the other side of the world for half the year.
Because you love that girl. I could tell by watching you two together. ”
I think back to the time I brought Summer to Dan’s house for my birthday. “That was very early in our relationship.”
Which, I know, formed within the bubble of both a condensed time frame and close living quarters. But I don’t think that lessens what we feel for each other, but heightens our emotions instead. I love her, probably have for a lot longer than I want to admit. I’ve been fighting my past and myself.
“I’m pretty schooled in reading people. Now are you going to go get your girl?” Dan asks.
“Hell, yes.” I am planning to offer her everything I have. Which isn’t much considering where she is headed in her career, but I am discovering that I am a romantic at heart.
I love her. Everything else will fall into place. I’ll accept nothing less, I think, my anticipation heightened at the thought of being with Summer with no barriers between us, and my heart on the line.
* * *
Summer
Having achieved my dream, I should be on top of the world. Instead, I am sitting with a tub of cookie dough ice cream in front of me, a glass of white wine on the table beside me, and my best friend, who dropped everything to commiserate with me, sitting across the way.
I dig into the creamy dessert and savor the cookie crunch.
“I promised myself this one night to mourn what might have been, and then I’m throwing myself into getting ready for the tour.
No tears after tonight.” I place the ice cream down on the table and lift the glass of wine. “To the man I love and can’t have.”
Ivy shakes her head, clearly not happy with how I am handling my life. “Honey, if you love him, you need to tell him.”
I bite down on my lower lip. “I would, but telling him isn’t fair to him. What would I say? I love you but I’m leaving anyway? See you in six months? Or longer?”
“Exactly,” Ivy says on a nod. “If he loves you, he’ll wait.” She takes a sip of her wine, then asks, “Does he? Love you, I mean?”
Our past flashes before my eyes. The laughter, the fun at the carnival, the sensual looks… and at the end, there was that text… Love, Ben, he said. Was that a generic sign-off? Or a real expression from the heart?
His words when he was lost inside me, calling out, mine.
Mine. I tremble at the memory that made me feel so cherished, so loved.
Just like our last time together, when he relaxed me in the hotel room, him buried deep inside me, rocking against me, taking me to completion in such a tender … and, again, loving way.
“I think he loves me,” I whisper. “And I know for a fact that I love him.”
And yet I ignored him that last day. Then I didn’t answer his text because I didn’t know what to say… thanks for being my bodyguard? Have a nice life? I’ll miss you?
So I let the rest of the weekend go by, but … I love him.
“I need to talk to him. He needs to know how I feel.”
Ivy grins. “See? You didn’t need me here at all,” she says, laughing. “You just needed a good self-talking-to.”
“Where’s my phone?” I ask as a knock sounds at my door.
“I’ve got it.” Ivy jumps up to see who is there, looking into the peephole. “Oh my God! It’s him!”
I rise from my seat, running a shaking hand over her ice-cream-stained top “Look at me!”