FIVE
I whine and swat the hand away as it runs through my hair. Why are they waking me up once again? Why can’t they just let me enjoy my sleep and be done with it?
“I know, Little Pet, but it’s necessary. Daddy needs to keep your belly full, or else something bad might happen. We don’t want that,” he coos at me.
“No,” I whine once again, tears pooling in my eyes when I open them. “Don’t wanna. Just wanna sleep.”
My body is exhausted and begging me to get a full night’s rest.
“You don’t have to open your eyes. I just need you awake, so when I put the formula in your mouth, you can swallow it and not choke,” he gently says. “Then you can go straight back to sleep.”
Ronal picks me up and holds me close to his body as he runs his hands through my hair.
“Everything is going to be okay. I know it’s tough waking up every single hour to get fed, but it’s going to be worth it in the end,” he soothes me. “Daddy doesn’t like waking you up every hour, either. I want you to get good sleep, but Yamal told us to do this so you don’t have any problems.”
Yamal.
Yamal.
Yamal.
Anything Yamal says, Daddy is going to do right away.
“Don’t wanna,” I whisper. “Sleep is healthy.”
“Sleep is healthy, but so is keeping your body full of nutrition. You need this formula in your stomach right now since you haven’t gotten fed in a couple of days.
It’s important. Some sleep can be sacrificed for it so you don’t have any discomfort when trying to eat,” he explains.
“But enough about this. Daddy is going to feed you now. Then you can go back to sleep.”
At this point, why doesn’t he just hook me up to an IV to get all my fluids.
Wait.
Those are two different things. He wants my stomach full, and an IV wouldn’t do that, no matter how much I want it to. He would need to put a feeding tube in, and I don’t want anything going down my throat. No, thank you.
Daddy’s soft lips press against mine, and I open my mouth, allowing him to dribble the formula in.
“Such a good girl,” he mumbles against my lips when I swallow.
Daddy does this several more times, each time telling me how good a girl I am and that he’s proud of me.
Not once have I ever had someone tell me that. I don’t know how to react. Do I say thank you, or do I just let it be and pretend that I never heard it?
“You can go back to sleep. I’ll wake you up in an hour,” he gently says as he snuggles his cheek up against mine.
“Can you not?” I find myself asking. “I don’t want to wake up again. I want to sleep.”
“I know it’s hard, but we need to do this for at least another twelve hours,” he gently says.
I blink and look at him, trying to get the tears to stop from welling in my eyes. But I’m unsuccessful as they run down my cheeks.
“Oh, Little Pet.” He wipes them away. “I know you don’t want to wake up again, but this is important. Once this is over, and Yamal says that you don’t have to be fed a little every hour, I will let you sleep for a full night. You can even take a nap the next day, so you can get your rest.”
“But I want it now,” I whimper.
“I know you do, but it can’t happen. You’ll get it soon, though, I promise. While you sleep, I’ll talk to Yamal and see when exactly we can stop.” He smiles down at me and wipes away the rest of the tears on my cheek. “You can just close your eyes and go to sleep. I’ll put you back in your kennel.”
Kennel?
What is he talking about?
“But before I put you in there, we need to change your diaper,” Daddy says. “And I need to give you a reward for being such a good girl.”
That’s when I feel the wet bulge in between my legs and tears spring to my eyes. How did I wet myself without me even knowing? So embarrassing.
“Little Pet, everything is okay. It’s normal for you to use your diaper. I encourage you to,” he tells me as he pulls the wet diaper off me. “Daddy is so proud of you for using it.”
I cover my face with my arms as my cheeks heat up. Who would have thought I would get praised for wetting myself?
“It’s natural for Little Pets to use their diaper,” Daddy explains as he starts to clean me up. “Every pet does it.”
“I’m not a pet,” I mumble.
“But you’re my Little Pet,” He leans down and kisses my stomach.
I close my eyes and wish for everything to go away. I don’t want to look at him right now or ever. “Shhh, you’re okay,” he coos at me as he gently trails his finger against my cheek. “Just go back to sleep. Daddy will take care of everything.”
I open my mouth but slowly close it as I start to feel sleep pull me under.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers. “Everything is going to be okay.”
***
“Little Pet,” someone coos at me. “It’s time to wake up.”
“I don’t wanna,” I whine and roll over.
“But you need to. I let you sleep for an extra hour, but we really need to get something in your stomach,” Daddy says.
I turn my head and open my mouth, waiting for him to dribble the formula into it.
He chuckles. “You’re cute.”
I keep my mouth open, though. There is no reason for me to fully wake up for him to do this. He just needs to dribble the formula into my mouth, and I will swallow it.
My eyes shoot open when a nipple is placed in my mouth. I quickly turn my head, so it pops out and look over at Daddy. What is he doing? He normally feeds me from his mouth, not straight from the bottle.
“Are you okay?” Daddy asks. “Here, drink some of this.”
I stare at the bottle and feel some sort of emptiness inside me. Is he not going to feed me like he normally does?
I shouldn’t be feeling sad about him stopping, but I can’t help myself. It was intimate, and it felt right with him.
“Nora? What’s wrong?” he asks.
I just keep staring at the nipple. I don’t really want to suck on that. It felt nice to relax and have Daddy put the liquid from his mouth into mine.
If I really think about it, it was kind of gross, but I couldn’t help but feel happy when Daddy did it. It felt like he truly cared about me and was willing to do anything to help me get better. It was like we were a lot closer, but him giving me the bottle instead feels as if he’s pulling back.
Tears pool in my eyes, and I quickly shut them and turn my head away from Daddy. I should not be feeling this way. I shouldn’t be letting this affect me so much when I need to stay strong and away from him.
What is going on with me?
“Little Pet, what’s wrong?” Daddy asks again. “Tell Daddy, so he can make it better.”
I open my mouth, but I quickly clamp my hand over it, not wanting to spill the actual words. I need to get myself together and pretend none of this matters to me. That he means nothing. I shouldn’t be getting so close to him.
But when Daddy gently places his hand on my stomach and moves his thumb in a comforting way, I can’t help but let out a little sob.
“Oh, Little Pet, what’s wrong. Tell Daddy so he can make it all better,” he coos at me.
I roll over to my side and wrap my arms around my stomach. I don’t want to look at him, or else I’m afraid that I am going to tell him everything. No. I can’t let that happen. He can’t know it all.
“Nora, tell Daddy so he can make it all better,” he repeats. “I don’t like seeing you like this. Come on, Little One. Tell me.”
I shake my head and keep my eyes closed. Whenever I look at him, I just can’t help but confess to anything he asks me. For some reason, he has a way with me, and I don’t understand it. It doesn’t make any sense that he has this kind of power over me, but he does.
“Nora.” He places his arms under my legs and behind my back, successfully lifting me into his arms. “Talk to Daddy. I’m worried about you. I want to make sure that you are okay. Come on, Little One. Don’t make me worry even more and do something drastic. You were doing so good. What happened?”
“No,” I mumble and keep my eyes closed.
If he tells me to open them, I need to be strong and refuse. If I tell him everything that’s going on through my head, I’m worried he’ll use it against me. Then he can use it against me and everything will go down the drain.
All my hard work.
But I hate the feeling of my heart breaking from all his worry and not being able to settle it.
I just want to tell him everything so that he can stop worrying, but I shouldn’t.
For all I know, he could be trying to get me to rely on him more so he can do something in the end and hurt me in the worst way possible.
Just the thought of him hurting me and making me suffer hurts my heart even more. I don’t want him to do that. I want him to take care of me and love me. I want him to be there for me and feed me, like he did in the very beginning.
It was so intimate.
But he doesn’t want to do that with me any longer.
He decided that when he gave me the bottle with the nipple for me to suckle from.
This is just the beginning, and he is going to make me suffer even longer than before by making me trust him, and then, when I least expect it, disappoint me or send me back to the space station when I can no longer do things myself.
Even more tears run down my face at the thought.
“Oh, Little Pet,” he whispers, moving my body so my chest is flush against his. “Just let it all out. You’re okay. Everything is going to be okay. Just cry and hold onto me. I’m here for you.”
And that’s what I do. I cry into his arms, letting everything out.
“I don’t know what has made you upset like this, but it’s all going to work out in the end.
Everything is going to be okay. I promise I’m going to take care of you for the rest of our lives.
You are never going to want anything,” he says.
“I’m going to be here for you, no matter what.
If you are feeling angry, I’ll be here to help you talk about why.
If you are sad, then I’ll be here to hold you tightly. ”
I sob and push my face into his chest even more.
Why can’t he just be horrible to me so that my heart won’t feel like this?
That is how all of us have imagined the Venkorians by not knowing anything, and he is proving everything wrong.
I won’t be prepared for him to be horrible to me later down the line if he is treating me like this in the beginning.
“Little One?” Daddy gently questions. “Everything is going to be okay. I’m right here for you.”
I grip onto his shirt and take a deep breath in, my tears slowing.
“Let’s get you fed.” He moves my body so I’m lying on my back, my head in the crook of his arm.
Daddy holds the bottle and places the nipple in my mouth. Tears run down my cheek once more as I start suckling. I guess this is my reality now. He doesn’t want to be intimate with me anymore. He doesn’t want to do anything with me.
“What’s wrong, Little Pet?” he asks, looking down at me with worry.
Is it fake concern, or is he really worried about me? How do I tell him what is wrong with me so he understands and will do something about it?
No.
I can’t.
I continue to suckle, letting the tears freely fall down my cheeks. I’ll allow myself to cry right now, but once tomorrow comes, there is no more showing him emotion.
“Everything is going to be okay,” Daddy whispers as he wipes away the tears from my cheeks.