15. Roman Blake
Icouldn’t get that bathroom out my head.
Melissa’s face when she realized I’d been watchin’ her moves.
The way her voice shook between pissed and… somethin’ else.
You really insane.
This is stalker shit.
She wasn’t wrong.
Didn’t change how I felt.
But it sat on me.
Couple days later, we was all at the Philly Club 4 Play spot, closed hours, just us. I had wanted to check some shit with the manager, and Truce and Royce slid through. Trend came too ‘cause Fee kicked him out the house for talkin’ too loud on the phone.
We ended up in the back VIP, no lights but the bar glow, music low, food on the table. It felt like them old days, just with more money and more shit on our minds.
I had my drink in my hand, barely sippin’ it.
“What’s up wit’ you?” Truce asked, leanin’ back. “You quiet as fuck.”
Royce smirked. “That’s ‘cause he out here hidin’ in women’s bathrooms.”
Trend damn near choked on his wing. “Bathroom?”
I shot Royce a look. “You talk too much.”
He held his hands up. “Nigga, you the one told me you was in the ladies’ room like Jason Bourne.”
Truce laughed. “Ain’t no way, bro.”
I rolled my eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Explain how standin’ in a bathroom waitin’ on a woman is supposed to be ‘like,’ then,” Royce said, eyebrow up.
I ignored him, turned to Trend instead.
“Lemme ask you somethin’,” I said. “You used to talk to Melissa… before all this, right?”
He blinked, then nodded slow. “Yeah. Long time ago, though.”
“How she was back then?” I asked. “For real.”
He scratched his jaw. “Different. Still had a mouth on her, but it wasn’t like it is now. She was softer. More… hopeful, I guess?” He shrugged. “Didn’t mean she wasn’t still on bullshit sometimes, but her guard wasn’t this high.”
“And now?” I asked.
“Now?” He let out a breath. “Jordan did a number on her, bro. Nigga played in her face, had her out here lookin’ stupid.
It ain’t just him, her pops, other shit she seen.
By the time I really peeped, she wasn’t the girl I used to be with.
She was… holdin’ on to herself like if she let go, somebody was gon’ snatch her whole soul. ”
I gritted my teeth.
“I wish I could kill that nigga,” I barked. “Jordan. For how he did her. For how she still flinch when she talk about love ‘cause of him.”
Trend nodded. “Trust me, I done thought about it. But Fee would beat my ass and y’all know it.”
Truce snorted. “Facts.”
I leaned back, rubbin’ my thumb over the scar on my jaw.
“It just… it piss me off,” I said. “Watchin’ her act tough when I know she only doin’ it ‘cause some fuck nigga broke her before.”
“And your response to that,” Truce cut in, “is to be a creep ass nigga hidin’ in bathrooms and followin’ her car? Make it make sense.”
They all busted out laughin’.
I glared at him. “Fuck you, nigga.”
“Nah, I’m deadass,” Truce said, still grinnin’. “You talkin’ ‘bout he hurt her, you havin’ a hard time, all that… you not ‘havin’ a hard time.’ You scarin’ sis.”
Royce nodded. “You got her checkin’ over her shoulder like a thriller movie. That’s not the kinda tension you want.”
Trend pointed his wing at me. “You always been intense, bro. That’s why your business work. That’s why you held shit down how you did. But women not contracts. You press too hard, you not gon’ sign nothin’; you gon’ make her run.”
I took a slow sip, lettin’ that sit even though it irritated me.
“What me and Mel had,” Trend continued, “was back when she was different. We ain’t never get too deep ‘cause I knew I wasn’t ready to be what she needed.
I was on my own bullshit. But even then, she was more open than she is now.
Jordan took that last little piece. You tryin’ to pull her outta a cave. You can’t do that with a shotgun.”
I huffed. “Who said I got a shotgun?”
“All that stalkin’ you doin’,” Truce said. “Kinda feel like one.”
Royce laughed low. “Man said ‘I know where your mama stay, your job, your gas station…’ like that was romantic.”
I let my head fall back, starin’ at the ceiling. “Y’all niggas dramatic.”
“Or honest,” Trend said. “You asked.”
They weren’t wrong.
I just ain’t like how it sounded when they said it back to me.
“Anyway,” Truce said, switchin’ the subject like he ain’t just snatch my wig, “since we talkin’ ‘bout women… I’m pretty sure Charlee pregnant.”
All our heads snapped his way.
“What?” I asked.
Royce choked on his drink. “Nigga, for real?”
Trend’s eyes widened. “She told you?”
He smirked. “Nah. She think I don’t know.”
I frowned. “So how you know?”
He leaned back, hand rubbin’ his beard like he was proud. “‘Cause I know my wife.”
Royce shook his head. “Explain.”
“She cranky,” Truce said, holdin’ up one finger. “More than usual. Cryin’ at commercials and shit. Number two, she greedy as fuck. Wakin’ me up talkin’ ‘bout she want hot wings, ice cream, and pickles at the same time. And number three…” He paused, smirk turnin’ stupid. “That pussy real gushy.”
“Aw, hell,” I said, laughin’ and shakin’ my head.
Trend threw a napkin at him. “Bro, don’t nobody wanna hear about your wife juices.”
“I’m just sayin’,” Truce said, still smilin’. “Her body actin’ like it did last time she almost got pregnant. I pay attention.”
Royce wiped his face. “So what you gon’ do about it?”
“Nothin’ yet,” Truce said. “I’ma wait. See how long it take her to tell me. I don’t wanna spook her. She think she not ready. Talkin’ ‘bout she don’t wanna be nobody mama yet. But she already is. It’s written all over her, she just the last one to know.”
We all went quiet for a second.
He wasn’t jokin’ no more.
“You scared?” I asked.
“Hell yeah,” he said. “But I’m also excited. I always wanted a little me runnin’ around. I know once she get past the fear, she gon’ be the best mama. I’m just lettin’ her come to it on her own clock instead of me forcin’ it.”
My mind flicked back to what he’d just said.
Let her come to it on her own clock instead of me forcin’ it.
Another shot aimed lowkey at me, and I took it.
Trend sighed, sittin’ back. “Y’all lucky, man. At least your women excited about what’s comin’.”
Royce looked over. “Fee not?”
“She excited,” Trend said. “She love these babies already. That’s not the problem. The problem is… she scared as fuck and I don’t know how to fix that without feelin’ like I’m failin’ no matter what I do.”
He rubbed the back of his neck.
“She think I’m gon’ get distant once the twins get here,” he went on. “Like I’m gon’ disappear into work and leave her at the house drownin’ in diapers. I keep tellin’ her I’m grindin’ for them, but all she hear is ‘I’m not there.’”
“You are gone a lot,” I pointed out.
He shot me a look. “Nigga, you too.”
“I ain’t say I wasn’t,” I said. “I’m just sayin’ from her side, it probably look like what she scared of already.”
Royce nodded. “Have you told her you scared too?”
Trend hesitated. “Not really. I be tryna be solid so she don’t panic more. But then she read it as me not carin’.”
Truce shook his head. “Man, y’all dumb.”
We all looked at him.
“You scared. She scared. She think she alone in it, you think you protectin’ her from yours. Everybody losin’,” he said. “Tell that woman the truth. ‘Babe, I’m terrified too, but I’m still here.’ That mean more than you actin’ fake strong and disappearin’ when your phone ring.”
Trend sat with that, noddin’ slowly.
“I talked to Fee the other day,” I added. “She scared she gon’ be by herself once they come. You gotta show her that’s not the case now, not after they get here.”
He blew out a breath. “Aight. I’ll talk to her. Forreal this time. Not on some ‘you trippin’ shit. On some ‘I’m scared too’ shit.”
“Good,” Royce said. “Maybe then she’ll stop textin’ April a hundred times a day askin’ if she still wanna do this.”
We all laughed.
I leaned back, lettin’ the sound wash over me.
Different men with the same themes. Fear, love, control, and loss.
I thought about Melissa and Mo.
Thought about all the ways I’d already crossed lines in the name of not losin’ nobody else.
Maybe I was bein’ a creep.
Maybe Truce was right.
But as much as I could see it, I still ain’t know how to turn it off.
All I knew was if I wanted any chance of keepin’ Melissa for real, I was gon’ have to learn how to love her without makin’ her feel hunted.
And that was somethin’ even money couldn’t fix.