11. Kash
CHAPTER ELEVEN
kash
I’d rather be anywhere else, having a conversation with any one else, than sitting here facing off against the two people with whom I share a bond stronger than blood.
It was a few hours before we all managed to return to the estate despite Wyatt’s constant nagging. I had shit to do.
It was absolutely not a stalling tactic.
I was definitely not finding reasons to avoid heading back.
I’m also a big fucking liar.
Seeing Juliette last night… It was like a bomb went off in my brain. There was no glitter, no sequins, no overdone makeup hiding her fresh, lightly freckled face or a cloud of hair so tall it blocks your view. There was also no sign of chaps or bedazzled vests.
No. The woman from last night was an ethereal goddess, illuminated only by the pale moonlight and the warm glow of the string of bulbs overhead.
Her hair glinted like fine gold. Her eyes sparkled like brilliant amber.
Her body could have been carved from stone to stand as an effigy of perfection for generations to come.
And now I’ve apparently lost my goddamn mind.
“What in the hell were you thinking, going to see her today?” Beck asks.
“Someone needed to step up and make sure she didn’t fall into those assholes' teeth. Since neither of you were willing, I volunteered. Who’s more Alpha now?”
I’ve got to give it to our Beta packmate. He’s not afraid of a challenge. Or apparently getting shot in the foot if things had gone sideways. The Juliette I knew had a hell of a temper and was a damned good shot with a BB gun.
My thumb brushes against the glass of whiskey in my hand. “She’s being officially courted by a pack, Wyatt. That means hands off.”
He lifts his hat, running a hand through his messy blond hair with a grin that tells me he truly doesn’t give a damn. “And what’s that got to do with me?”
Beck rolls his eyes. “Fucking everything, jackass. There’s too much on the line to fuck this up.”
Yeah, like the blonde-haired, blue-eyed little girl that will eventually call him Daddy.
My gut clenches at the thought of Beck and Juliette together. Yeah, I hate the woman my old friend has become, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten the feelings eighteen-year-old me had for her when I knew she could never be mine.
The night of her sixteenth birthday, the second she walked up to us in the yard, it was like I had been sucker punched.
Her scent, like warm apple pie, flitted on the breeze, and the second it hit my nose, I was a goner.
My instincts coiled up tighter than a rattler getting ready to strike, and it took an incredible amount of self-control to keep myself from grabbing her and calling her mine.
She wouldn’t have appreciated it then any more than she would now—and neither would our fathers—and that’s a hard pill to swallow. But my packmate has had a taste of her. Has felt the tight squeeze of her body around his, and now they share a daughter.
D ammit all to hell, Kash Ford. You are not fucking jealous right now!
But the truth of the matter is that those four years Beck spent without his Omega, I could sympathize because I knew exactly how hard it was to want…
No. To need something you could never have.
I’ve felt the same way for the last twelve years, after all.
Hell, longer than that if I’m honest. Before we were Alpha and Omega. When we were just Kash and Juliette.
Pulling myself from the memory, I try to follow along with the argument taking place between the two brothers.
“We just need to convince her we’re the better pack for her. Then she can cut those other lame asses loose and we can court her.”
“No.”
The single word is met with a few seconds of silence as the brothers stare at me in shock.
“Kash, while I’m not agreeing with my brother, you know that I can’t walk away.
That little girl has my goddamn eyes. I’m a fucking father , and I’ll be damned before I walk away and let her grow up without me.
” Beck’s serious eyes clash with mine. “You’re a part of my pack.
Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me you could just leave her?
Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you are with Charlotte when she’s around. ”
The muscles clench in my jaw. He’s not wrong, but it fucking sucks to be the voice of reason sometimes.
“We are this close to forcing my father’s hand.
With the acquisition of the fifty acres my father once owned, the very same land that was once part of the Ford estate, he’ll no longer have a say in how we live our lives.
The investors are already excited about the potential for this project based on the early success in Austin.
Hell, some of my father’s shareholders are already in our pockets and beginning to see the very real potential we have versus the failings my father is suffering now that we’ve slowly backed away from the business.
Everything we’ve done over the last five years will have been worth the long hours and painstaking sacrifices.
We knew when he caught wind of us here in Darling, we’d be on borrowed time.
But if he discovers our pack is even remotely connected to a Callahan, we can kiss all that hard work goodbye.
He’ll be at our doorstep, right along with Mason Callahan, no doubt, starting World War III.
Our pack, not to mention this cozy little town, will never be the same. ”
“So what do you expect me to do?” he whispers.
I shake my head. “I don’t know yet. I’d never ask you to walk away if Charlotte really is yours, but?—”
His nostrils flare and his knuckles turn white on his whiskey glass. “You and I both know that little girl is mine.”
Frustration is pouring off me in waves and spewing from my mouth before I consider my own foolishness. “You don’t even fucking know the woman, Beck. She could’ve found another Alpha to rut her through her heat when you?—”
His growl rumbles through the room as he shoves himself to his feet.
In two strides, he’s standing in front of me, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides.
I’ve got a couple of inches on him, but we’re an equal match when it comes to our strength and abilities.
“I can usually forgive your cynicism and dickishness, but I won’t tolerate you bad mouthing her. That’s where I draw the line.”
My sigh is deep and heartfelt. “Beck?—”
But he doesn’t give me a chance to apologize.
“You may not want to admit it, but love and hate are opposite sides of the same coin, brother, and I’d bet my entire life savings that at one point in time, yours was flipped on its head and you’ve never gotten over that.
Instead, you’ve used it to fuel this overbearing, grumpy persona you’ve wrapped yourself up in.
” His eyes burn into mine. “Who does that sound like, Kash?”
The burn of liquor down my throat does little to ease the figurative noose tightening around my neck because the image he just described sounds a hell of a lot like my father.
The man I hate more than any other living soul on this planet.
The one who was so harsh that my mother and the other Alpha left us in the dark of night, never to be seen again, to avoid his constant berating and judgment.
All because no one could ever replace the spot he held for Mia, the mother of the woman I now hold with damned near the same contempt.
Fucking hell. I’ve become my father.
“If we take a pack vote right now, Kash, you know how things will fall. Why don’t you work with us rather than against us so that we all win in the end?”
Looking over at Wyatt’s serious face, I know I’m wholly and truly fucked.
“This is a mistake.” But the words don’t sound as sure as they would have a few short moments ago.
“No. I’m pretty sure we’re righting our mistakes. Maybe it’s time you do the same.” Beck storms off, grabbing the bottle of whiskey as he goes, letting the heavy screen door slam shut behind him.
My own glass hits the table, and I fight against what feels like a knife stabbing me in the heart.
“You’re right, Kash. We’ve sacrificed blood, sweat, and tears to get where we are right now, and we’re closer to our goal than we’ve ever been.
” Wyatt takes off his Stetson, turning it ‘round and ‘round in his hands. “But what comes next? Our business is a success, we give your father the middle finger, and then what? We haven’t worked this hard to sit back and become just like those turd waffles that are courting our Omega. And I think, somewhere deep down inside, you know that’s what JJ is. She’s supposed to be ours .
There’s no way all of this was a coincidence.
It was biology trying to right its wrongs. ”
He turns and leaves me to stew in my messy headspace without even the whiskey for company.
I’m not sure how long I sit there, contemplating my life and the choices I’ve made. It’s hard to quell over a decade of distrust and hate. Can’t they understand that? They have no idea what her sudden silence did to my fragile male ego, and later, my weak Alpha heart.
Her words echo over and over in my head.
“Not that it will matter, because you’ve obviously already made up your mind, but I didn’t have a choice, Kash. So, despite your pity party for one, I suffered too.”
The moon is high in the sky when I finally force myself to stand and head for my old room upstairs.
Trudging through the house, seemingly everywhere I turn, there are memories of Juliette and me.
Happier times. Some of the only ones in my life.
Running through the foyer with mud on our shoes before Gramps forced us to mop up.
Baking cookies with my grandmother before she passed, our clothes and cheeks covered in flour and batter we’d licked off the whisk.
Racing up the stairs to see who could reach the game room first.
Juliette wasn’t just my friend. She was the one person I could be myself with for a couple of glorious months each summer. I didn’t have to pretend with her. She accepted me as I was, and when she cut me off, it was like she carved out my heart and took it with her.
My door creaks as I push it open, tossing my jacket and Smith + Rogue hat on the chair in the corner.
Out of habit, my hands reach for my tie and, with a start, I realize I’m not wearing it.
Surprise rushes through me. I attended a business meeting today and didn’t put one on.
Jack would have a coronary. Slowly moving to undo the buttons on my shirt, it hits me that I’m also wearing jeans and my favorite worn-in boots.
A grin starts to form. Less than a week here in Darling and the old me is already peeking back through.
Maybe I’m not too far gone after all.
Washing up in the bathroom, I dry my face and head over to the bed to turn off the light when, out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of the stables in the distance.
Stepping over to the window, I peer out the glass, my heart thumping in my chest. Wyatt’s been handling the day-to-day operations of our ranch in Austin for years now while I sat back in my chair, playing businessman.
When was the last time I actually rode a horse or got my hands dirty?
In that moment, my future flashes before my eyes. Do I want years of tortured loneliness and cold detachment that may eventually affect my pack, or do I want to turn things around now, while I still have the chance?
Don’t fucking get me wrong. I’m not hopping on board the Juliette Callahan train—the image that sparks behind my eyes is fucking filthy —but if that’s really what my packmates want, maybe I can find a way to help them get it.
There are plenty of packs with an Omega that doesn’t bond all of the Alphas.
I’d do that for the men who have been by my side through thick and thin if it would bring them the sort of happiness I don’t ever see for myself.
Even if it means staring down my enemy… Every. Single. Fucking. Day.