Romp!

Chapter 48

Ruby couldn’t stop writing. The problem was that none of it was any good.

She’d written so many poems about sex, but maybe part of the appeal of that had been that no one had asked her to; she had enjoyed the deviance of it.

Now that it was homework, she couldn’t muster anything punchy at all.

Just pages of scribbles about cocks and men who didn’t know how to please.

It felt facile and superficial. But Ruby was determined.

The argument with Heather had been a wake-up call. She’d let herself get distracted.

If anything she was thankful that it came when it did. She still had time to win this thing. She’d taken her eyes off the prize. She wasn’t here for a boyfriend, or a girlfriend for that matter; she was here for the cash.

Now, sitting at her desk, her brain hazy from the previous night’s spliff, Ruby began to feel the encroaching panic of the deadline.

The final showcase was tomorrow and nothing that she’d written in the past few days would be good enough to make up for failure in the first challenge, let alone compete with whatever the others had brewed up.

She stared out the window, begging the view for inspiration.

None came. The beauty of writing, she had to remind herself, was that if inspiration struck she could get the words onto the page in a matter of minutes.

She often did write like that, in a frenzy, as though trying to keep up with the sudden onslaught of feeling unravelling in her mind.

For now, she put her pen down and headed down to breakfast.

‘Oh, Ruby, you made it. I’m so glad. I was thinking how nice it would be to try and have everyone together on this last proper day.’ Opal was glowing, her voice almost manic with glee. Ruby found it confronting.

‘Yeah, sorry I missed the last couple. I was busy writing,’ Ruby mumbled. It was true, but for some reason she got the sense that the others didn’t believe her.

Johan was sitting at the far end of the long table, smirking over the top of a newspaper he was pretending to read; Noah and Adam sat side by side.

Opal was at the head of the table as usual.

Ruby pulled out a chair, trying not to dwell on the fact, but also instantly noticing that Heather wasn’t there.

It was a strange thing to get accustomed to, that in a house like this, you could successfully avoid someone for days.

‘Heather hasn’t been down to breakfast for most of this week,’ Opal said, as though reading Ruby’s thoughts.

Ruby felt flustered, worried that she had somehow given something away.

Almost instinctively, she shrugged, calming herself with the reminder that that no one else could hear how fast her heart was beating.

‘Well, it’s a shame because I wanted to let everyone know that I’ve invited Gareth down for tomorrow’s showcase.

I’m hoping he can help me pick a winner, especially as he’ll be exhibiting them!

’ Opal couldn’t seem to stop grinning, and Ruby couldn’t help but wonder what had gotten her in such a good mood.

‘Opal, I was hoping we could make a request.’ It was Adam speaking, and Ruby did a double take as she noticed his fingers intertwined with Noah’s resting visibly on the table. She looked around but no one else had reacted.

‘We’d very much like to do a joint final piece.’ Now it was Noah speaking. He gazed into Adam’s eyes as he spoke and Ruby surmised that she’d missed a lot in her few days of absence.

There was a heavy sigh from Johan, accompanied by an exaggerated eye roll.

‘Um … well I’m sure we could work something out …’ Opal began.

Johan interrupted then, although he didn’t lower the paper from in front of his face. ‘I know you two don’t think that the rules apply to you but there’s only so much bending of this competition you can do – surely.’ Johan’s disdain was evident.

Ruby was surprised by how angry the comment made her, and she was about to jump to Adam and Noah’s defence when Opal beat her to it.

‘Oh, Johan, would you please shut the fuck up.’

There was an audible gasp, and it took Ruby a moment to realise it had come from her. The scene was so absurd that she found herself giggling. Johan huffed, Noah and Adam smiled at each other and Opal looked triumphant.

‘Well that’s settled then.’ Noah shot Johan a self-satisfied look.

‘Yes, it is,’ Opal agreed, before turning to Ruby. ‘Is something funny?’ Opal didn’t sound angry, just genuinely curious.

‘Nothing,’ Ruby spluttered, ‘just wondering what’s gotten into you.’

Opal’s grin was back. ‘I guess I’m just feeling fucking liberated.’

Johan pushed his chair out suddenly. ‘As charming as this has all been, I have to get on with some actual work,’ he said as he strode out the room.

Ruby couldn’t be sure but she sensed tension between the two. Once again it was obvious she’d missed something. Adam and Noah left soon afterward but Ruby ate slowly, turning her head towards the door every time she thought she heard something.

‘You’re waiting for Heather?’ Opal was buttering another slice of toast, and the question seemed offhand.

Ruby’s response was unconvincing. ‘No,’ she snapped.

Opal seemed to weigh up whether she should dig deeper, before seeming to decide against it.

‘How’s the writing going?’ she tried instead.

‘Fine.’ Ruby knew that she sounded petulant, but she couldn’t help herself; something about Opal always got her back up.

Opal sighed and pushed her plate away. ‘Listen, Ruby, I’m sorry that we could never seem to get on …’

Ruby put her fork down. ‘It’s not about getting on, Opal, I’m sure you’re perfectly nice or whatever; it’s just that we have absolutely fucking nothing in common.

I mean this …’ Ruby gestured around her ‘… this is your life. You can’t even imagine what my life is like.

This is all some vanity project for you, so you can avoid your cheating husband without actually having to leave him …

because that just wouldn’t do, would it? ’

Ruby was shaking her head now, and becoming angry. ‘For you this is a game. For me it’s like, where the fuck am I going to live after tomorrow?’ Ruby hadn’t expected to get so worked up, but here she was with the sting of tears in her throat.

Opal looked down at her hands for a moment, stunned maybe, or angry herself. Ruby could hear only the blood pumping in her ears, as she tried to calm down.

‘You’re right, Ruby.’ Opal looked up. ‘I will never be able to imagine what it is like to be you, but thanks to even the one piece of your art you did share with me, I can say that there are small things we do have in common. And it’s a testament to you as an artist that you can bridge that gap.

Isn’t that what it’s all about? Shared humanity? ’

It was a lofty idea, the sort of thing that Ruby would usually dismiss as pretentious, but she was curious, despite herself.

‘What’s that then? That we have in common?’

‘I never knew my father either, and I think you made me realise that even though I’ve always blamed my mother for making me who I am, it’s probably more fair to place some of that blame at his door, wherever he is.’

Ruby felt calmer. ‘Funny, isn’t it, that we both ended up with jewel names, like our mothers were determined to find something beautiful in the rubble.’

Opal smiled. ‘And that’s why you’re the poet …’ she hesitated for a moment ‘… and by the way I asked Martin for a divorce this very morning.’

Ruby wasn’t sure what to say. It was disconcerting to witness this side of Opal, vulnerable and open. ‘Congratulations, I guess.’

‘Thanks.’

There was an awkward silence for a moment, punctuated only by the sound of their cutlery against the china plates as they finished their food.

‘So what made you do it in the end?’ Ruby was compelled to ask and Opal’s longing to share felt palpable.

‘I just realised that I was holding on to a version of myself I’d outgrown, and he didn’t fit with me anymore …’ Opal took a contemplative bite of toast. ‘And that I was tired of catching him screwing the neighbour.’ She laughed, but it was a hollow sound.

Ruby nodded. She sort of understood that.

She’d felt the same way about all the men she’d been with.

In the end they always felt like they were holding her back.

Aggravating and distracting her like ill-fitting, scratchy clothing.

All her best work was usually done when she had just thrown one out of her life, once she felt free and calm again.

That’s how she’d felt once she’d discarded Johan. But then … with Heather she had felt energised. The words had flowed; there had been none of the usual creative block. That had happened only afterwards, after their falling-out.

‘Have you seen Heather at all?’ The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Suddenly Ruby felt a visceral need to see her again.

It was obvious to her in that second that she would not be able to write another word until she could speak to Heather again.

The sudden strength of that certainty was overwhelming.

‘Not for a few days, although I think she comes down to help herself to leftovers between meals. Hetty leaves her plate in the fridge.’ Opal was staring at Ruby intently. ‘What’s going on between the two of you?’ Opal’s voice was hesitant, as though she knew it was an impertinent question.

Ruby was asking herself the very same question.

‘To be honest, Opal, I don’t really know.

I think that right now all I know is that I have to find her.

’ If she could just speak to Heather, maybe she could finish this last challenge and actually stand a chance at winning.

And then once that was done they could talk properly about what would happen next. One step at a time.

Opal was already on her feet. ‘Well let’s go then.’

Ruby realised now why she had chosen this morning to finally come down to breakfast. She had been kidding herself that avoiding Heather was the answer to her creative block. She should have known by now that the same rules did not apply to women like Heather, as they did to men like Johan.

As Ruby followed Opal up the stairs, she couldn’t help but think of Cindy. She would not repeat the same mistakes. This time she wouldn’t run away from her feelings.

Opal knocked on Heather’s door but there was no answer.

Ruby tried to keep her expression composed as panic began to bubble through her blood.

Opal pushed the door open and the dread in Ruby’s stomach crystallised as she clocked the perfectly made bed, the neatly folded towel, the drawn curtains.

Ruby rushed into the room and threw open the wardrobe.

Everything was gone. The bedside table drawers were empty too, and there was no toothbrush in the bathroom.

‘She’s gone,’ Ruby whispered to herself, but Opal seemed several steps behind.

‘Maybe she’s down in the studio. She could have just packed everything up in preparation for Sunday …’

‘She’s gone,’ Ruby repeated in a daze. She felt the pressure of a hand on her arm, and she was led out, back down the stairs and across the lawn. She already knew they wouldn’t find Heather in the studio, but the silence of the empty space still felt painfully deafening.

‘She’s gone.’ Ruby had never been left by a lover.

She preferred to do the leaving, precisely for fear of what she was feeling right now.

She sat down on the artist’s stool and caught a fracture of her reflection in the stainless steel worktop.

That look on her face, she’d seen it before, but on other faces.

It was how Heather had looked the night in the bathtub; it was how Cindy had looked – she had been too slow, too stubborn to learn from her past indiscretions.

‘There’s a note.’ Opal held up a scrap of paper in her hand. Ruby reached for it.

Dear Opal,

Thank you for your hospitality and the opportunity. Unfortunately I have had to leave suddenly due to unforeseen circumstances. I hope you can understand.

I would appreciate it if you could have Gareth arrange for my work and materials to be shipped back up to Glasgow. See below for my studio address.

Yours faithfully,

Heather

‘It’s not even addressed to me.’ Ruby watched as a teardrop blurred the ink on the page.

Heather was gone. Why had it taken this for Ruby to realise her feelings?

She was so used to the game that playing with people’s feelings had become second nature, and it was only now that hers were on the line that she could see clearly what had been in front of her the whole time.

Heather, quiet, self-possessed, steadfast Heather, who was so willing to care and share and love without keeping score.

It had felt so easy that Ruby hadn’t even noticed the subtle changes to her own constitution.

With Heather she was effortlessly kinder, more generous, smarter even.

Now that was all gone, and Ruby felt hollow.

The next few hours were a blur. Opal led Ruby back to her bedroom, and once she was alone, she cried until there was no water left in her body.

Her notebook lay unopened on her desk, as she watched the blue of day turn to the indigo of night through her open window.

At some point, she must have fallen asleep, at least for a while.