Chapter 47 #3
I looked down at my hands again, rubbing my thumb against the side of my finger until the skin began to sting.
“He knows who Charlie is. I send him pictures sometimes. I talk about things Charlie does. For almost a year, he’s listened to me call Charlie my nephew and never had any reason to think there was more to it. ”
Devlyn covered my hand with hers, stopping the nervous movement. “Charlie is your nephew, Fi. Frank is your brother. Claudia is your sister-in-law. They are Charlie’s parents. You haven’t lied about that.”
“But I didn’t tell him I’m also Charlie’s biological mother.
” My throat tightened around the words. “That’s not some little detail I forgot to mention.
Jasper thinks he knows what my relationship with Charlie is, and when I tell him the truth, he’s going to realize I’ve known all along that he only had part of the story. ”
Devlyn was quiet for a moment, her hand still resting over mine. “Then you explain why.”
“You say that like it fixes everything.”
“No. I say it because there is a reason.” She shifted slightly toward me.
“You were fifteen when you got pregnant. Frank and Claudia became his parents. That is his life, and you’ve spent years respecting it.
You don’t introduce yourself to people by handing them the most complicated, painful piece of your family history before you know whether they deserve to have it. ”
“Jasper deserved it before now.”
“Maybe. That doesn’t mean you were ready before now.”
The answer should have comforted me. Instead, I kept seeing Jasper on Granny’s couch, asking if I was ready to be his, while I sat there knowing there was still something this enormous between us.
“He hates lying, Dev. He goes out of his way not to do it. Even when he doesn’t want to answer something, he finds some ridiculous way to tell the truth without actually telling me anything.
” A weak smile touched my mouth because that was so completely Jasper, but it disappeared almost immediately.
“What if he looks back over the last year and wonders what else I’ve let him believe because telling him the whole truth was harder? ”
“He might be hurt you didn’t tell him sooner,” Devlyn said, and the fact that she didn’t immediately dismiss the possibility made me look at her.
“He might ask why you waited. He might need a minute to understand all the pieces. But that isn’t the same thing as this changing what he wants with you. ”
“You can’t know that.”
“I know enough.”
“No, you don’t.” I hated how quickly the words came, but the fear behind them had been sitting inside me for too long to soften them now.
“Nobody can know that except Jasper. I was fifteen and pregnant. I gave birth to a baby and gave him away. I know why I did it. I know it was right for Charlie. Frank and Claudia are his parents, and I have never wanted to change that. But Jasper has talked to me about someday having children, and the entire time I’ve known I already gave birth to one.
You can’t tell me there is no chance that’ll change the way he looks at me. ”
Devlyn didn’t flinch from the sharpness in my voice.
Her fingers tightened around mine instead.
“I’m not telling you he won’t look at you differently after he knows.
He will, because he’ll know more about you.
That’s what happens when you tell someone something important.
What I’m telling you is that I don’t believe for one second he’s going to want you less. ”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because Charlie doesn’t change who you are.
It explains more of who you are.” Her gaze held mine, steady enough that I wanted desperately to believe her.
“Romeo is going to learn that you made a decision most adults would struggle to make. He’s going to learn that you loved your son enough to put what Charlie needed ahead of what hurt you.
And he’s going to learn why you protected that part of your family until you trusted him enough to share it. ”
“I trust him now.”
“I know.”
“That’s what makes this worse.” I glanced toward the closed bedroom door, picturing Jasper somewhere downstairs surrounded by his cousins.
“I can think of so many times I could have told him. Every picture I sent. Every time he asked how Charlie was doing. Every conversation about kids. I kept thinking there would be a better moment, and now there’s this whole year sitting behind me. ”
Devlyn leaned her shoulder lightly against mine. “Then stop trying to rewrite the year. Tell him now.”
“What if now is too late?”
“It isn’t.”
Her certainty made me turn toward her. “There you go again.”
“What?”
“Acting like you know.”
A smile appeared slowly at the corner of her mouth, and there was something in it I didn’t understand. “I know enough about this family to be a whole lot less worried about this than you are.”
“You cannot possibly know how he’s going to react.”
“No.” Devlyn’s smile deepened as she studied me. “But I know something about the La Croix men that you apparently don’t.”
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“Have you ever heard of the La Croix curse?”