Chapter Twenty-Five #2
‘Let’s get some sleep,’ he says after a beat, and my brain responds with a silent but forceful, No!
A reckless feeling begins to spark through me.
A sort of electric hum of energy. I’m literally a woman who has nothing left to lose.
A tired, heartbroken, befuddled woman sitting on a bed beside the most objectively sexy man on planet earth.
A man who was just seconds ago touching her face in a way that didn’t feel at all like something designed to help make another man jealous.
I bite my lip and shift even closer to River. ‘Just out of interest …’ My eyes flick up to meet his. ‘That night on the rooftop, when you said I wasn’t ready to be kissed like that … I was just wondering – casually – what exactly being kissed like that would, you know, entail?’
River’s breath hitches so subtly it’s barely noticeable. His eyes remain fastened on mine. ‘That’s not something you need to know, Gertie. Especially after everything that just happened with Henry.’
‘Wouldn’t that be for me to decide?’
River’s breath starts to come faster. I tentatively reach my hand across the bed, my little finger touching the edge of his little finger. His eyes darken in response, but his mouth twists slightly as if he’s toiling with something.
‘This wasn’t what we agreed,’ he murmurs, eyes travelling ever so briefly down to my lips. ‘It’s supposed to be fake. That was the plan.’
I swallow thickly. ‘I don’t know … Maybe this right now is just … us faking at not faking it?’
‘Faking at not faking it? Come on.’
Now the idea is in my head I know that it won’t leave me alone. I allow my eyes to linger on his lips. They look soft and juicy, a little dangerous. Different.
‘Just one kiss,’ I say, surprised at my own brazenness. ‘To distract us from this entire shitshow. To, I don’t know, cheer us up a bit. For curiosity’s sake.’
‘For curiosity’s sake? It ain’t that simple, Gertie.’
‘What if it is, though?’ I say, echoing what River said to me in the car when I chastised him about eating the snacks too early.
His eyebrows quirk in surprise. Then he smiles.
And it’s not the cocky smile he threw me that night on the rooftop, and it’s not the charming smile he uses around everyone else or the sarcastic smile that shows up when someone says something he doesn’t agree with.
It’s a slight lift of the lips and a flood of warmth in his eyes.
Not the smile of a villain.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
‘I just think—’ I start, but the rest of the sentence is replaced by a gasp when I feel River’s big strong hand on the back of my head, tilting my face ever so slightly to the left as if he needs me just so in order to get this exactly right.
His tongue sweeps lightly over his bottom lip as he leans towards me, pausing halfway, our noses almost touching. My breath halts with anticipation.
‘So very sexy,’ he groans, a tiny frown creasing his forehead.
And then all at once those perfect sulky lips are on mine, plump hot velvet and rough stubble and holy moly. River’s mouth parts mine, our tongues meeting, curious, tentative at first and then suddenly greedy.
I can’t help the immediate moan of release I make into River’s mouth.
In response, his breathing quickens. He presses me back down onto the pillow, mouth never leaving mine, tongue curling gently upwards against my tongue as he snakes his arm around me, palm splayed surely across my back, the other weaving its way up into my hair.
My goodness.
River Oakley is as good at kissing as he is at dancing and charming people and doing literary quizzes.
I almost say wow out loud at how just how good he is, but stop myself because I’m sure I wouldn’t be the first person to have said that to him and he clearly already knows the effect he has.
Those poor good women of Burnet County could attest to that, I’m sure.
River pulls away, ending the kiss, golden chest rising and falling quickly.
He swears under his breath, his pupils now so large it makes his green irises appear black.
He licks his lips like a wolf ready for lunch.
My whole body has started pulsing. River swallows, a torn expression shadowing his face.
I think he’s about to suggest that we should stop.
Be sensible. Stick to the agreement. That bold No!
pops into my head once again. I don’t want to stop.
This feels good. Crazy good. Before he can utter a single word, I open my mouth and what comes out is a small, breathless, ‘More.’
River’s nostrils flare. Then, with a sort of rumbling growl, he shifts further onto the bed so that his body is covering mine.
Yes.
He’s so large, but it’s not overpowering.
It feels steady and safe and right. I run my hands up over his biceps, his skin so hot against my fingers.
I realise with a thrill that River is rock hard beneath his jeans and, to my surprise – because I’ve never been the person who leads – I widen my knees so he’s able to lower himself dead set against me.
When he groans appreciatively, I find my hips rising to meet his in response.
Somewhere in the back of my brain it occurs to me that this is now more, much more than a kiss.
But I know that if I stop for even a second to actually consider what we’re doing then I might halt it.
River might halt it. And I very much don’t want to stop this sensation.
Something that feels like pure relief after nothing but the full body bruise of the last four weeks.
River paws at my pyjama top, lifting it greedily. I reach a hand out to stop him because surely if we keep our clothes on then this can’t escalate into something that’ll make things way more complicated than they already are.
‘Just the kiss,’ I pant, my cheeks pinkening as River sits back onto his knees. ‘Clothes firmly on kiss.’
His chest rises and falls quickly. He looks … ravenous, eyes dark and glazed. Am I making him look like that? How is that possible? I’ve never made anyone look like that before.
‘Just the kiss,’ he agrees, tongue darting across his lower lip. ‘A clothes firmly on kiss. Sensible, sensible Gertie.’
‘That’s me.’
With a low chuckle he easily scoops me up with one arm and swaps our positions so he is sitting up against the headboard and I’m on his lap. I reach my hands out and weave them up into his hair, tugging ever so slightly as I do.
Breath coming even faster now, River nuzzles his mouth and jaw up the side of my neck. Then he takes my bottom lip lightly between his teeth, sucking me in. I instinctively start to roll my hips against his hardness.
‘Fuck,’ he rasps, leaning back so that the angle of him is just right. ‘Fucking hell, Gertie.’
‘This okay?’ I ask.
‘Still technically a kiss,’ he groans, grabbing my bottom and pressing himself harder against me.
Even though we’re separated by the denim of his jeans and the satin of my pyjamas, the edges of my vision start to blur, a desperate groan of pleasure escaping me.
I don’t know how long we spend kissing and touching and moving in time with each other, but the illicit feeling of what we’re doing, the lines between what’s fake and what’s real, the fact that this is supposedly still just a kiss and also very much not, makes my head tip back in pure bliss.
As we start to grind more rapidly, the moans I’m making are like no sound I’ve ever made before. River uses his hands to manoeuvre my hips over the thick hard length of him, quicker and more precise with each stroke.
‘I … I …’ I start, unable to complete the sentence as a wave of hot, pure sweetness heats my limbs and steals my breath and lights my brain with a million tiny sparks.
I cry out into the silent room.
‘So fucking sexy,’ River groans into my neck as I move over him.
Oh my goodness.
It takes me a whole two minutes to catch my breath, River’s fingers lightly circling over my back as I do. When I finally pull away to look at him, his eyes are shining with what appears to be disbelief.
‘Gosh,’ I say.
He nods. ‘And that is what being kissed like that would entail, Gertie,’ he says with a wicked grin.
I swallow, holding on to his brawny arms for balance and also enjoyment. It doesn’t escape my notice that he is still as hard as a rock beneath me, struggling to be contained by his jeans. I reach my hand down towards him, but before I can touch him, he grabs my wrist.
‘Just one kiss,’ he reminds me. ‘Right?’
‘Oh. Yes. Of course, sorry. I just thought …’
He gently lifts me off him and stands up from the bed. ‘I’m good,’ he says lightly. ‘That was …’
I nod. ‘Terrible idea, but fun.’
‘Fun. Yeah.’ He nods five times, which seems like three times too many. Shit. Is he immediately regretting it? Did he kiss me because he felt sorry for me and now it’s all weird?
I fiddle with the corner of the duvet. ‘Was … that a mistake? Like, in your opinion?’ The mere notion that River is in any way embarrassed or regretful about what just happened seeds into my brain, making my face hot with shame.
‘Eek. Will things be bit awkward between us now, do you think? I hope not—’
‘They don’t have to be,’ River cuts in. ‘Gertie, I—’
‘We were surprisingly good at faking not faking it, weren’t we?’ I carry on blabbing. ‘All that, you know, tension. I suppose that’s just science though.’
River tilts his head. ‘Science.’
‘Yeah. Two people who have spent the last few days sparring, faking chemistry and then staying in the same bedroom? Of course that’s going to create some sort of energy.
Any romance writer would know that. Then again, I bet you have that energy with everyone.
’ I gesture at him. ‘I mean, why wouldn’t you? Look at you! Ha!’
River stares at me for a moment, an inscrutable expression on his flushed face. Is he waiting for me to say something else? His jaw flexes slightly.
‘Curiosity sated then?’ he asks, voice now flat so it doesn’t sound so much like a question.
He seems annoyed. Did I say something wrong? Oh shit, does he think I used him? God, was that a pity kiss? And I took it too far?
‘Haha, yes. But we can forget about it now! I don’t mind! Let’s never speak of it again. It was just a little break from reality! In fact, I’ve already repressed it!’ I pretend to zap my own brain. ‘All gone! Back to being sensible.’
In response River thumbs towards the bathroom. ‘Repressed it? Sensible. Right. So yeah … I’m gonna take a shower.’
‘Great! Sounds great! Enjoy!’
Why am I suddenly a walking exclamation mark.
River nods. ‘I will, uh, yeah, the water I will enjoy.’
What? He is making even less sense than me.
Turning crimson red, something I would never have believed he was capable of, River backs quickly into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I think I hear him swear from the other side of the door.
Yep.
I’ve definitely made things awkward.