Chapter 14 #2
Still, I couldn’t go through life with this imbalance between us.
Riding his dick had never made me feel small.
Being managed would make me lose my mind.
He claimed he wanted to protect me, but there was a difference between stepping between me and certain danger and deciding whether I was a big boy who could handle the truth.
I stopped and faced him. “Open your side of the mate bond.”
He looked around the street. “I don’t—”
I grabbed his wrist and pulled him down an alley barely wide enough for both of us. Shuttered windows climbed the buildings on either side, and bundled electrical wires stretched over our heads like clotheslines.
“Give me everything,” I said, crowding his space like he was a defensive end. “You’ve been hiding from me since the day we met. That doesn’t work anymore. I can’t be married to someone who doesn’t respect me.”
“I respect you,” he said in a raw voice. “Christ, Caleb. How could you think I don’t?”
“Then open the bond. Back in New York, you told me you were all in, wolf and man. If that’s still true, you can’t keep pieces of yourself from me. You’re either all in, or you’re not.”
He looked at me for a long moment. Then he closed his eyes.
Emotion slammed into me without warning, a wall of it hitting my chest and driving the air from my lungs. Worry, love, anxiety, anger.
And fear.
Not the surface kind. Jesse’s fear was a bottomless well of cold, swirling terror. It rotated like a hurricane, devouring everything else.
“Shit,” I gasped, rocking on my feet. Jesse grabbed me and steadied me.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“Don’t be. I asked for it.” I pressed my hand to his chest and felt his heart pounding beneath the cashmere and muscle. “Is this what you’ve been carrying?”
“Not all the time.” With a low sound, he rested his forehead against mine.
“Stefanos has always been my handler. When the Council wants me to track, he arranges everything—hotels, money, cars. I’ve never had a reason to question his orders.
But I do now. The thought of you getting hurt is…
” Jesse closed his eyes, and another icy wave of fear sloshed across the bond.
I gripped his arms. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m too annoying to die.”
His shaky laugh fluttered over my lips. “You’re not annoying.”
“I guess it depends who you’re asking.”
“You’re not annoying.” He drew back, his brown eyes stark.
“That door hurt you last night. I can’t find Ulfrik, and now Italy is missing its werewolves.
I love you. I’ve never loved anyone. Just you.
The thought of Stefanos using you as a resource, putting you in danger—” He stopped, and anger flooded my chest.
Not mine. This was his, a hot blade of fury that cut through the fear. But the fear was bigger, and it quickly reformed and kept spinning.
I slid my hand under his sweater so I could feel his skin. Because we weren’t fighting anymore. We’d argued, and that felt…okay, actually. Like something boyfriends did. Married people.
In New York, he’d looked me in the eyes and lied—and not once or twice. He’d deceived me for weeks about being a wolfseeker and the Council’s policy of killing wolves sired by rogues. He’d taken me to bed without telling me he was supposed to be my executioner.
This was different. Jesse had formed an opinion and decided the timing was wrong to share it. It was the wrong call, but it wasn’t the same thing. He hadn’t lied to protect himself. He’d withheld something to protect me, which pissed me off, but it wasn’t a dealbreaker.
We weren’t going to make it through the decades unscathed. I didn’t need a crystal ball to know that future arguments would find us. Maybe the only thing that mattered was how we handled them.
Jesse moved closer even though there wasn’t any space left between us. He did it anyway, bumping into me like a cat trying to squish itself into a box. His hands found my waist, and I slid mine over his ribs.
“I need you to trust me enough to tell me when you’re scared,” I said, resting my chin on his shoulder. “Not when it’s convenient.”
“I know,” he said against my neck. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing and start doing better.”
“I will.” He tightened his arms around me. “This is your mission, too. I didn’t act like your partner.”
We stood like that, wrapped up in each other steps from the busy heart of Rome. For once, it wasn’t raining, and a narrow slice of sunshine fell between the buildings.
My pulse jumped, an idea forming. Jesse and I had spent most of our time in Rome reacting: to Carlo, to Stefanos, to Ulfrik’s scent, to the missing wolves, to the door. Maybe it was time to do something instead of waiting for the next thing to happen to us.
I pulled away and rested a hand on Jesse’s stomach. “I want to go back to the opera house.”
He frowned.
“Not to talk to anyone,” I said. “We don’t even need to go inside. I just want to touch the door.”
Resistance churned in my chest, the sensation like pushing against a leg press someone had loaded with too much weight. Jesse didn’t like my idea, and I felt every bit of his reluctance.
“What do I feel like to you?” I asked. I’d never wondered before—probably because I’d never been hooked up to someone else’s feelings.
He cupped my jaw, and his eyes turned that melted chocolate color that made me want to climb him—preferably with us both naked.
“Like home,” he said. “You feel like everything I thought I’d never have.”
My chest tightened—and, yeah, that feeling was all mine. “Even when I’m being a pain in the ass?”
“Especially then.” He moved his thumb to my mouth and stroked my bottom lip. “You make me better, Caleb. The only thing I want to be is good for you.” His lips twitched. “You also feel stubborn as hell.”
My heart thumped faster. “So don’t bother fighting me on the opera house. It’s sunny right now. Carlo and the other vampires are sleeping, right?”
“Yes.” Jesse drew a deep breath. The leg press machine in my chest wobbled. “I could ward us,” he said finally.
Victory glimmered within reach. “I like your plan.”
He went serious again. “But we stay outside. You touch the door, see whatever you can see, and we go. You follow my instructions so I don’t lose the ward. The second anything feels wrong, we dip.”
A shot of joy obliterated the last of my anger. “I like how you can be taught.”
He grabbed my hand and held it to his cheek. “Thank you.”
I tilted my head, letting his stubble rasp against my knuckles. “We’re good, Jesse. I love you a disgusting amount.”
That got a laugh out of him, and some of the fear in the bond faded.
Smiling, I pulled him toward the street.