Chapter 17 - Roland
ROLAND
The second the door latched behind us, I had my arms around my mate, standing on my tiptoes, my cheek pressed against his, needing to feel his warmth and his touch to recenter myself.
I’d almost been able to convince myself I was overreacting about the horse I scented.
After that conversation, I knew things were worse than I thought.
And what did I do? Instead of letting the alphas know what had happened, I kept it to myself.
At first it was because I didn’t want to interrupt, and then the conversation got away from me with the whole, becoming-pack thing.
Now that I was out of there, the guilt of it flooded in.
“Hey, are you okay?” my mate asked.
“Yeah. No. I don’t know.”
Bryden led me to the bed. We sat on the edge. He kept a hold of my hand, probably sensing that I needed his touch, or maybe he needed mine too.
“That was a lot,” I admitted. “Oh, a real lot, all at once. We need to talk about it and figure out what we want to do. But before that, I need to ask you something.”
He nodded.
“The alpha shit this morning,” I said, “was that more about security?”
“No, you were right in your guess that it had to do with the logs. The meeting wasn’t planned.”
That had me relieved. It meant Auden hadn’t been aware of the threat when he encouraged me to take a job. He wasn’t that kind of person. Of course, he wouldn’t knowingly put me in danger, but I’d been let down by so many people for so many years. I needed the reassurance.
“Later I want to hear all about it.” I leaned into his side.
“And now?”
“Now I need to tell you about my day. This morning I talked to Auden for a little while, and then I went to town to get a job,” I said, speaking a mile a minute, knowing that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be able to get it all out.
“Did people know where you were? Because I didn’t.” He didn’t disguise the hurt in his voice. I deserved that.
“I know, I know you didn’t, and I’m sorry.” I wasn’t going to make excuses. “I figured town was safe. Poachers aren’t going to want to be around humans. Plus, Auden knew, so it wasn’t like nobody knew.”
I waited for him to tell me he was disappointed or mad or to give me a lecture. None of it came. Instead, he supported me. “Were you successful?”
“In two ways. I found the pies those college kids were talking about, and I got a job at the general store.” I went into details about both, my mate asking clarifying questions and not rushing me.
“Those are all good things. Why do you look so tense as you tell me?”
“Because on the way home, I scented horses near the turnoff to the pack lands.”
“You really need to tell the alphas.” He wasn’t scolding me, but it sure felt that way.
“I know. I will when we go to dinner, I promise. I just… it was overwhelming.” I wasn’t sure which was more so, the potential danger or the fact that they wanted to welcome us fully.
“They want us to join the pack.” Bryden twisted so we were now looking at each other instead of sitting side by side.
“They do, and it feels unfair to them.”
“They don’t see it that way, mate.” He wasn’t scolding, but that didn’t make sense. How could they not see our predicaments leading them nowhere but trouble
“They’re not like my herd.”
“No, they’re not, my love. They’re not like anyone else but them.”
“What do you want to do?” I asked. I was going to go with whatever he wanted.
“I want to stay,” he said. “There’s safety in being in this pack, safety from my status as a rogue, safety because of the numbers, safety from the poachers.”
It wasn’t going to be 100% safe here, but nowhere would.
“And it feels like home.” My mate felt it too.
“Everything you said is true. But what if I’m the big, bright neon light flashing for trouble to come? What if, because of me, they get hurt?”
I’d never be able to forgive myself.
“They don’t think you’re a danger. But if we leave here, I’m a danger to both of us. Becoming part of this pack, staying together… Honestly, I think it’s the best way. If I was alone, maybe I wouldn’t stay, but I’m here with you, and I don’t want to separate. Ever.”
“You’re my mate. I will always be by your side.”
We went back and forth, both feeling the same about which direction we should choose, but still going over the same information ad nauseam.
We leaned back, lying on the bed with our legs dangling off, still holding hands.
We didn’t speak, both of us thinking about everything that had happened and the choice before us.
“Roland,” I finally said, “I have a decision. Let’s stay. Let’s be part of this community.”
“That’s what I want, too.” He rolled onto his side, and I did the same. “Should we go tell them now?”
“Let’s tell them at pack dinner.”
We arrived early, giving me an opportunity to tell them about the horse I’d scented.
I explained everything, and to my surprise, they weren’t mad, like I’d have been in their place.
They collectively agreed that if I was going to work, we were going to have to figure out a way to keep me safe there and back.
They believed the same way I did, that being at work wouldn’t be a safety issue with so many humans around.
It was the traveling to and from that made me vulnerable.
After the pack all arrived, we told them that we’d made our decision, that we wanted to become part of the pack at Stoney River. Auden hugged me, telling me how happy he was that I decided to stay. And our meal was filled with people telling us how excited they were to have new members.
Dinner wasn’t fancy, but it was perfect. There was homemade mac and cheese, salad, garlic bread, and a few veggie sides. I noted that the meal was vegetarian, despite so many carnivores in the mix.
All the meals I’d had here always had vegetarian options, but this one was exclusively so, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they knew when they were cooking that this was going to be a celebration of our decision.
For the first time, when I was around the entire pack, no one asked me weird unicorn questions. They just talked to me like I was a person. It was so normal, which was exactly what I longed for.
As we ate our dessert, homemade cookies, we discussed plans for the big ceremony. I was nervous and excited, but most of all thrilled that I was going to get to become a part of this pack forever, something I hadn’t dared to dream of fully before this moment.