Chapter 9
CASSIE
I am so happy to be back and as soon as Imogen and Summer head into the basement with Siri, my evening is complete.
“Hey.” Siri heads my way, closely followed by the others, and as they grab a drink, I note how amazing they all look. They are certainly striking and will turn many heads tonight, and I’m interested in seeing that.
“So, this is where my brother rules his kingdom.”
Summer glances around with interest.
“He rules it well.” I admit, and she nods. “I wouldn’t expect any less.”
She scans the room that is filling up quickly.
“Is there anyone I should know about?”
I point to a group in the corner. “Frankie’s crew. Santi, Ali and Jesse. They’re good guys but man whores. They’ve fucked most of the sorority and are always on the lookout for fresh victims, so if you want to maintain your sanity, I’d avoid them.”
“Noted.” Summer points to another group. “Who are they?”
“More guys to avoid.” My voice drips with distaste. “River Callahan and his crew. They live in Roan Tree House and are jocks.”
“Why are they so bad?” Imogen asks, hanging onto every word.
“Because River is a controlling, abusive bastard and I’ve heard his friends are no better. They treat girls like shit, and I’m guessing the only reason River claimed Autumn was to grab a free slave for the semester.”
“That’s River?” Summer’s eyes flash. “Interesting. Thanks for the heads up.”
We are interrupted when Jack enters the basement and, as he heads to the guys, I notice Siri’s eyes following him. My heart dives because it appears their relationship is one-sided, and it’s obvious that a word with Jack is definitely needed, sooner rather than later.
“Who is that?” Imogen speaks up and as we all turn, I notice a stranger heading down the staircase and the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.
“I don’t know.”
We stare at a guy who may as well come out as a demon because he certainly identifies as that.
“That’s Luca Romano.” Summer says casually and Siri lowers her voice.
“Well, fuck me. Frankie has a twin.”
We openly stare as he heads toward the guys with no nerves and an air of commanding the room with no words or looks given.
He is a magnetic force and Imogen’s eyes widen as she follows his progress and my heart sinks.
Fuck no. Imogen is too pure and way too innocent for a guy like him. She would be swallowed whole.
I attempt to divert her attention.
“Hey, Imo, how is life at Willow Tree House?”
She returns her attention to me.
“I love it.” Her eyes shine with happiness. “Kennedy is so sweet and the rooms are fantastic.”
Summer nods. “It beats the dorm hands down and the girls have been so welcoming. It certainly surprised me because I’ve only heard bad things about sorority houses.”
“There are none at Rockwell. Officially, anyway.”
Siri nods. “Unofficially, they are existing as before. Not in the same way, but everyone knows their places and it appears you have been inducted into Kennedy’s clan with no problem.”
“I like her.” Summer states simply, and Imogen nods.
“Me too.”
“She is a good friend when you earn it.”
Siri grins. “Kennedy can be a difficult nut to crack, but the center is a sweet one. Hopefully, you passed the test before you even knew you were taking one.”
“I’m guessing it’s because of our connections.”
Summer glances at Frankie and rolls her eyes. “I have followed him through school and it eased my path. Everyone wanted to be my friend because of him. It sucks because I’m never sure if they like me as a person or just because of who my brother is.”
“You’re a fantastic person, Summer.”
Siri’s tone is fierce and I smile. It appears that their friendship is every bit as tight as mine, Imogen’s and Jack, of course.
Yet as I think of my best friend, I hate the hollowness inside me that was never there before we came to Rockwell and as our eyes connect across the room, I realize this is the perfect time to thrash out the conversation that’s been a long time coming.
I excuse myself and head toward him, and he obviously senses my determination and meets me halfway.
“We need to talk.” I state simply and he nods, a closed expression unusually hiding his emotions.
“Shall we grab a beer outside?”
“Sure.”
He heads to the bar and grabs a few and as we head outside, I don’t miss that Frankie’s eyes follow us. I’m aware he’s curious about our relationship and I have never enlightened him about that. He doesn’t need to know our history; it serves no purpose in our life together.
As we hit the night air and close the door on the noise from the basement, we walk to the tree line and drop down onto the hard ground, our backs to a tree.
Jack hands me a beer and as we sit side by side, I hate the imaginary wall that shouldn’t be between us.
“Talk to me Jack.” I open up the discussion and he sighs, leaning back against the tree, knowing exactly what I mean by that.
“It’s different.”
“I know.”
I add. “It doesn’t have to be.”
His laugh is without humor. “Of course it does. Everything’s changed.”
“No, it hasn’t.” I argue. “My love for you as a friend is still as intense as it’s always been. We are still Jack and Cassie, and that will never change. You’re just pissed that I’m with Frankie. Admit it.”
“I am.”
He makes no secret of hiding it and I would expect no less.
“Because of what happened last year?”
My words falter because this is a subject we haven’t really addressed since we smashed one another’s virginity in a foolish moment of abandonment.
“Of course it’s about what happened last year.”
He is angry and his voice is low, but loaded with accusation.
“It meant a lot, Cassie; to me anyway.”
“And you think it meant shit to me?”
I turn and glare at him in the shadows. “Fuck, Jack, I wanted it to be you. Don’t ask me why because I’m still processing that. We were raised as family and as soon as we–well–dropped into the rabbit hole, I guessed it would change between us and you’re a fool if you thought differently.”
“I wanted it to be you too, Cass. I always did, and it didn’t feel wrong to me.”
His gaze softens and I’m surprised when he reaches out and palms my face as he whispers, “I have always loved you. Why wouldn’t I choose to share my most precious memory with you? We have shared everything else and there is nobody else in the world I wanted that memory with.”
Tears blind me as Jack opens up his heart to me and I nod, gulping back the emotion as if it’s really that easy.
“It has always been you, Jack.”
I admit my inner emotion but add sadly, “Which is why Rockwell is so important to both of us.”
He nods, resignation deep in his eyes as I continue.
“You are the beat of my heart and the life that flows through my veins. You are my best friend and my soulmate – family too. You have been with me for my entire life and I never want that to change, but we owe it to ourselves to see what life has to offer outside of the compound. We must take this journey, Jack, and you know it. It kills me knowing you’re hurting because of something I’ve done.
It also kills me seeing you with Siri. Touching her, smiling at her and replacing me—with her. ”
I snap my hand over his and stare deep into his eyes. “I always believed you were everything I ever needed, but how can we find ourselves if we don’t lose ourselves in the process?”
Jack’s eyes bore deep into mine, the silence surrounding us as the night air clings to the shadows.
This is an intimate moment—even more intimate than that night and what we shared because it’s a declaration of feelings, emotions and not a physical act.
That makes it more powerful, raw and devastating and Jack nods, understanding deep in his eyes as he whispers huskily, “I never really wanted anyone else, Cassie. It was always you. The lines blurred the older we got and changed from kids into adults with all the baggage that goes with that. There was never any other girl who commanded my attention like you have, and I suppose I never expected that to change.”
“It’s okay, Jack. You don’t have to explain because I’m with you on the same page and always have been.”
He strokes my face with a delicate touch and whispers, “I understand what you’re saying, Cassie.
I’m heading to the military after Rockwell and you will be starting at whatever law practise your father arranges for you.
Our lives will part and if it’s meant to be, they will come together when it’s the right time. ”
Tears spill down my face because I hate every word of this conversation. It’s almost a goodbye and I am not ready for that.
“Frankie.” He heaves a deep sigh. “I never expected you to fall for a guy like that. Despite that, however, I kind of see the attraction.”
“And Siri?”
He shakes his head. “I like her, but I’ve been holding back.”
“Because of me?”
I state fact, not hope and he nods. “It felt wrong. Almost as if I was betraying what we have. Betraying you.”
“I won’t pretend it doesn’t cut deep when I see you together, but I recognize both our needs to experience other people.
Frankie is so different, compelling and an addiction.
Is he the one? I doubt it. Who knows? He gives nothing away, but I like him.
I enjoy his company and I’m learning a lot about myself in the process. ”
He nods, a thoughtful gleam in his eye.
“Set yourself free, Jack.” I gaze deep into his eyes. “If you want to continue things with Siri, go all the way—because you'll never truly know if your feelings are real unless you put them to the test. You may discover I’m not so great after all and had a lucky escape.”
“You’re probably right.”
He chuckles softly. “I doubt you will find anyone better, though.”
He nudges me playfully and just like that, we are back.
Cassie and Jack. Our lives are intertwined and probably always will be. Whether that will be as friends, or something more in the future, but there are many experiences and challenges to face before we are ready for that.
He nods toward the house. “Do you think Imogen will survive this shit?”
“Rockwell?” I shrug. “Imogen is tougher than we give her credit for. She’ll have fun though, and she’ll have us. We’ll always be there for each other because we are the three musketeers, remember?”
We clink bottles and take a deep drag of the beer.
Cementing our pact and setting one another free to live a different life for once.
Knowing Jack’s feelings are the same as mine brings me an inner peace.
I want him to explore other options. It’s vital and we owe it to ourselves and all that remains is to ask one important question.
“So, tell me, will you stick or twist at the ceremony next week?”
Jack’s smile lights up the dark sky.
“Why wouldn’t I stick? Siri is amazing and I’ve been holding back on her. She deserves my full attention, and I hope she feels the same.”
I wait for the despair to sharpen my soul at his words, but all I experience is relief. If anything, it’s the answer I wanted because knowing Jack was holding back and probably because of me hurt me deeper than seeing him happy with somebody else.
“Then I wish you well, Jack Anderson, and let’s put what happened between us last year inside a memory box and one day, who knows, that memory will be dusted off and we continue what was always meant to happen.”
“I’ll drink to that.”
I rest my head on Jack’s shoulder as I’ve always done and as his arm settles around my shoulders, I am in no hurry to return to the party.
This is another special night we share along with many others and an understanding has been reached.
Let’s hope all the confusion and dark days are finally behind us and we can live a carefree college existence with none of the baggage of the past holding us back.