Chapter 23 Roland
ROLAND
Lying to my mate for this long had been tearing me apart.
I struggled with eating, sleeping, and keeping my happy face slapped on.
I had years of practice pretending that everything was okay with my herd, and even with that, I couldn’t handle this.
Knowing that at any moment, the other shoe could fall and those poachers would be back for me had it impossible to function some days.
I wasn’t under the delusion that they had let me go for their own sake without having someone keeping an eye on me. They couldn’t be that foolish. They were just better at it than before. My biggest fear was that they were waiting for our baby unicorn to be born.
Something had to give. I wish I knew what that something was.
I went to the refrigerator and grabbed the jug of milk.
I’d been trying to keep up with my diet, the one the midwife created for me.
Unfortunately, it included milk three times a day, something the human part of me did not love.
They said it was necessary for shifters to have the extra dairy, and I wasn’t going to fight that simply because I thought it was gross.
“I could’ve gotten that for you,” Bryden said, taking the jug from my hand. “You’re supposed to be resting.”
“That’s not what I was told. I was told not to overdo it, and that had to do with work, not pouring a glass of milk.”
My mate had wanted me to quit my job after that appointment. I promised him I’d leave when the job became too much. If anything, the job was good for me because it gave me a distraction. When I was counting inventory, the only thing in my head were numbers.
Poor Bryden. He was dealing with a lot during this pregnancy thanks to me.
Twice he dragged me to the midwife thinking that something was physically wrong with me because I was, in his words, “distracted, anxious, and hyper-aware.” I had to double down on my pretending after that, but my midwife told him a lot of that was normal with pregnancy.
I didn’t think that was true, but I appreciated having some plausible deniability.
“Here.” He gave me a cup, and I drank it down all at once, because once I put that cup down on the counter, I wasn’t going back for it. I knew that about myself.
He pressed his hand against my cheek. “Seriously, are you okay, mate?”
“Yeah, the baby’s fine.” Answering the wrong question allowed me to answer truthfully. My life was filled with enough lies. “They are the size of a toddler, though.”
Not really, but I felt huge, and my due date was soon if I followed a similar gestation to horse shifters. There was so much we didn’t know in regards to unicorn births.
I stepped closer, hugging him, when our little one decided it was time to kick him.
“I think our little one’s jealous of me getting hugs from their daddy.” Bryden put his hand on my belly and squatted down, talking to our little one. “Hey, you don’t need to kick me to remind me that you’re here. I think about you all the time.”
The sweetness was going to kill me. When I first made the deal with the poachers, I thought I’d be making a plan within a couple of days, thwarting the evil and saving the day. Or rather I was hoping the goddess would help take care of all that, but it had been months now.
It was like every breath I took was the last one before everything would change. I’d hear a twig snap and wonder if it was them. I’d be called to the front at work and fear they were there.
I needed a plan. That day with the poachers I only managed to kick the danger down the road. That wasn’t going to do.
A knock at the door had my mate straightening up and calling for them to come in. It was Creven, asking for help with hanging a door.
“I’ll be back, omega mine. Love you.”
He gave me a quick kiss, shutting the door just as I returned his affection with an “I love you too.”
The milk hadn’t sat well with me. My stomach was hurting. I tried going for a walk, but it didn’t help. I tried going to sleep. It didn’t help. It just hurt more and more. Eventually, I gave up and went to the healer to see if they knew what was wrong.
“You’re just having a baby today. That’s all.” Those were not the words I’d been expecting to hear.
I didn’t know anything about unicorns giving birth, only about horses. No one did, as far as I knew. It had been so many years since there was a record of one. The healer and I both thought it was going to be just like a horse birth, both long and arduous. Did I mention long?
In my mind, there was no need to rush and get the midwife or my mate, and the healer agreed.
The plan was for me to wait until he got back and then call the midwife, still giving us plenty of time.
Only, by the time I walked in my door, the stomach pains had turned into me being barely able to stand up.
Within minutes, my water broke. Contractions were hitting hard. I needed my mate.
But as I went to call out to him, my unicorn did the partial shift, the one he did when we’d mated. This baby was coming, and they were coming fast.
The door flew open, and Bryden came running in, hopping on one foot.
“Why are you hopping?” I tried to ask, but it came out as a grunt and a groan. Somehow, my mate still understood.
“My mark burns,” he said. “I knew you needed me.”
It wouldn’t be until later that I learned he had sensed my labor on the bottom of his foot long before he or I realized that was what it was. And as my pain got intense, so did his.
He helped me get my pants off and went for my shirt, but another contraction with a need to push slammed into me. I couldn’t wait for my shirt to come off. This baby was coming now.
I’d helped with multiple horse shifter deliveries, and they were all done on hands and knees, so that was what I did. I got on my hands and knees on the bed, my mate behind me, telling me what a good job I was doing and how much he loved me. He also said how much he wished the midwife was here.
Same. So very same.
The need to push overwhelmed me, the burning nearly too much to bear. But I could do this. I’d been through so much, this was nothing in the scheme of things.
A couple of minutes later, with a final push, our baby made its way out into the universe.
My mate held him, my partial shift still holding on, my unicorn seemingly unwilling to budge. “What do I do?” I tried to ask, no words coming out, just a neigh. Fabulous.
My unicorn pushed forward. He had things he wanted to communicate and do, but so far, he hadn’t given me a heads-up on any of it.
He lowered his head, and thankfully that was enough for my mate to understand that my unicorn wanted to touch our baby with our horn. Bryden brought him over, and my unicorn rested his horn across our baby’s middle.
And then, as quickly as my beast had forced the partial shift, he retreated. I was back to myself, and our sweet baby boy was in my arms.
Bryden and I had talked before about what to name our little one, and the one that kept popping up was Ira. As I looked down at him, I knew it was the right one.
“Ira,” I whispered. “You don’t know how much your fathers loves you.”
The loudness of my delivery must have sent someone for the midwife, and our quiet moment was interrupted. My mate and I told him the story as he cleaned up. He announced that our baby was perfect, but we didn’t need him to tell us that. We’d already known.
Being a new father was amazing, but I was realistic.
If I stayed in Stoney River, the poachers were going to come here and anything I’d accomplished for my family and pack would be gone.
I knew this, but I’d been too scared to leave those first few days.
Now that Ira was safely here, it was time for me to fulfill my part of the deal.
With me gone, there would no longer be a target on the pack’s back. Was my plan foolproof? Not even close. But in all this time, I hadn’t come up with anything better.
I grabbed a piece of paper from the drawer and sat down with a pen.
I didn’t want to “Dear John” my leaving, to have him find out once I was gone by reading this little piece of paper, but if I told him, he’d never let me go.
He’d say he could protect me. He’d want to bring the pack in and let them know what was happening.
Bryden didn’t… couldn’t understand how precious the pack was to me and that I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t do this. Never.
Bryden, mate, alpha mine,
When you find this, I’ll already be gone. I have no choice. I bought some time with the poachers when they caught me by the river, but that time is almost up, and if I’m still here, the pack is at risk. You are at risk. Our baby is at risk.
The safest way is for me to run. Keep Ira safe and loved. When he is old enough, let him know his daddy loved him very much.
I love you, alpha mine, more than anything. Thanks for giving me a place to belong, a place filled with love.
Your mate,
Roland
I purposely didn’t tell him anything that could lead him to me. I refused to risk giving him a way to chase me.
Otto called my name through the window, and I put the letter under a stack of books, not wanting Bryden to see it until well after I left.
I still hadn’t quite figured out when I was leaving or which direction to head, but it would be soon.
Anywhere but near my herd, that was all I knew for sure.
Maybe there was another place like this pack, a place where I could belong, even if for a short time.
No. No place was like Stoney River.
I went to the open window. “Otto, what’s up?”
“I could really use your help.”
I joined him, Ira wrapped against my chest sound asleep, not wanting him to get suspicious.
The help was frosting cupcakes, lots and lots of cupcakes.
Normally, I liked this kind of thing; it was fun being with someone else, doing a monotonous task.
Today, I was so on edge that every swipe of frosting was a chore.
“Thanks.” Otto’s smile was forced. “You earned a nap.” Which was code for I looked like shit, which I already knew. “I’ll watch Ira and you go take a nap.”
“On it.” I headed back to the cabin knowing this was my time to leave. Otto had the baby and my mate was working at the library.
To my surprise, when I arrived home, Bryden was already home from work—the letter in his hand, his face not hiding his anger.
“You’re leaving?” he snapped. “Let me rephrase that. You’re not leaving.
Is this why you’ve been so weird lately?
Why you look on the verge of tears all the time?
Why you jump at the slightest motion in your peripheral vision?
Why you cling to me in your sleep? Is this why?
” He waved the letter in the air, anger rolling off him.
“I thought you weren’t going to do this again. I thought you weren’t going to hide things like you did the first time you scented those horses. What the fuck do you mean? Did you make a deal with the poachers?”
The door was still open. His voice was getting louder, and Auden came in behind me. “What’s going on here?”
His calm didn’t match the energy in the room.
“I wanted to protect you.” It came out as a sob, but once I began the story, it flowed out with every detail explained fully. I’d hated lying, and now that I could tell the truth, they were getting all of it.
It wasn’t until I finished that I realized it wasn’t just Auden in there. Other pack members were behind him.
“You’re. Not. Leaving.” Bryden had never been so forceful with me.
To my surprise, the others who’d gathered around all agreed with him and were quite vocal about it.
My mate came to my side and took my hand, whispering close, “Don’t leave. You can’t leave.” He was still mad at me, madder than he’d ever been, and not as mad as I deserved, but he was also standing by my side.
“You’re not leaving,” he repeated.
“We’re making a plan.” Auden put his hand on my shoulder. “Where you went wrong before was you did it by yourself. You don’t need to be in this alone. You have us. We’ll figure this out together.”
Auden gave me a hug, and when he pulled back, he said, “And I know what we’re going to do.”
So much for protecting my pack. Once again, they were sheltering me, keeping me safe. Fate hadn’t sent me a mate, they sent me a family.