Chapter 8
Rockland
A few hours later, Adamos comes for me. I’m having wine and cheese on the veranda with a few of the brothers sent to keep me occupied.
I stand quickly, eager for news. He says, “She’s stable.
Doing very well. Other than a little headache and a small scar on her forehead that she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life, she’s in perfect health. She’s asking for you.”
I hold myself back from a sprint, jogging down the long hall. When I arrive in her room, I’m struck by how tiny and pale she looks settled amongst the feather pillows, a bandage wrapped around her head.
“Oh, Tessie,” I murmur, rushing to her side. I pull a chair up to her bedside, take a seat. I grab her hand, holding it in both of mine.
It’s trembling.
“Rockland, I’ve asked the others to leave… I need to speak with you. Alone.”
I kneel by her side. “Of course. Anything.” My love.
I press her hand into my palm. Steadying her. She takes a deep breath. Locks eyes on mine. “Rockland, I have a confession.” Her bottom lip begins to tremble, glassy pools form in her eyes.
“Sweetheart. It’s okay. Everything will be okay.” I stroke her hand, her arm, her soft cheek.
“I didn’t read your note. And I guess if I would have it would have stopped me from doing such a foolish thing.
God—I’m so embarrassed! A man as handsome and loving and sexy and…
of course you have a woman! And if I would have just read your stupid goodbye note, I would have known that and not flown my stupid ass across the world to tell you—”
“Wait. Tess. The woman you saw me with—”
She hold a trembling hand up. There’s dots of perspiration forming on her face. My heart beats faster, worried I’ve upset her. Fearful the doctor will come and remove me from the room, I bite my tongue. She says, “Please don’t interrupt me. I have to say this.”
“You have my undivided attention.” I dry the sweat from her face.
She continues, “You don’t have to explain.
You’re a free man with the right to live your real life.
Here. With your people. I see how happy you are.
How happy… she makes you.” And with that, the dam bursts and the tears flow from her eyes like a rushing river.
Sobs rack her body and her shoulders shake.
I’m in shock. I’ve no idea how we’ve gotten to this place of terrible miscommunication. I want to grab her in my arms, hold her. But fear of causing her injury or further distress stops me. I don’t know what to do so I blurt out my own confession, “Tess, I’m in love with you.”
Through the veil of her tears it’s as if she’s not heard me. She sobs, “I know, I know. I know you love her. I could see it on your face.”
“Of course I love her, she’s my—”
“Everything! I know. She’s so beautiful and perfect and—”
I grab her hands in mine and squeeze. “She’s the best damn family any man could ask for.
” Finally, she hears me. Her damp face turns to me, her words sticking in her throat, her eyes wide.
“Yes, Tess. The woman you saw me with is my kid cousin, Adrianna. This place is crawling with my cousins. And had you read my note, like I asked you to, you would have known that it was not a goodbye. It was a love letter. Telling you if you ever wanted me, I would be waiting. That I would wait forever if it took that long.”
“But… I assumed, I thought… I didn’t read it because I was so scared it was a goodbye. That you cared for me, but you knew you were going back home and that anything we had was… over.”
“Sweetheart—we’ve only just begun.”
I lean down. Inhale the scent that is Tess. Stroke those fiery locks back and softly kiss her lips. “I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
Tess
I know I heard him say he loves me but it’s not sinking in. My head feels foggy. My eyes are sore from crying.
I belong in the Village.
And after coming here, seeing him in his element, I know he belongs here. I would never take him from his people. Or make him sacrifice them for me. I barely know what I’m saying but I let the words flow from my heart. I whisper the words, “It will never work.”
His face falls, his gaze heavy. He holds my hand tightly as he says, “Why?”
“You’re here. I’m there.”
“We can make it work, Tess.”
There is no hope in my heart. Sometimes, things just don’t work out like you want them to. Coming here has made me realize that we belong in different worlds. I say, “These are your people. You belong with your people.”
His brow knits in a look akin to disbelief.
He says, “I care very much for them. But I care for you more. I’m trying to tell you I’ve loved you since I met you.
My brother’s wife. I knew it was wrong. I knew he was what you needed and that you’d find every happiness with him and I would never get in the way of that. ”
“You’ve—cared for me that long?”
“Right from the moment Brett introduced us. I felt a tug right here,” his hand hovers over his heart, “just at the sight of your face. Beauty edged with determination. And the fire in your eyes. It made me feel something I’d never felt before.
And I knew in that moment, I was ruined.
But I thought I could handle it. Thought I could keep my place in the Village.
Avoid you. I told myself it was nothing but an infatuation.
Then I got to know you better. Became enchanted by the sound of your honeyed voice.
Maddened by your spoiled nature. After a year, I knew I couldn’t play the happy brother-in-law.
And it wouldn’t be fair to Brett, to live alongside him, all the while wanting his wife.
So I brought an idea to Bronson. Told him how I felt about you.
And that I needed to leave. Bronson understood.
Agreed with my notion that having an offshore branch could only benefit the family.
I created the Parish to escape the reality of not being with you. And the day of your wedding, I left.”
“I thought you despised me. You were always leering at me…”
“Was I leering? I apologize. I was angry. Angry at myself for lusting after you. And, let’s be honest, you were a bit of a handful. Half the time I was gazing at you I was picturing myself taking you over my knee and spanking that fantastic, sassy ass of yours.”
“I… didn’t know that was the case. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
It sounds… impossible. Well, except the part about fantasizing about spanking me.
That was just poor manners on your part.
” My joke is rewarded with a crooked half smile that melts my heart.
His features soften as he gazes at me, making me brave enough to ask, “Why’d you never tell me how you felt? ”
“It would be against the code of the Brotherhood. Against my own personal moral code. You were Brett’s. And I would never do anything to come between the two of you. Hence why I felt it was best if I left.”
“What you’ve created here… it’s amazing. You’ve built a wonderful life for yourself.”
“It’s true. My life is here. But my heart has always been with you. I would do anything to be with you. Only one thing would stop me.”
I feel as if I can’t breathe. “What would stop you?”
“The only thing keeping me from living the rest of my life caring for you, protecting you, loving you, pleasuring you… is you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I never wanted to force myself on you. Knowing how strongly I felt about you, I didn’t want to influence your decision.
Or say, become a crutch for you in your time of grief and loneliness that you confused for love.
I wanted to see if you came to those feelings for me on your own.
If it was love. If you wanted me.” His gaze burns through mine.
My heart stops beating in my chest. He opens his mouth slowly and I hold my breath, awaiting his words.
He says, “Tess, I’m in love with you. I always have been. ”
Deep down, buried within me, had I somehow known this?
Chosen Brett because he was the right man for me at the time, the safe choice?
Was he the Bachman that I needed in my life?
But now, with Brett gone, and Rockland taking his place in the hierarchy, it seems as if fate has placed us here.
As if the wondrous universe knew that with the passing of my beloved Brett, the healing for both Rockland and me would be found in one another’s arms?
Did it even matter? How we got here?
All I know is that in this moment, this man has professed his love for me. And in his recent absence, I found that I am utterly, unavoidably, irrevocably crazy in love with him.
Rockland Bachman.
Rhyming name and all.
There’s a tug at my hand. “Tess… you haven’t said a word. Tell me—what are you thinking in that beautiful mind of yours?”
“That I love you. Very much. That when you went back to the Parish, all I could think of was you. That I missed you so much that my crazy ass packed bug repellent and khaki shorts and even a baseball cap, to go after you. To tell you how I felt about you. When I saw that Amazonian princess, I was lit with a fire of jealousy so strong, I thought I’d burn into ashes.
As I was running through those woods, I knew I was in love with you. I thought I’d die of a broken heart.”
“You are the only princess in my world.” His gentle words make my heart warm, swell within my chest. His mouth is on mine. Kissing me, caressing me, tasting me.
His tongue coaxes mine, gliding smoothly as he explores.
I meet him in a tango, a slippery dance of heat and desire.
My tongue finds its courage and tangles with his.
His taste—it belongs to me. We’re kissing harder, deeper.
My head feels light but not from the injury.
It’s a delightful floating feeling—the one that must have coined the term ‘cloud nine.’ My hand runs through his short hair and it’s soft as silk.