Chapter 21 #2
He picks up a pencil and the sketchbook, before he writes in beautiful, calligraphic handwriting:
Penn
Perhaps, he’s dyslexic.
He drops the pencil.
“You want a pen?” I squirm on his knee, looking around for one.
Phantom points at his chest.
I still, looking up at him. “Is that your true name?”
An awe settles over me.
He has finally dared to lift his mask for me.
“May I call you by your real name?” Excitement rushes through me.
His smile is shy, but he nods.
“Penn.” Suddenly, I see the artistic Alpha who became best friends with his next-door neighbor hyper Beta, before shadowing him throughout school.
I imagine how wrecked Phantom must have been when that Beta’s house burned down and his best friend was returned but as a Companion.
I shouldn’t have judged Phantom for that.
I would have been terrified if Mars was taken away from me and I would have done anything to get him back.
Phantom forged himself into a warrior to become a SEAL; he did whatever he needed to in order to become the protector Joker needed.
How could Joker have missed how much he’s loved?
These two need to fucking talk.
Phantom’s eyes light at hearing his name on my lips. He caresses my hair.
I don’t think that I will ever want to stop saying his real name now. “You know, Penn, I can see how much you feel for me in every brushstroke of this painting.”
He nods.
“Look how many more paintings you’ve done of Jokes. How can he be a burden to you? Someone you blame for your scarring? An Omega who you bonded out of a sense of duty, and a Beta who you see as no more than a friend?”
Phantom snarls, shoving me off his knee.
Good.
Finally, I’ve pushed him past his limit. I like to see the fire in his eyes.
He backs me against the wall.
“What?” I demand, meeting his furious gaze. “Isn’t that what you think? Because last night in the pool, Jokes thought all that.”
Shocked, Phantom stumbles back a step, knocking into the easel.
He shakes his head.
Ruthlessly, I press on. “Jokes has loved you for years. You must know that. He can see how much you’re falling already for Bird.
Of course you are, Bird is fucking adorable.
And you and me have this connection, right?
Joker and you, on the other hand, are still functioning like you’re in the SEALs together.
You’re a unit, rather than a pack. You’ve been fighting…
never stopping…hunting and planning and…
but Jokes blames himself for that. If he hadn’t switched in the middle of that battle, then your world wouldn’t have burned around you. ”
Phantom makes a furious gesture that I am certain means bullshit.
“I’m not saying that it’s true. I’m saying that it’s how Jokes feels.”
Phantom’s jaw clenches, before he grabs his pencil and writes on the sketchpad.
Impatiently, I wrap my arms around my middle and wait.
Finally, Phantom thrusts the sketchpad at me, hurling down the pencil.
My heart drops when I read his scribbled explanation.
Joker can’t stop feeling guilty for everything because he blames himself for his pack dying.
He blames himself for losing his sister.
The invention that his dad was working on the night he burned down the house was to help Joker. His dad became fixated on his Beta son being able to compete against Alphas. It cost his pack everything.
Joker has had to carry that on his shoulders.
I don’t blame him for anything. I made my own choices.
I would have saved him when he went into heat because he was my friend.
Yet I also love him.
Does he think that I would give bullet shaped chocolates to just anyone?
I cooked him heart-shaped pancakes this morning.
I’m both laughing and trying hard not to let the tears, which are trembling on my eyelashes, fall by the time that I reach the end of the letter.
“Your romance is all actions, Penn. Our Beta is the type who needs words,” I explain. “I get it. I’m the same. I barely talk about my feelings. You’re a military man. But how about you write a letter like this one but with more of the romance shit?”
Phantom wrinkles his nose, as if to say he has never read, let alone written, a letter like that.
I poke his chest. “Your task this evening, solider: read a romance novel. Just not a dark romance. I don’t want to give you any ideas.”
Phantom curls his lips, exposing his canines.
Suddenly, he looks dangerous and like he could be one of the Alphaholes in those books.
“I said, not one of those, Penn.” I poke him in the chest, before he captures my hand in his giant one and lightly kisses its back.
I study the mask, wondering if he will ever be able to show me this part of himself.
It needs to be in his own time. To my surprise, he kisses my cheek.
I blush. “I hadn’t realized just how much we’re the same.
Tough on the outside. We’d kill for our pack.
If we’re with the right people, however, then also we can be…
” I break off, unsure whether I can voice the vulnerable aspect of myself, which Phantom has already seen and painted.
“…we can have a softness. I didn’t feel safe to show it because I had to protect my brother.
I needed to survive. But now that we’re together, finally… ”
Phantom links our fingers, pulling us closer. Then he pulls a piece of folded paper out of the pocket of his fatigues, flicks it open and holds it up.
It is a floorplan of the cabin, as well as the estate outside.
Now I am embarrassed about the plans that I’ve drawn for missions. Perhaps, Phantom also has a future career in architecture. Yet there is an index of items marked onto the plan.
I purse my lips. “What is this? It looks like you’re turning our cozy cabin in the woods into a fortress. Are all these places that you’ve marked booby traps? Is this what you’ve been working on this week? Why we haven’t seen much of you?”
Phantom nods. His gaze is steady.
My throat becomes suddenly dry. “You’re preparing for a siege. Are you this scared of the Krakens?”
Phantom drops the plan.
Then he clenches his fist at shoulder height, signaling that he is instead, prepared.
“What for?”
Phantom’s expression becomes grim, before he mouths: Revenge.